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Brian from the Bar

September 22, 2010
Jack Daniels, shot

Photo courtsey of Robert Gödicke

This past weekend at the bar, I somehow became the brave flirter I’ve always dreamed of being. I don’t know what got into me, but I made a conscious decision to buy the hottest guy in the bar a drink. To be fair, I was in Chester, so it’s not like the pickings were great.

I looked around a few times throughout the night, and didn’t see anyone quite right. Later, I went to the bar for a drink (drinks were an important part of my night, considering I was trying to get the liquid courage to sing I Saw The Sign for karaoke night), and I saw him. A guy in the corner of the bar, who was not just cute but handsome, if you know what I mean. After monitoring him for a bit (to make sure there was no girl with him – the last thing I need is a fight), I met his eye and asked him across the bar if I could buy him a shot to take with me. He agreed.

Waiting for that shot from the bartender felt like it took hours. What in the world was I going to say to this random guy when I brought the shot to him? I had no plan for after the shot! As I walked over to him, two shots of Jack Daniels in hand, a group of guys stopped me and asked me where I was going. I told them I had bought the guy in a corner a shot. How embarrassing. After the shot, I learned his name was Brian. I will call him Brian from the Bar. In the blog, to his face, to my friends and on my cell phone when I enter his phone number. Cause that’s how I roll.

I introduced Brian from the Bar to the group of friends that I was with, and he quickly picked up on the fact that people were mentioning the blog a lot (my friends are my biggest fans, and I love them for it!). There were references to “Chef” and “Farmer” and “Fireman.” He asked what it was all about, and I quickly gave him the rundown. I thought he might be shocked by the whole admission (especially the cancelled wedding part being the impetus for starting the blog), but I quickly learned there was no shocking Brian from the Bar.

You see, Brian from the Bar had his own story to tell. He is 37 years old (already a problem for me, as we all know I am an ageist), with four children (ages 15, 13, 5 and 3), from three different women. Most of them wives. I sure know how to pick them. The ongoing joke of the night was that Brian from the Bar couldn’t touch me or come near me, or else I’d likely get pregnant because he was so fertile. He was a nice guy, but between the age and the million kids/wives, I just couldn’t get into it. Damn, the hot ones are never as good as they seem. Nevertheless, I was pretty proud of my daring behavior.

He has asked me to hang out sometime soon, and I politely declined, saying the age difference and his family situation was just too much for me. But damn, he’s persistent and did not give up there. I talked with him on the phone yesterday while he was on the way to one of his kid’s soccer games (kill me now, I suck with kids), and he basically said we should hang out as friends and that the age difference is no big deal. Ahh, he does seem nice. And he was the hottest guy in the bar (in Chester). But I don’t know if I can sign up for a ready-made Brady Bunch-style family. It’s a little too much for me. There’s having baby momma drama, but then there is having three baby momma drama.

What do you guys think? Am I being too closed-minded for not considering Brian from the Bar once I found out he’s 12 years older than me and has four kids with three different women? Should I at least go out with him? It is the Year of Yes, after all …

At the sake of the ridiculous, and the fact that I really can’t make up my own mind on this one, I put this in your hands, readers. In the comments, yes or no. Should I go out with Brian from the Bar?

***Updated: Voting will be open until 5 p.m. EST Friday. And yes, I am seriously going to do whatever you guys tell me. My fate is in your hands. You have the power. Use it wisely.***

79 Comments leave one →
  1. Joanne B permalink
    September 22, 2010 9:48 am

    Run, run away from him as fast as you can!

  2. Michael Freddy permalink
    September 22, 2010 10:02 am

    Like I told you that night at the bar when you met him…… you want to have his fifth child?!?!?

    • September 22, 2010 12:11 pm

      Haha, no. I definitely do not want to have his fifth child. Fair point. Thanks for weighing in. 🙂

  3. September 22, 2010 10:05 am

    Holy crap! He’s essentially my age and been married multiple times and has 4 kids with 3 different women???? No, no, no, no, no. But please send him my way…JUST KIDDING!

