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My Plenty of Fish Strategy, and a Fireman

August 29, 2010

Courtsey of Homies in Heaven

I’ve noticed recently that I dive into a good Plenty of Fish session in a very methodical way. First of all, I turn the TV down so I can concentrate. There’s nothing worse than a distracted online dater. Your head has to be in the game. This is serious business. Pick the wrong guy and you might end up like Natalee Holloway. I like to have a nice cold beverage nearby, and no sharp objects. Because some of these guys seriously make you want to slit your wrists (and by seriously, I do not mean that seriously in any way, shape or form. Just thought I’d clarify before the suicide prevention people come to get me.).

Since I turned off the e-mail notifications months ago due to their sheer volume, I never know exactly how many messages I will have to read. I like the thrill I get when I click on my inbox – yay, 14 new messages, or boo, only three messages. When I get just a few, I wonder if I’ve lost my online dating mojo. But trust, it all comes back by Friday when guys go nuts and start sending messages to every single girl on the site – presumably, setting up a date for the weekend. Cause they want to find love this weekend. Oh, and get laid.  

The day I wrote this blog entry, it was a good day. I had 14 new messages. Of those 14 messages, only about one to three were actually worth considering. And the rest? Some were so boring that I wouldn’t wish reading these messages on my worst enemy. But there were a few diamonds in the rough. They made me laugh. I will now share them with you. You’re welcome.    

Before I even read a message from a guy, I like to look at his profile first. Then, if I like them, their message is like a little gift. If I don’t like their profile, I know the message is going to be A: Terrible, like their profile or B: Interesting and thoughtful and make me feel like a jerk because I already wrote them off based on their profile. Online dating is fun.

After I see a bad profile, I proceed to read their message (cause I’m curious what they had to say) and delete it. Notice I did not say reply. I delete with no reply. I know, I’m an asshole. But what am I going to say? “Thanks for taking the time to write me, but I did not find you interesting or attractive enough to talk with you. Good luck in your future endeavors.” Are you kidding? Nope, I just don’t respond. Delete and move on.

Another reason I refuse to reply to every guy is that it is my worst nightmare to end up on the “WILL REPLY” list. Yes, there is a list of people on POF who are most likely to reply to a message. They likely reply to every single message that comes across their inbox. In my mind, these people have way too much time on their hands, and are not nearly discerning enough. I also feel sad for the poor souls who only e-mail people on the “WILL REPLY” list because people like me have ignored and deleted their e-mails for so long.  

So, back to the job at hand. Reviewing my messages – looking at the profile first, then the message. First guy said on his profile:

“I will sweep you off your feet with intelligent and funny conversations.”

Well, I was really feeling the rest of his profile (read: he was cute). I was really excited to read his message to me! I imagined it was going to be good! I opened it up, and all it said was:

“Hey honest gut here”

I figured he meant guy … as my profile indicates I want an honest guy. Nothing says sweeping me off my feet with intelligent and funny conversations like that message. Delete.

Next is this guy, not too cute but not so bad either, but who rambles on in his profile:

“Lets make this clear- If you think for one second that when/if we meet up I should be the one to empty my bank account on you, you are poorly mistaken and will be severely embarrassed when the time comes. I have no problems paying for dates, etc but I work hard and work harder for the things I have, I dont work so that you can spend my money too. You have a job, so spend yours how you so desire.”

So, he is cheap. He definitely will not pay for the date. In fact, he will likely “forget” his wallet on said date. Can’t wait for that one. Delete (and not because I’m not totally OK with paying for myself, but because this guy sounds like a jerk).

The next profile was pretty blah, I could have gone either way. It seemed somewhat familiar to me, like I’d read it before. Here’s his message:

“If you weren’t so far away Id love to take a chance to meet you. You seem very sweet/sincere and your smile could melt away the coldest winter. I haven’t read a profile like yours in awhile so I felt compelled to write.”

Let me introduce you the online dating form letter. As simple as “hey cutie” or “how are you doing tonight, beautiful?” to as complex as “your smile could melt away the coldest winter,” the form letter is an e-mail that a guy sends to multiple women. It does not mention the woman’s profile one bit, usually flatters her in some way to try to elicit a response, and if you wait long enough, the same guy will send you this message several times (because he sends so many he forgets who he already sent it to). I love a good form letter. My favorite part of the form letter is replying and calling the guy out:

“Wow, thank you for your kind words. Actually, you sent me this message about two months ago. Word for word. But I appreciate the sentiment. Hope it works on some other girls.”

