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Breakup Survival Guide

broken mirror, shards

Photo courtesy of Chris McClanahan

“A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.”

Breakups aren’t easy. Trust me, I know. In April of 2010, I cancelled my wedding to my love of seven years. It was tough, but I’ve survived. And you will too. Here’s a collection of some of my favorite Simply Solo articles related to breakups. The first list includes posts that chronicle my personal experience, and the second list includes breakup stories from some of my favorite guest bloggers.

Take care of yourself!

Catherine’s Story

Guest Posts Related to Breakups

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.

49 Comments leave one →
  1. November 3, 2011 8:24 pm

    What a great new page! (At least I think its new? I usually read your posts on my phone as opposed to on my lap top…) Very smart and nicely organized– I’m hoping I’ll never have to make use of it, but if I do, I’ll know where to turn!

    • November 12, 2011 7:38 pm

      Kat,
      Thanks, it is new! Hoping to have a place where people can easily access old posts. I appreciate your noticing and commenting! :)

  2. D Inglorious permalink
    December 27, 2011 8:30 pm

    I’m happy I found this Catherine. I’m in a bad, bad place and I’ll read this blog inside out. Thank you.

    • December 29, 2011 11:30 pm

      I’m so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I’m sending positive thoughts your way. Take care of yourself :)

  3. January 14, 2012 7:12 am

    I started following this blog after my last break up but my current one hurts more, not only was he not in the final stages of a divorce he was happily married having two long term affairs and numerous short term ones. Trying to keep my smile but hard to even though he was such a jerk it was a wonderful relationship that included picking an engagement ring type…… shattered when I realised it was all lies but looking after me now!

    • February 6, 2012 9:51 pm

      I’m sorry, AussieButterly. You never know how bad a breakup will hurt, do you? Definitely do focus on you for now, and let your heart heal and be ready to accept someone wonderful.

  4. Crystal permalink
    March 4, 2012 7:29 pm

    Telll me why I feel so lost now I feel like my world crashed and in a battle with trying to find a way out its been 1 month yesterday but it hurts just as much as it did the first day my soul hurts so much and I love the hell out of him i was single for a long time so i knew when i would fall in love i woud fall hard I did and my heart hurts so bad i cant describe the trobe in it but it really frekin hurts =[ I swear i try to do my daily task but my world feels dark and im just breathing not living becazuse in the back of my mind he would be the only one to breath llife back into me help i feel so lost and hopless i put up a front iam okay but i fee like im dying inside i miss my jesse so much

    • March 4, 2012 8:42 pm

      Crystal,
      I’m really sorry to hear about your breakup. Know that you are not alone, many of us have felt the hurt you are going through. It’s not permanent, it’s temporary, and you will overcome this. Just try to take good care of yourself, spend time with family and friends, focus on the positive things in your life, and stop the negative track in your head and try to remind yourself that you are strong and special and you will be OK. Thinking about you :)

      • Crystal permalink
        June 18, 2013 11:45 pm

        It’s been a year and I remember how lost I was as a person things happen for a reason and I have to say I’m so much happier today single but happy I have also grown as a person not one but bitter just more complete :)

    • June 23, 2013 2:58 am

      I am coping with a break-up right now. Is very hard to start loving you again when all those years you’ve loved him more than you love yourself. So I am in this place now – http://adf.ly/Qy6JX

  5. Rae permalink
    March 14, 2012 7:42 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up on March 4, 2012. We were together for 2 years, I am only 19 years old, but he was the love of my life. I’ve lost so many family members at a very young age and it hurts so much to have lost another person that I have loved. I thought he was everything that I ever wanted, but he was never sure of what he wanted. He gave me a promise ring, a picture frame that had our names engraved on it along with our anniversary and the feeling that we were going to be together for many more years. So here I am, on spring break trying to keep busy, but the one I love only lives a few miles down the road. Does he miss me, does he even think about driving by my house to see if I’m home, or has he moved on already. I just want to know if he misses me, why am I the one suffering when he lied during our whole relationship because he said he was never “in love” with me but he loved me. How can someone’s feelings just be shut off one day and not want anything to do with them. I haven’t talked to him in three days which is so hard because for the past two years we talked every day more than one time a day. Here am I suffering, but why. I fell in love too easily and I don’t know how to fall out of it. I just want him to call me and say that he misses me. I wanna wake up to him by my side. ugh..I wanna text him so bad, help!

