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Dating Red Flags or Deal Breakers

September 2, 2010

Courtesy of Daniel R. Blume

Damn it, just when you like someone, they go and say something stupid. And by stupid I mean something that is a complete and total turn off and a possible deal breaker. Or is just a red flag? I don’t know. I’m getting ahead of myself.

When I’m dating someone, I look endlessly for red flags. Never again do I want to be the girl who gets totally screwed and ends up saying, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming. He seemed like such a good guy!” And remember how I feel about good guys. That hasn’t changed in the past few months.

So, I look for red flags. I inquire endlessly. I ask too many personal questions. I persist in making sure I learn as much as I can about a guy. I overanalyze, agonize, create dramas and have an ongoing internal dialogue about the possible things that could be wrong with a guy. That way, when I’m right, I feel somewhat vindicated. In the meantime, I come off as insecure and possibly slightly crazy. It’s a tradeoff. At least I’m aware. I’m the most aware crazy person I know.

This past Saturday, I spent the day with Chef. I was really looking forward to seeing him and was already having an amazing day when we met up around lunchtime. Immediately we started making out. And almost immediately, I started to have an allergic reaction to him. Remember the cat? Well, I kidded before that it was going to be problem, but it actually has been. I basically live on Benadryl when I’m hanging out with Chef, or else I break out in hives and my eyes water out of control. Anyway, I was in the bathroom taking some allergy medication and touching up my makeup (aka: covering up my hives), when Chef called out to me, “You know, I don’t like your car.”

I called back, “What’s that? You don’t like my car? Why are you telling me this?” I was confused. I hadn’t asked if he liked my car. In fact, I didn’t care one bit whether or not he liked my car. Even though people have been hating on my car lately, I love it. And it works for me. I do not need someone I have been seeing just a few weeks to pass judgment on my car. He explained that he thought he could tell me anything and that he just didn’t like my car. I dropped it and we headed out for lunch.

When we got into his car, he didn’t open the car door for me. Not a huge deal, as I am more than capable of opening my own door (and happy to do it). But for some reason, I really notice these sorts of things. Inconsistencies make my brain go into overdrive. Every time he has driven in the past, he opened my door for me. Suddenly he didn’t even attempt. I asked him, what, I don’t get the door opened for me anymore? He referenced that the date was too casual and that I was dressed too casually for the door to be opened for me. Nice. Didn’t know my clothing choice so much affected his gentlemanly behavior. Next time I’ll wear a cocktail dress. Keep it classy.

On the way to lunch, Chef told me that he thinks I should keep dating. It’s something that is important to me, so I should do it. Part of me wondered if this was his way of telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me anyway – whether I am ready or not. Okay, keep dating. No problem. Done and done. I’m working on a Fireman as we speak (this was before the Fight with Fireman).

At lunch is when the real red flag popped up. I seriously have no idea how it came up, but at some point, Chef decided to tell me that he doesn’t think a woman should be president. He thinks that because of menopause, childbearing, etc., a woman probably shouldn’t be given the power to lead the United States and the free world. I looked around the restaurant, convinced I was being Punk’d.

This must be a joke. Chef’s read the blog, Chef’s been dating me for a month and Chef knows that I secretly dream of working for the National Organization for Women. He knows I’m a self-proclaimed feminist (although I have my failings). And I can’t imagine how he wouldn’t know that I would find it deeply offensive that he thought a woman should not be president. I asked him repeatedly if he was joking and he said no. When he finally picked up on my irritation and incredulity, he said, “Well, only about 10 percent of me thinks a woman can’t be president. I would have voted for Hillary over Obama.” Great, I thought. Only 10 percent of you is a sexist. Perfect.

He had lots of reasons:

Chef: What if the woman got pregnant in the White House?

Me: What if Barack knocked up Michelle while he’s in the White House? How different is that?

Chef: What if she then needs to take maternity leave?

