Simply Solo Spotlight: Single vs. Married – The Battle Wages On
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by the awesome woman behind the Butter & Honey blog. She writes about her [very funny] dating adventures, and I absolutely love her drawings. This post really resonated with me, not only because we both called off our weddings, but also because so much of what she’s said in this guest post kind of haunts me. I really look forward to whatever advice/comments you are able to share with her!
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
Single Vs. Married: The Battle Wages On
I, too, was once a smug non-singleton in a seemingly loving, committed relationship. I even went so far as saying “Yes, I will marry you!” Then, in a blink of an eye, it all went downhill from there. I listened to my gut and followed a hunch that unearthed the truth; he was cheating before we even made it to the altar.
It’s been, oh … a few years since the monumental breakup. The first year was a wash. I was in no condition to be back on the market. I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted from my life, let alone a new partner. Plus, truth be told, I was a slobbering mess most of that year. The second and third year I didn’t really care about finding true love. Stella got her groove back and I just wanted to have fun. I casually dated but I wasn’t actively seeking anyone special. If it happened, it happened. I was in no hurry. But in the fourth [and fifth] year after my life altering split, I realized it was probably time to really put myself out there again. I thought it would be easy since during years one through three, I met a lot of fun, great, eligible guys. I thought for sure when I got serious they’d still be out there waiting for me. I was wrong. So terribly wrong …
While I was spending my time having fun, rebuilding my life, working on my career and living [relationship] drama-free, all the [supposedly] good, quality men got married. The dating scene suddenly looked bleak and that’s putting it mildly. And now it seems the institution of marriage looks pretty unpromising as well. What’s a girl to do?
Am I looking for a guy that doesn’t exist? Does the marriage I want even exist? Quite honestly, I’m becoming pretty skeptical. I’m trying not to be cynical. I really don’t want to become one of those jaded bitches that can’t even lighten up to have a decent conversation with a man. But I’m teetering on the cusp of wanting and believing that I can find a good man and giving up altogether because perhaps there isn’t one out there. It’s like trying to find the Holy Grail of men. They say it’s out there, but no one has yet to find it. Okay, okay. Perhaps it’s not that bad. Or is it?
I found out a really close friend is getting a divorce. I thought her husband was one of the good ones but as it turns out, he might actually be king of the lying, cheating, douche bags and apparently, she’s been unhappy for years. YEARS! What the hell? I know it’s not about me, but I feel kind of jipped. I’ve secretly been envious of their marriage and the life they had built. They certainly acted happy, but I’m slowly learning that many couples put on this fake, happy façade. I’m not sure why, but they do. Are they trying to fool us or themselves? I suspect it’s a little of both.
Is what I’m looking for worth this much effort? Is it even attainable? Seriously, what’s the point of trying to find a good man to marry when, more often than not, it seems to end in divorce? I’m currently in the midst of four friends divorcing their husbands [three of those four are because their husbands are cheating] and two friends who just got engaged, blissfully ready to walk down the aisle all aglow with hopeful, wedded expectation. They are just as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as the soon-to-be-divorced ones once were.
My thoughts are completely bipolar. One part of me wants to keep looking for the Holy Grail. The other part of me wonders if there’s even a point … Once I meet and marry him, will I one day find my future husband trolling for discreet sex online or in the arms of some other woman?
How many of you out there feel the same way? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences and points of view. It would be great to get some male perspective as well, so please feel free to add to the conversation.