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Living Proof

June 27, 2013

I recently found myself watching – enjoying – a Say Yes to the Dress marathon.

Three short years ago, I purged my life of everything wedding. My bridal magazine subscription haunted me and I avoided checking the mail for weeks on end. For longer than I’d like to admit, I dreaded attending weddings. Even though I was happy for the couple, I was miserable inside. Whether it was jealousy that it wasn’t me in the white dress, sadness from losing my own special day, or general negativity over the institution of marriage, I never thought I would be OK again.

Then, at a wedding a few weeks ago, after the vows were said and the reception began, I had Chef spot me as I climbed in four inch heels up on a tractor. For a photo opp, of course.

woman farming in a dress

Just doing some light farming

Please note the importance of this picture: This is me having fun at a wedding.

I’m living proof.

Proof that you are going to be OK.

Proof that time does heal your wounds.

I’m not saying this just happened recently. It happened slowly, with big moments of progress and subtle moments of silent change, over the past few years. I got better and then I got worse. And worse. I found myself a changed person, and I wasn’t sure how I would ever trust again. But at the same time, I was getting better, finding ways to make myself happy, trusting and loving and believing while not always knowing it was happening.

This isn’t just about being able to watch wedding shows with reckless abandon again – it’s much bigger than that. There’s no more almost in almost over him.

I receive a lot of emails from readers who are just beginning this journey. The pain is raw right now. They still reach for the phone to call him, only to realize he’s not going to be at the end of the line. They don’t know what to do on Saturday night, because that was always their date night. Maybe they just found out about a deception that they never could have imagined and now they can’t breathe without feeling pain in their stomach, their chest, literally in their heart. Maybe it was a slow, quiet ending – they moved apart until someone finally ripped off the relationship band aid.

No matter how or why it ended, it hurts. More than other people understand. And the pain doesn’t just go away because you want it to. For anyone going through this, I want you to know that it’s going to be OK. I’m living proof.

But it’s going to take time. Everyone says that, but damn it, it’s true.

When my ex got married, it served as a painful closure. After that, I no longer wanted to write about him or what I was going through. And it felt really good, freeing, not to give him my thoughts or energy anymore. My advice? If you are thinking about him, if you are talking about him, stop. Talk about you; think about you; take care of you. That’s the best path to moving on.

Believe that this is part of a bigger plan. Everything happens for a reason. If it’s God for you, or fate, or whatever, just know that you are experiencing this hard time to get you ready for a better time. You are learning lessons now that you’ll need in the future. You are becoming a stronger person. It may not make sense now, but it will, in time.

And then there is forgiveness. Wow, forgiveness is so tough, especially if you’ve been deceived.

The word forgiveness puts so much pressure on the forgiver. The forgiver has the burden to accept the transgressor’s apology, let go of the pain and somehow grant forgiveness to the person who has done them wrong. That’s a lot to ask of someone, especially when they are in pain.

Oprah has a favorite quote that has really stuck with me and helped me along in my journey:

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.”

Included at the end of this post is her full explanation of this quote. But here’s a snippet.

“I think for myself and I know many of you, you think forgiving means accepting what has happened to you. Well, it is accepting that it has happened to you. Not accepting that it was OK for it to happen, it is accepting that it has happened, and now, what do I do about it? Forgiving is giving up the hope – not holding on, hoping, wishing – that it could have been any other way than it actually was.”

This quote, this definition of the word forgiveness, has changed my entire perspective the past few years and helped me get here.

Are you living proof? Will you share some of your story in the comments?

Copyright 2013. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


64 Comments leave one →
  1. June 27, 2013 9:23 am

    Hi, thanks for this post! After my three year relationship ended, I felt like a zombie for a while and I remember saying things like “I’ll never get married, I’m done with men, etc” but eight months later and the wounds have really healed. I’m not saying every day is great and that I no longer think about my ex, but things have definitely gotten better.

    So thanks for this inspiring post. Time really does heal all wounds, or at least make them more tolerable!