Me: Do you really think a woman that has worked so hard to become president is going to suddenly be like “Yay! I’m pregnant! I’m off on maternity leave. Hey VP, can you take care of this oil spill and all that craziness going on in Iraq and Afghanistan? I’ve got to go look at paint colors for the nursery! And, I must buy a breast pump ASAP!”

Chef: I’ve seen my mother go through menopause, so I know what it’s like. Do we really need a woman in the menopause age range to be leading our country?

Me: Speechless. I got nothing. Frankly, I’m just happy he didn’t say those pesky periods and that darned PMS would make us too emotionally unstable to be president. I was really expecting that to come next.

In addition, I took offense to the concept that a woman president would just “get pregnant.” Don’t you think a woman who had worked so hard to get to the White House would be smart enough to take a few precautions? Pregnancies just don’t happen on their own and a smart woman is fully capable of taking responsibility for her reproductive organs. Perhaps he missed Sex Ed.

I tried to explain to him that what he said had many more implications than just the presidency. People have conversations about a woman’s ability to get a lead a company, get a promotion, even get a job because of her status as a woman and her age – especially her closeness to childbearing years. There are (illegal) conversations every day where someone says, “Maybe we should hire the other woman – she’s already had her family, so we don’t need to worry about her going out on maternity leave.” Or worse, “We should probably hire the man. She’s liable to get knocked up and this campaign will suffer.”

I asked him to please do his research. Please check out the awesome female leaders throughout the world. Please read the studies that say that women are often more intuitive and capable of building connections and relationships with other people – which would be a huge asset in a leadership position. I asked him to get back to me, and I really hoped he would change his mind.

Throughout the day, I tripped over other red flags. He called me his friend with benefits. I am no one’s friend with benefits. He told me that he didn’t think I would want to be with him anyway, even if I were ready for a serious relationship, because of how crazy restaurant hours are and the fact that I would probably never have a date for Valentine’s Day or New Year’s because he would always be at work.

These all felt like signs he was trying to purposely get rid of me. How to Lose a Guy (Girl) in 10 Days style. I’m all about being up front – if you are done seeing me, just tell me. We’re adults. Don’t purposely say or do things to piss me off. It reminds me a little of this post by Dennis Hong titled, “How I Get A Girl To Break Up With Me.” The post basically details the ingenious ways that Dennis, once he is done with a girl, gets her to break up with him – and she thinks it’s her idea! That way, he’s always the poor shmuck who got dumped and he doesn’t have to do his own dirty work. (Love ya, Dennis, but this post has been haunting me since the day I read it!)

After this Saturday date, I was feeling bothered, but I couldn’t quite pin it down. I visited my friend Dawn, and after I finished recapping the date, she said, “Did you even have fun today? You sound like you are pissed!” And she was right on. I THOUGHT I’d had fun. We had laughed. We’d had some good conversations and definitely enjoyed some time not talking at all … but was it fun?

And had I run across a red flag or a full on deal breaker?

I haven’t seen Chef since. We had a date planned for Monday and he cancelled because of some stuff going on with work. We’ve talked semi-frequently, and I have been very upfront with the fact that his comment about a woman president really bugged me. The other little things throughout the day were really me just being crazy, but the president comment was eating away at me with no end in sight. The worst part is, I like him. Really like him. Overall, he seems to be a great guy and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know him. I guess you could say I like 90 percent of him.

Guys, what do you think? Is this a deal breaker? Or a difference of opinion?

Like I said in the beginning: Damn it, just when you like someone, they go and say something stupid.


33 Comments leave one →
  1. mr. smith permalink
    September 2, 2010 9:21 am

    Well to be fair we have had one woman in the White House and we all know how that turned out… 🙂

    But seriously, for a self-proclaimed feminist you seem to put up with a lot of idiots and misogynists. Fireman who calls you Babe and Chef who says a woman can’t be president. You are worth so much more and deserve someone of some intelligence even it is if for fun dating.