    • March 31, 2012 10:58 pm

      Aww, Rae, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Gosh, I feel like so many of us can empathize with all the feelings you have right now. We all want to know if he misses us. We all want to call or text. It takes time to get over these feelings. You just have to be strong to get through the hard days. Rely on friends and family and always take care of yourself first. Soon, you’ll find yourself thinking of him a bit less. It’ll hurt a bit less. And someday you’ll love again. You are young and I promise this will not be the last time you love. Just remind yourself that everything happens for a reason even if you don’t understand it right now. And maybe read It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken – great book to help you through.

  6. Sylvia permalink
    March 28, 2012 1:20 pm

    Yesterday, i found out my boyfriend of three years has been cheating on me the entire length of our relationship. He is 44 and i am 37. I have not words. I do know that i’m not alone and i thank you for that. Im scared but at the same time i have to remember that being afraid doesn’t make me a coward.

    • March 31, 2012 9:59 pm

      Sylvia,
      “I have to remember that being afraid doesn’t make me a coward.”
      You are so right about that and keep reminding yourself that. You are in an awful situation but you deserve so much better. You will find it. But in the meantime focus on yourself and heal. I’m sending positive thoughs your way!

  7. March 31, 2012 2:39 am

    Thats a fantastic quote up at the top!

  8. Rae permalink
    April 1, 2012 3:12 pm

    Thank you so much for the support….I absolutly love this blog. It is a blessing to know that I’m not the only one out there who is struggling. It’s almost been a month since my break up and each day gets a little easier, but we still have our days of weakness and thats okay. A new journey is starting…focus on yourself and be the best you can be for you and no one else.

    • April 25, 2012 10:45 pm

      Rae,
      “Focus on yourself and be the best you can be for you and no one else.” Beautiful and EXACTLY! Thanks for participating in my little blog and sharing your thoughts :)

  9. Mel permalink
    June 12, 2012 4:37 pm

    I randomly stumbled upon your blog as I was searching good break up songs so I could sing instead of texting my ex bf . I read the entire break up survival guide and it made me feel alot better about ending a 3 years relationship. I’ve had a couple of good laughs, so thank you :) I look forward to your next entries :) Greetings from Canada !

    • June 13, 2012 8:48 pm

      Mel,
      Sorry to hear what you are going through – but thanks so much for reading. I’m really glad it helped :) More to come, for sure! Take care.

  10. Ruby Jones permalink
    June 23, 2012 9:21 am

    Hey Catherine,
    My name is Ruby. I’m only 15 and my (now ex) is 16. He and I had been dating for almost 7 months (anniversary tomorrow) and Sunday, I got mad at him for not being able to make time for me lately and not really acting like his usual sweet self. Anyway, he broke up with me and then decided I had “one week” to prove that we,can be friends and still date without any fights. Anyway, I saw him the day after and everything was going fine, and we cried andwere talking things out. Soon after though, my mom and I got into a fight about irrelevant stuff and he decided that I was being immature and so that was the reason he apparently broke up with me again, Monday night. Tuesday, he told me not the text him at all because he needed space and he canceled a visit and a Boston trip that we had planned a while back which was going to take place that days and the boston trip, Wednesday. He didn’t all to me or reply to any of my calls or texts for the next day until Wednesday night, when he got home from Boston, texted me and told me he was sorry for everything. I was so glad to see his text, that I ignored everything else. Thursday night, I had made the mistake of telling him how much o regretted everything and missed him, and he wanted to move on from the past. And some said goodnight and then left. Yesterday, he didn’t text me good morning or anything and I texted him while i was at work not understanding that I had hurt him the previous night. anyway, he snapped at me and told me not to text him and all I wanted to do was just talk. That’s all. But he refused and stopped texting me. We ended up chatting on the phone last night until he wanted to go to bed. I told him everything pretty much. (personal story sorta) but then he said if I don’t text him today, at all, than maybe we can be friends. And so that is what I’m doing. But I loved your articles. They help me realize that maybe, even after everything, that he isn’t the right guy for me. I loved your tips and personal stories because they really help me not dwell over his actions, and reassure me that I can possibly just trudge through this without him. And there are better people. That you for posting these articals. I bookmarked the page and so whenever I have the urge to text him today, or in the future, to beg for him back, I can go back and re-read your articles and realize that I’ll survive this with him, or without him:’) thank you so muchhh

