Breakup Hangover
I woke up this morning with a breakup hangover. Maybe also an actual hangover, considering I had two mojitos and a beer last night with Chef. Suddenly, I feel bothered, affected, almost traumatized by my breakup. What caused my hangover? Perhaps it was a rough dating week – men have been annoying me left and right. Perhaps it’s because it’s Friday. I am the only person in the history of the world to hate Fridays. Fridays used to mean that I had the weekend ahead of me of time with my ex. I used to love Fridays. Now, I know I have a weekend ahead of me of trying to keep myself busy, distracted and happy. Dates or no dates. I know Fridays aren’t the end of the world, but for some reason I’m always really bummed out. More than likely, it was the two-hour conversation I had with my ex-fiancée last night.
Please don’t ask me why I called him. There are a million reasons, and at the same time, no reason at all. I miss him; he was my best friend for seven years. I was tipsy, which probably increased my likelihood of making poor decisions. I’ve been really sick this week with a UTI (sorry, UTI=TMI). Whenever I’m sick, I become vulnerable. My ex took such good care of me that being sick wasn’t such a big deal when I was with him. Being sick always meant a demonstration of his love for me. I think partially the reason he was always so nice is because I was so good to him when he had his kidney transplant several years ago. Either way, being alone and sick sucks. I’ve had to wait on myself, tuck myself in, offer myself a milkshake to make the pain go away (ice cream is ALWAYS the answer), basically look out for myself. Which is doable, but hard. And a reminder of all I’ve lost. Partially, the phone call was about me wanting to feel loved again. I wanted to know if he still loved me. I don’t know why it matters, I just miss being loved. I know it’s not exactly healthy.
I had a slight dating panic attack (DPA) in the shower this morning. I’ve been dating for sport, but suddenly I felt panicked to find someone. To actually find someone to be with. Happily ever after. People look for years and don’t find anyone. What the hell am I doing not looking? Why has this all been fun and games for me? I’ve got to get on it! I’m no spring chicken! I must find a life partner ASAP! As you can imagine, this was not a fun conversation to have with myself in the shower. Especially since I’ve really been doing well before today’s hangover.
Part of my problem is that I know that my ex and I will not be getting back together. Whenever a guy I’m dating hears about my almost nuptials, they ask me if I think there’s a chance we’ll get back together. No, I don’t think that would be possible. April 19 was the end of our relationship for good. May 8, when I moved out of his house, perhaps even harder than April 19 (especially because my ex had proposed that day I moved in, how appropriate), put the final nail in the coffin. Things happened that were unforgiveable and irreparable. You don’t just cancel a wedding lightly. I know that. But strangely, when I woke up today, it felt like today was April 20. Or May 9. Not September 3. And the phone call reminded me of how much I missed him, that the forever with him that I thought was guaranteed to me is gone. I am hungover from my breakup.
I know it will be OK, that this is just a normal setback in getting over someone. And I apologize for the emo blog post, but in my defense, this blog is not a dating blog. I’ve started to call it a dating blog for simplicity sake and I have to stop myself. This blog is a starting over blog. It’s about recovering from losing such an important part of your life. Everyone goes through heartache and loss at some point, and this blog has a lot to do with recovering from life’s setbacks. It’s not just about blind dates and crazy guys on the Internet. So, the emotions I’m feeling today are all part of my journey. And it’s not always easy, unfortunately.
So what should I do with my breakup hangover? Take two aspirins, sob quietly into a pint of ice cream while watching P.S. I Love You (um, one of the most depressing movies of all time)? Take two aspirins, go out on the town with a bunch of friends and get crazy, and induce an actual hangover for tomorrow? Maybe I’ll take two aspirins, write an emo blog post and see what happens the rest of the day. Done and done. Also, I refuse to beat myself up over calling my ex. I’ve done so well that this set back is forgivable, I think.
What do you do when you have a breakup hangover? Please tell me I’m not the only one facing these set backs.