    • September 22, 2010 12:15 pm

      Haha, too funny. I would be happy to send him your way … you looking for a ready-made family? haha jk. Thanks for your opinion! My only doubts are A: He’s hot B: He’s nice C: He does seem to be pretty active in his kid’s lives (not a dead beat dad). But still, it’s a little much to take in. Oh, and D: He’s hot. I guess I already mentioned that. Perhaps that’s how he got so many women pregnant, being so hot… 🙂

  4. Nikki permalink
    September 22, 2010 10:05 am

    Catherine- NO. He’s divorced 3 times for a reason. Keep looking. :o)


    • September 22, 2010 12:16 pm

      Good point! Guess I didn’t really think of that. I was more concerned about the history, but didn’t even think – why did all these marriages end in the first place? Thanks for your comment.

  5. September 22, 2010 10:30 am

    RUNNNNNNNNNN! I think I dated him… but his name was Greg, true story. Seriously, 4 kids, 4 different mama’s! Seriously, bad news bears. There is a reason he has been divorced that many times and has that many kids and hasn’t learned his lesson… just sayin.Just say NO.

    • September 22, 2010 12:17 pm

      Ah, good point on not learning his lesson. Interesting, wonder if Greg and Brian from the Bar know eachother? They could start a “way too many baby mamas” support group! Thanks for weighing in.

  6. September 22, 2010 10:32 am

    I say give BB a shot. Just a few laughs. AND don’t forget to take any and all necessary precautions;) -Single Girl

    • September 22, 2010 12:19 pm

      Wow! Someone on the pro side! Duly noted. You live adventurously, I can tell :). I do appreciate a few laughs, and I definitely take precautions – my brain is an ongoing after school special! Thanks for your comment. I’m sure Brian from the Bar would be happy it wasn’t a landslide haha

  7. September 22, 2010 10:39 am

    Ha! So I just noticed that I’m the only who said go for it. Ok, well what do I know? Maybe that’s why I’m still single…. Hmmm. Keep us posted. -SG

    • September 22, 2010 12:22 pm

      LOL! You are the only one so far who voted yes. But let’s see if anyone else is on your side the rest of this afternoon. And I think it’s a good quality – you are open minded! I’m sure it’ll pay off in the end for you. Will definitely keep you posted!

  8. September 22, 2010 11:03 am

    Wow. 3 different baby mamas? That is more drama then you need. Although… meeting him once doesn’t really hurt I guess. Although, on the other hand, what’s the point and he might stalk you later. So, maybe give it a pass and move on to the hottest guy at the next bar!

    • September 22, 2010 12:24 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts! You are right, that could make for A LOT of drama. And I don’t need another stalker. My current stalker count is high enough. 🙂

      I’m thinking my new strategy will be to hit on the second hottest guy at the bar… maybe better results?

  9. September 22, 2010 11:04 am

    Get the fuck out of there! He’s got BABY MAMA DRAMA, I don’t care how hot he is! My thing is this, I hate kids. But I realize that as I get older, I might fall in love with someone who has them and an ex-wife to boot. But I shouldn’t have to deal with that shit now, we are young! Wait until you’re 40 and single to mother someone else’s bratty children.


    • September 22, 2010 12:27 pm

      Yeah, I’m no good with kids. I wouldn’t say I hate them, but, well, not exactly a fan. Kids and dogs. Oh and cats. Is there anything I do like??

      Problem too is that his kids span so many ages. So while I might be able to say it’s no big deal because they are older, there are also young ones. I just can’t win in this situation.

      You are right about us being young, but it feels like every year that passes, the likelihood that we will “have to” end up with someone with kids increases. Damn, that’s depressing. I want to experience having a child with someone and have it be the first time for the both of us. Is that asking too much??

  10. Megan permalink
    September 22, 2010 11:06 am

    Don’t do it! 4 kids, 3 different moms, divorces, there have to be issues there. Don’t date and “plan to have fun, but nothing serious” because sometimes “just for fun” ends up going on for a lot longer. Run the other way!!!

    • September 22, 2010 12:28 pm

      Very good point. Sometimes, when you think you are just “having fun, nothing serious” those damn feelings end up sneaking in. And then you are toast. You are a smart woman, Megan! Thanks for voting. 🙂

  11. LeeAnn permalink
    September 22, 2010 12:49 pm

    Absolutely not!