    And yes he is working himself out…the canceling of date, not opening the doors, saying you are a FWB (thereby classifying you as ‘not a girlfriend or not dating) and saying you probably wouldn’t want to be with him (did he say he would want to be with you?)

    I hate to say it but I have done this before. I knew a relationship wasn’t working so I was distant and said some things that made it seem like I was less interested. The day she broke up with me I was very ok with it and went for some fried chicken immediately after (this is important because she was a vegetarian – a little symbolic isn’t it.)

    And then there is the completely ambiguous statement, “I think you should keep dating.” Geez that could mean anything….i love you, have my children, move in with me, sorry i didn’t open your car door after doing it all those other times, etc. Ok. Sorry for the sarcasm but you are a smarter woman than this. You should have said yes. I will keep dating.

    At this point I don’t know if N.O.W. will let you in with this guy.

    I say Chef is ‘cooked’.

    • September 2, 2010 12:47 pm

      Mr. Smith,
      Tell me what you REALLY think! Don’t hold back! haha :). I appreciate the honesty/bluntness. You are right, I put up with a lot of idiots in general. I really like giving people the benefit of the doubt. And damn it, I’m no quitter. I’ve put one month into this man, there’s no quitting now! I put a week into the Fireman, I’ll never get that week back! haha jk.

      As I said in my comment to He Who Laughs Last, I have not really said the opposing argument – the nice things he’s done for me. That’s really where the confusion falls. If he’s working himself out, why would he continue to try to see me, buy me flowers, etc. etc.? You asked if he said that he wants to be with me. He said he’d like to take things slow because he always rushes into things. And while he said on Saturday that he thinks I should date, when I later told him I was going on a date, he got weird and said maybe he doesn’t really want that (even though it’s clearly not his choice, it’s mine).

      Your fried chicken story makes me laugh. But why didn’t you just tell her you didn’t want to see her anymore? You should do your own dirty work. Actually, you should have told her you couldn’t date a vegetarian. Those people are crazy. Haha 🙂

      N.O.W. would be happy to have me, I think. No one’s a perfect feminist … at least I’m trying. Hey, maybe I can *change* him and convince him that a woman would make an awesome president? Maybe this is an educational opportunity … I should stick it out. I could be doing a service to feminism.

      Haha. Obviously confused over here. Blah.

  2. September 2, 2010 9:29 am

    I say he is done! He is definitely taking the easy way out by making you dump him. I know it’s hard but I think you should move on, it will only get more and more frustrating over the next few weeks if you try to hang on.

    Keep dating! You deserve better!

    • September 2, 2010 12:38 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts. I’m so unsure about the whole thing, because he often tells me he misses me, can’t wait to see me, etc. Obviously, I haven’t blogged on and on about the sweet things he’s done (got me flowers, makes me dinner, etc. etc.) because that would be boring. LOL. But I wonder if I should share more of that, because it adds some perspective (I’m not sure how much).

      It seems as though he genuinely wants to hang out with me most of the time. And Saturday was the first that I had seen some of these behaviors. I just don’t want to read too much into something that is nothing, but I’m not sure. A friend also told me that she thinks he really likes me, perhaps he even wants more, but knows that I’m not ready. So he’s either A: trying to give me what I want (I said I want casual, so he’s treating me casual, B: Showing me by giving me what I do not want (I do not want to be treated like a friend with benefits, we are dating, although not committed, we are still dating) that I really want more or C: He’s afraid of getting hurt himself so he’s keeping me at an arm’s length.

      I would prefer most of those options to the fact that he may be trying to turn me off and make me end things with him, obviously. I’m just not sure what the case is.

      The real problem for me is, can I stomach dating someone that I feel like does not completely respect women or think women are equal to men? I mean, I don’t think he’s really an out and out sexist. But these comments have really been bugging me.

      Again, thanks for your comment and thoughts!

  3. September 2, 2010 9:35 am

    I know, I know. You’re not the only one. That post REALLY doesn’t sit well with a lot of people.