To cheer myself up, I watched the viral video from two years ago “I’m F*ing Matt Damon.” I know it’s old, I know there are way funnier things on the Internet now, but this video always cracks me up. So I will share it with you, in case anyone else is having a rough day. Happy long weekend.
Simply Solo: Single girl starting over - follow the journey 
You have done a fantastic job in moving forward and I’m very proud you. For the record, I don’t like it when you have emotional breakdowns and thanks to you I’m sitting at my desk fanning my eyes trying to keep the tears from falling – not working so well. Put P.S I love you back into the case and onto the shelf and exchange it with ‘Knocked Up’ and laugh your ass off 🙂 love you sis.
Thanks, sister-bff. Sorry I made you almost cry – I’ve been fanning my face all day too. If we were on a movie, there would be a split screen of us fanning ourselves to keep from crying 🙂
I’m going out for drinks tonight and I might actually go get Knocked Up. That movie cracks me up!That, or Baby Momma. Love me some Tina Fey. And I’ll see you tomorrow at the lake!
I think of breaking up as the typical two-steps-forward-one-step-back progression. Looks like you had your step back last night. No biggie. Everyone is allowed to have a bad day once in awhile.
As long as you’re not going one-step-forward-two-steps-back, then I think you’re still moving in the right direction.
Thanks so much Dennis. Hard day over here. I think I’m two-steps-forward-one-step-back. At least I hope I am :). I’m going to spend this upcoming weekend focusing on some steps forward, for sure. Appreciate your comment.
It’ all part of the journey girl.. come spend the weekend here and we can go to cold stone. stay strong.. love you bunches!
Aww, thanks. I do need to come see you and we’ll get Cold Stone for sure sometime very soon! I’m going to LKG this weekend. I need some time on the boat, maybe a dance and some time with my Mommy. Haha. I clearly have the emotional abilities of a teenager today 🙂
Sorry for the sickness and hangovers. It has been a rough week.
Starting over is tough. You have to be comfortable being alone to be with somebody. And yes I know if someone said this to me at the point where you are I would smack me too. You were with someone for 7 years and there will be times when being solo sucks. But also times when it is awesome….See this post from a cool blogger about things she loves about being single.
There is that generic rule about it taking half the time you were together to get over an ex…So I give you 3.5 years. Joking. I found this reply to this generic rule.
Is it true that it takes about half the time you were dating your ex to get over your ex? | Answerbag
From Anonymous: I was with my ex for 39 months when we broke up. that was 14 months ago. I think I’m close enough to ‘over it’ that I can say that I think it’s true. I’m over him, just not totally done mourning the loss of the relationship, where I thought my life was going, losing the person who was my best friend…but I’ve re-discovered me in the process.”
I also think you have not had a chance to be you. This blog is an amazing way to get there and rediscover yourself. And 25 is a spring chicken, cuz if you aren’t a spring chicken then I shudder to think what that makes me. Especially on the eve of my birthday.
As much as you hate Fridays, I suggest breaking habits and go out/do something even it is really small. It is Friday tonight and some good stuff showing at Glave Kocen Gallery and Red Door Gallery across the street. Buy a friend a drink for his birthday (shameless self promotion) at happy hour and enjoy a little art and you are home early enough to enjoy some more ice cream.
Plus it could be a good way to meet an artist, which is on your list of Hot professions.
I also believe laughter is the best medicine. And your video reminded me of Jimmy’s retort so if you haven’t seen it. Here it is.
your friend.
mr. smith
I might die if it’s going to take me 3.5 years to get over this. LOL. Just put me out of my misery now. And thanks for the reminder on the things I love about being single. Strangely enough that is helpful. Gotta keep reminding myself this doesn’t suck 100 percent.
Happy Birthday (early), Mr. Smith! I didn’t know that. It’s funny you say I should go out today, because on Fridays I always say I’m going to go out and then I end up home alone. Perhaps I will buy you that drink. I have plans to go out with some colleagues, and we’ll see how I’m feeling once that wraps up.