    • July 2, 2013 10:28 pm

      Thank YOU My Nomad Life! It’s so great to hear your story and I’m happy you are doing well. Day by day, week by week, things get better and better. Your comment is so helpful to people out there looking for some hope :)

  2. June 27, 2013 11:57 am

    I feel like one of the hardest things is remembering how to make yourself happy again…your happiness coming only from you, not other people, not that person. You may know what you like, what makes you happy, but making yourself do those things, even when you feel like utter crap. That’s the hardest. It’s a process, a routine, almost, hour by hour, maybe even minute by minute. This post makes me happy. Thank you.

    • July 2, 2013 10:27 pm

      curiouslikeakat,
      That’s very true. Being responsible for your own happiness is tough work, but I think it’s also more fulfilling in many ways. I like how you put it – “it’s a process, a routine, almost, hour by hour, minute by minute.” Especially when you are suddenly single after a long relationship, you probably are very used to someone else being the source of your happiness. And then suddenly it’s just you. Making yourself happy isn’t buying yourself something nice once in a while – its doing things regularly that bring you joy, it’s telling yourself you’re beautiful, it’s laughing at your own jokes. It’s a lot of self-care and it’s hard work but it’s worth it. If you don’t know how to be the source of your own happiness, how will anyone else make you happy? Thanks for making that point and for commenting :)

  3. June 27, 2013 11:33 pm

    Living proof? Just look at my husband and I. We were both married before…I was married for 3 years – my husband for 7 – and both of us were deceived by cheating spouses. Not only were we on the emotional roller coaster, but had to go through the messy legal stuff as well. And look at us now…married 25 years and looking forward to the future. I think one of the greatest lessons learned in our respective divorces is not that you know what you want in a partner, but you have a much more defined definition of what you DON’T want.

    • July 2, 2013 10:22 pm

      Nancy,
      You guys seem so happy and are a true inspiration! You are totally right, going through these kinds of things help you learn so much about what you want and DON’T want in someone else. It’s much easier to find someone who is good for you when you know what you are looking for and what you simply won’t accept. Going through what I went through (and what you and Tony went through) helps us know that we are survivors, also, it helps us appreciate something really good when we see it :) Congrats to you both on 25 years!

  4. June 28, 2013 2:04 am

    Great post, and I like your choice of quote – I agree with you (and Oprah) about letting go of wishing that the past could have been different. When my first girlfriend cheated on me I found it harder to move on while I was still blaming her and feeling like she owed me something. Once I let go of wanting apologies, explanations, anything at all from her, I felt free of it all and felt much better. As you say, I felt better when focussing on me and not her. Glad to hear you’re feeling healed too!

    • July 2, 2013 10:18 pm

      Matt, your statement, “Once I let go of wanting apologies, explanations, anything at all from her, I felt free of it all and felt much better” resonates with me incredibly. It really is that simple, isn’t it? Letting go is the real way to feel better. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it if you go through the work of slowly letting it go, piece by piece. You’ll suddenly be lighter, more free and able to live and love your life again. Thanks so much for your comment :)

  5. June 28, 2013 3:39 am

    I am definitely living proof … Toward the end of last year, just before christmas, i realized that my then serious boyfriend was in another serious relationship with another girl… At the time, we were going to have a baby together. I only later discovered from emails that he and the other girl had made plans to take my baby away (not sure how they were going to pull that off) and they had even named the baby! The deception and heartbreak was a bit too much for me. Then i found your blog, i downloaded the empowering break up songs before the sad ones because I needed strength before i allowed myself to feel sad. But finally, i went through all the stages of a break-up. Just a few days ago, i realized i had forgiven him. I even prayed for him, prayed that he might find peace and love. That prayer made me realize i was finally free and had forgiven him. All my previous anger and hurt had completely evaporated and I was ready…

    • July 2, 2013 10:15 pm

      Wow Uyai, you’ve been through so much. I can’t even imagine! It sounds like you’ve come a long way though and are stronger for it. You should be incredibly proud. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  6. June 28, 2013 8:20 am

    I love the quote about forgiveness because I’ve been reading more and more lately about living in the present, and that quote encompasses exactly that. I’m so happy for you, Catherine. :)

    • July 2, 2013 10:14 pm

      Isn’t that quote something? It has really stuck with me and you are right, it’s a good reminder to live in the present. I miss you Katie and hope we can catch up soon!

