Ageist and Dakota Recap
I have a confession to make. I’m an ageist. I never knew this about myself until I entered the dating world again. As it turns out, I’m really picky on how old the guy I date is. For some reason, I want him to be slightly older (assuming that means that will make him more mature, which obviously is not always the case. Some guys NEVER grow up!). But not too old – as I’m realizing with Police Officer, who is super nice and fun to be around, but for some reason I cannot get the age issue out of my head. We’ve had three dates now (and for the record, he still hasn’t kissed me – weird. I’m thinking A: we’ve entered the friend zone or B: I’m just not that kissable. It happens.). Last night, we talked about the 10 year age difference, and frankly, I’m the only one who has a problem with it! I just keep thinking that he’s got to be ready for more in a relationship than I am. Because while I think it might freak some guys out that just a few short weeks ago I was supposed to get married, I’ve never been further from wanting to get married than I am right now. So, I worry about dating someone who is so much older, because I just assume (perhaps incorrectly) that they will be anxious to get married, have 2 ½ kids, a Golden Retriever and a minivan and live happily ever after. The thought of that makes me want to throw up. Repeatedly.
On the other hand, I don’t want the guy to be too young. This past weekend, I was at the dance at the lake. I noticed an attractive man eyeing me from across the pavilion. He was more than just eyeing me – so was his entire family. It was so obvious, it was almost humorous. I assumed they were trying to figure out if I was single. After catching him in many stares, I waved. He pretended that he didn’t see me, and then I felt like a crazy person and assumed I was imagining it all! I even did the look over my shoulder, because seriously, how embarrassing would it have been if he was looking at someone behind me and I waved like an idiot? That totally seems like something I would do. Luckily, I wasn’t losing it. Shortly thereafter, he came and asked me to dance.
During the dance, I learn his name is Dakota (I started to make up a name for him, but I think the fact that his name is Dakota says plenty.). He is 20 years old, works in construction and has a 9 week old baby. Who he is not allowed to visit. Because there is a restraining order against him from his ex-girlfriend (who he explains is crazy. Hmm, she’s the crazy one? Ask the police, seems to me that they granted HER the restraining order!). Can you believe this is what he led with? On the first dance. Oh, but I should note, when he saw my reaction to the fact that he was 20 years old, he was quick to reassure me that he had a fake ID that said he was 24. Whew! I was worried there for a second. I feel MUCH better now.
Dakota was a charmer though, I’m not going to lie. The funny thing is, initially he was worried that I was underage and that’s what his family was trying to figure out before he approached me! Yeah, I totally look about 16 and it didn’t help that I had my hair in pigtails. But sadly, I’m an old woman and felt like a cougar dancing with a 20 year old.
While dancing, he said some really charming things like, “The minute I saw you, I knew I had to have you.” What the hell do you mean, have me?! I was a little alarmed at that statement. Oh, and he asked me to promise that I would be his date the next weekend at the lake. Yes, you heard that right. Not go on a date. Be his date for the weekend. I can’t even commit to more than a drink with a guy I hardly know, you think I’m going to commit to spend a weekend with your crazy ass?
He also suggested that he take me out on his family’s boat. To which I explained, um, no, I don’t think I’ll be going out with you on your boat. What, so you can rape me, kill me and throw me overboard? I don’t think so! (Before you say it, yes, I know I’m crazy).
He asked me to dance two more times, to which I said yes. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. Why in the world would I do that, when I already had a weird feeling about him, you ask? For a few reasons:
- He was actually pretty charming. I suspect that’s how he got that young lady pregnant in the first place. Just a hunch.
- I’m channeling The Year of Yes where this woman said yes to every single date that she was asked on for a year (including one with a homeless guy and another with a woman!) – and it really opened up some great opportunities (including love) for her.
- It was flattering. It made me feel pretty/special. I’m nothing if not an attention whore.
- I kind of don’t know how to say no. I never really had the opportunity to learn how to turn guys down – the only turn down I’ve ever had to use since I was 18 is “I have a boyfriend.” Or, later, “I have a fiancée.” I’ve never had to simply say “I’m not interested.”
- I had just said the day before that I wanted someone like Roberto on The Bachelorette. If you don’t watch, Roberto is a ridiculously hot baseball player (his pic doesn’t do him justice). He’s a sweet-talker and is probably the most romantic contestant I’ve seen on this show. He seems like the kind of guy that sort of sweeps you off your feet. And honestly, Dakota was Roberto-esque. In looks and in his romantic lines.
- Regardless of the “have you,” the restraining order, the baby and the fake ID, he actually seemed like a nice guy. Can you tell I totally fell for his charm?
So now, I’m in a pickle. The guy wants to go on a date (he’s off the weekend and boat kick, he literally just wants to go on one real date). Part of me is saying NO! What are you thinking?! Change your phone number now and learn your lesson! The other part of me is saying, seriously, what would one date hurt? You never know! The Year of Yes! And you are already too far down this path to turn back now! And, just think of what good fodder it’d be for the blog!
What do you think? And can someone please give me some tips on how to tactfully tell someone you aren’t interested? This is a lesson I need to learn, for sure. Better late than never.