Thanks for the video too – I’d forgotten about the rebuttal! Hilarious.
I was going to mention the rebuttal too, I think it’s even funnier than the original – so clever!
It sounds like you have some good support on this site, and it is a good outlet for all the up and down emotions. I don’t know exactly what happened with your situation, but I am also in the midst of recovery from a wedding I called off (after being terribly and irreconcilably hurt). Mine happened around the same time as yours.
I’m learning that sometimes I have to take it one day at a time, and sometimes it’s one minute or one hour at a time. Thankfully, slowly it seems like the bad times are becoming less frequent. For me, although it is easier to distract myself and keep busy, I do think it has been important to remember that I have to let myself experience the sad/hurt feelings in order to heal and move past what happened.
I agree with Mr Smith, this is certainly a good opportunity for self reflection, discovery, and introspection. I’m hopeful that one day I will look back and realize how much I grew and learned about myself through this experience.
Anyways, just wanted to let you know, you aren’t alone in your struggles. It certainly helps me to read your blog entries and know I’m not the only one.
Annie, thanks so much for your comment. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a similar situation. It’s amazing how hard it can be at times … But then there are times when I’m surprised at how resilient I am! You are right on about taking things days or even hours at a time. And I agree, I really hope (and think) that there will be a day that I look back on all of this, and I will be an improved and stronger person. I know you will too. Everything happens for a reason, whether it is apparent to us or not.
Thanks for reading and commenting. And yes, I feel an amazing amount of support on this blog. I feel very (very) lucky that I have friends and family and now strangers (even tho some of these commenters don’t really feel like strangers anymore haha) that I can share the good and the bad with. And I am learning so much from the responses to my posts. So things definitely aren’t as dark as they may seem!
Anyway, sending good thoughts your way 🙂
It’s ok to feel this way, I totally understand. If it’s a day, a week, a month, grieving is part of the process, you should allow yourself to feel it and go through it. You will come out stronger on the other side, eventually. I say put on all the sad movies you want, eat ice cream, cry your heart out, cause after you do, one morning you will wake up and see the sun and feel a new beginning.
Thanks so much for your comment. You are right, grieving is part of the process. I feel like I’ve done my fair share of grieving, but sometimes I think I’ve also masked a lot of my grief by keeping way too busy and jumping into the dating pool (which often feels like the dating kiddie pool, and all the kids peed in it. But I digress.). I can’t wait to see the sun. Your comment is fitting, considering it’s dark outside with damn Hurricane Earl on its way. Perhaps that’s contributed to my mood? Thanks again for your support.
When I had a actual hangover yesterday, I posted “holyhangover batman” as my facebook status, my sister’s reply was “Hangovers are like men, the best way to get over one is to get under a new one, drink up bitches!” It made me laugh. Although my reply was something along the lines of reminding her of a bad hangover she had once where the only “getting under another one” was to get back under the covers after puking again and going back to sleep. I thought about the breakup hangover and realized the depth of the hangover depends on how you should react. Sometimes, you get under a new one, and it’s easy, sometimes you puke and get back under the covers for a while, hide so to speak, so that you can recover while drinking a ton of gatorade (which would be spending time with friends in the case of a man hangover). If you use hair of the dog to recover from a bad hangover, you will eventually have to face the hangover when you stop drinking…
Haha, this is a good point. I think you are right… You can always delay the hangover, but eventually it’ll be back and bite you in the … Haha. I’m a fan of the pulling off the band aid fast, and am trying to allow myself time to really feel things rather than just cover it up with something – alcohol, men, etc. etc. So this weekend I’ve been spending thinking and allowing myself to be a bit more introspective. My breakup hangover from Friday is beginning to feel better, for sure. Slowly but surely :). Thanks for your comment. And hope your actual hangover is feeling better!
