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Date Recap: Unbelievably Smart Guy

September 23, 2010

Photo courtesy of Mr. T in DC

Guys, I can’t tell you how good it feels to be writing a date recap again. It’s been a really long time since I’ve gone on a date with anyone but Chef (not complaining, he’s a pretty good date. Just sayin’). Sure, I’ve been flirting so much that I’m actually kind of exhausted at night, but my dating abilities have not been getting the work out I intended. So here’s the recap of my date last week with Unbelievably Smart Guy (USG).

I met USG on Plenty of Fish. We talked back and forth for a while, and he won many brownie points with me when, upon first message, he mentioned specific items in my profile, wrote in complete sentences and didn’t have any self-portraits taken with his cell phone of his abs in the mirror. My initial main concern was his height – 5’ 6”, way below my 5’ 10” minimum. But his first message to me was good enough that I replied. See, I’m not completely shallow (whew, that’s a relief to even me).

Eventually, our conversations moved to text message. Still a winner. We set up a date to go to Secco Wine Bar in Carytown on Wednesday.  

Wednesday came and I put on my date dress. I probably have about four main outfits that I wear over and over for dates (first dates, not second) and this was definitely my date dress. People at work even recognized it and said, “You have a date tonight, Catherine?” Indeed. I certainly do.

USG and I have talked a lot. He’s so smart. I can’t even properly put into words the kind of complex language he uses or the number of topics about which he can talk with me. It’s a little intimidating, actually. I mean, I’m no dummy (had a 4.0 in college, whoop whoop!), but I still feel like I’m lacking slightly in the intelligence department compared to USG. Especially when drinking. Which brings me to our date.

At the wine bar, we had some really good wine and lots of small plates (very trendy place, amazing food – Richmonders, I would go if you are considering it). He was open to sharing food (a plus, I hate people who are not sharers) and very friendly with the wait staff. It wasn’t until I saw how friendly he was with our servers that I realized how important this is to me. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the people serving them.

Conversation flowed almost too easily at dinner. We both have a lot to say, and we are both very fast talkers. It seems we didn’t finish many stories, because somehow each story would get side tracked. Which is fun, but damn there were some stories in which I really would have liked to hear the rest.

For some reason, I put off writing about this date because I didn’t know quite what I wanted to say or even how I felt about it. I am conflicted. The only way I can describe the rest of the details of the date is in the following manner.

I liked USG and this date with USG because:

  • He made me laugh. And think. And feel pretty.
  • He knows about the blog, but I kind of think he gets it more than other people do. He understands my intentions, my purpose and what this blog is (and isn’t).
  • He has an incredible background. His family sounds amazing. His mom escaped Iran during a revolution, on horseback when she was eight months pregnant with USG. She is now a prominent feminist. His sister works on Democratic campaigns in Washington, D.C. (ie, she has my dream job). He comes from a family of feminists, and seems to actually get women. He mentioned that there are Wikipedia pages for half of his family. Is it wrong to want to date someone because you want to get to know his family? No seriously, am I bitch because part of me is more intrigued by his family and life story than I am in him? Or is that him?
  • He made me want to talk with him more. In fact, the night of the date, I had to go home and bake triple chocolate caramel cookie bars (yum!) for an event at work. My intentions were to wrap the date up early so I could hit the store and then hit the kitchen. Let’s just say our date lasted at least three hours, which kept me up pretty late baking. After dinner and a couple of glasses of wine, he asked me if I wanted to get coffee. I kind of hate coffee. I drink it very seldom, and when I do, it’s usually with a shot of vanilla or in cappuccino form. He asked me if I wanted to have coffee with him after dinner and I whole-heartedly agreed. In fact, and I’m not proud, I pretended to like coffee. Granted, it wasn’t so bad after I added a ton of sugar, milk and half & half, but the fact that I misled him on my desire for coffee must say something.
  • He’s socially liberal. Thank God. Literally the first guy since my ex fiancée that defines himself as liberal in any way. What a relief.

