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Raúl: Part 1

August 3, 2010

***Note: What follows are the details of my time getting to know Raúl for more than two months. Much of this story actually predates when I started the blog, so that’s why we’re gonna play catch up. There’s two posts, so I’ll post them today and tomorrow so it doesn’t take longer for me to tell you about what happened than what actually happened. These blog entries are pretty long, but I wanted to tell this story – not because it is particularly interesting, but because it’s relevant to my progression and learnings about being Simply Solo.***  

As I mentioned previously, I met Raúl (not at all his real name, and no indicator of his ethnicity, by the way) on Plenty of Fish a few months ago. After talking through texts and e-mail for a while, we decided to meet. Platonically. It just seemed that we would really get along.

We met at Uno’s on a random Wednesday night. My immediate reaction: Good Lord this guy is tall. 6 foot 4, to be exact, more than a foot taller than me. In fact, he used to be a football player in college. Add to that, he also has really pretty eyes. So, not a terrible first impression.

We had a few drinks and an appetizer. Second thing I noticed about Raúl: he used the bathroom – nonstop. Every time I would get into the conversation, he was up and at the bathroom. I think in the about two hours we spent at Uno’s, he must have used the restroom about six times. And of course, I spent that time texting my friends updates on how things were going – which, honestly, at that point I didn’t think they were going great. Something seemed a bit off with our conversation in the beginning, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. But something about him intrigued me, and I ended up giving him my favorite book in a one sided-book swap (he promised to give me the book he wanted me to read the next time we hung out, but that never happened).

The next day, Raúl informed me that he had gotten a concussion at Uno’s. He had apparently hit his head on a brick wall or something. Not sure exactly how that happened, but I guess it’s one of the dangers of being so friggin’ tall. After he headed to the emergency room, I asked him if needed anything, and he seemed astonished that a girl that he just met would offer to help out when he was sick. I’m not sure it’s that remarkable, but he seemed to think it was.

Right off the bat, Raúl and I did our fair share of oversharing. At the time, it felt great. I was going through some stuff, so was he (someone close to him is very sick), and we seemed to really get each other. I was very fresh from the breakup with my ex fiancée, so it was just nice to have some male company. We texted and e-mailed nonstop (um, I went over my text messaging limit by almost 600 messages one month and had to change my plan!), and I started to think that Raúl was probably one of the funniest guys I’d ever met. We did discover, however, that we are exact opposites on almost everything. You name it – we disagreed on it.

We hung out several times, and always had a blast. He was the first guy I kissed after the ex fiancée, which was a good experience, but really weird. When it’s been years since you’ve had a first kiss, and you’ve spent seven years kissing one man, it almost feels like cheating to kiss another person. I felt like any moment I would be caught in the act or something. He also was my first ever dirty texting partner (sorry Mom for the TMI!) which is totally fun when you’ve had lots of wine to drink, but not so fun when you reread the messages the next day.

He spent the night once (not like that at all, just literally slept over. Sleeping was all that happened.), and it was pretty nice to sleep next to another person again. Except, he snored out of control. Which was funny, because I asked him if he snored before we went to sleep. He said no. Then, he snored like crazy all night. The next morning, I said, “You snored!” To which he responded, “I didn’t know I was going to sleep over! I would have brought my nasal strips or something!” Hmm. So he definitely lied to me about his snoring. Oddly enough, this tiny little lie bothered me. It didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but after what I’d been through the past month with the breakup and cancelling the wedding, it was a red flag.

After he slept over, I realized it was far more than I could handle at the time, emotionally that is. We decided to stay in the “friend zone” because I wasn’t really ready for much more. Well, that didn’t last too long (Remember the dirty texting? Kept happening. Hard to keep a friendship platonic when you are attracted to your friend and you basically just want them to come over to make out all the time!). Then, he came to a pool party at my house, and I finally admitted to myself I actually liked him. I had a little too much to drink, and my behavior was not exemplary.  It wasn’t the worst behavior ever, but I was definitely a clingy girl that night. I subsequently apologized, and he said that everything was cool. We planned to hang out later in the week.  

After the pool party, Raúl became distant. He gave me lines like he was afraid he was going to fall in love with me (and I wasn’t ready for that), and that’s why he was distancing himself. You gotta be kidding me with this, I know guys don’t say that stuff (and mean it)! In reality, he admitted weeks later that my behavior at the pool party was a little “psycho.” His word, not mine. I will admit it wasn’t the best behavior, but I’m confident that psycho behavior it was not.

Things with Raúl had definitely changed. I can almost pinpoint the day that it happened, when things stopped being fun and carefree. We were supposed to hang out on a Thursday. I texted him and asked what was up for that night. He didn’t respond. Hours later, he responded by saying he’d made other plans to meet another girl from Plenty Of Fish. I was basically being stood up. When he asked if I was mad about the girl from Plenty Of Fish, I said no, I was just over being the only one trying to hang out (I had tried to make plans with him several times, and he was always really distant and noncommittal). When he didn’t reply, I did something truly stupid: I texted him the following day. After saying the previous day I was over it. And, that’s when Raúl knew he could play games with me and it would be OK.

Next time, I’ll tell you the rest of the story.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 3, 2010 9:37 am

    Wow, great read. I unfortunately have nothing to add as I have never actually been on a formal first date.

    • August 3, 2010 8:23 pm

      Thanks for reading! No formal first date? That’s unfortunate. If you aren’t married already, I think you should definitely go on a first date sometime! Can’t beat the feeling of anticipation and adrenaline before the date or the stories you’ll be able to tell after – good and bad!

      • August 4, 2010 1:29 am

        I have a tendency to date girls that I already know. If I can convince some lady to go on one I will let you know how it goes.

        • August 4, 2010 1:32 am

          I know what you mean, I’ve been there before too. Please do! Would love to hear all about it. Where do you live? I’ll set ya up, haha.

  2. John permalink
    August 3, 2010 9:50 pm

    I don’t think this guy is worth the time you put into that post, Cat!

    Maybe he was just shopping 🙂

    • August 3, 2010 10:30 pm

      John, you may be right. Damn those endless shoppers! Tomorrow’s post about Raul is even longer, I gotta warn you. I’m not even really sure if he is the most important part, as much as what I learned from my experience with him about myself. And, it just feels good to finally write it and be done with it all!

  3. John permalink
    August 4, 2010 1:10 am

    i agree the liberation factor must be huge! Keep it up

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