Delete. Next profile. What he says:

“I am looking for someone who is a neat freak as I am not. I need that yin to my yang so to speak. I’m not a walking tornado but I usually have to be poked and prodded to clean. Just being honest.”

What he means:

“I’ve never grown up and I still expect someone to clean up after me. So I am not looking for a woman who believes in adults cleaning up after themselves, I am looking for a woman who will wait on me and hand and foot just like my mommy did.”

You guessed it. Delete.

This next profile requires no explanation. Just read and enjoy the craziness that is men on POF.

“Well I’m mostly looking for more friends. My gf and I are in an open relationship, though we do love each other dearly. That won’t change so I’m not leaving her. She’s open to me being with other women and her joining. But that’s jumping the gun lol. We’ll see after we get to know one another. Prefer friends first. Ok this thing is gay. I live in Richmond but when I put my zip code, it says Ampthill… No clue where that is! But when I put in Richmond it deletes the zip code… no wonder why I rarely use this site! ROFL

I’ve got a great personality, smart, fun, funny, and one of a kind lol. I’m also in a good mood/happy and I enjoy making people laugh. I can be an ass at times, and annoying but so can anyone.

Sexually, I’m pretty big. Too big for my gf actually lol. I tend to hurt her if I go all the way in. And I’m extremely hard to get off, so… well lets say when I lost my virginity, I went two hours and she couldn’t take anymore so I jerked off 😉 NEVER had a girl I couldn’t pleasure and get to orgasm. Usually the first guy that gets the girl there lol.”

God, I just want to marry that guy. Too bad he has a girlfriend. All the good ones are taken.

Next, a pretty hot fireman wrote me. Hmm. Remember that fireman is on my Hot Professions list? I got a little excited about this one. His profile was pretty decent, nothing too exciting, but I can live with that since he’s a fireman. His pictures were pretty hot … but, wait! Hold the phone. He has the dreaded shirt off in the bathroom mirror shot taken with a cell phone camera (a deal breaker for me). Damn it. What do I do now? Maybe his message will be good enough for me to overlook the six pack shot.

“Hey gorgeous how are you?”

Ugh. What a letdown. I was really hoping he would say something amazing to make up for the shirtless bathroom shot. DAMN IT! I had a full on fireman fantasy going. So I replied:

“I’m well. Here’s the thing. I have a strict no reply policy against people who have pictures on their profile that they took in the bathroom mirror, shirtless. And, I also don’t reply to people who don’t put any effort into their message to me, at least referencing one thing from my profile. Problem is you seem cute and I liked your profile. Here’s me asking you to give it one more shot…”

After I sent that message, I had to give up for the night. That was exhausting. You know what I need? An online dating assistant. Someone I can have comb through these messages for me and weed out the crazies. Put the crazies in a pile for the blog, remove the boring people and make another pile of the ones I might actually consider. That would make my life much easier.

Oh yeah, and Fireman wrote back. And it was a good message. This one might end up in a meeting after all! So, in case you are keeping tally:

14 total messages

13 deleted messages

1 reply (and I broke my own rules to allow myself to reply)

Online dating FAIL.

It’s not easy being this picky, folks.


51 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2010 3:29 am

    When it comes to dating, 1 out of 14 ain’t bad.

    Or maybe that’s just my gut being too honest…. :-p

    • August 30, 2010 9:54 am

      Haha, I guess I can live with one out of 14. But I had to break the rules to even write back one person :). Oh well….

      • August 30, 2010 11:48 am

        Bah. Rules are meant to be broken. 😉

        • August 30, 2010 12:21 pm

          Good point. I buy it. He’s sent some really good e-mails so far, so I’m happy I bent the rules a bit…

      • teejay permalink
        January 21, 2014 11:57 pm

        and you ONLY replied to him because of his looks because you are typical and shallow, especially considering he was the ONLY guy you’d give a second chance to…very unimpressive.

  2. amy permalink
    August 30, 2010 9:24 am

    I am marrying my very own fireman in june! Best of luck CG on your endeavors in the dating world!!!! Miss ya too!!!

    • August 30, 2010 9:53 am

      Thank you and congrats! Let me know if you have anyone you can hook me up with… LOVE hookups! haha 🙂

  3. Maggie Malam permalink
    August 30, 2010 10:36 am

    Are you active on any other sites? I prefer the OKCupid model to the POF model in just about every category comparable.