  7. 2NewBeginnings permalink
    June 28, 2013 9:34 am

    Not sure if I should say welcome back or nice ending piece for your blog. ;-) Seems you are coming full circle. Great feeling huh? Living proof here as well. Funny, your blog came to my mind the other day as I was driving down the road (swans anyone). Have you ever looked at the sky while driving or just sitting outside? A beautiful blue sky with cotton like clouds surrounded me and were everywhere that day. It was really beautiful and I took a moment to really really look at it. In that moment, I felt so blessed and really appreciated not only the view but my life also. Three years ago when I was going through my divorce, I didn’t think I would ever get off my knees and be able to wipe away the tears. Everyone said I would be ok and everything would work out for my good. I was like, yeah easy to say when you are not in my shoes. But, yes time does heal. I have a wonderful new husband now, beautiful children, and a really great life. My life before that I fought so hard for, spent countless hours grieving over, and praying for a change…….doesn’t even compare to what I have now. My life now is so much more amazing. Is it not perfect, nothing ever is. But, it sure is pretty close. So, I encourage everyone out there who is going through a breakup/divorce. It looks bad now, it looks like there is no hope, your heart is crushed and you are asking why, why, why, thinking my life is over…….just look up at that beautiful sky and I promise one day your life will be just as beautiful. You will look back on that breakup/divorce and you will be stronger and better….I’m living proof. :-) Congrats to you on your beautiful life now.

    • July 2, 2013 10:13 pm

      2NewBeginnings,
      Your comment just brought tears to my eyes! It’s been so wonderful going through this journey alongside you and we are both so blessed to be living proof and survivors. I hope that those going through a tough divorce or breakup will read your comment; I know it will give them hope.
      It’s funny that you said nice ending for the blog. Part of me thinks this is the perfect way to end, because I am so much better and happier and I no longer need to write about these things. But another part of me wants to write about other things and continue to share my life with you all. What I really need is a new name for the blog or a new definition for Simply Solo. Let me know if you have any ideas!
      Thank you so much for reading, as always, supporting me and sharing your story too :)

  8. June 28, 2013 11:21 am

    Well, Tara is living proof. She made the same declarative “never again!” statements when we first started dating, and even made fun of a guy who was proposing to his girlfriend at sunset on the beach. Fast forward two years, and we’re getting married in September. There ya go.

    • July 2, 2013 10:08 pm

      Mark, I am so so so happy for you both! It’s been so fun to read about your journey and Tara’s as well. I’m glad she saw the light and you guys will be able to spend your lives together :)

  9. Shobe permalink
    July 3, 2013 11:21 pm

    I am so glad that I came across your blog. Your story is really inspiring! I am currently going through a break up at the moment and although the specific details of our stories do not have any similarities at all, the feelings and process are very much the same. I had a 3 wonderful years of long distance relationship with a guy I met from college. He is in the US and I am in our home country Philippines. I said wonderful because although we have arguments at times, we were really determined to make the relationship work and managed to make it work for 3 years. However, seems that we have to decide that we make room in focusing more on our individual lives as we are not having the best of luck in being together. Being in an Asian country, it is not easy for me to get a visa (was denied for a tourist visa last May) to the US and him not able to come home because of his visa constraints too. Right now I want to believe that this is the best thing to do for us, to make each other available for possible better future with other partners, but I am still stuck on the thought of “if only we are together, our happily ever after is not that hard to achieve”. I also have this thought in mind that what if I will never be happy again and what if I find myself comparing other guys to him.

    I do apologize if I have to share my story, your blog made me feel that I have a support group and that I am not alone. I sure hope you keep writing stories and continue to inspire many people. I am also happy you are now much okay and I look forward to being a living proof someday just like you.

  10. Maria permalink
    July 19, 2013 12:50 pm

    I am currently nursing a heart break. It’s been 3 weeks and I’m much better than I was 3 weeks ago. I can’t wait to get to this feeling again… when the emotional roller coaster is done and I can revel in happiness again. Thank you all for sharing your stories, and thank you Catherine as I have read every single post on your blog since I’ve stumbled across it and I am happy for you. I really do believe there is a happy ending to my story… I’m still just kissing frogs!
    :)

  11. July 19, 2013 6:00 pm

    This is truly inspiring :) I know I am relatively young but I was in a long term relationship myself for 3 years and it ended badly. I was very much in love with the guy and was engaged in fact! But not even a week after we parted he found someone else. I assume to this day there are feelings that remain but then I am in love with my memories (The good ones of course!). Reading your story and journey of acceptance and moving on has given me the glimmer of hope that I needed to move on from him. And well, to get on with my life!
    I truly wish I was as free as he was, so easy for him to move on, and yet here I am months later still silently suffering by feeling alone and well, unwanted by anyone. I hold a grudge against him for that I guess but you have helped me now, truly! Thank you so much.