  12. September 22, 2010 1:18 pm

    Holy Schneeballs, three baby mamas? I’m still trying to pick my chin up off the floor. Being slightly ageist as well (a really cute 35 year old messaged me on OKCupid last night and I’m kind of weirded out by it) I would say don’t do it, especially since you don’t seem comfortable with the whole package – four kids, three baby mamas, and a big age gap. I personally don’t think there are a lot of people who would be on board with that amount of baggage.

    • September 22, 2010 2:09 pm

      Glad I’m not the only ageist out there! Thanks for your comment/vote. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a lot of baggage!

  13. natasha permalink
    September 22, 2010 1:30 pm

    I say give him a date – it’s the year of yes afterall 🙂

    • September 22, 2010 2:08 pm

      Nice, Tasha. It is the year of yes … so now we are 2 for Brian from the Bar and about a million against 🙂

  14. September 22, 2010 2:12 pm

    OK, so I’m breaking with the pack here, because I don’t think the pack has enough faith in you. My thought: Why the hell not?

    I trust that you will indeed be able to keep your hands off of him and your legs tightly closed, and while I don’t know you well enough to know much the nuances of your life, it does seem like you’re trying to have new experiences given your seven years of commitment to the same guy.

    I have learned in the 2.5 years since my divorce that if you don’t really try to shake things up sometimes, nothing exciting happens. Just think: If you hang out with Brian from the Bar as a friend, like he has suggested, this guy may end up introducing you to THE guy that makes you consider being a baby mama! 🙂

    Plus, it sounds like you shared great chemistry — and I don’t know about you, but I love love LOVE having witty friends.

    So be his friend, live a little, break out of the box. Just don’t shave your legs, thus removing any possibility of temptation! 🙂

    • September 22, 2010 9:40 pm

      Ohhhhh. I love how you broke with the pack. And I also love that you have faith in me (I believe it’s deserved, so thanks). Good points here. It’s not like I’m gonna sleep with him and it’s not like I am gonna marry him either. It’s just a date. And you are right on, I am in search of new experiences, meeting new people, discovering new things about myself from said experiences. You do have to shake things up sometimes. And damn, good point on the fact that he might introduce me to the one! Were you on the debate team? This is an incredibly convincing argument 🙂

      Thanks for your advice. And good call on the legs. No shaving of the legs. Or straightening of the hair (it’s a weird thing for me, but I like my hair straightened and done if I’m gonna hook up lol). And I should be all set :).

      Now let’s see if some other commenters agree with you. I did promise to listen to my readers on this one – I’m gonna give it to the end of the day Friday. 🙂 But nevertheless, you have taught me a really good lesson here…. open mind! Fun times! Trust myself!! So thank you.

  15. Don permalink
    September 22, 2010 2:20 pm

    Wow, you can’t possibly be serious. Four kids with three women isn’t an instant deal breaker for you? I want you to date him actually. I’d love to see you on Jerry Springer. Oh and he doesn’t want to just hang out as friends. Trust me.

  16. September 22, 2010 4:18 pm

    I think the best way to decide is to go by how you feel when reading our comments – are you pleased to read a “Yes” and wanting to debate against the “No”s or vice versa?

    Sometimes when I think I’m neutral on a decision I toss a coin, and if I look at the result and feel disappointed (or pleased) then I realise that I wasn’t neutral after all!

    • September 22, 2010 9:45 pm

      That’s a good strategy. When I read the ones that say no, I feel like less of a bitch for being so judgmental (and vindicated in my initial reaction to not go out with him). Like others agree, so I’m not so bad. But I do get a little sense of excitement when I hear a yes… like, this could be fun!! haha.

      Told you I was torn. But I think your strategy is probably pretty telling… good to remember. And I think, in this instance, the no’s prevail and I’m sort of relieved about it. But we do have until Friday night. 🙂

  17. September 22, 2010 5:12 pm

    I think Im with the majority here. Run. So many Kids, So many wives. No thank you! He has been divorced so many times for a reason. It’s not even worth a little “fun”.

    • September 22, 2010 9:46 pm

      Thanks for commenting! The majority is pretty loud and clear 🙂 Appreciate your thoughts.