    Plus, now I have a boyfriend thanks to OKC! I’ve met 5 guys from the site, and this one, Steven, was the first one I really got excited about. Saturday night was our 5th date, and we decided we’re going to keep it casual and fun, but we’re going to be exclusive. He’s a little bit older than me, he’s got great taste in the same stuff that I like, and he’s got his shit together without needing to be in a relationship. Thanks, Internet!

    • August 30, 2010 12:35 pm

      I hardly gave OKCupid a try. I may have to get back on there. I only joined for a week, but didn’t put much work into setting up my profile or anything. I’m not using any of the paid sites right now, like Match or eHarmony – I’m not quite at the point where I want to pay to meet people 🙂

      Congrats on actually finding someone from online dating! I thought people like you were just urban legends. You hear about people who meet people online and end up in actual relationships, but I hardly know any in real life :). Hope it works out for you! I can’t wait to hear more!

  4. August 30, 2010 11:10 am

    “God, I just want to marry that guy. Too bad he has a girlfriend. All the good ones are taken.”

    Yes, yes, YES! Oh my god yes!

    Okay, I’m better now…

    And you’re right, it really isn’t easy being picky — especially when there is so much pressure to be paired up. Good luck with Fire Man.

    • August 30, 2010 12:39 pm

      Hahaha! I just reread that guy’s profile and I still can’t believe it. Wow is all I have to say. And I think it’s funny that is about the raciest content this blog is gonna see :). Thanks re: the fireman. He’s sent some pretty great messages since I pushed back, so we’ll see…

      • November 18, 2011 11:15 am

        I don’t understand how exagerations and dishonesty turn you both on? It is online dating, therefore anyone can say anything about themselves. Perhaps I am cynical, but I always question everything and never make assumptions that someone is honest until I’ve gotten to know them. Most guys on POF want to get laid, therefore they will post anything to accomplish this.

  5. mr. smith permalink
    August 30, 2010 11:18 am

    Too busy today to be bothered with forming complete thoughts. So here are the random thoughts on reading post:

    • Fireman is a ‘Hot’ profession…get it. geez.

    • Perhaps his shirts all burned up in a fire. Maybe…

    • If previous is true he may not be a very good fireman.

    • Perhaps he is a nudist and a photograph with pants was all he could must ethically.

    • Dating ‘shirtless guy’ will consist of constantly having to find a place that only has a ‘no shoes, no service’ policy. Think food cart downtown or drive-up window.

    • You told him you ‘liked his profile’ but earlier you said it was ‘pretty decent, nothing too exciting’… don’t you really mean you like his body and that is why you broke your rule? I kinda of think he was banking on his picture to do the work and you gave him an out.

    • And lastly….What was it I think I read on your blog somewhere “If people show you who they are…believe them the first time.” Or something like that.

    All the snark I have for now.

    • August 30, 2010 12:32 pm

      Mr. Smith, your comment made me laugh. Literally out loud. It was the reason LOL was invented. So thank you for that.

      You are right on … I lied to him. His profile was just OK at best. Pretty run-of-the-mill. Damn it, I’m human. He was hot. I didn’t find the shirtless picture that hot (he did have a nice body though), I found the normal clothed pictures on his profile hot. And at the end of the day, he’s a fireman. He could save me someday. Just like women want to change men (ie fix them), women want to be saved. So I threw him a bone and told him that I liked it. You also make a good point. I wonder if he knew he was hot and therefore had to do no work?

      And you can’t quote me to me to prove I’m wrong! This blog thing isn’t turning out like I’d hoped…. hahaha jk. Thanks for commenting.

      • teejay permalink
        January 22, 2014 12:08 am

        of course he knows he is hot and does not have to work at it. Basically what this describes (this blog) is what i have concluded using pure logic. Attractive looking women will NOT give an average looking guy a chance, regardless of character traits, social skills, sense of humor or any of the other jazz they say is so attractive in a man. They are just like us guys, and go on LOOKS. Thank you for proving my point to me again for further verification. It is always more comfortable to believe that women are less shallow…I guess February is coming up and I’m getting the Valentine’s Day blues early…good luck with Fireman guy;)

  6. August 30, 2010 4:35 pm

    Great post – I really like reading about the amusingly bad messages and profiles as well as the promising prospects!

    I do know a few people in real life who have met their partnrs through online dating, so apparently it can work. I hope to try it again myself some day.