I’m not sure I liked USG and this date with USG because:

  • I seriously don’t feel smart enough sometimes. I hate to put myself down, but I do wonder about it. And I can’t drink with this guy. After two glasses of wine, I felt myself having an even harder time keeping up.
  • And in case you are about to defend me and say I’m plenty smart, I’ll tell you this. He mentioned on text message before the date that he was Persian. I didn’t think much of it. And then he mentioned his family is from Iran. Somehow, I was shocked. You’re Iranian? Where the hell did I think Persians came from? A country called Persia? And I minored in political science! I literally had to check out the Wikipedia page for Persian People to understand it all. He deserves smarter than that, for sure.
  • When he walked me to my car, I realized that with my heels, we are the same height. It wasn’t a deal breaker, but I distinctly noticed it. Damn it, I’m so shallow.
  • About 60 percent of the time it feels like we are in the friend zone. That is sort of part of the territory since he knows about the blog. The blog sort of opens up topics (ie, me dating other people) that normally wouldn’t be brought up in a normal dating environment. He’s actually said to me that he’s rooting for Chef. That’s so weird. And he tells me about the other girls he’s dating too.
  • He kissed me, but I can’t remember it. It happened, but it didn’t stick with me. I remember more the way he smelled, or my surprise at him kissing me. I don’t remember the actual kiss. I know it wasn’t bad (trust me, I’ve had some bad kisses), but the kiss itself wasn’t memorable. The moment was, because immediately after he said something like, “Sorry, I just had to do that. Wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t give it a shot.” But I can’t remember the actual kiss.
  • I felt like I was cheating on Chef. Although this date came after he said he didn’t want a relationship, and I recommitted myself to dating, I felt pretty shady. I felt fine the entire date, but it was during the ride home that I felt a little weird/gross/shady/don’t-have-the-words-to-describe-it-but-something-was-happening.  

So that’s it. USG has said he’d like to hang out next week (which is about two full weeks between first date and second date, so maybe he’s as conflicted as I am?). I definitely think I need a second go-round to figure out what the heck I think.

31 Comments leave one →
  1. September 23, 2010 9:37 am

    Hmmm! This is a toughie, because he seems like a good guy. I think this one might be worth a second date.


    PS. I’m about to write on some issues with Matt, I’ll need your advice!

    • September 23, 2010 1:09 pm

      I know, he does seem like a really good guy. At the end of the day, I just enjoy his company, so I’ll probably hang out with him again – even just as friends.
      I’ll definitely check out your blog. Not sure if you want my advice though – I’m a relationship failure. Haha 🙂 I’ll definitely check it out tonight when I get off of work!

  2. September 23, 2010 10:13 am

    Love the description of the date. And I defintely don’t think that you should beat yourself up for not being smart enough – although I know that feeling. But you can look at it from another way – you are definately smarter that probably MOST of the people he meets (4.0 in college is pretty awesome) and when in doubt, you always have Wikepedia – and the fact that you actually looked it up is probably something that most women wouldn’t bother to do. So, I wouldn’t worry about it too much!

    By the way, I totally have a height thing – i.e. men must be several inches taller than me when I’m in ridiculously high heels (and believe me I wish this was not the case cuz at 5’8 this put me somewhere around 6 feet in high heels – I do like ridiculously high ones – and this rules out a good portion of the male population) And I totally have date dresses too!

    • September 23, 2010 1:13 pm

      That’s a good point, many people don’t know what they don’t know, and don’t try to find out the answer. So I guess you are right, at least I Googled it. I don’t know how people dated before Wikipedia, seriously. I can become an pseudo-expert on anything I need to in a flash! Makes it much easier to talk about something your date is interested in, for sure. Favorite movie is some obscure 40’s film? I’m gonna read up on that shit and understand your references! LOL.

      Wow, I don’t envy your height issue. You must have slim pickings! At least I am 5′ 3″, so it leaves a lot of guys in the running. I just need to be able to reach up when I hug you, tilt my head up to kiss you. I’d prefer to be able to do that in heels, but beggers can’t be choosers. If I can at least do it wearing flats, we can work with that. Seems to me you probably need to date basketball players 🙂

      Glad to know someone else has designated date dresses! LOL

      • September 23, 2010 1:38 pm

        I had to get rid of my designated date dresses. They were definitely attracting the wrong kinda people for me….

        • September 24, 2010 11:01 am

          Hahaha! Do men have date outfits though? Seriously?