  18. Millie Turner (Mom) permalink
    September 22, 2010 6:29 pm

    Not no, but Hell NO

    • September 22, 2010 9:49 pm

      Haha, Mom. Tell me how you really feel?! Don’t you want me to give you a grandbaby?? And then you won’t have to keep your “oven” warm for me anymore. [Yes, those reading this comment – my Mom is keeping her “oven” warm for me in case I can’t have kids. Isn’t that sweet and creepy?]

  19. September 22, 2010 7:23 pm

    Come on. Being close minded is one thing, but I think having three baby mommas is a legit warning sign. Stay the hell away.

    • September 22, 2010 9:50 pm

      Thanks, Miss Milk. Appreciate your advice!! Glad to know I’m not being closed minded…. I don’t ever want to be like that.

  20. John permalink
    September 22, 2010 8:16 pm

    you’re kidding right? i’m guessing there is also a prison stint you have not heard about yet.

    • September 22, 2010 9:51 pm

      What makes you think I’m kidding? Everyone deserves a shot, right? LOL….

  21. Don permalink
    September 22, 2010 10:52 pm

    You already bought him a shot…The next one should be out the door!

    • September 22, 2010 11:29 pm

      Haha, thanks, Don :). Just in case I was curious where you stood, that comment made all clear. 🙂

  22. September 23, 2010 2:18 am

    Ohhh girl, you already know this is bad news. Here’s my opinion: definitely don’t pursue Brian from the Bar but do keep him around for some late night texting/phone calls in case you are lonely and thinking about the ex just to get some male attention. Definitely don’t date him or hang out with him though, you are too young to be dealing with 3 baby mama drama AND pubescent 15 & 13 year old kids drama. No me gusta!

    • September 23, 2010 1:05 pm

      You are right, my gut says bad news. But hmmmmm a texting buddy. That could be interesting 🙂 I do love to text. Especially when I am lonely/bored/missing the ex. Gracias por su ayuda!

  23. September 23, 2010 3:05 am

    “I will call him Brian from the Bar. In the blog, to his face, to my friends and on my cell phone when I enter his phone number. Cause that’s how I roll.”

    Teehee- this made me laugh!

    Dude, trust your gut. If you like him enough, go for it, regardless of age and kids. Anyway, it might be refreshing to date someone older.

    • September 23, 2010 1:08 pm

      Haha thanks. The funniest part is that it is true. There are so many guys in my phone as their blog names. It’s kind of a problem… they are real people, after all! 🙂 Oh, and I can’t use real names with my friends. THey are like who?? Oh you mean, Chef. haha!

      My ex was eight years older, so I’m definitely trying to stay closer to my age, so it’s actually the opposite for me. Younger is refreshing. But I can see what you mean. Thanks for the advice!

  24. Maria permalink
    September 23, 2010 12:50 pm

    I think you are far to young to deal with that. Enjoy your life. He clearly has too many responsiblilties for you to have to worry about. However, not all “babies mommas” have drama…

    • September 23, 2010 1:19 pm

      Good point on not all “babies mommas” having drama. It is a generalization. Odds are though, with three babies mommas, one of them has drama, right? haha 🙂
      Thanks for your insight.

  25. Joy permalink
    September 23, 2010 10:01 pm

    You made it very clear that Brian’s age was a no go from the get go so why are you trying to convince yourself to hang out with him just because he is hot? Looks are not everything, they are only a bonus! Seriously I think you already know your answer, follow your gut not your eyes!!

    • September 24, 2010 11:04 am

      You are right, looks are just a bonus. Damn it, they can be blinding though :). The age thing probably would have been an issue even if the kids weren’t an issue…. I really want someone closer to my age. Thanks for your thoughts.

  26. Krissy permalink
    September 23, 2010 10:27 pm

    I do not know you but I do know Brian and he is a great guy. Rather than ASSUMING the worst about the divorces and three kids maybe you should LEARN the answers by getting to know him. No one is asking you to walk down the aisle or jump in bed with him. I think you are putting the cart before the horse here. I understand he has three kids but he is a fantastic dad who takes full responsibility and loves spending time with his kids. Honestly I’m impressed by that. YOU…and not your blog buddies…need to decided if this is something you want to dive into. Grow up and make your own decisions, don’t take a vote.