For some reason my last break up was insanely hard. I had only been dating the guy for about 2 months but I was in deep smit. Maybe even in love, but no one had yanked out the L-word yet so I hadn’t even considered it until after we were done. Or I should say after he was done.
Anyway, after that split I had to be sure not to drink, not to over eat, get enough sleep and be careful not to engage in any random sex. No band-aides. I decided to really deal with it. It was really painful, but writing about how I felt helped. And it sorted a lot of things out.
If you do drink you might want to have someone babysit your phone. Otherwise you might call him or text him. Like I did here: http://wp.me/pY8MO-4J. Maybe reading that will cheer you up. Although, I didn’t text him because i was drunk I did it because I was horny which is probably more shameful.
You are luminous and vivacious. This is obviously painful and a little confusing right now, (and I hope this doesn’t come off badly) but I feel like you can’t stay down for long. You’re too amazing and too self-aware. You will conquer because you have set yourself up to do so.
Yeah…that might have been too cheesy.
I did enjoy that post, thanks for sharing. I particularly liked the end, seems fitting that such a conversation would end in that way. You are right, must have someone babysit my phone. Can’t do a repeat of last night, I don’t think my heart could take it. And as far as texting cause you were horny, that’s not shameful I think. I think it’s human. We all have needs 🙂
Thanks for the pep talk. You should be a motivational speaker :). But in all seriousness, your comment has just lifted my day. So thank you.
Hey sorry about your breakup. Hang in there though. I suggest using this time for self-reflection, whatever that may mean for you. Get your feelings out there through writing, drawing, music, or any other avenue you use to express yourself. Seven years is a long time so it will take a while to sort through your feelings, but you’ll come out of this experience a more knowledgeable, stronger young woman:)
Thanks so much for your comment and kind words. I’m working on it! Writing is definitely a great outlet for me. It’ll get better, for sure. Just takes time I guess. But, I’m inpatient. 🙂
Yeah I know it’s hard but patience is definitely needed during these times and it sounds like you’re doing a great job so far:)
Thank you!
Awww, I hope your “hangover” was short-lived. I can empathize. Last weekend I *lost it*, meaning that I was bawling for a couple hours on/off late at night. Why? I got into my head and was thinking about how I’m single again, I have to *start over* with any relationship, what if I never meet anyone, am I okay with being alone forever (I guess so), etc etc. Sometimes I really hate being in my head! I woke up the next morning with such a puffy face, I had to hibernate until the swelling went down.
But it passed. And if I feel like I need to cry again, I let myself. No shame in taking that moment to wallow. We’re all allowed for a moment… just as long as you snap out of it and continue being your fabulous self again!
Thanks, Amy. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one taking a moment to wallow and then pick up the pieces. I believe you’ll find someone wonderful, like I believe (and hope when I don’t have the energy to fully believe) I will too. What you described happened to you last weekend basically happened to me in the shower today. I was fighting off tears most of the morning, but I’m starting to feel better (a little). It’s a process … But you are amazing and I know you are going to be just fine!
I think times like this are a part of the recovery process – each time the feelings will be gradually less raw. You and I are on similar post-break-up timelines and I know that feeling of impatience too! I hope you have a great weekend and feel much better.
Thanks so much Matt! It’s nice to know someone is on a similar timeline and going through some of the same things. I’m trying to cheer up! 🙂
I’m with Dennis Hong on this one. I’m no stranger myself to tragedy (be it breakups or whatever) and especially with the more serious ones (regarding relationships my longest relationship was two years, and the breakup came from nowhere) I went through phases of denial, acceptance, change, etc, and in the beginning it’s completely normal especially to slip in easily from one to the next or backwards. April/May…that’s only 3 months out of a 7 year relationship. Like Dennis said, I’d just focus on the small steps and focus on the small positive steps at that and take it from there. Good luck!
Thanks so much for your advice! It is hard for me to slip back, because I’m such a planner, but I’m beginning to realize that this is just a process and even if I have “planned” to be feeling better by now, there is no timeline to stick to here… It just needs to happen organically. Thanks for your comment!