  11. July 7, 2012 1:13 am

    Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom! Definitely easy to relate to and nice to know there are others who have felt the same and have insight on how to deal. I’ve nominated you for the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award” and the details are here http://notthesinger.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/very-inspiring-blogger-award/ if you’re interested. Looking forward to more amazing posts :)

  12. September 28, 2012 10:01 pm

    Absolutely love your blog!

  13. January 6, 2013 9:46 pm

    Hi just came across your blog. I recently came from a break up last year as well. But it turned out to be the gateway before I met the love of my life. My husband. I hope I can share some thoughts with you too here on this bittersweet but beautiful journey. :)

    http://lifeisgelato.wordpress.com/category/life-love-faith/

    • January 7, 2013 9:43 pm

      Congratulations Tina! Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your story. It’s a great inspiration for others who think their breakup is the end of the road – it could really be the best beginning ever!

  14. March 26, 2013 3:00 am

    What a great source of information, some of the old blogs were a great read, having just ended a relationship by mutual consent I was on the lookout for something like this, it certainly help to make you see your are not the only one …. onward and upwards thanks again.

    Jaq

  15. April 16, 2013 11:05 am

    So many interesting, heartfelt, and eye stopping entries. Going to make a cup of coffee and then read some more.

  16. May 2, 2013 1:19 am

    Watch this video my friend and I made about break up one liners. I’m sure you will use one of these or already have in your life!

  17. June 18, 2013 6:11 am

    Baah ! I really wish that I’d seen this blog earlier, definitely a pearl to keep
    and I am definitely going to recommend this blog !!
    Loving your writing Catherine!

  18. September 16, 2013 10:56 am

    Hey, i don’t know where i should start… I red this page (+the extra materail you’ve written about) the same night i got dumped. It calmed me down and made me accept the pain of my broken heart. I’ve red it again, again and again during these days that’ve passed, it has helped me so much. Just wanted to thank you for the edvice, really, THANK YOU.

  19. November 1, 2013 10:02 pm

    This content is always helpful. Everyone has break ups but almost no where has solid advice on going through this gut-wrenching life hurdle. If only things like this were taught in schools!

  20. Maie permalink
    November 7, 2013 5:41 pm

    Very inspiring, my fiance have fear of commitment and he broke up with me a month ago. I am physicall and mentally sick of what ive passed through.

    I really love ur blog but i always have this question in mind!!! Does he suffer too or its just us?? Will he ever regret it?

  21. November 20, 2013 10:55 am

    I was in a physically abusive relationship for some years but noone believed me because the girl never abuses the guy, right? But anyway, for those of you in a similar situation and have to deal with abuse in silence, i thought i would share this poem i found on yahoo. It made me feel more relief somehow:

    http://voices.yahoo.com/something-rabid-shells-12111141.html?cat=2

  22. Mark permalink
    December 23, 2013 3:44 am

    I found this on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH36FEPFO4Q

    Seems like a pretty good way to get through a breakup.

  23. January 19, 2014 9:14 am

    You need to be really precise here, so something like “Change my calendar on 10th November. Sometimes, hurt feelings, anger and frustrations get in the way of love. He’s pulling away from you, and you feel like the impending breakup is inevitable.

  24. April 12, 2014 3:10 am

    After looking for songs to heal a broken heart, I found so many that just made me feel worse about it, or indecisive or attached to a relationship that hurts. This playlist is to keep me and you inspired and strong. The choice of music is eclectic – the words are empowering, self-affirming, they avoid attachment to the relationship, but they are still kind.

  25. Amber permalink
    May 23, 2014 9:29 am

    Hello! I came across your blog today and I was searching how to survive being single…and thank you for writing! I am going through a break up and this blog has helped me shed some light on things I was thinking and ignoring…thank you!