    But seriously, if you’re recognizing some of these behaviors I’ve described… see, the post does serve a purpose after all! 🙂

    • September 2, 2010 12:26 pm

      It does serve a purpose, and I think you have done a huge service to society with that post. My only concern is that I over analyze everything, and it’s possible your post will just make me uber sensitive to these behaviors. I mean, sometimes, a guy does just have to work late for weeks on end. Right?? 🙂

      • September 3, 2010 1:27 am

        That’s true. But then, I think you can also tell if someone really wants to be with you or not.

        Even if he does have a perfectly valid reason for bailing, if he really likes you, I think he’ll at least apologize for it and ask to make it up to you somehow.

  4. Don permalink
    September 2, 2010 9:41 am

    I pray I can one day meet the female equivalents of these men you meet. This way I can have a good laugh and break them down.

    • September 2, 2010 12:23 pm

      I will keep my fingers crossed for you too. What would do to “break them down”?

      • Don permalink
        September 2, 2010 6:24 pm

        Explain to them exactly why what they think is ridiculous. Then if they persist they find a ride home. 🙂

  5. September 2, 2010 1:34 pm

    I think you’re absolutely right that he’s deliberately pushing you away but I’m not sure why. I wonder if he’s sure why? Sounds like he’s got something going on that’s making him blow hot and cold.

    As for whether the sexism is a dealbreaker, only you can judge, but it might depend on exactly which deal you’re looking for, if you see what I mean! A lot like the fireman really – doesn’t sound a match long-term but could be good short-term if they stop winding you up!

    • September 2, 2010 5:54 pm

      Matt, I can always count on you to keep my eye on the prize. If I’m not looking for a serious relationship, why am I so concerned about serious relationship type things?? I guess it’s in my DNA. I need to remind myself I’m not trying to marry this guy, I was looking for have fun. And we have fun…

      I too have no idea why he is deliberately pushing me away. We’re going out tonight, I wonder if I’ll have any more clarity after that. Hopefully he doesn’t tell me he doesn’t think women should vote or anything, cause I might just lose it.

  6. September 2, 2010 2:01 pm

    Red Flags or Deal-Breakers? Every dating woman’s biggest quandary. One I’m currently in myself with Pancake man.

    Good luck is all I can say. Good luck and don’t be more available to him than he is to you. It might work itself out naturally in that case.

    Now, my naughty side wanted to suggest that you strip him down and throw him in the shower before you make out with him again and that maybe you shouldn’t bother being friends and just use him for a few benefits if you think you can handle it — and if he doesn’t mind, of course.

    It’s the new and improved, handy, dandy Shower Chef! Available for a limited time and only if you can stomach men who have a low opinion of the abilities of women.

    • September 2, 2010 6:02 pm

      LOL, that shower plan sounds like it could be fun, and a perfect infomercial at that (love the “only if you can stomach men who have a low opinion of the abilities of women”, would make for a good disclaimer in reeaaallly small writing at the bottom of the infomercial)! … If we were to mutually determine that we are FWB, I’m could be OK with that. As long as I don’t sit here and think we are dating (just not committed) and suddenly I’m someone’s f-buddy. That just feels strange to me. Somehow, I want it to be a conscious decision, a choice I’ve made for myself – not something that just happened. But I don’t know, I don’t think things are always that cut and dry!

  7. September 2, 2010 2:23 pm

    This is to both Catherine and Crystal:

    I guess maybe I’m just an idealist, but the way I see it, if there’s this much uncertainty at the start of a relationship, why keep pursuing it? The start of a relationship should be full of excitement, not doubt.

    And it’s not even the “good” kind of uncertainty. You know, the butterflies-in-the-stomach, I-don’t-know-where-this-is-going-but-I-can’t-wait-to-find-out kind of certainty.

    No, this is the do-I-really-want-to-be-with-this-person kind of uncertainty. BAD.

    BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.

    It’s not like you’ve been dating this person for months, and now you’re seeing chinks in the armor. That might be worth sticking it out for.