After my engagement, I can remember wishing I could just fast forward a few months. I knew I was in for a tough process. Then one day I realized I hadn’t thought of her for awhile. It was like when the hiccups go away when you don’t realize it. That was a big win for me and it got easier.
Thanks for sharing your experience… I think the hiccups analogy is fitting. Can’t wait for the hiccups to disappear for sure! 🙂
Hang in there sistah. Glad to know you have feelings. That’s what it all boils down to. You’re human and you have feelings. These past 7 years were important to you so I believe it is healthy to grieve occasionally. I also like the designation that this is only a dating blog. It’s your blog, do whatever you want with it. I think Crystal was right about not applying band aids. Give yourself time and don’t be in a hurry. And on an unrelated note, you’re pretty great.
Oops meant to say;
“the designation that this is not just a dating blog”
Thanks so much!! You are pretty great too, and I appreciate the support. This too shall pass… I’m in the midst of a very introspective weekend. I think I needed this time, for sure. Next week, I will be starting fresh 🙂
Ahh the to and fro of the break-up process…you think you are over it and you are all fine and then you have a ‘moment’ where it all comes flooding back. I’ve been doing the same as you, keeping extremely busy, but sometimes when it gets quiet and I realise I am all alone and not getting married anymore…it creeps up. I think it’s good to realise that this is just a normal part of the process, and that in time hopefully we will look back and realise that this time in our lives lead us to something even greater that we had no idea was waiting for us. Stay Strong! 🙂
Thanks for your comment. Seriously, it is so good to know someone else is going through (or has gone through) something similar. It may be normal, but it sure sucks!! Haha. You stay strong too…Thanks for your kind words.
I wrote several articles on breakup issues you should check out. Hope they help.
See in particular “Perserverence”, and “The Lure of the Ex.”
http://jdsmonla.wordpress.com/
Will do! Thanks for sharing!
You are definitely NOT the only one dealing with mental setbacks to your ex. I have come to the conclusion that once we do start to move forward with our hearts, our heads have to double check ourselves before we move forward.
Best of luck! I look forward to following your journey.
xoxo,
Lucky & Gizzy
Thank you so much! You are right on. If it’s not my head holding me up, it’s my heart … they can’t seem to work together! Appreciate your comment.
Being with someone for seven years and suddenly finding yourself single is traumatising, I know my ex walked out on our 21st wedding anniversary for another man.
The pain you feel is ugly, when you give yourself to another the most precious gift you have to give is your heart, the gift of who you truly are. Remembering who you were before the relationship began and finding who you are without it is a tough journey.
Know this, you will make it, there will be tears, pain, yearning and the deep sense of being unloved and the desire to wish it all back to the way it was.
The most beautiful thing about being human is the strength in each of us to grieve and heal as we do, reading your blog you are loved by many and that is a great blessing. Do not rush life allow the process to develop everything that hurts is natural and when the time comes you will find the person you are without all the internal drama the body and mind puts us through.
Each day you become stronger.
Cheers.
Hi RJ,
Thanks so much for your comment. You really put into words exactly how I feel, it’s kind of remarkable how spot on you were. I’m sorry to hear that you also had to go through something so painful. Thanks for your advice and I will definitely keep it in mind. Best of luck to you.
Thanks for the reply and the very best to you!
Cheers
Good Lord. If you were me, this post would be all about me. My ex still contacts my sister and it kills me. I’ve been invited to more baby showers than I can count… for people 10-15 years younger than me. I watched an episode of “Hoarders” and then watched “Gray Gardens” and had an absolute breakdown. I’m going to collect a bunch of shit like raccoons, Halloween cut outs, and tile samples, then my mother will move in with me, we’ll sustain life on ice cream and cat food, and I’ll go bald and when she dies I’ll be alone.
