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Fight with Fireman

August 31, 2010

Why is it the minute you start liking a guy or getting excited about them, they become a shadeball? I mean really, could you at least let me enjoy the possibility of you for one week before you show your true colors? Let me explain.

Last night, I was checking my messages on Plenty of Fish. I was getting quite excited about Fireman, and saw that I had a message from him (check out the end of yesterday’s post to learn more about Fireman). As I was reading said message (which was well written and funny), an instant message came through. From Fireman. I was game, and accepted the message.

We began to talk about random stuff, and it became clear to me that I was responsible for keeping the conversation going. I was going to have to suggest topics and provide pretty much all the comic relief in the conversation. That’s okay, I’m used to having that role, considering I’m quite the extrovert.

Unrelated, but at the same time, Raúl sent me an instant message. He began asking me why I think he’s such a jerk. Like he literally wanted to know why I thought he was the way he was (I considered just asking him to read the blog, but thought better of it). And he began to tell me that he realizes he acts selfishly at times, and it’s something he’s working on, and that he would like my friendship back. Do you hear that sound? That’s me getting sucked back in. But I digress.

Fireman and I are having an OK conversation. Nothing thrilling, but I definitely need to keep reminding myself of just how hot he is. Then the red flags start popping up everywhere:

  • He called me babe. Repeatedly.
  • He asked me if I have any more pictures. Guys, I have like five pictures on my profile. They make it very clear what I look like. Granted, I’m missing the half-naked in the bathroom mirror cell phone shot, so you can’t tell exactly what kind of body I have, but I think my pictures give a good sense of what I look like. I told Fireman to trust me: I look like I do in the pictures, and no I don’t plan on sending more at this time.
  • He asked me to describe my body. And then noted he was not a perv, just curious. Seems to me that he’s a little intent on finding out about my body. Maybe this is normal? Here I thought we were having small chat, now I’m expected to explain to him my waist to hip to boob ratio?
  • He called me babe again. I know I mentioned this already, but come on. I don’t even know you. People who have dated me for months cannot call me babe. It creeps me out.

After about 15 minutes of conversation, I became bored and slightly annoyed. I told him that I was heading to bed and it was nice chatting. He responded with:

“Goodnight, babe. Here’s my cell phone number if you want to text sometime.”

I was feeling slightly feisty and responded with:

“I will text you if you promise to stop calling me babe :). Sorry, just can’t stand pet names.”

At this point, Fireman got pissed. Cue an innocent IM message turning into an all-out argument. During the argument, Fireman proceeded to call me harsh and mouthy.

I haven’t been called mouthy since middle school. It was pretty funny.

He mentioned that I was also mouthy on my first message back to him several days ago (see toward the end of yesterday’s post). Which is particularly funny to me, because in his response to that message, he said that he admired my bluntness and enjoyed a challenge. Apparently he doesn’t enjoy a challenge THAT much, because I have clearly pissed this guy off.

I found this instant message fight wildly amusing. I mean seriously, who fights in online dating? Just me, I guess. I’m a bitch. But I’m loveable and most people get my humor. I told him I was sorry if I offended him, I was just being up front. I was trying to look out for him, every time he called me babe I got more and more annoyed, so instead of letting it get to me, why not just be honest?

The general conclusion at the end of our fight (aw, we had our first fight and we haven’t even met!) was that I should be nicer, and he should chill out. And if he chills out, I’ll be nicer. I know, crazy.  

So here’s my question for you all: Should I continue to talk with Fireman? Remember, he’s hot. Haha. Besides that, part of me likes a challenge and I kind of like that he didn’t let me just walk all over him. But, I could have lived without being called mouthy. In both of our defense however, a lot of tone and intent can be lost when talking with someone on the Internet, so it’s possible this fight never would have happened if we were on the phone. Speaking of which, my gut tells me to not immediately meet this guy, but to move this to a phone conversation and see what happens. Besides the fight, the ongoing questions for pics and descriptions of my body weirded me out a bit.

