How To Cancel A Wedding
Okay, I’m going to pause our regularly scheduled blogging for a random post. I’d like to talk a little bit about how to cancel a wedding. I know, strange, but go with me here. When I cancelled my wedding, I Googled for advice on how to do so several times. I wanted information and guidance, but a large part of me wanted to find someone out there going through what I was going through. If nothing else, I want my blog to serve as a resource for people who have gone through rough break ups. So I hope that anyone out there needing advice on how to cancel their wedding will have a chance to find my blog through this post (and the wonders of Google).
Here are my tips for cancelling a wedding. They may not apply to all situations, but I think they may help:
- Stop crying. Okay, I know, this time really and truly sucks. But you have to stop crying to get anything done.
- Start crying. I know, I just told you to stop crying. But make sure to cry appropriately when you call vendors to cancel the wedding. They will feel badly for you and you will have a higher chance of getting your deposit back.
- Ask for help. Your friends and family are here to help you. Use them. Do not try to do everything yourself.
- Know that there are some things you have to do for yourself. Unfortunately, you may know the most about your wedding, and you’ll need to cancel many of the vendors yourself. It’ll just go faster if you do some of this work yourself.
- If the invitations have already gone out, someone has to call everyone. Notice I said “someone.” That someone does not have to be you. In fact, I think it is in no way your responsibility to tell everyone. That’s why you have people in your life that can help.
- Have your ex fiancée do some of the work too. But follow up. Learn from my mistake here. I assigned my ex fiancée two things when we cancelled the wedding: cancel the tuxes and take down the wedding website. The same wedding website where I told some obnoxious story about how we had a fairy tale romance. Gag me now. I never followed up on the website, until a friend of mine told me she had something to show me on her computer. Not only had my ex not taken down the wedding website, he made the home page “I will always love you.” How embarrassing. Follow up to make sure things not only get done, but that they get done right.
- Take down the wedding registry. I damn near forgot this step, until I did a Google search for myself (just to see the results) and my wedding registry came up on top. Take it down. But before you do so, be sure to buy yourself something from the registry. What was the one item that you were unbelievably excited about when you were shopping? Mine was an ice cream maker. After the break up, I bought myself that ice cream maker. Just because I’m not getting married doesn’t mean I don’t deserve nice things.
- Return any gifts. When you return those monogrammed towels that have your’s and your ex’s initials on them, the giver will try to convince you to keep them. They will not realize how silly it would be for you to have your ex’s initials in your bathroom in your new apartment. All gifts must be returned. Even the gift cards from the engagement party. This one is especially hard. A gift card to Target would be really helpful as you are furnishing your new place. But you must return it. It’s the right thing to do. The one thing you don’t have to return? All those congratulatory bottles of wine you got for the engagement. I don’t care what Emily Post says, I drank all that wine. Consider it a break up gift.
- Clear your DVR of any wedding-related shows and cancel the wedding magazines. When I cancelled my wedding, nine out of ten shows scheduled on my DVR were wedding shows. Say Yes to the Dress. Four Weddings. Bridezillas. You do not need to be reminded that you are not getting married every time you check to see what you have to watch on your DVR. Also, I had a wedding magazine subscription that I neglected to cancel. Which resulted in this. Learn from my mistakes. Immediately clear the DVR, cancel the magazines and unsubscribe from The Knot e-mails. You’ll thank me.
- Figure out logically what to do with the engagement ring. Don’t, in the heat of passion, say, throw the ring at your ex fiancée (which I did, true story). Odds are, you aren’t getting it back. Check out the laws in your state and have an adult conversation with your ex about who should get the ring.
- Put the wedding dress somewhere far, far away. And by far away, I do not mean the closet in the extra bedroom. You do not want to have too much of that break up gift wine and decide to try it on, just one last time. Suddenly you’ll find yourself weeping in a wedding dress that you aren’t going to have the chance to wear. Or sell, because now it has a merlot stain on it. Does not make for fun times.
- Do something fun for what would have been your wedding day. Surround yourself with people who love you. For me, July 10 was probably one of the hardest days of my life. Luckily, I had my two sisters and one of my very best friends with me on a trip to the beach. Were there some bumps in the road? Yes. Did I have too much to drink and call my ex? Allegedly. But did I have with me amazing women who reminded me how much I have and how special I am? Absolutely.
- Know that someday, you will have a wedding. It will be with the right person. It may not be the same wedding of which you had dreamed, you probably won’t have the same bridesmaids or the same dress and it most likely won’t be with the same man. But this day being cancelled does not mean that your dream dies. It’s just on hold for a bit. So do not mourn the loss of this day. You can mourn the loss of your relationship. But you can also celebrate the opportunity you have now to have a different wedding, but more important, a real marriage. That’s something pretty special.
Readers, I know that most of you haven’t cancelled any weddings, but you probably have felt the loss after the end of a relationship. Is there anything else you would add to this list?
And thanks for bearing with me on this tangent. Back to regularly scheduled blogging soon …