  3. September 23, 2010 10:33 am

    Ahh, smart love:) I say go on another date. Enjoy his smarty pants ways and get him on topic that you know and own it. Show him how smart you are and then see what happens. Talking is good, talking is great. I can’t even tell you the last time I was with a man and our words were falling all over themselves in our urgency to TALK. Tear. But enough about me. Give this one some time and see what happens. Oh, and send me one of those cookie bars;) -SG

    • September 23, 2010 1:16 pm

      That’s a good point, on finding a topic and owning it. Hadn’t thought of that. Preferably it’ll be something he knows less than me about and I can show him I’m actually not an idiot. Must not drink during said conversation, however. That really slows me down. LOL. Aww, sorry to hear you haven’t had that urgency to talk with someone in awhile. Where do you live? Maybe I’ll send him your way. We talk and talk and talk and talk… We talk over each other, under each other, we finish each other’s stories by starting our own stories, it’s a lot. Not bad, but a lot 🙂

      Haha, is there irony in the fact that your website is Weight Loss and the Single Girl and I am gonna send you some cookie bars? LOL… they have like 600 calories each, so I’ll have to send it when you are ready for a cheat day. They are delicious!

  4. September 23, 2010 11:04 am

    I felt like I was cheating on Chef.


    • September 23, 2010 1:17 pm

      I’m going to need a little more, Dennis… Like 5 cents more :). No I’m not cheating? Obviously. Is it wrong, you think, to have that feeling in my stomach like I was? I don’t know what it all means, to be frank…

      • September 23, 2010 1:37 pm

        It’s not wrong, per se. In fact, it’s natural.

        But, I think it reveals an attachment that you have to Chef that you might want to be careful about, especially given what he’s said about you needing to date other people, and what you yourself have said about not wanting anything too serious right now….

        There. That enough pennies for ya? 🙂

        • September 24, 2010 11:01 am

          Dennis, you are wise beyond your years. That was like dollar’s worth. Things are getting incredibly complicated on the Chef issue. They’ll be a post next week … suddenly, almost out of nowhere, he wants more. And wants me to stop dating. I’m on the fence. When I’m with him, I want to stop dating too. But intellectually, I don’t want to. This shit is hard. Hope you have a happy weekend.

      • September 24, 2010 11:17 am

        Uh oh. 😉

        Okay, good luck on this then. Looking forward to reading about this….

  5. natasha permalink
    September 23, 2010 12:46 pm

    I’m with USG – rooting for Chef 😉

  6. LeeAnn permalink
    September 23, 2010 12:55 pm

    Definitely worth a second, and maybe even a third date.

    On a different note, I would love to see your ‘date outfits’.

    • September 23, 2010 1:19 pm

      Thanks, LeeAnn! That’s funny, I should take pics. You just gave me an idea for a blog post. And maybe a fashion show. Fun…. 🙂

  7. September 23, 2010 4:30 pm

    Sounds like you might have a new interesting friend at least. I’m not surprised that you felt partly in the friend zone given that he apologized for kissing you – I thought guys were trained not to say things like that! It sounded like he was already preparing to get rejected.

    • September 24, 2010 11:03 am

      He is really interesting. I’m not quite sure he was apologizing, it was more just like a throw away “sorry” but I know what you mean. But I do wonder if he thought he might be rejected, cause he has mentioned he wasn’t sure if we’d have another date so he wanted to give it a shot on the first date. I think he’s a really cool guy, so I think I’ll probably find a friend out of this at the very least. Thanks for your thoughts (as always!)

  8. September 27, 2010 9:28 pm

    Okay I have two questions…one related to him…or not so much.
    1. How tall are you? Because height is so relative…like if you’re 5’10 and accepting 5’6 I’d be like go on with your bad self I’m glad you’re cool with that because I couldn’t be…but if you’re 5’0 and concerned about 5’6 I’d say…take him! what are you sweating it for…and on another note…stay away from my tall guys lol (JK…er…sort of :P)

    2. I’m interested in knowing more about your intentions for the blog and how this guy understands them so much better than other people. Does he have some specific relatability or something? Have other people before really misinterpreted it?