    • August 30, 2010 4:49 pm

      Thanks, Matt! I also weirdly enjoy the crazies. You should try it again SOON – and definitely blog about it. I want to hear a guy’s point of view about what he looks for in an online dating profile! 🙂

      • teejay permalink
        January 22, 2014 12:11 am

        Just like you, we look at the photo first, then go from there…and forgive lame profiles and messages if the girl is hot. Of course if we are not hot, we do not get messages from girls who are…nature rules.

  7. August 30, 2010 4:46 pm

    (Sorry if I just double-posted – I wrote a reply and it seemed to get lost so I wrote it again and still can’t see it! I’ll stop now before it ends up like that scene in the film Swingers.)

    • August 30, 2010 4:48 pm

      Haha, sorry, it somehow got stuck in the spam filter. I got it out for ya 🙂

    • August 30, 2010 4:48 pm

      Gah – now that message has appeared! Was just going to say: great post – I like reading about amusingly bad messages as well as promising prospects. And I do know a few people in real life who have met their partners through online dating, so it does work out sometimes.

  8. Aunt Patty permalink
    August 30, 2010 7:45 pm

    Assistant on-line dating prof reader sounds fun! where do I apply?

  9. August 30, 2010 9:58 pm

    Wow… 14 messages. Maybe I need you to revamp my profile for me. Or I just need to actually log into the dating sites once in a while.

    While the crazies are fun, I get sick of them and just want a normal one. Just one… all I need is one.

    Aunt Patty…. you can be my assistant for online dating too, we can share you.

  10. August 31, 2010 3:47 am

    I really enjoyed this post! Very funny.

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  11. September 5, 2010 5:45 pm

    Great post. Internet dating is hard. I have written a few blog posts like this. Guys say the stupidist things when trying to “win over girls” while Internet dating. You can’t help but to share all the silly stuff they say!

    -International Woman of Mystery
    http://www.womaninternational.blogspot.com

    • September 7, 2010 10:20 am

      Internet dating is definitely super hard. I think, however, that guys say stupid things when they are trying to a win over a girl in general – Internet dating or IRL! 🙂 Can’t wait to check out your posts about Internet dating. Thanks for reading/commenting!

      • teejay permalink
        January 22, 2014 12:20 am

        internet dating is a piece of cake for you…you just don’t want to date 90% of men out there…oh, gee, you have it solo hard…hold on while I get my box of Kleenex out…

        • teejay permalink
          January 22, 2014 12:22 am

          i wrote ‘sooo hard’ not ‘solo hard’ … well, maybe your Fireman when he’s alone…

  12. Mike permalink
    November 28, 2010 3:06 pm

    You are callous and abusive towards men, as are many of your commenters.

    You are a hypocrite by your own admission, and are a female chauvanist pig.

    ~~~~~

    Just before clicking “Post Comment”, I noticed “Fight with Fireman” in the bottom right corner.

    Suffice to say, “Told you so” came right to mind and a roll of the eyes ensued. I /had/ to read that one before capping off this comment.

    Allow me to make this observation: You, and everyone else in that thread had such a fun time mockingly using “pet names” for each other, which perfectly illustrates the self-righteous dual-standard in your mindset:

    You can do and say and be casually whatever you want, because you want to. But “The Guy” must tiptoe around every unspoken contradictory rule and red flag or he’s toast.

    And you just /KNEW/ he was no good, didn’t you?!

    Let a man be the one to finally uncover your clouded eyes: he called you babe to let you know he was interested; to enhance your confidence, which evidently is lacking.

    He wanted to qualify your appearance because he’s been mislead so many times in the past. Myspace angles, old pictures, etc. It sounds to me like he was clumsily trying to be polite.

    Furthermore, you messaged him because he was hot. Hypocrisy, prima facie.

    ~~~~~

    Deleting this comment will not “protect” you. Posting it will not “display higher status”. It is my opinion either way.

    Best thing to do is to /consider/ it and stop asking the internet to make your love-life decisions for you.

    There is no question; you have /already/ exploited Fireman — and we all know you’re going to sleep with him. If not infact, in fantasy.

    I wasn’t surprised that you immediately thought of the literary potential of your ‘possible maybe we’ll see’ selfish encounter with him; merely surprised that you SAID so!

    • November 30, 2010 4:49 pm

      Mike,
      I’m sorry that you seem to think that you understand women so well. Let me be the one to give you the memo: You do not.