    • September 24, 2010 11:13 am

      Hi Krissy, thanks for your comment. I think it’s nice that you came out in Brian’s defense. To be fair, I also think he seems like a great guy. No one has said otherwise. Also, love your use of “pull the cart before the horse” which was one of my dad’s favorite sayings, so thanks for that flashback. As far as making my own decisions, I do that every single day, thank you very much, and am quite qualified. I even said on this post that this vote was “at the sake of the ridiculous” because I am fully aware this is a silly concept, I just couldn’t decide. Brian seems like a great guy, but I am torn because that family situation is a lot. You can’t say otherwise. But definitely good points on the fact that he seems like a great dad. Thank again for the comment.

  27. ashley permalink
    September 23, 2010 11:27 pm

    I say.. you should give Brian a shot. But it seems to be you aare thinking WAY to far ahead. Such as marriage? kids? more kids? CHILL. He seems amazing by Krissy knowing him. So stop asking people figure it out for yourslef.

    And Brian may have had 3 wifes and 4 kids but that doesnt mean hes a bad person. That means he hasnt offfically found the right person. And also i think you should look past that and his “hottness” and get to know him. Not him from Brian at the Bar.

    • September 24, 2010 11:14 am

      Thanks Ashley, I do overthink things (you guys are onto me!! lol) and love the fact that you just told me to CHILL. I need you in my back pocket all the time telling me to CHILL! Good call on getting to know him better. Your vote is recognized and has been counted. 🙂

  28. September 24, 2010 12:13 pm

    Just because I love to torture you, I would say go. What is a date gonna hurt, unless he slips a cup of sperm up your skirt, I think you are safe. Hear him out, maybe there is a good reason that he is divorced. All the wives could be lying, cheating ho-bags and he is just looking for a nice, sweet girl like you.

    Oooh… and I am divorced twice, before 30… RUN! but if you asked me I have reasonable answers to why I am divorced.

    Just go and have fun, besides then you can BLOG about it!

    • September 25, 2010 1:56 pm

      Hi Beth, thanks for weighing in! Serious LOL on the cup of sperm up your skirt. hahaha that was too funny. You are right, there are probably pretty reasonable answers for the past relationships, just like you have. And good call – this might have been good blog material! 🙂
      Alas, I think the votes say no… and I promised to follow what my readers say. No worries – there are plenty of other possibly crazy men with complicated life situations that I can go out with!! 🙂

    • CommonSense permalink
      October 26, 2010 1:26 pm

      I think you’re comment is ignorant and maybe a reflection of your own situation…..maybe? It is pretty clear that Brian is the problem. Having 4 children by 3 different women is not normal. Implying that these women could be “lying, cheating ho-bags”, is a pretty stupid assumption. Let’s not blame the poor guy who has all the kids and wives, right? Let’s attack the women who left him. Great intellect….How about this, Beth. Why don’t you date him and see if you turn into his 4th “lying, cheating ho-bag.”

      • October 26, 2010 1:59 pm

        Hi there CommonSense. I see your point here … I agree that it can’t be completely Brian’s exes faults, but maybe it’s not Brian’s fault all together either. There are two sides to every story – and then there is the truth. I’m not sure where the truth fell on this end, and it’s probably not my business. I hope he finds happiness, I just think my gut was right and he’s not the guy for me. The family issues are just too much for me. But, to his defense, he seemed nice enough and was a perfect gentleman to me.

        I think Beth was just trying to show me both sides of the equation – and remind me, that sometimes, people get divorced for reasons no one knows. If I had actually gotten married, and gotten divorced, I wouldn’t want someone to hold it against me, because the end of the relationship was not my fault. So it’s a good point to keep in mind when I find myself being super judgemental of other people’s situations.

      • CommonSense permalink
        October 26, 2010 2:08 pm

        *You’re should be “your”.

      • CommonSense permalink
        October 26, 2010 2:10 pm

        Agreed Catherine. However, to imply that his exes could be “lying, cheating ho-bags”? Could Beth not come up with something a little more classy for her age?

        How about, maybe things just didn’t work out….. 3 times!

        • October 26, 2010 2:12 pm

          Okay, agreed. 🙂 That would have been a much nicer way of putting it!