Tell me in the comments what you think! Should I put the Year of Yes on hold for this one, or forge ahead? He’s hot, a challenge and will likely make a great story for the blog. He also could be a complete jerk who will text me asking for dirty pictures and call me mouthy on a regular basis. Oh, the decisions …


41 Comments leave one →
  1. Don permalink
    August 31, 2010 10:40 am

    If you have to ask…In all seriousness this guy just seems like a jerk. You haven’t met and he is already being rude to you. Let this one back into the pond!

    • August 31, 2010 10:50 am

      Thanks for your advice :). Part of me wants to write him off, but then part of me thinks I could have been a little nicer. I was being humorous, but he totally missed the memo. So partially it’s my fault too – maybe he’s sitting here thinking I’m rude? Yeah, probably gonna have to throw this one back in the pond…

      • Don permalink
        August 31, 2010 10:52 am

        It just seems like you won’t click. If you have to carry the conversation and he doesn’t get your humor then it’s destined to fail long term.

        • August 31, 2010 11:59 am

          Blah, good point. But what if I push forward – because quitters never prosper? But wait, maybe I can change him?? Women are REALLY good at changing men. hahahaha jk. I know you are right. No more Fireman for me, likely.

  2. August 31, 2010 10:44 am

    Personally, I would be d.u.n. Done. If you have even met and you are basically at strike three (1. bathroom cell phone shot 2. calling you babe 3. creeping you out with questions about your body). I dont think I would be able to stomach going forward.

    Unless of course you just want to play with that hot body… then, play away, have fun and no worries!

    • August 31, 2010 10:51 am

      Good point on the three strikes, I didn’t even realize that. How did he hit three strikes so quickly? Must be a new record.

      Hmmmmm you ask an interesting question. Do I want to just play with that hot body? That sounds pretty tempting. LOL, I’m going to have to think on this one!

      • August 31, 2010 11:03 am

        I think asking you for more picks and to describe your body screams shallow and uninterested in a serious relationship. (So does a bathroom mirror “look how hot my abs are” picture.”)

        So the only option with this guy may be f-buddy. If you can keep him out of your heart while he’s inside your…um, bed…then I say have a fireman adventure.

        After my adventures in this vein over the past few years I would recommend any woman who doesn’t have religious qualms about it to take a lover. Maybe several. And ideally use the experience to experiment and explore sexually.

        However, finding a good lover is really almost as hard as finding a boyfriend so it might has the potential to feel like wasted effort if what you really want is a relationship.

        • August 31, 2010 12:12 pm

          What’s funny is that I am A-OK with him not wanting a serious relationship (I don’t either) but it would have been nice if he tried to get to know me a bit better before requesting more pics and descriptions of my body. Seems a little forward and presumptuous.

          Hmm, a f-buddy fireman adventure could be fun for sure, and I’ve been definitely looking for a good fling as of late. Only trouble is I would have a hard time taking a man as my lover (or my gentleman caller, LOL), if I felt like he had no respect for women. So that’s a slight problem. One that I could overcome with some convincing and alcohol, perhaps. 🙂

          But I agree with you completely, taking a lover can do wonders for a woman’s sexual repertoire. I wish society was more accepting of such behavior, however. We all know the old argument that when a woman does it, she’s a ho, but when a guy does it, he’s sexually experienced. Which obviously is total BS. Either way, it’s a possibility I will consider. Unless my mom asks. And then I’m a virgin. Haha

  3. Jenn permalink
    August 31, 2010 10:55 am

    I think my biggest issue with the conversation would be the lack of respect – if you don’t want to be called babe, and you’re upfront about it, he should accept that, not start an IM fight. There would be too many red flags for me to ever want to meet this guy in person if I were in your shoes.

    • August 31, 2010 12:03 pm

      You’re right, thanks for the comment. A guy I would really hit it off with would probably have been like, wow, sorry didn’t mean to offend you. He was totally clueless that a woman might not appreciate being called babe on first conversation (if ever!). He seemed bothered that I would make such a request. So, I guess next. Onward and upward.