      Many women DO NOT like to be called pet names by people they hardly know. Especially when a man is using it because they simply can’t be bothered to learn a real name.
      Women DO NOT like to be asked repeatedly what their body looks like, including measurements and the such. LOOK AT A PICTURE. TAKE A CHANCE. That’s what women do with men. I don’t repeatedly ask men if they REALLY look like their picture. It’s online dating. It’s not rocket science. This is the risk you take. GET OVER IT.

      And since when am I not allowed to have any opinion on what bothers me? If it bothers me that he called me babe and kept asking about my body – that’s my God-given right. Then, he’s not the guy I need to be with. If you REALLY read this post, you would understand that what was so bothersome was that when I asked him to stop calling me that, he picked a fight. A respectable man would have been respectful of what bothered me and STOPPED. That’s the appropriate way to treat women.

      We all know I’m going to sleep with Fireman? How do you explain that I’ve never met him and we longer talk? Oh, I forgot. You must think I’m a slut. My fault. No, I have no intention of sleeping with or even meeting Fireman. He seems like a dick. As do you.

      I am the first to admit my faults. I am the first to say that I continued to talk with him because he was hot. Good call on calling me hypocritical, but because, um, didn’t I do so myself? How about you reread my posts to see the sarcasm. To see the self-deprecating humor. I don’t claim to be anything particularly awesome. I call it like I see it. I’m not perfect. But, almost anyone I know (and most people that read this blog) will admit that I am nothing if not self-aware. So while I appreciate your concern for my self-development and well-being, I think perhaps you should look in the mirror a bit. If you can handle it.

      In case you didn’t get the memo: Life is not so serious. I found humor in the situation in which I was in. It seems to me you could use a little more humor in your life.

      And in case you are wondering, I posted your comment because I don’t censor people. I take the good and the bad comments. But, there is a difference between being disrespectful and unnecessarily rude and being honest. Seems to be you don’t really know this line. And to be honest, this is the first comment I read from you on your little comment rant from Sunday, and I actually agreed with some of your points. This comment didn’t annoy me that much, at first. But as I read through your other comments, it seems you have a personal vengeance against me that doesn’t make much sense at all. Unless you seem to think you personally know me. Even that doesn’t make much sense.

      I think it’s time for you to put your big boy pants on and grow some. I wish you the luck in your dating efforts, because frankly, I imagine you’ll need them.

  13. Moorest permalink
    September 6, 2011 10:34 pm

    All I got from this blog is that if she finds you hot enough, you can get away with saying almost anything in your message.

    Online dating is hard for women? It’s twice as hard for men. Want to know why guys use form letters and two word messages? Because we must write TONS of messages in order to get a decent number of replies. You think you need an assistant? Writing a message that women will want to reply to takes at least 10 minutes PER message. Multiply that by the 50 per week required to get 10 messages back and you’d probably have to quit your job to make the time… and by then you’d be broke and women would certainly NOT date you then. You see 14 messages in a week? Most guys get messaged first once per year! Imagine that! You would probably kill yourself. But that is the reality for most men on these dating sites.

    I’ve gotten a girlfriend and a casual situation out of online dating, but this is over a span of several months per woman. When you consider the ammount of effort required vs. what I got out of it in return, I find that online dating is highly INefficient. I find that it is WAAY easier to find a date in the bar and club scene than it is to find one online. Most women that I’ve been with I’ve met in a bar or club. And yes, I’ve hooked up with women that would make any man break his neck, and I’ve even been approached on the street! (hooked up with her too) So in case you think i’m probably just some slouch looking guy, check my resume! Just my analysis on online dating.

    -Moorest

    • September 10, 2011 1:44 pm

      Moorest,
      Thanks for the guy’s perspective. You are right – it’s hard for men too on online dating. I’m not sure it’s harder for men than women. It seems men have to do more up front work, but women have to do more work weeding through the men and trying to find someone who isn’t trying to just sleep with her. I see the benefits of online dating, especially if you aren’t into the bar scene. Wish there were some way to make it all easier though 🙂

      • November 18, 2011 11:12 am

        Online dating is inefficient, time consuming and sites like POF attract a large populous and especially with characteristics of the wrong type. The competing sexual desires between the sexes is hightened as the non-serious men use the site to try to get laid which makes it that much more grueling for both the serious guy and the women. Afterall, it is free.