  29. Mr. Smith permalink
    September 24, 2010 2:41 pm

    I vote no and you buy me a shot. At least I don’t have four kids. Heck I don’t even have one. 🙂

  30. Ghetto_Philosopher permalink
    September 28, 2010 1:27 am

    Oh Catherine, you make me laugh. You’ve gotta be pulling our legs, right? It would do great things for the blog to hang out with this guy. However, for the sake of your life don’t even bother. Oh, sorry I’m late but better late than never.

    • September 28, 2010 4:20 pm

      Definitely, better late than never. And I couldn’t agree more. Decision has been made: no date with Brian from the Bar. 🙂

  31. eagle permalink
    October 6, 2010 8:10 am

    Not going to vote either way, its closed anyway so 😛

    my two cents after reading some of your pieces,
    You’ve got a lot going for you, smart, funny , intelligent, probably attractive. However there is a certain insecurity in you. And thats not because you’ve come off a long term relationship.

    Its evident from a few things, one pointer ,the fact that you were into a 1 person relationship at such an early age and thought that its for keeps. So probably a bit of a dreamer as well as an idealist.

    Theres nothing wrong with that, but it can get you into trouble when you’re projecting a fantasy on someone who cannot fulfill that or pretends that they can and later you find out otherwise.

    Strangely in my opinion its the more mature person who could give you some of that security and stability you seem to want. As they have ironed out a lot of the issues that still plague someone a good deal younger. You could of course meet someone who still hasnt worked out what they want from life at any age :-).

    I am biased,though :-). As you move along lifes path, the little knocks and joys add to the experience as well as the ability to appreciate someone special when they come along, as you know how rare that occurrence is. When you’re younger you’re window shopping as described in another of your posts as you cannot make up your mind.

    So my two cents is keep and open mind, the more you limit your perception, the more closed the experience becomes, without fully venturing into what scares you besides the unknown.

    • October 6, 2010 12:50 pm

      Hi there…
      Ha! You found my biggest weakness! Insecurity. Damn it, I’ve been trying to hide it so well… LOL. Yes, I’m pretty insecure. I admit it freely and openly. It’s something I’ve been working on.

      I will disagree with you on one point though – I am in no way a dreamer. I never have been. There is no part of me that dreams. I’m very realistic, almost cynical. Another point that might help you in your understanding is that my ex was 8 years older than me… so he was also ready for more than I was earlier than I was, so that amped up our level of commitment from the very beginning.

      I agree that I need a mature person, and I’ve always been attracted to men that were older than me so that’s consistent as well. Thanks for your two cents on keeping an open mind, I’m really trying to do that, but it is hard, because I do have certain standards and qualities for which I am looking … and I refuse to settle. So it’s a balancing act.

  32. eagle permalink
    October 6, 2010 1:08 pm

    maybe its not an insecurity then, perhaps more vulnerability in way. Probably have an ability to have people rally around you, bring out the protective instinct.

    I thought about that, if someone is really insecure would they open there lives up on a blog?

    read an interesting post

    where your constant dancing on the edge / or ledge / is a form of ambivalence- maturity.

    • October 6, 2010 1:35 pm

      No I think you were right originally, I was not being sarcastic. I’m incredibly insecure. I’ve always been. I’m not insecure about my intelligence, but mostly about my looks and place in the world type of stuff. As far as being insecure and having a blog, I too have thought about that – it’s possible the blog is an act to try to reinforce my own security, or to focus on the things I feel I do well (express emotion, write) and maybe have some validation of those things, hence decreasing my insecurity. So maybe having a blog in itself is an insecure act, considering I’m seeking validation. LOL. That’s a lot there…

      Thanks for sharing this article, very interesting. I’m not ambivalant about decisions, I think, I’m really good at making decisions. What I’m not good at is not regretting my decisions. I am in a constant state of buyer’s remorse. I’m never quite sure if what I decided is right – from whether I should go out with someone to what to get for dinner. I will always wonder, would I have liked the shrimp better? LOL.

      I’m exhausted from this deep dive into my character flaws… 🙂 But it is good to reflect.