    After only a few dates? Why keep at it?

    Why keep investing in a stock that starts out going downward? Better to get out early and minimize your loss, rather than hope and pray that it’ll take an upturn.

    Then again, maybe that’s why I’m 36 and still single…. 🙂

    • September 2, 2010 2:27 pm

      Here’s another blog I stumbled across recently:

      http://ohjenni.com/

      Now, this is the sign of someone who has something in the right direction….

      • September 2, 2010 11:18 pm

        Ahhh, Dennis. I know what you mean. But part of me wonders if it is not the relationship’s fault, but mine. Like I said, I overanalyze, agonize and search for problems. So maybe for a normal person this would have been fun but I make things complicated. I don’t know! We went out tonight and I got the good feeling in my stomach again. It comes and goes. I’m not sure exactly why. So maybe the uncertainty is just a character flaw of mine, and it will be there no matter who I am with? Can’t say. Too early in dating.

        Thanks for sharing the blog – going to have to check it out!

        BTW – I haven’t seen a post from you in awhile on your site! When’s it your turn?? Need some more truth 🙂

      • September 3, 2010 1:23 am

        Hey, have you heard of a psychological concept called buyer’s remorse? If not, look it up. It describes me to a tee… and I think it might describe you, too. I know for a fact that it’s definitely tainted some of my past relationships. I’m not sure that this is specifically applicable to your current situation, but… the way you describe how you over-analyze and search for problems… well, that sounds a little like buyer’s remorse.

        As for my blog… yeah, yeah, I know. I’m finding that I spend more time editing other people’s posts now, rather than writing my own. I’ve also been working on a piece about monogamy that I want to submit to Cracked.com. But, I’ve been having a hard time with it, so it’s kinda clogging up the works for me. Hopefully in the next week or so, I’ll get something up. I have a few ideas I’m working on.

        But thanks, though! That means a lot that you’re waiting for my next post. 😉

        • September 3, 2010 12:35 pm

          I have heard of buyer’s remorse in a general sense but I’ve never really thought it applied to me. But now that you mention it, I think you have a point. Something to consider for sure.

          No problem! I really enjoy your writing, so get on it :). Hehe, jk. I know it’s hard, especially with so much going on. That’s the good thng about your site though – your fellow bloggers help fill the void with content. I’m waiting with bated breath for your next post, maybe it will disturb me as much as the last I read? Haha! And I probably told a dozen people about your other post: I Date Outside My Race Because My Race Won’t Date Me http://musingsonlifeandlove.com/2010/08/09/i-date-outside-my-race-because-my-race-wont-date-me/. Really enjoyed that one.

        • September 3, 2010 12:37 pm

          Definitely true. Guess we’ll see. Only time will tell…

      • September 3, 2010 12:48 pm

        Awww, thanks. Glad you like my stuff. I promise I’ll try to crank out more posts soon. But, umm… yeah, you’d think the other folks would take up my slack…. 😉

        Seriously, though, I think buyer’s remorse totally applies to dating and relationships. You start seeing someone, and you start second-guessing whether or not this person is right for you, and soon the over-analysis becomes all-consuming.

        So, at some point, you do have to step back and say, “it’s okay, I don’t have to be 100% certain that I’m making the right decision. Let’s just see what happens.”

        • September 3, 2010 3:31 pm

          I’m going to reread this comment every single time I start over analyzing. You should be a psychologist, you’ve got me pinned down to a T. I even over analyze what I order at a restaurant. I always want something else than what I ordered! LOL. I’m a work in progress…

  8. Lynn Meade permalink
    September 2, 2010 6:49 pm

    I think you answered your own question when you asked if you’d been Punked. One thing after another, after another. I’m with your friend. Did you actually enjoy this date?! I’m way annoyed and I didn’t have to endure a lunch date with Chef Half Baked. Every time I hear a friend make excuses for bad behavior I think.. Really?? Do you “like” you?