  12. irishcait02 permalink
    July 24, 2013 11:22 pm

    Thanks for this post! After my almost-three-year relationship ended, I was a ridiculous mess. But I think you’re right on the money with the most important thing to do being to remember (re-learn, if you have to!) how to make yourself happy. My blog that I started is a testament to this!! It’s nice to know that I’m on the right track, and a little bit more time will keep helping me through this.

  13. July 26, 2013 5:45 am

    Admiring blog, i love the concept!! :-)
    Check my new blog out; wwww.nannafreving.com

    Love
    Nanna Kielgast Freving

  14. Promise permalink
    July 30, 2013 4:51 am

    Here we go again. It doesn’t seem to fail, another deception, I guess I don’t learn. The worst part is that I have not felt this way about a person in a long time. Luckily I don’t think I am completely in love. However I am certain that feelings were starting to develop. I should know better, at 32 with the experiences I have been through I should listen to my gut. I decided again to give it the benefit of the doubt and even blew off some advice from someone thinking they just had ulterior motives. Today of all days after I took steps that I normally don’t to go out of my way to go see him. Bam like a cold glass of water in the face; reality strikes and it is what I thought another cheater. Well I guess you live and you learn. Time to heal…hopefully this doesn’t scar me to the point of giving up completely on being with someone. It is just hard to let go, but it has to be done. Otherwise I risk getting my heart completely shattered over someone who doesn’t appreciate my worth. I need to give myself time to heal to rest to evolve into the woman God intended me to be. One who is sought after by a man with every sense of the word. A man who shares my values and will complement them not bring me down. I have to completely lose myself in The Lord that is the only place where I have ever found rest but somehow I always kept looking for love. I haven’t found it, rather I have found heartache, deceit, reproach, loneliness, regret, sadness, and a bitter sense of emptiness. The reason being that I continue to try and go my own way thinking that I know better, that somehow or another just because there are sparks a fire can be built. When the truth is revealed the smoke prevails. I will get over it. Resiliency has always been in the backdrop of my life, thank God. I don’t know how I would have survived without it. Letting my emotions come to surface is healing. It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off my chest. I can breath a slight breath of relief. Tomorrow is another day!

  15. August 1, 2013 1:50 am

    This has been a big help. I have found it very hard to forgive people that hurt me over the years. Not only my ex, but my crappy best friend ( who is no longer my best friend ), and a family member. It was really hard to forgive my ex and still try to be friends with him. I know that is the biggest mistake anyone can do is to try and remain friends with an ex. It only makes things worse and prolongs healing. I loved him with all my heart and don’t even know how or if I can love someone else… which is probably why I continued to talk to him, see him when he was in between girlfriends hoping that we would get back together only to be left again for another girl each time…. oh my! It is so sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way. The “so-called” best friend betrayed me in too long of a story to explain here… but it was hard to cut her out of my life for fear of not being a good friend. I have finally found the strength to let go of her but now it is weird because we are still Facebook friends. I want to delete her but some of her family members and friends are my Facebook friends too… would I have to delete everybody? And wouldn’t that make me seem like the bad guy. Then there is my Aunt… oh that is a lifetime of hurt that I continued to forgive only to be hurt again by her. I didn’t realize how toxic she was in my life until recently when I just had enough. It wasn’t that she is a bad person… she and her husband have done so much for me as well… but it is hard because she is family and I have to still be in contact. Whew! I guess the next person I have to forgive is myself.

    • August 1, 2013 2:04 am

      Forgive myself for allowing crapping people to crap on me. The crappy people were and are charmers… I was blinded to the truth about them because I loved them. I wanted them to be who I thought they were, who they said they were… not who they were really showing up to be. I guess I was in denial about them. It kind of makes you question if you can even trust yourself to be a good judge of character if you ended up being so wrong about someone you thought would never crap on you. So, this post helps me understand that I can’t change the past. It is what it is. I kept going back and keeping these people in my life in hopes that they would show up the way I wanted them to be. Oh my…I talked myself into an AH HA moment! Thank you.