  33. Someone who actually knows the whole story permalink
    October 26, 2010 1:16 pm

    Bottom Line, you said age difference was a problem for you, 12 YEARS IS 12 YEARS, 4 KIDS IS 4 KIDS, 3 DIFFERENT MOMS AND 2 OF THEM WIVES. I realize you are a blogger and that is “you” but you are a 25 year old young woman so just make a decision and go with it. He is a good dad but maybe just not a good husband and you said that is not what you were looking for anyway. I mean you were looking for guys in a bar in the hotbed of Chester VA. I am sure you get some amusement over everyone going back and forth about the situation but when the wrong people read this stuff, people can get hurt.

    Also for BETH maybe you should stop describing yourself when you talk about the mothers of his children.

    • October 26, 2010 2:04 pm

      Hi there, thanks for your comment. I understand where you are coming from on this, and if I thought it was offensive to Brian I would not have posted this. I ran it by him, and he seemed to think the whole thing was pretty funny. Definitely not my intention to hurt anyone at all. I only put it up for a vote because A: Honestly, I thought it was funny (even if I knew it was immmature) and B: I find myself being incredibly judgemental and sometimes I’m not sure if I should give someone a chance. I wanted to make sure my gut was right and bounce it off of my loyal readers. I believe my gut was right on this one – Brian wasn’t a good fit for me and what I am looking for.

      Now, as far as Chester, VA…. I was there with friends, and I happen to think there are plenty of good (or good enough) men in bars in Chester. After all, I think I’m quite the catch, so if I’m at a bar in Chester, maybe the right guy for me will be too.

      I certainly hope this came off as I intended – in good fun. Not to hurt anyone. And I don’t think we need to attack Beth because she’s offered a different view and tried to open my mind up a bit more. Just saying.

      Thanks for your comment.

      • CommonSense permalink
        October 26, 2010 5:05 pm

        “and if I thought it was offensive to Brian I would not have posted this. I ran it by him, and he seemed to think the whole thing was pretty funny. Definitely not my intention to hurt anyone at all.”

        Did you think maybe this might get back to the mother(s) of his children? Or that 2 of his children are teenagers and preet computer savy? At this point, I really do not think anyone is concerned with how “Brian at the Bar” would feel.

        You had to have know that someone would have a made a stupid comment that would offend someone invloved in this situation. Like that charming woman BETH.

        Just saying.

        • October 26, 2010 5:24 pm

          The only way this would ever get back to the mother(s) of Brian’s children would be if he shared this blog post with his social circle, which apparantly he did to garner support. Frankly, this blog is not that popular. I’m just one of a million blogs out there. I have some awesome, loyal readers – but it’s not like I’m famous or anything. My readers don’t know who the heck Brian from the Bar is. Now, I would feel more guilty if I used his full name, his children’s names, his ex’s names. If you read the post, there are no identifiable characteristics for Brian. Hell, I didn’t even say what bar we were at. So if he shared it with people, and it offended his exes and his children, then that is not my responsibility, that would be his. And I don’t care how computer savvy his kids may be, there is no way that unless someone gave them a heads up, that they could Google and find their way to my blog. Impossible. My search rankings aren’t good enough to even come up in anything that they would have possibly searched for.

          You know, I’ll say that I’m sorry if I offended anyone, but I don’t believe that my post was inherently offensive. I just reread it (I’ve written a lot of other posts since then so I needed a reminder) and I said quite a few nice things about Brian. And I was never deragatory against his ex wives or his children. If one of my readers commented, being silly, and that offended people, well that’s unfortunate. But I don’t think Beth’s comment was all that offensive, to be honest. She was just trying to give another perspective. She didn’t say that she knew his wives were lying cheating ho-bags, she asked me to consider that they COULD be. Isn’t that a fair thing to consider? Whether it’s true or not, she was giving Brian the benefit of the doubt. Why doesn’t he deserve that? Sometimes, people do just have really bad luck in love. Perhaps, Brian could be an amazing husband and was just done incredibly wrong by each of his wives. And, he could be one of those people who gets struck by lightening like a dozen times. It’s possible. Anything is possible.

          If I were an ex wife of Brian’s I would A: Not be all that concerned about this stupid blog, especially since I am an ex (which means we are no longer together and I should have moved on by now) and B: really focus on the fact that Beth said COULD. She didn’t say the exes were hos. She didn’t defame Brian’s children. She made a comment that is consistent with her personality, and frankly, I don’t find it that awful. She was more just messing with me.