        The club/bar scene is not much better either. Odds are stacked against you for meeting someone for anything beyond a one night stand. Do you really think the scene is designed to meet your life partner through dark venues, loud music and introxication?

        There are other options which people overlook. The best avenue is exploring your interests and meeting people through social settings around them, thus you already have something to connect upon. I would argue that I have had more success by approaching random girls when she least expects it, such as starting up coversation in an elevator, coffee shop, in line ups, etc. The contrast from the clubs/bars is that a girl will not be all dolled up, looking her best, high confidence and expecting 100s of guys to approach them, thus you get her attention!

        • teejay permalink
          January 22, 2014 12:30 am

          have you met any quality women that way? Because i am hereby DONE with ‘online dating’ and the bar scene. Also, I hope you are being yourself and not one of these pua/rsd guys using ‘game’.

  14. December 24, 2011 2:52 pm

    I can definitely understand where your coming from moorest. I’ve sent out a lot of messages to different girls I’ve found attractive and somewhat interesting and only get a reply 1/10. I have yet to send out one of the “form” messages and it gets time consuming thinking of witty things to say to each individual when you know they are just “weeding” through your message. However I have met 3 women from online dating, all of them were nothing like they described themselves (in personality and in looks differing from their photos) and somewhat crazy haha.. I have found online dating mostly a waste of time and usually only amusing for me when I don’t feel like going out to a bar (where my chances are usually 50/50 haha) but overall I thought the post was entertaining and funny seeing a women’s perspective of online dating. Thanks for sharing it.

    • December 29, 2011 11:38 pm

      Thanks, SoCal. Much of this was my attempt at being funny – trying to take the sometimes grueling experience of online dating and have some fun with it. I’ve obviously offended a few people, but this was mostly in jest :). I’m glad you found it enjoyable. Good luck to you!!

  15. Meddugi permalink
    January 15, 2013 3:28 pm

    Dear Online Dater,

    You have said absolutely nothing intelligent on this topic; and offered nothing but a diatribe that would raise the eyebrows of any reasonably intelligent person. It’s ironic that you would argue that people courteous enough to reply back to all of their messages have too much time on their hands. Only a sloth or someone who relishes the thought of smelling her next fart could actually take the time to post such a well written blog about the type of men that are not worth her “precious time”. I would suggest to you, Madam, that you are nothing more than the quintessentially stuck-up blogger shouting into the echo chamber or morons – which I, myself, have embarrassingly stumbled into. And in the same way in which you assume online daters to be perverts, penny pinchers, and man-children, it is easy enought to do in kind and assume that you are a golddigger and a judgmental shrew. Let me point out the ways in which your subjective assumtions support exactly what I mean.

    Firstly, your assumptions of people are so damn one sided and hypocritical. For instance, you attack a man who is quite plausibly fed up with being expected to cater to financially capable women. You infer that by merely stating his caveat for dating makes him cheap. Did you not consider how easy it is to look at it from the other side and suggest that your inference paints you as the gold digger that online daters dread and detest? Please… do you actually think that his post makes him likely to “forget his wallet”? He’s just as likely had a string of girlfriends who have taken advantage of his lucrative job. I, in fact, have had two of those. You say that his post makes him seem like a jerk. Perhaps you ought to look-up the definition of hypocrisy.

    Secondly, your ability to read into people’s shortcomings and blow them out of proportion shows nothing more than your own personal preferences and your pomposity. Sure, you may not be old fashioned in that you don’t want to pick up after your man; and I grant that the dater to which you refer stated to wanting that type of woman. But once again, any critical thinker should reverse the roles. In finding a woman old fashioned enough to want a man to do the things that she just won’t, like fix the backed up toilet, one has about as much cause to infer that she is a daddy’s princess as you have for inferring that the said dater is a momma’s boy. Nobody is going to be a perfect catch, but to call somebody less grown up because they don’t live exactly the way that you do is about as offensive as it is moronic.

    Lastly, your online dating strategy for finding a committed relationship is really about as senseless as one could get – at least for a woman of your shallow character. You delete the messages that you find to be indicative of poor character, thereby precluding them of any chance to show you what redeeming features they may actually have. So initially, it would seem that you would only reply to men with a perfect record (nothing that you would consider as a blemish). But when there is a blemish, you’ll give them a second shot because of considerations as superficial as the job they work. The irony is that such is the factor that led to reading something worthwhile that Mr. Frifefighter DID have to say (meanwhile, all the worthwhile discoveries of your perverts, penny punchers, and momma’s boys have gone unnoticed). So much for consistency.

