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Hot Professions

July 6, 2010

Okay, so now that I’ve adequately pissed off some friends, family and acquaintances that have happy and successful careers as truck drivers and plumbers, it’s time to get on to the Hot Profession list. I’m giddy just thinking about it.

Photographer/Artist – Just plain hot. They have a creative, dark and brooding side. And, I totally want to reenact that scene from Titanic where Jack is drawing Rose. Or, remember how hot Colin was on 90210 (the original)? He lost some of his hotness when he got Kelly hooked on cocaine, but hey that’s the risk you take for a hot artist.  

School teacher – Good guy hot. And I like a man who can teach me a few things about 9th grade history. I feel like I totally blanked that year and wouldn’t mind a refresher on the American Revolution.

Doctor – Overrated hot. Everyone thinks doctors are hot, and what girl hasn’t said they want to marry a doctor? The problem is, doctors know how hot they are so they are pretty cocky. They also have a God complex. I must say, however, that there is something special about a man in scrubs, with really clean hands who can successfully give me CPR. NOTE: Exception to the hot doctor rule – gynecologists.

Lawyer – Sleezy hot. And yes, I’m sure there’s a reason lawyers are consistently included in the most hated profession list. But, I love the three-piece suits and there’s something in the phrase “I object!” that does it for me. 

Firefighter – Just plain hot. Sometimes, I want to set a (smallish) fire in my house just to call them over. But that would be illegal, and I’m not sure it would be a turn on to the next guy on the list.

Police officer – Sleezy hot, the ones I’ve met so far anyway. But I’m not going to lie; I do have a fantasy of being pulled over by a police officer, flirting a bit to get out of a ticket and living happily ever after.

Architect – Smart guy hot. And just think, we could design and build an amazing house together. How fun would that be?

Professor – Smart guy hot. Think the professor on Gilligan’s Island. Oh, and I wish you had the pleasure of meeting my political science professor at VCU. He was like Richard Gere (circa the 90s), only smarter and even cuter. Now you know why I minored in political science.

Military – F*ed up hot. Picture it: He just came back from Iraq, has to stay in shape for his profession, has just enough baggage to keep things interesting and you’ve got like an 82 percent chance he’s gonna cheat on you. It just doesn’t get better than that.

Ice cream man – Pedophile hot. But I love ice cream, so that’s why it made the list.

UPS delivery man – Just plain hot. Something about them swinging that truck around (with no door – how cool is that?!) and those shorts. Not to be confused with the mailman from the Not So Hot Professions list, however.

Reporter – Just plain hot. To be clear, when I think of a reporter, I think of a hard hitting investigative journalist, not an obituary writer or the person in charge of the classifieds section. This is not to be confused with TV reporters, who are sleezy hot.

Soccer player – Didn’t even know this was on the list until the World Cup became the only thing anyone could talk about. Soccer players seem a little short in general, but you cannot deny their hotness. Exhibit A: World Cup 2010 Hunks. You’re welcome.

What hot professions am I missing? What are your favorites?

If I had to choose from the above, I’m gonna have to go with a firefighter. Oh, but wait, do firefighters have 401(k)s? We may have a problem, but I don’t have the time to worry about it. I have a small fire to set (accidentally, that is).

*Special thanks to Lindsay and Jeff for their help brainstorming this list.

**Upon special request, I must add “Account Executive” to this list. And yes, clearly “Account Executive” is not as much a profession as it is a job title. You’re welcome, J.

15 Comments leave one →
  1. dawn permalink
    July 6, 2010 3:07 am

    So the UPS man has a very nice 401K package, just an extra fyi and I can’t help but think of anchorman when you say journalist…hummm, lol

  2. July 6, 2010 3:14 am

    I hate to say it, but politicians. Even when they are ugly, they are still kind of hot. Something about the power….

    But I agree with firemen for the hottest!

    • July 7, 2010 7:05 pm

      Oohhh – politicians! Good one! They are probably sleezy hot. 🙂

  3. amanda permalink
    July 6, 2010 4:15 am

    So I have to agree on the Firefighter as the top hot profession! I mean damn they are smokin!! Literally 🙂

  4. Tom permalink
    July 6, 2010 12:58 pm

    OK… let’s look at this …
    Artists… not only the dark side, but also voted most likely to leave you for a guy named Franz.