  4. mr. smith permalink
    August 31, 2010 11:38 am

    Hey there Honey.

    So Fireman got a little ‘hot’ under the collar…oh wait…he doesn’t have a collar or a shirt.

    Who knew Fireman (the guy with a shirtless photo on his profile who emailed one line that said “Hey gorgeous…”) would ever call a woman ‘babe’. That is soooooo weird. Perhaps you can migrate him to sweety or honey and then eventually your own name. Maybe he works in steps to delay becoming attached to quickly.

    And sooooo weird that guy with shirtless photo would ask what you are wearing or describe your body since he isn’t into his own body at all.

    He seemed to start off with such promise. I mean he looked hot right? So how could he be a jerk?

    And to be fair he carries stuff all day at work…hoses, ladders, other people…I don’t see why he should have to carry the conversation too.

    Perhaps you should meet him…I suggest Hooters for your first date. That way he can call the waitress ‘babe’ and deflect some of the ‘babe’y talk from you.

    So of course I would totally meet this guy. I mean personal safety and standards aside.

    I will give you a moment to grab towel to wipe up the dripping sarcasm from that statement.

    In closing, I again refer to your earlier statement …”When someone shows you who they are the first time….believe them.”

    All for now.

    Later babe.

    • August 31, 2010 11:57 am

      LOL. Your comment is hilarious. Every single point has been duly noted. Damn it, why do you have to be so right? Guess that’s why you are now my dating guru…. haha!

      Really, this is my fault. The warning signs were all there (as you have so accurately pointed out). I’m just a sucker for a good looking man, so I gave it a shot anyway. I agree, Hooters would be an incredible first date with this guy. He might even smack the ass of the waitress. Now that would be fun.

      In closing, damn you again for using my own words against me. And I know you are right. Will I listen? That’s the million dollar question.

  5. August 31, 2010 12:41 pm

    Methinks it’s time to quote my favorite demotivational poster:

    “If you’re attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.”

    http://despair.com/beauty.html

  6. duke1959 permalink
    August 31, 2010 1:07 pm

    He needs to learn the word no! Why waste your time with him? And besides you can send those pictures to me! Ha~ Just don’t let my wife,Pastor, sister etc. see them or I know exactly where you can find me. On a hill in the ground and my name on top of it.

    • August 31, 2010 1:28 pm

      Haha. I don’t think I want to mess with your wife, pastor or sister, so no worries here! 🙂

  7. duke1959 permalink
    August 31, 2010 1:35 pm

    Of the 3 my sister is the one that we don’t want upset. My wife can throw me out. My Pastor can inform me of the place I will spend enternity. My sister has none of those things. She can just attack! My sister woke me up early one morning all upset about the boys she was dating. My advice was this ” as long as you date boys and not men you will be putting up with this nonsense”. You are right about slang names. In the south terms like sweetheart are used but it is more of a cultural norm. My final advice. Date Men and Not Boys!

    • August 31, 2010 1:49 pm

      Noted: Date Men and Not Boys. You are right on!
      PS: I will stay far away from your sister, no worries there 🙂

  8. Chad permalink
    August 31, 2010 1:36 pm

    I say, keep corresponding with him for a while. It will become obvious sooner rather than later if you should meet. you don’t have to make the decision right now. you can put him off for a little while and gather more info.

    • August 31, 2010 1:48 pm

      Ha, Chad. You are the lone person who wants me to stick it out about. I like that! Dare to be different. Thanks for your comment and advice.

  9. August 31, 2010 3:38 pm

    Sounds like he’d fit the bill for “short-term fun with no long-term potential and hence less risk of developing unwanted attachment” – if he can just stop being a dumb-ass for a while! I think you’ll give him another chance to be a fun distraction but he’ll have to manage to stop coming across as a jerk – not sure whether he’ll succeed.