Yup. Slightly dramatic. Getting over a break up is an awful thing and I’m sorry. But no more phone calls or texts to your ex, OK? That’s why God invented Ben & Jerry’s.
LOL. Your comment is hilarious (umm, like your blog). I love the mix of Hoarders and Gray Gardens – that is an emotional breakdown just waiting to happen. Also love the collection of tile samples; I’m going to collect coasters. I’ve bought more sets of coasters in the past couple of years than I care to count. They just intrigue me. No idea why.
Thanks for your comment. You are right, no more phone calls or texts to the ex. Ben & Jerry’s is a PERFECT alternative. Until I’m the 600 pound woman on TLC they have to cut out of her couch. Now that would be a sad fate…
Well, your internet support group seems to be doing their job diligently.
FACTS:
– You are NOT over your ex.
– You ARE still in love with him.
– You want him to take you back.
– There is a 75 to 80 percent chance that you will try to get back together with him.
As for “Things were done that cannot be forgiven”…
1. You already have forgiven him, which leads me to believe…
2. They were probably your fault, and…
3. Most likely you overreacted, and…
4. You are looking for validation, not love. You HAD love. You threw it away, probably because…
5. You refused to compromise and, when up against the wall…
6. Refused to admit you were wrong.
Take my harsh words seriously; I was once in a 7-year-long relationship with all the fixin’s myself.
You need to patch things up with him if you can bring yourself to do so. You will have to tell him simply and flatly how wrong you were and how much you miss him. Nothing else will suffice. It is what he deserves.
BTW, Mr. Smith is pining after you, he is not sincere.
WTF?
Catherine…is this Mike person someone you know? Maybe someone you know in person so that you can slap him in the face? After reading that I think he deserves it.
Maybe he’s your ex full of wishful thinking and ire? Or a friend of your ex?
Mike, I hope the Universe kicks you in the balls this week.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Thanks Crystal. You are, and will always be, my absolute favorite blog buddy.
I have no clue who Mike is. Definitely not my ex (he’s far more mature than this kind of behavior) or a friend of my ex. My ex was very honest when we broke up and has told everyone it was his fault. He has taken complete blame, and I really respect him for it. There is no way anyone could have ever picked up these kinds of messages from my ex. He let me down in the end, but I do still have confidence in who he is as a person, and he’s better than this. Shit, most people are better than this Mike character.
If the Universe doesn’t kick Mike in the balls this week, I hope some random stranger does the next time he’s out in public. 🙂
Mike,
I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what makes you think you have the right to tell me what I should do or what mistakes I have made. Were you in my relationship? Are you in my life? Do you know me in any way, shape or form? You seem to think you have some inside track to my relationship, when your comment shows how ignorant you are. Although, I will say that I like your bulleting and numbering technique. Very effective. If only you knew what the hell you were talking about.
There is no opportunity for my ex to take me back… because I ended it. I would be taking HIM back. And frankly, I am not interested. I already made that decision months ago. Don’t you think if I wanted him back I would have done something about it already?
I did NOTHING wrong in my situation so there is NO reason for me to apologize or admit wrong doing. I was a committed and loving partner for 7 years. The only fault I have in this is that when push came to shove, and lies came out, I decided I did not want to be with someone I could never trust again. I have no apologies, no sorrow, no sadness for the way I’ve behaved. In fact, I have been respectful and kind to my ex after all he did to me.
In a perfect world, things would have turned out very differently and my ex wouldn’t have done the things he did, but it is what it is, and I am moving on. Yes, I love him. Yes, I’m not 100% over him. I’m working on that. Part of me may always love the man he was for the many years we were together. I do not love the man he was to me in the end.
I suspect that some girl did YOU wrong and you are taking your frustrations out on me. I don’t know you, in fact I don’t care to know you. And I can see why this girl did you wrong or broke your heart because you don’t seem to be a very good person.