    School Teacher… if he’s hot and a high school teacher, you run the risk of making the evening news when some cheerleader takes too big a liking to him.

    Doctor… over-rated, huge egos, prefer golf to sex, can dump you for a receptionist at any moment.

    Lawyer… see Doctor.

    Police… 80% divorce rate, you have to move after the divorce because his friends will give you a ticket anytime you’re 2mph over the limit.

    Military… on base housing, in South Korea. Case closed.

    Professor… book smarts with no real world experience, and with hot coeds, no evening news story because the coeds are legal.

    Ice Cream Man… dump this one in favor of someone who owns a Cold Stone Creamery or Brusters and you might be onto something.

    UPS Delivery Man… ever see an old one? Nope.. me neither… they disappear somehow.

    Reporter… not very creative, just sitting there telling someone else’s tory… gonna be a bore in the bedroom.

    Soccer Player… average salary is lower than single A baseball… you better rethink that one.

    That leaves the Fire Fighter… perfect. But I might be biased.

    • July 7, 2010 7:04 pm

      LOL – oddly enough, I agree with every one of your points. Especially on the ice cream man – a guy who owns a Cold Stone would be WAY better! Good thinking, Tom! And, on the UPS delivery man, that’s hilarious. I have actually never seen an old UPS delivery man!! Where do they all go??

  5. Dana permalink
    July 9, 2010 1:36 am

    Hahahhahhahaha man you pegged the military and cops! It’s my dating experience perfectly!

  6. October 2, 2010 4:17 pm

    just stumbled upon your blog..can’t resist commenting on your post.. you forgot sailors 😀 Love the popeye outfit they wear during the warm weather..I dated one but it didn’t last long.. he practically had a girl at every port..

    • October 2, 2010 7:36 pm

      Oh, sailors!! That’s a good one. That makes me think of the episode of Sex and the City when all the navy guys come to town. Yum. But I could totally see the “girl at every port.” Guess it’s a risk you take with this hot profession! 🙂 Thanks for the suggestion.

  7. October 8, 2010 1:45 pm

    Fighter or Bomber Pilot: Douche-bag hot. You kind of covered this one in military, but the thing is men always look hotter in a flight suit. They make for good boy-toys for a time. They can drink and fuck like rockstars (believe me, I’ve had military men and pseudo-rockstars) and they get discounts at the BX and everywhere else that offers military discounts. Warning: Beware the military men with little-man complex. The short ones aren’t the only ones who have it. They are crazy competitive and sometimes decide to solve problems with violence. And in general the guys who aren’t planning on being in the military for life aren’t worth dating for more than just sex and cheap booze.

    Musicians: Guyliner/guitar strap hot. And I mean guys who are actually performing musicians. Not those lame fellas who sit in their basement with their guitars for hours. Even worship leaders turn me on. A fella just gets hotter when you strap a guitar around him and he gets even hotter when you put a microphone in front of him. If he’s talented — all the better. (P.S. Men who can play the guitar have very strong and highly dexterous fingers…good for a lot of reasons).

    • October 10, 2010 11:43 pm

      Hahahaha — good ones here. I NEVER would have though of a fihter or bomber pilot. And military are definitely good for their priviledges, LOL! Love teh cheap booze. And, they are generally in shape and clean shaven. Yum

      Guitar strap hot…. priceless. And definitely a man who actually makes some money off of his music. If he can sing too, I’m putty in his hands…..

      I would like to see your list of hot/not so hot professions, Crystal! 🙂

  8. July 2, 2011 12:39 pm

    Just ran across your blog and I’m really liking it so I’m reading it from the beginning! I agree with a lot of these, but I have to say one of the sleeziest guys I’ve ever met was a high school teacher. Such a creep. He would talk about how hot all his senior girls were. I’m loving this blog so much!! Thanks for writing!

    • July 5, 2011 9:30 am

      Thanks so much for stopping by! I really appreciate your comment and that you are reading through my blog! That’s TERRIBLE about the high school teacher. What scum. I haven’t met any like that, but I don’t doubt that they exist!


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