Hot Professions

Okay, so now that I’ve adequately pissed off some friends, family and acquaintances that have happy and successful careers as truck drivers and plumbers, it’s time to get on to the Hot Profession list. I’m giddy just thinking about it.

Photographer/Artist – Just plain hot. They have a creative, dark and brooding side. And, I totally want to reenact that scene from Titanic where Jack is drawing Rose. Or, remember how hot Colin was on 90210 (the original)? He lost some of his hotness when he got Kelly hooked on cocaine, but hey that’s the risk you take for a hot artist.  

School teacher – Good guy hot. And I like a man who can teach me a few things about 9^th grade history. I feel like I totally blanked that year and wouldn’t mind a refresher on the American Revolution.

Doctor – Overrated hot. Everyone thinks doctors are hot, and what girl hasn’t said they want to marry a doctor? The problem is, doctors know how hot they are so they are pretty cocky. They also have a God complex. I must say, however, that there is something special about a man in scrubs, with really clean hands who can successfully give me CPR. NOTE: Exception to the hot doctor rule – gynecologists.

Lawyer – Sleezy hot. And yes, I’m sure there’s a reason lawyers are consistently included in the most hated profession list. But, I love the three-piece suits and there’s something in the phrase “I object!” that does it for me. 

Firefighter – Just plain hot. Sometimes, I want to set a (smallish) fire in my house just to call them over. But that would be illegal, and I’m not sure it would be a turn on to the next guy on the list.

Police officer – Sleezy hot, the ones I’ve met so far anyway. But I’m not going to lie; I do have a fantasy of being pulled over by a police officer, flirting a bit to get out of a ticket and living happily ever after.

Architect – Smart guy hot. And just think, we could design and build an amazing house together. How fun would that be?

Professor – Smart guy hot. Think the professor on Gilligan’s Island. Oh, and I wish you had the pleasure of meeting my political science professor at VCU. He was like Richard Gere (circa the 90s), only smarter and even cuter. Now you know why I minored in political science.

Military – F*ed up hot. Picture it: He just came back from Iraq, has to stay in shape for his profession, has just enough baggage to keep things interesting and you’ve got like an 82 percent chance he’s gonna cheat on you. It just doesn’t get better than that.

Ice cream man – Pedophile hot. But I love ice cream, so that’s why it made the list.

UPS delivery man – Just plain hot. Something about them swinging that truck around (with no door – how cool is that?!) and those shorts. Not to be confused with the mailman from the Not So Hot Professions list, however.

Reporter – Just plain hot. To be clear, when I think of a reporter, I think of a hard hitting investigative journalist, not an obituary writer or the person in charge of the classifieds section. This is not to be confused with TV reporters, who are sleezy hot.

Soccer player – Didn’t even know this was on the list until the World Cup became the only thing anyone could talk about. Soccer players seem a little short in general, but you cannot deny their hotness. Exhibit A: World Cup 2010 Hunks. You’re welcome.

What hot professions am I missing? What are your favorites?

If I had to choose from the above, I’m gonna have to go with a firefighter. Oh, but wait, do firefighters have 401(k)s? We may have a problem, but I don’t have the time to worry about it. I have a small fire to set (accidentally, that is).

*Special thanks to Lindsay and Jeff for their help brainstorming this list.

**Upon special request, I must add “Account Executive” to this list. And yes, clearly “Account Executive” is not as much a profession as it is a job title. You’re welcome, J.