    • August 31, 2010 9:21 pm

      I think you may be right. He seemed to have such great potential for the casual dating I was hoping for, but he seriously has got to stop being a jerk before I can get on board with that! We’ll see…I think I’m gonna leave it up to him to write me back. If he does, we’ll go from there.

  10. August 31, 2010 5:45 pm

    This guy is the whole reason we have to have rules about not replying to guys with the shirtless, bathroom, camera-phone pic! He’s done. You can find a hot guy who’s not such a d-bag.

    Too bad though. Firemen are hot.

    • August 31, 2010 9:27 pm

      Haha, exactly. Now I feel like my rule against responding to these types of guys is valid. Truly, I should blame myself. Should not have lowered my standards :). Next time I’ll hopefully know better. In the meantime, I should prob focus on getting this fireman fantasy out of my head… Haha

  11. Millie Turner (Mom) permalink
    August 31, 2010 6:00 pm

    to funny told ya about those guys when will you listen to your Mom along with your Blog buddies..

  12. Millie Turner (Mom) permalink
    August 31, 2010 6:13 pm

    Oh ya and give that SPO a text 🙂

  13. Ramon permalink
    August 31, 2010 11:49 pm

    Oh what the hell give it a shot!! Besides what do u have to loose?? other than time if it doesnt work out. Just curious what ever happen to MR CHEF??

    • August 31, 2010 11:53 pm

      Haha, I like your attitude Ramon. All I’ve got is time, really.
      Mr. Chef ….. that’s a story for another day. Still seeing each other though (as of today that is haha).

  14. Ghetto_Philosopher permalink
    September 1, 2010 4:54 am

    Catherine,

    The real reason why women are not as immune to flings as men are, is something like this post. Women almost can never seperate the physical from the emotional. I know what a guy would do in this situation and then, there’s you haha. I’d say run as fast as you can in the other direction. If you don’t then permit me to make a prediction; in a few weeks, you’ll be putting up a post that sounds like this; “Guys, I think I am starting to like the fireman. He is not so bad, he’s just the strong, silent type……”

    Trust me. You’re welcome 🙂

    • September 1, 2010 5:23 pm

      Your advice is probably right on, and noted. 🙂 We’ll see…

    • luthi permalink
      September 2, 2010 2:05 am

      There is a huge difference between separating the physical from emotional and being treated like trash.

      In general we have to at least kind of like being around the person since our physical senses are tied in to some emotional aspects. However there is a rather large gap between at least sort of liking someone and wanting more than just a fling.

      Some women enjoy being treated like cheap whores or are so insecure that they’ll take any attention they can get. Though the rest of us would rather be treated with respect.

      I’ve known many guys who won’t even have a fling with someone they can’t stand to be around and many women successful at being friends with benefits.

  15. September 1, 2010 10:11 am

    My feeling with dating is if your gut is telling you it’s not a good idea, it’s probably not a good idea. Don’t let his hot abs get in the way of his ego! i love your blog…we have a lot in common…stop over and check mine out…I’m sure you will see a lot of your dates and my dates are quite similar.

    • September 1, 2010 10:53 am

      You’re right, I’ve never gone wrong when I trusted my gut. Thanks for reading and commenting – I love your blog too! I just added you to my Google Reader and I can’t wait to dive in tonight! You have some great stories 🙂

  16. luthi permalink
    September 2, 2010 12:04 am

    Ditch him.

    Hate sex F-buddies are fun, but this guy sounds like too much work even for that.

  17. September 5, 2010 9:56 pm

    I just stayed up WAY past my bedtime (It’s now 3 am in London) reading all your blog entries. Great blog! Love it. Look forward to reading more.

    -International Woman of Mystery

    • September 5, 2010 10:05 pm

      Thank you so much!! I appreciate your reading! Can’t wait to check our yours too!

  18. September 8, 2010 12:12 am

    I could never get into the pet names either, so I can relate to your comment to him.

    Good skill with your relationship pursuits–sounds like quite an adventure.

    • September 8, 2010 12:13 am

      Thanks so much, doll. Obviously kidding with the pet name 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting.

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