I have approved your comments because I believe in an open discussion where people can say what they think – whether they are agreeing with me or not. BUT – It is unacceptable, immature, ignorant and frankly ridiculous that you feel the need to make comments about a situation that you know nothing about. Please “enlighten me” as you said in one of your other comments if you have some insider knowledge of my relationship that I don’t know about. I would love to hear how I did something wrong in this relationship. It sounds that you are just a disgruntled, unhappy person who has decided to take our your miserable little (inconsequential) life on me and my blog. Grow up. Get a life. And you know what? FUCK OFF. That is all.
Don’t feed the troll, Catherine. When you respond, the troll wins.
In any case, look at it this way… you know your blog’s “made it” when you start getting trolls. 🙂
Dennis,
Damn, I know you are right. But I am in a feisty mood and I’m not going to be pushed around today. And a few people who had subscribed to this post asked me if this commenter knew me personally, or knew inside information about my ex and me. I wanted to clarify for anyone reading that this guy has NO idea what he’s talking about and is truly just a troll. Even my ex, if he were commenting here, would admit that I did nothing wrong and that I have nothing for which to apologize (he has taken FULL responsibility for our breakup from the beginning, and I’m happy he was man enough to behave that way. It increased my respect for him at the end). So, the troll got to me there because what he’s saying are blatant lies.
And frankly, I feel better now. But thanks for your advice, it’s one of those cases where I know you are right… but damn it, I just want to be wrong. 🙂
I know, I know. Sometimes being wrong just feels so damned good. 😉
I know this post was written long ago, but wow does it apply to me today. As Dennis wrote earlier, I felt like this past weekend has been two steps back, instead of only one. I think we all have those ‘hangover’ or ‘backsliding’ days. Days where we kick ourselves because we had been doing so well, only to fall prey to the thought of being alone, without a paddle, without a end goal. Especially when love is still there, the mourning period can linger, and linger and linger. Thanks for sharing your brave story.
KD,
I’m sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Sometimes, I still feel Breakup Hangovers….even though I wrote this post months and months ago. And so much of the emotion is exactly the same. Just know that you are doing great, this is totally normal, and you will be OK. You’ve been OK before and you will be again – this is just a minor setback. Take care of yourself!
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself on your blog. Today is day two of not calling my ex. I have to fight the urge every second. It is like withdrawing from Heroin I swear. Not that I’ve ever done Heroin, but still. I imagine it must be pretty hard. Hang in there, and I will too!
Casey,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I share so much, frankly, for comments like yours. I hope that reading my journey helps you know that you are not alone. I know how hard it can be to not call him. Some minutes, it will feel impossible. Fight through! It’s worth it in the end. I’m sending positive vibes your way – I wish you the best of luck!!
I know this entry is very old, but I just wanted to say that I came across it while looking for “hangover breakup” because I am dealing with both, and reading this made me feel better. This hangover makes me feel that “sick and need to be taken care of by my ex”, who is not here to do so, and it made me burst into tears. I felt depressed and ashamed until I read this and felt like someone else understands what this feels like.
I am still sobbing of course, but there is also a nice feeling of hope/not being alone in it now, too.
Thank you from a stranger on the internet.
Molly,
Thanks for taking a moment to comment. I’m so happy that this post resonated with you. When I wrote it, I was sitting at work crying my eyes out. I just needed to purge some of these emotions. Trust me when I say you’l get better. It takes time, but you will. Take care of yourself 🙂
What Molly said. Thank you from one more stranger on the internet.
Thank you Dee 🙂
Thank you for this post. I am having a rough breakup hangover today. We broke up in September or October of 2010 and seriously I’m still having breakup hangovers in June of 2011? WTF? Anyway, it’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who has these set backs. Thanks again.