          I do appreciate your perspective, but I want you to understand where I am coming from. This is what I write about. Brian was OK with it. It’s not my fault he shared it with his social circle and it’s not my fault if because of that his exes and his children came across it. I stated facts. I’m sorry if anyone’s uncomfortable with the fact that several divorces and lots of kids is, frankly, a red flag. I’ll say it, because I believe it. Fair or not, it’s a red flag. So I wrote about it. But my intentions were never to hurt anyone.

  34. CommonSense permalink
    October 26, 2010 5:06 pm

    *Pretty computer savy*

  35. October 26, 2010 5:40 pm

    Whoa Whoa WHOA! My comment was glib and off the cuff. It was not mean to be hurtful and if you took it that way, then you need to go put on a teflon suit because man you are not going to make it through life.

    IF you were able to make it past the “lying cheating ho bag” comment, you would have seen that I said *I* personally was divorced TWICE before 30. I WASNT judging Brian or anyone, I was stating that there are reason for divorce and it doesnt necessarily make him a bad person.

    Take a deep breath, for crying out loud. Come fry me up on my blog if you must, I aint skerred. You all are just taking this way way way too seriously.

  36. Seriously? permalink
    October 26, 2010 8:46 pm

    Catherine, it doesn’t seem like anyone is blaming you for intending to harm anyone. If blogging about your life is what you do, then more power to you. Your blogs are entertaining to say the least. I would bet that most if not all Brian’s exes are over him. Enjoy being 25, it suits you.

    Beth, I noticed your comment was the only one that was crass. Why is it everyone else seemed to have no problem giving their opinion or getting their point across without name calling? I would have said maybe it was just a one time thing for you to be a little classless; however, your lastest statement through my theory off. It seems to be a character flaw you have. In my opinion, it’s not about having thick skin. It’s about being repectful and having a vocabulary to speak your mind without using derogatory statements about people. Whether you used COULD or not. If I were the intense “blogger” you seem to be, I might expand my vocabulary a little so I could interact intelligently. Your statements about “I aint skerred” and “come fry me on my blog” are a perfect example. You probably sit at home or at work all day just waiting to make the wrong comment to piss someone off. You clearly wanted attention with your ignorant comments, bravo. You got your 15 seconds of fame. You think you can say whatever you want because “hey, who cares? I’m on the internet and it doersn’t matter.” With that, I have no interest in reading any of your blogs, they would probably lower my IQ.

    • October 27, 2010 10:13 am

      Ooh, Honey. You are a such a narcissistic twit. (Do you know what that means or should I explain it?) This blog was posted more than a month ago, my comment was more than a month ago. I have three words for you:

      *wait for it*




      Seriously, you are taking this all way way way too seriously. You are taking a comment that was glib (do you know that means?) and freaking out. Take a xanax and just relax. No wonder Brian divorced you? Can we have a divorce, please? Because you are worse than a pitbull. Would you get your teeth out of my thigh, because this is getting old.

      Catherine doesnt deserve to have someone that is not going to read her blog on a regular basis blowing up the comment section of one blog because that person doesnt have a life. Seriously move on.

      Oooh, or maybe not. Maybe you should come back in a couple of weeks when I guest blog here. Maybe the topic will be women that should get a life and MOVE ON! I will make sure when I write it that I use small enough words for you to understand.

      • CommonSense permalink
        October 27, 2010 11:48 am

        Hey there Classless,

        It’s clear why your fat ass is divorced 2x as well.

        Btw, I’m not one of Brian’s exes. I wouldn’t put myself in that situation. I believe Catherine made the right choice. The issue a few people had with your comment was it was disrespectful!

        Now go blog about your boring life and why you can’t find a man.

        P.S. I think the real reason you will use small words is because thats all you know.

        Good day, chubbs! Aww was that a little classless, so sorry…. From your picture it appears your skin is thick enough to handle it. 🙂

  37. October 27, 2010 3:16 am

    Catherine, I hope you’re not taking these ridiculous recent comments too seriously. You’re 25. You’ve just narrowly escaped being married to the wrong guy. You’re allowed to want a boyfriend without the drama of three ex wives with kids, and you’re allowed to write that, even if said guy’s overprotective friends don’t like it.

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