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Simply Solo Spotlight: I Fell In Love With The Bad Boy

August 30, 2011

Today’s guest post is written by Liz from We Love Dates, an online dating website and dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa and Australia. Liz blogs (and vlogs!) about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships.

I absolutely love this post because it reminds us to A) follow our intuition about people and B) break the “dating” rules, when necessary. I hope you enjoy!

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

I Fell In Love With The Bad Boy

Today, my boyfriend and I purchased a new couch and a juicer. It doesn’t get much more domestic and settled/boring than that. I’m sitting here, typing away furiously on my pink laptop next to him, while he pounds away furiously on his blue one.

There’s nothing too out of the ordinary about another couple navigating their way through cohabitation and domestic bliss, but I like to think our story is a bit special.

I’m hoping you will too.

A little more than a year ago, I went on the best first date of my life. You know the kind – shared sense of humor, nonstop conversation, great food, amazing location and an undeniable connection. I never wanted dinner to end.

But end it did, all too suddenly. After two hours, my date completely clammed up and shut down. As he drove me home, I began to wonder why he wasn’t asking me to hang out further … it was still light out! I didn’t give it too much thought because I knew he’d be calling me soon. He’d said so, after all.

He never did. He’d comment on some of my Facebook statuses, or randomly text me, insinuating he wanted to make plans, but when I pressed further, he would flat out ignore me. Initially, I was completely bummed – I’ve been on enough first dates to know that ours was special. Then I started to feel stupid. I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who waxes poetic about how “special” a first date is when the guy clearly isn’t calling.

Randomly (thanks, Facebook), we met up for coffee and it was even better than our first date. We made plans, but he broke them. Then, he broke them again when we rescheduled. After a third time, I was sad, but I was also getting mad.

On our next coffee date, I asked him point blank what was going on. I wanted to know if he was interested, and if so, why he constantly flaked on me. I’m sure I broke the cardinal rule of dating by “asking,” but we were so open when we talked to one another that I felt honesty was the best policy. So much dating advice makes women feel scared to stand up for themselves or lay it all out on the line. I knew that I would be OK regardless of the outcome, so being upfront was a risk I was willing to take.

He said he was scared of relationships. He had been hurt before, and it was safer to be alone. He was afraid, and didn’t think that would change anytime soon.

Emotionally unavailable

Photo courtesy of Photo Bucket

I knew I had a choice – try to change his mind, or wait. I didn’t want to be the driving force behind him entering a relationship; I wanted it to be all his decision. So, hard as it was, I backed off. We still met for coffee every week, and I’d be lying if I said that every date I went on I would compare the other guy to him. They never lived up.

Coffee turned into lunch. Lunch became dinner and drinks. We went running together, shared business ideas and just grew closer, organically.

There wasn’t one defining moment where he stopped being afraid and let himself love me. It was a slow, sometimes painful process, and it made me step back and reconsider what I wanted, and what I truly believe about love.

It’s important to let people be where they are in life – but not hold your world up in the process. He needed time to heal from past experiences, so I gave that to him. But I didn’t sit at home either. I kept myself open to love elsewhere, because I knew that I had a ton of love to give that wasn’t made to be wasted.

Obviously, this is all in the past and we spend more time at Bed Bath and Beyond than I’d like to admit. It’s important to look back on the past so I can appreciate how far we’ve come, and how difficult our journey was. I thought he was a lost cause, but I’m lucky I didn’t give up hope and allowed him to find himself, and subsequently, me.

If you really feel it, don’t give up hope. Life can surprise you, if you let it.

Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


11 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2011 9:14 am

    Awesome story and great advice!

  2. 2NewBeginnings permalink
    August 30, 2011 9:32 am

    “It’s important to let people be where they are in life – but not hold your world up in the process.” Great advice, but so hard to follow right! After going through divorce and heartache, I am so ready for my life to start with this amazing guy I have found. Sometimes I push my boyfriend more than I should. I have to contantly tell myself to slow down, let time do what it’s suppose to do…..I really liked this piece. Thanks for sharing and happy shopping….toaster anyone? :-)

    • August 30, 2011 10:16 pm

      Thanks! So glad you’ve found someone amazing-don’t worry too hard about your life starting-this is your life is that makes any sense, so just enjoy the moment! xo!

  3. August 30, 2011 10:54 am

    Lovely tale. I am actually a lot like your boyfriend all those montha ago, and, I am so grateful my current guy has been wiliing to be patient with me. It makes me appreciate him so much more. I don’t know where we’re headed, or how long we’ll be on this journey, but I am glad we’re going somewhere.

    Best wishes to you.

    • August 30, 2011 10:17 pm

      Absolutely-love your outlook…enjoy your journey! xo

  4. August 30, 2011 5:28 pm

    This feels a little bit like my situation with Chef. He’s been waiting me out and being patient with me, and I really appreciate it. I’m not sure we would have gotten to the point our relationship is in if he had pushed me early on. It’s really great advice. Sometimes you just have a feeling about someone… and it’s worth the wait :)

    • August 30, 2011 10:19 pm

      Totally…we want everything RIGHT NOW, instant gratification and such, but sometimes you have to wait a little while for the other person to catch up-it doesn’t mean you slide backwards, it just means you don’t pull them fwd until they’re ready. Glad the chef understands this!

  5. August 31, 2011 4:46 pm

    love the story!!!

  6. September 1, 2011 11:57 am

    I am happy for you and enjoyed the story… but ya gotta know it made me cringe… just a little.

    The message that we should be respectful of another person’s place in their life, and of what they tell you about it.

    However. So often we think that if we “wait” long enough for something that WE feel – the other person will change. So… I’d just offer the caution that, if they don’t seem to be changing? Regardless of what it is they say to you? Move on. Stop waiting – they may never change or be who you want them to.

    It’s a balance – trust your gut, trust how much or little you are hurt, and trust your friends. Sometimes people who love you see more clearly than you do.

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