  26. Denise Allison permalink
    July 16, 2014 9:39 pm

    I am going through the same thing now; My boyfriend of 8 months has been cheating on me via text message and other various lines of communication throughout the duration of our relationship. I need some serious advice, I am at a crossroads; I have a son who is 10, and he has a daughter who is 6; my son is very attached to him; and my mother even likes him, but it appears that due to his previous marriage and divorce he is unable to love me, or even treat me with a little bit of respect and has gone even further to have illicit conversations with women he works with; which I found out, and he still insists on being their friend.. I don’t know why I am being treated this way; I cater to him in everyway possible, although I must admit I accused him of cheating throughout the entire duration of the relationship, and it pains me that he cannot let go of people that mean nothing for something that we could have, and it is even more unfortunate that I chose to stay when I first found out about some lies he told me in February. Today I found out my little sister’s boyfriend passed away and a dose of reality hit me. The reality is that life is too short to waste your time and kindness on the undeserving. The reality is that this man does not value my presence, and can care less about my son and I. And his manipulative way of turning things on me to somehow try to make me feel like I am wrong is out of this world and is fucked up. I just wish I had someone to talk about this with, because I am going through it, and I don’t know what will happen after tonight. But I will do all in my power to let him go, if he choses to leave… I cannot tolerate how he is treating me. It just isn’t right.

  27. Tamana permalink
    September 24, 2014 11:02 am

    Thanks for sharing. So what do you do if either the guy and the girl didn’t fall out of love but can’t have a future together because they belong to different religions?
    What do you do if the only option is breaking-up? How do you get over something like that especially when the other person give into his parents wishes and decides to get engaged to someone from his religion within a month of the break-up?
    Even though I know he still loves me and have caved in only because of his parents still the feeling of hurt, the nagging feeling that he didn’t try hard enough too convince his parents, of being replaced so quickly and the usual anger, hurt and depression. They just won’t go away. So many mood swings in a day. I don’t know what to do. This is just not fair!!

    • Heartbreakhasaname permalink
      October 18, 2014 1:00 am

      HI Tamana,

      I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in these feelings or this situation. I too went through almost the exact same thing. The ex “love of my life” called it quits after almost 2 years together to pursue a girl of his religion. He wasn’t exactly pressured by parents but he was turning 33 and still un-married, which was simply unheard of in his community. His reason was that when we become life partners, he would eventually become resentful of his faith for keeping him away from me and spending time with me doing non-religious things. He cannot find resolve to live a life away from the influences of his upbringing. Within three months of the break up, he proposed to the girl and married her three months later. I went through the same feelings of hurt, anger, doubting what I ever meant to him. But now that it’s been more than six months before I’ve seen him, I realized what had helped me other than ticking of time was the belief that he will regret it one day down the road. Of course I’m not crazy enough to know this may very well not be true – he may be having the best moments of his life with his new bridge, but I am holding onto that belief to help me get over this rough patch, until the day when I no longer care if it’s true or not.

      I have also tried putting up mental “stop signs” whenever my mind starts to wander to memories of us, to the moments when he breathlessly tells me how he had long given up finding a girl like me and being with me is like an un-rehearsed movie. I don’t need these memories anymore. He can take them.

      In the end I believe our men ultimately did not simply just leave us but they left us for the “other woman”, whether she was more “attractive” because of her religion or preference by his parents or whatever other complicated factors that may be at play. You just need to keep on remembering that it no longer matters. Perhaps this realization is cruel but I believe it’s the truth. The moment I can admit the truth to myself then I can move on with rest of my life.

      I sincerely hope you could find peace in the following months. Have some patience for time to help you heal. Don’t self jeopardize into reminiscing too much. You will be amazed by how fast times goes by even if the first few months seem to last forever.
      Best of Luck! Hugs!

  28. monika permalink
    October 31, 2014 2:20 pm

    i jst got married and its totally arrange..i was happy wen i got engaged bt later one of my class fellow who liked m since long tym msgd m n i msgd him bak n we startd talkng..met few tyms too n i fell in love with him..now got married,i couldnt call off my wedding..we talkd for sometym even afta the marriage bt now he wants to move on n gts angry on m that y i got married…..i dnt knw wat to do..i still love him!!

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