Simply Solo Spotlight: How to Deal with the Post-Breakup Blues
Hope everyone had a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight comes to us from Grace Pamer, author of www.RomanceNeverDies.com, a blog which gives insights into the art of writing love letters and putting together winning marriage proposal ideas. If you like today’s guest post, please check out the article Grace wrote for us a few months ago asking the age-old question: Once A Cheat, Always A Cheat?
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!
How to Deal with the Post-Breakup Blues
Breaking up is, indeed, hard to do. This shouldn’t be surprising to most, yet some of the advice out there for handling breakups can make things even worse for someone going through the trauma of a breakup. Suggestions of how to get an ex back, revenge tactics and pushing people to get back out into the dating world too soon are the exact opposite of what someone should be doing after a relationship ends.
The end of a relationship is a loss – just like death. Time is necessary to adjust to this new single life, after identifying oneself as a couple for so long. These following suggestions will help individuals deal with the post breakup blues in a healthy, not hurtful fashion.
Take Time To Grieve
Grief is a process and a breakup is a loss. No matter how volatile or amicable the breakup, the individuals need time to heal and adapt – even those who initiated the relationship ending.
The misinformation out there that one should immediately get back in the dating pool is as inappropriate as telling a widow to start dating a few weeks after a funeral. One can’t escape grieving – it catches up with them eventually. So taking time to heal is the most important step after a breakup.
Let Go Of Anger
Even if a man or woman was tremendously hurt or shocked by the relationship’s ending, holding on to the anger or looking for revenge is going to stand in the way of healing. Energy needs to be focused inward, not outward, to truly recover from the loss.
With the exception of abusive relationships, there is some good to come from all romantic partnerships. Life is like a school and relationships are a part of the learning. Reflecting on how one grew as a person because of the union helps those recovering from the loss feel healthy and empowered, not like a victim. Instead of wasting energy focusing on what was lost (a negative), pay attention to what you gained from the relationship (a positive).
Accept It Has Ended
It is tremendously damaging to self-esteem to fixate on the partner who left, hoping he or she will come back. Even if there is a chance for reconciliation in the future, it likely won’t happen if you have ceased living your own life while obsessing over your ex.
To properly handle the post breakup blues, one must live in the moment and let go, so that he or she can begin living again. The future is exactly that, the future – all we have is the here and now.
Getting To Know Ourselves Again
Though the pain of a breakup is difficult, seeing it as an opportunity to get to know oneself again is a tremendously positive thing. Sometimes in relationships, the line between couple and individual becomes blurred. Breaking up can provide time to grow as an individual once more.
Some of the healthiest recoveries from breakups occur when people begin to follow their passions once more and/or reconnect with friends they didn’t see frequently when in a committed relationship. Changing routines can do wonders, like getting up mornings to exercise, volunteering a few evenings or engaging in new outdoor hobbies with friends. All of these things help us get to know ourselves again.
The key in dealing with the post breakup blues is taking out the negative and replacing it with the positive. Certainly, time must be put aside to accept and grieve the loss. However, doing so in a positive way by cherishing the good that came from the relationship, accepting it has ended and letting go of anger will hasten the healing process – propelling those with broken hearts to get to know themselves again, learning to enjoy life once more.
What advice do you have for people trying to get over the post-breakup blues? What is the worst advice you’ve ever heard for people going through breakups?
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.