    In conclusion, your very Internet communications fuel the fires of mysogeny. Luckily, men who aren’t women haters recognize that your close-mindedness and pomposity doesn’t represent the thinking of all women. It’s not that all the good guys are taken; but instead, a good chunk of the good guys don’t get your time of day. And for the not so good ones, well fuck those, losers eh? Yet for the good ones that do get your time of day, why would they want you? Who needs the potentially lifelong pressure of having to measure up to someone who finds faults with such a fine tooth comb, assumes the worst in people, and ironically puts herself on a pedastle for doing so?! If I weren’t trying to improve who I am as a person, I’d have a lot nastier things to say to you.

  16. Meddugi permalink
    January 15, 2013 3:54 pm

    Ah! Deleted! The maturity of a censor…

    • January 15, 2013 4:40 pm

      No censorship here, I just happen to have a full time job, so I can’t wait anxiously to approve every comment that comes through. By the way, this full time job supports me, and I don’t rely on any man, ever, to support, therefore your thesis of me being a gold digger is pretty off base. Thanks for your perspective. It seems to me that you missed the entire point of this post – humor and sarcasm. Making fun of the ridiculousness of online dating. And I am clearly making fun of myself for my own preconceptions of men online. But I appreciate your perspective and will work on my hypocritical, pompous and shallow nature. It may take me a while, though, because I’m clearly an awful human being who doesn’t deserve to live. Perhaps you could read a few more posts on my blog to get a full picture of who I am and what I stand for. BUT – instead – you take one piece of writing and make an entire character assessment. That’s a little – well, hypocritical, pompous and shallow of you isn’t it? What if I read just your one comment and made an entire character assessment? Would I would find is you are a good writer, and know lots of words for putting someone down. Beyond that, might I miss other pieces of your personality? Your humor? Your good nature? Your generousity? It’s a little dangerous for you to claim I’m being pretentious and making assumptions about people, when you have done the same exact thing to me.

      If everyone were to have your perspective on these kinds of writing, there would be no humor, no sarcasm, no funny stories at all in the world. It may be a less shallow place, but I can’t imagine it being that fun, funny or interesting. Just saying.

      • Meddugi permalink
        January 19, 2013 8:02 pm

        Ah, this is the world of dating, love, and romance, isn’t it? I shit on you; you shit on me; men shit on women; and women shit on men. We’re just a bunch of humans shitting on each other: misjudging our own worth, deriding those we consider unattractive, cheating with those we do consider attractive, breaking up without remorse, and blaming (rather than trying to understand) the oposite gender for our frustrations and misgivings about dating and sex.

        Yes, there’s a lot of negativity when it comes to the birds and the bees. But this is why some seem to be turned off by your post. I think that you perpetuate this negativity by deriding men who build up the confidence to reach out to you.

        You may meant to have wrote the post in jest. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt in thinking that you wanted to come across as witty. Yet frankly, I don’t think that anyone found it funny because I don’t think people thought that you were joking. Instead, I think that most would read what you wrote as a rant, a journal entry as to how you feel about your online suitors, a confession as to how highly you think about yourself.

        I will admit, however, that there is one nail that you hit right on the head. I have judged you based on one thing that you wrote, whereas I had complained about you judging others for the one thing that each dater wrote to you. Hypocrisy on my part indeed. So now I’ll invite you to describe yourself in express terms and show how I have misjudged you.

        Was I wrong in describing you as judgmental, conceited, and hypocritical? Do you give the kind and genuinely good-natured guys a second look; or do they have to be a perfect 10 with a job that you call sexy? When not online, do you rudely dismiss and then scoff at men who approach you; or do you truthfully explain what your type is?

        I had thought that perhaps women are just more dismissive online then they are in face-to-face interaction, but a night on the bar scene isn’t much better. Self-entitled little cunts who wear miniscirts in -10C weather walk right past you as you say hello, shout profanities at groups of other women, and somehow always have a drink in their hand without ever approaching the bar. Hmm… seems like Plenty of Fish girls to me.

        • January 19, 2013 11:04 pm

          When you mention these “genuinely good-natured guys,” you’re not referring to yourself, right? Cuz you sound like a bitter asshole.