  16. IslandGirl permalink
    August 6, 2013 1:23 pm

    Just last Wednesday I was touring a beautiful wedding venue with my mom. Our wedding was scheduled for Nov 2014. Today, I am a single woman again. Yet another deception on his behalf was brought to my attention. Lies and manipulation. I gave the ring back. 5 years of giving my all to him I can never imagine loving that way again. Today is day 2 of healing for me. I look forward to day 200 hell even day 20 will be a little better right? I sure hope so…….

  17. August 6, 2013 7:47 pm

    I’m so proud of you girl! I can’t wait to read more about your journey!

  18. August 12, 2013 12:27 am

    There are minor things that can be forgiven and forgotten but it is certainly not forgiveable when you dump someone for a stupid reason.At least,have the guts to explain that you have found someone who makes you happy.What goes around comes around.The one you have chosen will also dump you for a stupid reason.

  19. August 18, 2013 10:02 pm

    Beautiful! I am a leukemia survivor, and I remember the JOY the first time I went to the doctor and realized as I left that I had no anxiety of bad news. Best. Feeling. Ever.

  20. August 20, 2013 6:44 pm

    thank you so much for your honesty and for sharing the quote on forgiveness. I find myself, everyday, having to teach on this issue, trying to understand it, or having to practice it. This puts it in perspective.

  21. aprilebryce permalink
    August 22, 2013 5:28 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue three weeks ago – all the while telling me how much happier he is with me. I’ve been reading your blog from the very start and it makes me feel unalone and like I can get through this. I’ve even started a blog of my own. One day I hope I’ll be on it saying that I too am Living Proof. X

  22. September 2, 2013 9:25 pm

    I really like your perspective on forgiveness. I have never really thought about it that way before.

  23. September 11, 2013 6:45 am

    I could not thank you enough for posting this entry. Obviously written in my blog entries, I’m still starting this journey. It hurts so much, but knowing you have succeeded in this, I could not help but cry (out of inspiration) that I can do this too. Thank you, so much.

  24. September 15, 2013 7:40 pm

    I actually have a post coming out tomorrow about how my last relationship ended. I can actually make light of it now, because it helps to make light of it. But the truth is he destroyed me, and I’m dating again, but I worry I’ll never trust a man like I did before. So Thank you for this, it gives me hope x

  25. talesofafox permalink
    September 17, 2013 4:57 pm

    Such a good point. When it comes to getting over a relationship it’s best to allow yourself to mope and think about them for a while and then, let go. By holding onto an ex you will cloud your vision of all the great opportunities heading your way! Who knows, in time, you and that ex of your may be able to establish a form of friendship, overriding your relationship feelings but maintaining the positive connection you had. Of course, this only applies if you had a mutual split.

  26. September 25, 2013 12:06 am

    I love that you were able to open yourself up on this entry. I think when a break up happens, we often feel like we “wasted our time” and “gave up everything for nothing”, but I do not necessarily think that is true. Relationships are a learning experience and if you take it with that perspective–that it was good at the time but now you are in a better, more mature place–and reflect on what you learned from it–it will help you get through it too!

  27. Tara permalink
    September 28, 2013 5:29 pm

    I found out in July 1 week before my birthday my boyfriend of 6 years had been cheating with this other woman. All the while still carrying on a relationship with me he was planning on moving across the freakin US with this person. He told me it wS for his job. Then I find out on facebook that he has been with this girl for about a year. He lied to his family about me telling me we broke up. It’s such a long story but I just can’t seem to move on from this. I want revenge I want him to talk to me and answer so many questions I have but he has ignored me completely. I’m trying to be positive but I made so many decisions in those six years to be with him and this is the thanks I get. I just don’t understand.

  28. susanft permalink
    October 4, 2013 4:57 am

    lovely to reconnect on your blog Catherine and love a happy ending..I so hope that three months on things are still swimmingly good

  29. Newly solo permalink
    October 16, 2013 1:49 am

    Hi Catherine,

    My story is the same, except we were together for 5.5 years, the deception was with a very close friend – flatmate of three years . I called off the wedding 3 months before it was to happen.