    • September 2, 2010 11:22 pm

      Hahaha…. I know. You’re right. This date was definitely not the best. I make no excuses for him – I think he is very much wrong about a lot of this, especially the president comment. And I’ve told that to his face (even tonight!). I guess I just need to figure out what it is that I want. If I just want casual, these things aren’t that big of a deal. And if I want casual, I need to stop overanalyzing everything, cause it’s not like I’m going to marry the man! Thanks so much for your comment and advice. I’m also a fan of Chef Half Baked. Very funny 🙂

  9. Random Internet Guy permalink
    September 7, 2010 11:59 pm

    I’ll bite. Actually I feel that you were/are overreacting a bit. You like 90% of Chef. That is awesome. In fact, that is probably a better % than most married couples like one another. (note: “like” not “love”, these are two completely different things. I’d argue that in order to “hate” any one you know on a personal level, you have to “love” at least some part of them. Without love, any perceived hate is just a strong dislike…but I digress). Cat, guys are not simple creatures, even though we often act that way. Actually, the main reason I decided to chime in here, seeing as I am not a regular follower of your blog, is because I feel you have severely misinterpreted many of these “red flags.” I’m not even going to comment on the “female president debate,” as it is pretty irrelevant to the remainder of this post. (No, I do not agree with Chef on that…but I also don’t think it matters too much in the long run–I’ll get back to this later). Ok, so back to the matter at hand. When a guy drops hints like “I think you should keep dating…or I don’t even think you’d want to be with me because of blah blah blah,” that might NOT be his way of trying to dump you. I’d argue that that it might be Chef’s way of making himself somewhat vulnerable to see how you’ll respond. Maybe he wanted you to say “well, I am enjoying dating and yes it has been important to me but you are important to me too, I love hanging out with you and I want to see where this is going.” “I don’t really care about blah blah blah because I have fun with you and I LIKE you.” Ok, so granted–this is probably not how I would have approached this situation, as I am generally a bit more direct but I have to play devil’s advocate a bit here. I am 100% sure that guys do behave this way. (60% of my guy friends, behave this way). I’ll apologize in advance for this as it is probably not my place to speculate, seeing as I barely know you but whatever…honest feedback, here goes. Keeping with the Devil’s advocate theme here…maybe Chef really likes 90% of you but doesn’t actually like the fact that you are dating for sport. He is a great enough guy that he wants you to do what makes you happy and still really likes you but has some cognitive dissonance regarding the whole situation. Perhaps he is having a bit of a tough time processing this whole dating mission of yours. Maybe he even wants to be your “bf” but kinda feels that you don’t want that and the thought of that would scare you away. Anyway, there are entirely too many “what ifs.” Also, just an FYI–you should operate off of the assumption that every guy you’ve dated who knows about the blog probably still reads it even if they say they are going to try and stop reading it. (operative term here is “try”). That is like “trying” to only eat one Cheez It…good luck with that. Mmmm Cheez Its…what were we talking about? Oh right…Ok I am definitely not saying to not date and write about it; I think what you create is awesome. (i’m a fan). I guess what I am saying is that it might take a bit of time for the guy you are dating to be comfortable with the whole thing. Furthermore, most guys will say they are “ok” with it right away and secretly not be. (see: cognitive dissonance). What makes this even more challenging and even somewhat ironic is that in the best case scenario(s), you have two completely conflicting issues going on. By this I mean, as a guy starts to like you more (yay!), he will most likely also start disliking your dating (and subsquently, the blog) more. (boo!) (Let me know if you need a visual and I’ll whip you up a totally kickass graph to illustrate this). Um I’m not entirely sure where I am going with this tangent so I’ll just wrap this whole thing up.