      • Meddugi permalink
        January 19, 2013 11:10 pm

        And I will add that I have recently read a few of your other posts, but I will not read them all. Much of what I read about your red flags and NASCAR posts confirmed what I said before, and the one about sex castes you in a slightly more favorable light. Not trying to convince you that you should care about what I think of you; but I’m JUST SAYING that I still consider you a POF princess.

        • January 22, 2013 6:46 pm

          Meddugi, I thought the original post was funny. And I must say, I think Catherine was far too kind to allow your hateful posts on her blog. I agree wholeheartedly with Dennis. You are a cruel, hateful dude. And (If you are heterosexual and single) I think I know why you are single — you hate women. How is that working out for you? Keeping you angry and unhappy? I see. Well, maybe you should stop hating people!

        • Meddugi permalink
          February 2, 2013 8:11 pm

          Crystal,

          One thing that I will say about Catherine is that at least she has the backbone and intellectual honesty to allow on her blog dissenting opinions that she considers offensive.

          Now, since you made this thread about me, I’ll explain where I’m coming from. I don’t hate women per se. What I hate that from the time I knew what sex was, I was brought up to believe that men have this huge upper hand over women in life; and it wasn’t until my 20s that I really thought about the totally unfair power disparity in women’s favor. That disparity is this: men are disposable.

          As soon as a boy is old enough to walk, he’s told “toughen up princess” when he falls. He is told that his emotions and insecurities don’t even matter. He’s trained to fix a bayonet to a rife and sprint accross a minefield into enemy fire. He’s so damn disposable that he is expected to resign himself to an icy fate and give up his seat in the lifeboat so that a woman can live simply because she is a woman.

          He is expected to be slapped in the face by a woman without slapping back. And that’s a good metaphore for this blog.

          It is this very standard that allows Catherine to be empowered in sharing her desires for firemen, all the while deriding POF men for sharing their desires for threesomes. People often complain that women are viewed as sex toys. Well if women are sex toys to men, then men are appliances to women. They have always been expected to be providers and protectors – big, confident, charismatic, admired, and only as desirable as what they do.

          What does Catherine do with appliances that aren’t the best model? She sends them to the dump. At least that’s the way she talks about them. They’re so worthless to her that they don’t even deserve a reply… they’re humerously below what’s acceptable to her… they’re humorously below what she needs… they’re DISPOSABLE. This is why it wasn’t funny.

          If I were to write about how I lament the POF messages I get from fat women, would it be considered funny? Or would I be considered a shallow chauvinist pig – so insensitive to the emotions of the women brave enough to reach out to me? Would I be accused of viewing human beings as garbage? I’m sick of this sick double standard. And you know what? I could probably write that well enough to make people laugh. Yet it would be callous. It would bring a lot of women a lot of second thoughts for thinking that they are worthy of a man’s affection.

          It’s ironic that I’m the one who is being called cruel here.

          If Catherine wants to exercise her freedom of expression to bitch about how 99% of POF males aren’t worth her precious time, I’m going to point out the unfair double-standard that it’s supporting.

  17. Christy permalink
    January 22, 2013 3:17 am

    Hi Catherine,

    I have been reading through your blog and love it! I am starting to read it from the beginning. I am currently in a difficult relationship which may be coming to an end. I feel very happy that you are making it through after ending a long term relationship and hope that I could do the same if the time came.

    I thought I would let you know that three of my best friends are getting married this year, all to men they met online (on RSVP in Australia). All three guys are really lovely so it gives me hope that if I ever want to try online dating, there are good guys out there. I hope it gives you hope too!

    Thank you for your blog. Don’t worry about deleting guys you aren’t interested in. Why waste your time on someone who can’t even write a decent message?!

    Cheers!
    Christy

    • crap shoot permalink
      June 26, 2013 9:19 pm

      I know this goes against you women’s strict selection process, but if you like how a guy looks, and you like his profile, but he sends you a “hi” or “hey what’s up?” Or “how’s it going?” Why don’t you try replying anyway? All I hear you ladies whine about is how you have to sift through hundreds of messages but you can’t seem to meet a decent guy. I’d be willing to bet a years wages that you could have been happily married with children by now if you would just… wait for it… actually give people a chance. News flash, you’re passing up probably hundreds of decent guys, just because they don’t produce fireworks in the first message doesn’t mean they won’t produce fireworks later on.

Trackbacks

  1. Catherine’s Dating Resume « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  2. Plenty of Princesses: Failing (Royally) « Plenty of Fish Really Sucks

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