Simply Solo Spotlight: Guys Are Easy
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Without further ado … here’s our first Simply Solo Spotlight!
Guys Are Easy
On occasion, some great insights come from the most unlikely of sources. Now, more often than not, these are the exceptions to the rules, as in some ways it violates “guy code” to speak of such things. Well, even if it doesn’t violate the aforementioned code, it certainly goes against the code of rap music to paint the male gender in any light other than as latter-day Steve McQueens. (Note: Steve McQueen was the epitome of badass; I defy you to say otherwise.)
“This Cinderella shit is totally irrelevant
You’ll never get a girl older than 7 that’s been celibate
Cause every chick has been around the block with a guy or ten
And guys are sensitive, its better that you lie to them
Even the violent men who dress up in street clothes
With stilettos and heat know they’ve got delicate egos”
On the surface, this does not appear to be anything extraordinaire, however take a moment to analyze what this verse is implying. Could it be that the football watching, beer drinking, driving direction non-seeking, communication-deficient phallus wielders actually have a self-conscious side? Well, of course we do. We are every bit as irrational as the fairer sex. We say dumb things we don’t mean. We say dumber things in order to probe for information, gauge a response, and/or test where we are in the “relationship” cycle. Could we obtain this information by simply asking direct questions? Of course we could, but that isn’t something we often do. You’d have better luck getting a guy to admit that televised wrestling is a soap opera for men, than to get direct communication.
Guys out there reading this, I know that the knee-jerk reaction here is to say, “I don’t do that! Shut your face, moron.” Trust me, I am with you. In fact, I am currently engaged in an animated disagreement with my inner monologue as we speak. He too thinks I’m an asshole and may or may not have man-crush on Josh Hartnett. Stupid inner-monologue … Anyways, yes I hyperbolize for effect and there are some great communicators within the male gender. However, I would argue that it gets better as a relationship progresses, as we begin to let our guards down and explore this alien concept of “intimacy.”
So, what should we do with this information? There is no road map or blueprint to follow and I’m quite happy that there isn’t. Let’s hope that relationships never get reduced to an elaborate multiplication table or workflow algorithm. I would, however, be remiss not to at least offer some advice to the esteemed followers of Catherine’s illustrious blog.
Ladies, accept the fact that you all – at least initially – communicate better than we do. Therefore, tell us what makes you feel good. If there is a certain thing you enjoy in the bedroom, don’t be afraid to let it be known. I mean, you could employ some tact so perhaps, “Yo, less motorboat and more oral. Now. Please.” isn’t the best way to go about it, but you get my point. Hmm … on second thought, that phrasing might actually work, but I digress.
I assure you that virtually every single guy with whom you are in a relationship wants to please you sexually and otherwise. Of course, I’ve specified “relationship,” as I’m sure there are the one-night stand and/or booty-call arrangements that definitely fall outside of this rule. (Like perhaps an alcohol induced Karen Owen situation in which some subjects have little to no desire, motivation, or incentive to please). I’m going to operate off the assumption that none of Catherine’s readers regularly engage in one-night stands/booty-calls. (Um … if I’m wrong in assuming this, ask Catherine for my number and get at me! Kidding … kinda.) Where was I? Right, so undoubtedly, one of the biggest myths out there is that guys are just looking out for themselves in the bedroom. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Not only do we want to please, but I’m fairly certain the desire to please is built into our DNA makeup. Alas, yet another beneficial byproduct of machismo. We kill spiders, open pickle jars, and want you to get your rocks off. You can thank us later.
Moving right along, reciprocation is vital. Ladies, you like when your man makes you feel pretty, right? Well, make him feel sexy. If he does this ____ with his ___ that makes your _____ _______ … you should probably share that info! Even if it is something as simple as telling him that getting a “goodnight” text makes you sleep that much sounder, then let him know. We aren’t psychics and we don’t ask questions all too often. As a result, in some ways, we need you ladies to take the initiative to provide the information. Sound like a double standard? Well, you are probably right, but we do pay for dates more often than not (even if we are dating feminists), so I guess that makes us even.
Here is the last bit of insight I wish to share. BE CONFIDENT. Ladies, ya’ll dig a confident guy, right? I think it is fair to say that women find “confidence” to be an attractive quality in a guy. Well, this goes both ways. Guys are definitely attracted to confidence too, regardless of whether they’d openly list it at the top of their “turn on” sheets. Put succinctly, we want to feel that the person we are “courting” is worthy of the effort. I acknowledge that this is a delicate balance to maintain and guys don’t want to date a “diva” any more than girls would want to date an arrogant, cocky jerk. Nonetheless, there is a balance that can (and should) be found here. Furthermore, there is a reason why this is so crucial. Quite frankly, guys generally don’t know how to handle a girl with significant self-image issues. That may sound bad, but I assure you that it isn’t intended to. The fact is that guys want to help. We like to “fix” things. We want the person we are dating to feel good about herself. Unfortunately, when we like someone but can’t figure out how to make that person feel good, we then start to feel a bit helpless. There aren’t many worse feelings in life than helplessness.
Consider the alternative though. If you can smoothly convey to a guy that you are awesome and that he should feel lucky to be with you, that will have a profound effect. Don’t believe me? Well ladies, consider how many guys you’ve started to like more once you realized that they were sought after … This isn’t the exact same thing, but it functions off of a similar principle. Of course, after you lull him into a false sense of security (aka intimacy), you can emasculate him with “Gilmore Girls” while peppering him with your self-image issues during commercial breaks. I’m just sayin’, this advice will at least help you get to this point, which really is the bellwether of any healthy relationship.