    Oh and I also think that guys have their own relationship barometer thingy that they employ. In fact, I have a couple myself and thus far it has been a great adaptation. For me, if after the 2nd date the girl doesn’t initiate communication, I am done with it. Basically, my assumption is that if a girl wanted to say “hi” or hang out, she’d at least initiate a convo. This can be something as simple as a quick text, IM or phone call to just say “hi.” I think many guys have spent several weeks to months with girls only to realize that they really only respond to communication and rarely initiate it. I only bring this last part up to illustrate that both guys and girls are equally silly, self-conscious, emotional, irrational etc. etc. Oh and back to the president thing briefly. I understand that it bugged you and I too was raised by a family of feminists. Actually, I’m fairly sure I am one. But I still think that people should disagree on many issues. That is healthy. Lastly, I think it was sweet of him to have opened doors for you on dates in the past. That is some Hugh Grant (minus the hooker) type shit. However, I think because I am a feminist, I feel that women are just as capable of opening doors as I am. They should also get paid the same wage for doing so. Ok, I’m gonna go eat some Cheez Its. Peace!

    • September 8, 2010 9:07 pm

      Hi there,
      Hope you enjoyed your Cheez Its. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response to my post. You really have given me a lot to think about. I mean, so much that I’m not quite sure where to start. I think a lot of what you have said here is entirely possible, and the reasons you’ve mentioned are why I haven’t completely broken things off with Chef. You are right, liking 90% of someone isn’t so bad. And I totally have a visual of the graph you are describing – he actually used to really like the blog, he used it to initiate a date with me, but now I’m pretty sure he can’t stand it. Your graph makes perfect sense, and I think I might actually borrow it for a blog post someday! And you are probably right – if I were a guy in Chef’s (or any guy I date’s) shoes, I would probably be secretly reading the blog. It’s too tempting not to.

      Thanks for the tip on your relationship barameter. That’s interesting to hear, because as women we are socialized to not be the first to initiate contact, but I’m all about it! Good to hear there’s at least one guy out there that agrees.

      And I agree – I am more than capable of opening doors for guys. I really don’t need doors opened for me. For me, it’s a consistency thing. If you fancy yourself a gentleman who opens doors for his dates, then do it consistently. Not to just put a show on in the beginning. Just saying.

      Thanks again for your comment. Lots to think about here! I feel like I have a free therapist, which is AWESOME!!

  10. Professor X permalink
    September 8, 2010 7:45 pm

    Deal-breaker. Physical attraction and sweetness cannot fix the bad taste left in one’s mouth by a partner with incompatible values. Also, dissing someone’s ride is totally uncool and against The Guy Code. It’s 4th and 19–time to punt!

    • September 8, 2010 8:45 pm

      Haha, Professor X. You know what your guest blog post should be about? The Guy Code. It’s all a mystery to me … I’m interested to hear what’s in there! LOL. Thanks for your comment.

  11. September 20, 2010 11:21 am

    I’m in a relationship with this man from new york we meet online in dec 2009, and been talking all this time, I have went out to meet him and went back about 4 time’s now, he had been down to vist me twice now, we talk everyday if not twice a day, he belong to this club and everyone meet’s just about every wkend and they all go out to eat and dancing or to movie’s, well just this wkend him and a guy friend was invit to dinner with 5 other people to this lady’s home but only him and his friend show up, and this lady that was having the dinner her girlfriend show up that known both of them so they had dinner and watch a move and talk until 10:30 pm, and after he got home he call me, and told me about his night, I was piss off about the night he had with other women, he acting like I shouldn’t be mad about anything at all. come you please tell me if I had the right to me be up set or not!!!!!

    • September 20, 2010 8:10 pm

      Hi Sherry,

      Thanks for your comment! I can see why you would be upset, it is hard to see the person you are seeing (especially long distance) go out with other women or just be in a situation where they are one-on-one with another woman. If I were you, I would explain how I feel to my partner and explain how I’d like things to be done in the future. But, he did call you when he got home, which I would take as a sign of his good intentions. If you explain to him how this bothered you and such behavior continues, I would definitely be really upset.

      Good luck to you! Thanks for reading and commenting. Catherine

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