    • September 28, 2010 4:48 pm

      1. I am 5′ 3″, and usually wear about 3″ heels. I just love a tall man, I love the feeling of hugging someone taller than me, or when a guy has to lean down to kiss me. I’m such a heightist (haha not a word at all). But you are right on, it depends on the height difference. Just as long as I’m not taller than the guy in flats… now that would be a total deal breaker. I think I like anything above 5′ 8″, but prefer anything 5′ 10″ and taller. One guy I dated was 6′ 4″, and that was amazing. And it really sort of clouded my height judgment :). I’ll do my best to stay away from your tall guys, but it’s gonna be hard – they are a hot commodity!

      2. This guy does seem to have a certain relatability that I can’t quite put my finger on. He’s really easy to talk with and I don’t know, somehow I feel like he understands certain things because of his background living with primarily women. Like he gets women a little more than the average guy. As far as the blog, a lot of people say it’s a dating blog. Which, there’s nothing wrong with that, there are some awesome dating blogs out there (and I read quite a few religiously). However, for me the blog is more about the recovery after the end of the relationship, finding myself, starting over. I want to serve as a resource for people like me that have gone through hard break ups. It also is a dating blog, on top of that. And I love talking about that kind of stuff (date recaps are really fun to write). I think USG really understands that much of the blog is an outlet for me and it’s an important part of my recovery. And that it’s about the writing too – to force myself to write and to practice (and hopefully improve) upon my writing skills. So all this is to say, I don’t want the blog to just be fun stories about dates and men. You know what I mean? Because what happens when I actually meet someone and I stop dating? Will no one read anymore? I guess I would just say the blog is more about my journey, not just the dating piece. I hope that makes sense. And thanks for asking – I’ve never quite had to put my blogging intentions into words like that :). PS, I love love LOVE your blog.

  9. Ghetto_Philosopher permalink
    September 28, 2010 1:11 am

    Haha, I had to laugh at this one because the girl I am going on dates with right now is both incredibly smart and loves the Middle East and Persians (she is white but is learning Arabic and Persian, and has a passion for the Middle East). Except that we’re really hitting it off (she seems to really like me and the feeling is mutual). I actually came to read your blog to see where things were with you. Now I’m all caught up :-). I am rooting for this guy actually, just because he is partly like me and partly like her.

    • September 28, 2010 4:20 pm

      Haha that’s awesome! Well, I’m glad you know where Persians come from, because that could be bad if you didn’t with the girl you are dating :). I’m glad things seem to be going well with your love life. Isn’t it awesome to date someone smart? And, PS, thanks for catching up :). That makes me feel really good that you even care what’s going on on my side of the world!

  10. Jessica permalink
    October 1, 2010 8:29 pm

    Can I just say how sexy persians are? Am I right, or am I right? I totally had a thing for my boss (a physician. Totally smart, which added to the sexy-factor) and his younger brother… Too bad USG doesn’t have any brothers (at least none you mentioned). He sounds very interesting, to say the least. Can’t wait to read about your next date!

    Yours truly,

    • October 2, 2010 7:09 pm

      LOL… Persians are INCREDIBLY sexy. Now that I actually know what a Persian is. LOL 🙂
      Yeah, I don’t USG has any brothers … it’s too bad because I think he’s pretty great. We have decided to hang out in the “friend zone” for now, but I’m happy that I’ve met him. He’s a great guy. I love that you had a thing for your boss – scandalous! 🙂

  11. October 4, 2010 11:53 pm

    I love to hear about guys who are only 5’6″, because it makes me – at a whopping 5’8″ – feel good. Though I’d never meet your criteria, as I still fall two inches short (not to mention the ageism, and the kids…though thankfully, mine are only from one babymomma)!

    • October 5, 2010 10:21 am

      Haha, I will definitely talk more about the under 6 foot guys I date then :). Haha, my criteria, frankly, are hard to meet. The height, the ageism, the kids (although props for only having one baby mama!), do you have a 401k? Lol. And I haven’t even put my REAL list of criteria on this blog yet!!

  12. October 5, 2010 8:01 pm

    I’d say he’s definitely worth a second date. Intriguing enough – more than – and the fact conversation was nonstop are big pluses. Best of luck! Just take the time to find out more about him and I think the rest will take care of itself one way or another.

    • October 5, 2010 9:40 pm

      Thanks! I was really on board for the second date, but in the weeks since this post we decided to just be friends – and actually be friends, as in we talk daily. We were just playing in this friend zone for awhile, and then things got serious with Chef, and now we’re just friends. But I’m happy with the situation, and who knows what could happen later?


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