Thanks for stopping by, Rachel. Sorry to hear about all you are going through. All I can say is that I know it is hard, but it’ll get better. Unfortunately, it’s just as they say – it just takes time. It’s also good for me to know I’m not the only one, so I appreciate your comment. Take care of yourself 🙂
I just broke it off with my boyfriend of 3 years two days ago. It went as well as those things can go…we just wanted different things in life and it wasn’t fair for either of us to stay together. I know it was for the best but I am so sad and emotional and I can’t get through an hour of day without sobbing. I just want him to be happy, and I we were not making each other as happy as we deserve to be. Such an awful feeling but I know it will only get better..I will miss him dearly he was my boyfriend but also my best friend. The actual break up was breif, later that day we exchanged emails and got to say the things that just could not be said in the moment. We have so much respect for each other. I wish him all the happiness in that the world can offer him and he wishes me the same. I am feel like a part of me is missing, even though this was what was best for us both. It is such an awful feeling but it helps knowing that others out there are feeling the same way. Thank you for keeping this blog! It has made me feel better and given me things to think about. I hope you are well, thank you so much!
Court,
Thanks so much for your comment. I’m really sorry to hear what you have been going through. It sounds like you both are acting like healthy adults through this – but sometimes, the hardest thing is ending a relationship that simply isn’t right (but it really isn’t that wrong). There’s no abuse, no cheating, no major red flags – you guys just want different things and maybe aren’t right for eachother. You should be proud of having the courage to make the decisions you both have. Take care of yourself at this time, and definitely keep reminding yourself it will get better. It really does. Thanks for reading.
This is exactly what I have been going through recently during my break up. We broke up 4 weeks ago and I keep thinking I’m doing ok, and then suddenly I’m hit like a ton of bricks with feelings of dread that I will never be able to find someone I love as much as I loved my ex, and that I’ll never get that kind of relationship again. It hits me and it takes a while for it to go away, and it doesn’t help me that all of my friends are in relationships, married or engaged, I feel like I’m the one who has failed at life or something. I hope it will feel better but sometimes it really feels like it won’t.
I cannot thank you enough for your blog. My breakup is very new (we have been apart since august, but spent most of September, October, and November together…but he isn’t “ready”) now, he ran into someone else from a decade ago that he has always wanted to.date. he feels he needs to give it a try, whatever f*?*@#+. He says he loves me, is not convinced we are over, and is horribly confused, but enter new years weekend when I suddenly don’t hear from him at all. One can only guess what he was doing, mind you he was calling on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning saying how he missed me and this is so hard. Ugh, sorry to ramble, but needless to say,.I have been reading your blog posts all night and they have sure been helpful. My only concern here is, when we read all of this hurt and pain in relationships, how do we ever decide to let anyone in again. I gave my all to this man….I let him in my daughter’s life…I never want to feel this pain again!!!! Are any men worth this?
Your blog is the best! My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after dating for four years. He was my first love, I spent so many happy days with him, but I have to learn to move on. Thank you for sharing your wisdom – very inspiring.
Its been just under three months since my ex of four years (my first boyfriend) ended our relationship. Its been bad, it was a huge shock and has been very rough. I was doing better for a while, probably because I went on a life trip to a third world country and had the most amazing time (which I planned long before the breakup). Coming back from the trip last week was falling from a high, I had to come back to tons of schoolwork and the reality of the breakup hitting me again. Ugh its been horrible. I just want to hop back on that plane and go back, work with the children, that is where my passion is. But I am stuck here in university, dealing with reverse culture shock, now feeling lonelier than ever
Thank you for giving me a much better term to describe what I have simply been referring to as “two steps back”. What a mind boggling process this breakup deal is. Just when I think I am through the worst, something will happen and it feels like I’m living in a game of “Sorry!” and am getting kicked back to the first square on the game board. The constant tape recorder of others and my own voice plays in my head on repeat “Aren’t you over this yet?” “It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it…” thank you for easing my self doubt and self imposed timelines, thank you for helping me realize that the only way out is through, and no one is waiting at the other end with a stop watch.
This post made my eyes teary. Seeing it’s from 2010, I surely hope you’ve found someone new, or maybe just gotten used to being solo.