    Everything is very recent (been a couple of months) and I am in that post break up haze where I don’t understand what happened to the girl who was two months ago looking for the perfect wedding dress and checking out hotels for her honeymoon.

    Plus, I am an Indian. You can’t imagine the sort of pressure there is on girls here to marry and settle by the right age, and how cheating is sometimes written off as ‘silly things boys do’. Add the ex showing ohh soo much remorse and love, the decision to stay away is unbearably hard.

    Thankfully, my friends and family have also been unfathomably supportive.

    I just sometimes don’t understand how it could have happened. I know I won’t be able to really move forward till I come to terms with the fact that it has happened to me, but right now everything just seems surreal. And it confuses me more that I can’t call up the one person I used to ‘know’ will be there for me no matter what.

    But despite the pain and the heartbreak, a lot of your blogs resonate with me. I understand now how people can take cheaters back (but I can’t), I miss myself , the girl I thought had hit bulls eye just by chance, and I can’t imagine what life would be like alone. We were living together for 3 years.

    It just helps to know there is someone out there who gets it. I want to thank you for sharing your wonderful words and reaching out for people like me, coz no matter how ur friends and family love u, sometimes they don’t get why it hurts so much. Reading your blogs has helped.

    Just pray that I have enough strength to navigate these dark times with least possible damage to myself.

  30. October 18, 2013 10:30 am

    Catherine,

    I do admire your honesty. and i loved your post. your openness to life is what will give you happiness i believe. it is only our own will that can take us anywhere; no one can make me feel beautiful, or worthy, or successful, or even simply happy- if i am not already all those things, and willing to let myself give myself what i need. mouthful? lol. I am/was in a very similar situation to yours. years of relationship, almost married, then he got married. realizing all his deceptions and lies, etc. it relieved me to realize (and it doesn’t matter how many times you do realize this, it constantly is the place of comfort)- that we are not alone. that our situation is understood and relatable. and i, like you, have taken my solo status to soar and rise. since i have rediscovered life for me. i have been traveling, meeting new people, working on personal projects (such as my first book- which I hope will be out by early 2014), and spending real quality time with the people i love. i wanted to write, to simply salute you. your honesty and willingness are admirable. so thank you.

  31. Lebo permalink
    October 23, 2013 8:03 am

    I cannot bring myself to take off my engagement ring!!! help!

  32. Can'tStopHurting permalink
    November 4, 2013 10:49 pm

    Catherine, I’m new to the site- have you written anything that summarizes your personal grief timeline? I’m at 6 months since the epic demise of a 9+ year relationship and having trouble finding the strength to keep going. Things start to feel a little better and I start to think I’ll be okay, it won’t hurt eventually, and then I’ll hit another low. I’m struggling so much. Still dealing with confusion, forgetting what happened and why, missing my best friend, wishing there was a way he could fix it. But there’s not. It’s excruciating. I just need to know when this will end. Thanks

  33. November 10, 2013 10:17 pm

    Reblogged this on The Modern Day Fairy Godmother and commented:
    In the words of Oprah, I had my “AHA!” moment with this blog

  34. stabassum803 permalink
    November 13, 2013 1:23 am

    Your story is encouraging for desperate people.Thanx for sharing.

  35. November 14, 2013 12:17 pm

    Really inspiring…I have to admit that I never thought that I would be in a situation that would result in me worrying about an ex but after a 7 yr marriage to a woman that wanted me as a trophy and an accessory instead of a life partner; I have to admit that it really does take time to heal and actually grow in a manner that makes you realize your personal value again… After being in a relationship that was based on ultimatums I now look forward to waking up each day with options… I know that I have value and still can’t believe how I actually got caught up in what had to be the most elaborate con of my adult life! Either way your words helped put some things into perspective…thk you!

  36. November 15, 2013 10:16 pm

    another great quote is “forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” i’m still working on it but it’s true.

  37. November 19, 2013 1:22 pm

    I feel for you sister. Hated seeing my ex redo the whole marriage thing. I sure miss the farm and my great grandmothers John Deere tractor.

  38. November 25, 2013 12:18 pm

    Very well written and inspiring to boot.

    (Not sure if I can pop this here but follow me for a sex and the city esq dating blog from the UK.)

  39. Erin permalink
    January 10, 2014 12:56 am

    Less than a week ago my boyfriend and I came to a mutual agreement that it just wasn’t working. I loved him, I still love him, but we weren’t in love and I wanted more. I wanted him to want to be with me when he just didn’t. He had broken my heart before, and instead of letting him do it again I thought I’d save myself the heartbreak and cut it off before I could reattach myself to him. And it felt good, watching out for myself that way,…for a day or two. Last night I found out he had been in touch with his ex for a few weeks before we called things off. The same ex that he had left me for twice. I know how it sounds. It sounds like I was foolish for taking him back again, and I probably was…I don’t know how I expected things to end any differently. But I had hope that they would. The Oprah quote really stood out to me in this entry. “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past would’ve gone differently.” Our relationship sucked, he didn’t love me, but I had devoted a year and a half to this man and well, I hoped he wouldn’t disappoint me again. That hope is what I can’t seem to get rid of. It sometimes feels like maybe I’ll wake up and it’ll be a month ago and things will turn around. I want to move on. I want to find the right man. But I had just hoped so damn much that it was going to be him. But, if you can smile at a wedding, I’ll believe that I can get over this. Thanks for sharing.

  40. February 19, 2014 10:54 am

    I am living proof that you will survive heartbreak, even when you don’t think so. For me, it was 2006 (maybe 2007) and I was finishing up my BA at Cal State Long Beach. I had fallen madly and deeply in love with a man 10 years older than me, who was going through a divorce because she cheated on him (they had been married for 10yrs). We had one of those extremely passionate and adventurous relationships, I became close with his mother, and I was absolutely convinced that he was the man I would marry and have children with. Wrong. We were having a heated conversation (no idea what it was about) and he called me by a name not my own. I don’t recall how he talked his way out of it, but as soon as he left my apartment I logged onto MySpace, knowing I would most likely find this girl on his page. I did. Her main picture was them kissing. I ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out. I’m not going to go into the truly horrible heartbreak I experienced thereafter because it’s not important anymore. You know why it’s not important anymore? Because I have moved on and I am happy now. (Ok, it’s still important in the fact that it made me a stronger person and such, but no need to rehash the pain)

  41. March 25, 2014 11:43 pm

    Thanks for this post! I’m still struggling with forgiveness – not about a romantic relationship, but I still feel much the same way you describe. I hope that quote will help me in the future.

  42. April 4, 2014 7:35 pm

    Reblogged this on Dennis Hong's Test Site (Business) and commented:

    Test

  43. April 18, 2014 2:18 pm

    This is a great post. Sometimes we all just need a little reminder that everything actually is going to be okay. When my ex and I broke up, he wanted to stay friends, and I was devastated and clung to whatever part of him I could – he told me constantly (knowing I was struggling) that everything was going to be okay, and I refused to believe him. Now I’m no longer clinging to that relationship, I’ve met someone new and I’m tempted to contact him, and thank him and let him know everything finally is okay. (I won’t, because that wouldn’t be healthy, and who knows what might come of that…) But the fact is, everything actually is okay, it just took me awhile to realize that.

  44. April 21, 2014 12:22 pm

    Hey Catherine! I really like your blog, you are a very strong girl! It is very hard to leave someone we love but even more hard is to live in the relationship with person who doesnt love you or is just pretending that he loves you because he has use of you…(talking about myself) I’ve been in a toxic relationship in a very long time, I didn’t even want to think that we could break up, so I’ve tried to do everything to make it work. Later when it was over and I understood how stupid it was of me I didn’t even want to think about finding some new guy, it felt like they just cause pain but I came over it. It feels good being alone but I don’t say NO to relationship in the future. I just know that I’ve learnt a LOT because of that relationship with him and I know now that I am worth something much more better! Have a nice day Catherine!

  45. April 27, 2014 11:40 am

    Hello I have just read this post as part of the zero to hero day 4 challenge, I know I know I’m a tad few days late, but just wanted to say that I have chosen your blog as one of my five. Many years ago I was feeling like you, I had the dress, the reception was organised, the cake was iced, but Here Comes the Bride never played! I can look back at that time and laugh at it now, but I know exactly what you blog encapsulates. Thank you so much for sharing. Blessings and love, and embrace being single if that is what you desire. I will follow you with a smile.

  46. May 28, 2014 11:16 pm

    Clearly this post resonates with many, many people.

    If you’re dating again, and want to “speak out” to men about what you’re really looking for from them during that process, you may want to be interviewed for my upcoming book, a step-by-step dating success guide for men.

    I’m interviewing single women ages 30 – 70 for this book. Interviews are anonymous, and everyone interviewed will receive a copy of the book. You can also receive an interview transcript if you wish.

    Share your experiences, and crazy stories about dating.

    Give men the most useful dating information to create successful, sexy, committed relationships.

    For more information, email melanie@hedatesshedates.com, visit http://www.hedatesshedates.com, or Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hedatesshedatescom/735975066415423

    Melanie Rubin

  47. June 4, 2014 3:40 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this post! I would agree that forgiveness can be a very difficult thing to when you’re in so much pain. At the same time, it’s supposed to be the right thing to do. Then again, I really benefited from Oprah’s perspective on forgiveness.

  48. June 9, 2014 5:04 pm

    My ex just ended our relationship last night, and until now i havent got any sleep at all, i know this is a part of moving process,reading inspiring blogs like these really help.it inspires and gives courage for those like me who are just in the beginning of the grieving process.thank u!

  49. June 14, 2014 2:02 am

    I really, really enjoy reading your blog. I don’t know what it is, but you seem to write very similar to the way I think, it’s weird!

    Whilst I don’t currently relate to your past situation (it’s quite the opposite, really!), you speak of a lot of ‘moving on’ type of things and THESE I can most definitely relate to.

    The “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.” quote is just amazing, this is something I’ve been needing to see/read for a long time. I’m having trouble moving on from lot of past issues but these sorts of quotes and what not are really fantastic to see. Hits the nail on the head.

    I wish the best for you, I do! Keep blogging, I shall keep reading! ^_^

  50. July 2, 2014 12:24 pm

    I am writing a series of posts on blogs I enjoy reading…yours is one of them. I would really appreciate if you would give me a one or two sentence quote about your blog, that I would include in my post. Thanks and Cheers! I would like to publish the post in about a week.

    • August 5, 2014 10:34 am

      I’m sorry I missed this Gerri! Let me know if you still need anything. Thanks for your support!

  51. July 3, 2014 10:59 pm

    I enjoy your perspective. Keep writing

  52. July 18, 2014 7:34 am

    It always helps to read that another has gone through the same as you. I caught my bf cheating on me while we were traveling and it ripped at my insides. With no support of family or friends with me, the solace of reading things like this really helps. Especially now that I reflect on what happened and forgiveness. I find that the hardest part of forgiveness is learning to forgive myself for allowing such substandard treatment from another person. It is one of the challenges that I have embraced in my life as I continue to grow and learn, which is what I have based my own blog on. Challenge is the spice of life, sometimes it can break you, but sometimes it is what you need to mend you :)

  53. Ray permalink
    August 14, 2014 7:47 pm

    Hi Catherine ,

    I realize you don’t post on here anymore but I wanted to let you know how much you have helped me. You’ll never know how much. I’m 35, broke up with my ex 2 yrs ago and just recently found out he is engaged…..by Facebook stalking. Ugh why did I look? Finding your blog and reading about someone who gets it made me feel so much better. Can’t thank you enough. :)

  54. November 5, 2014 12:41 pm

    It’s been three months since my first love of four years broke up with me. Things were not great leading up to the breakup, we were in a rut, but I had NO idea he was going to end at all. To top it off when we ended it, he told me how I wasn’t support and was too critical and pointed out everything I did wrong in four years, and I could see in his face that he meant what he said, but I had NO idea that he was feeling this way. It was a shock. We argued sometimes but I thought we had a good relationship, but started to drift lately. The people we were and the things we wanted at 17 are not the same as they are now at 21. I’ve been BEYOND a mess these three months, I haven’t communicated with him for over two months (and don’t plan to), I’ve been strong with cutting things off, but he is still ALWAYS in my thoughts. Four years of memories and having a routine with him. I am so lost. Maybe part of me knows he wasn’t the one, yet part of me is so scared that I will never find anyone else. It’s so good to know that I am not alone, and this article has really helped me put everything in perspective, I just hope I can look back at this someday and be able to say “everything worked out”

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