Simply Solo Spotlight: PJ the DJ
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PJ the DJ
So, my college friend Catherine (yes, sadly we are each other’s one-and-only college friend), asked me to share one of my dating stories since I too am new to the singles scene.
To make a long intro short, within the last year and at the young age of 28, I finalized my divorce to my husband of seven years. Shortly after, I managed to have a bit of a whirlwind romance with someone for whom I fell hard, and fast. For the sake of privacy, we’ll call this whirlwind romance guy Jake. Jake’s rejection ended up being a catalyst for me to actually confront the emotions from my divorce that I’d done such a good job bottling up, and I went a little nuts. Jake told me he wasn’t ready for the connection we had, and I immediately wanted to make him insanely jealous in the hopes that he’d come to his senses and want me back.
So, I hopped back onto good ole Plenty Of Fish to find a guy quick to set my plan in motion. For those of you who don’t know, Plenty Of Fish is a free dating site which, as I encouraged Catherine, is a great way to quickly boost your self-esteem. When I’d been on there before, I had to field a ridiculous amount of e-mails. I mean, who knew I was so irresistible to the male world at large? Haha, back to the set up.
Enter PJ the DJ. Bet you can’t guess that his name was PJ and he is a disc jockey, for XM radio, if memory serves me right. PJ lives almost two hours away and, during the last terrible blizzard, sent me tons of texts and pictures and tried to convince me to let him take me out. He said that he had a son (which actually went against one of my firm dating rules) who coincidentally lived with his mother in my neighborhood, two hours from PJ, in the sticks. PJ called me one morning and said that he had to drop his son off, and since he’d be in the area, why didn’t I let him take me to dinner? I agreed, thinking I could put my plan in motion to make Jake enraged with jealousy!
PJ pulled up in a 1994 purple Mustang convertible for which he bragged he’d only paid $1,000. Gee, surprising. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t really care less about what a guy drives. Jake drove an old Corolla with manual roll-down windows and a vanity plate referencing an 80s comedy. Not exactly a shaggin’ wagon.
When PJ stepped out of the car, I knew immediately I was completely uninterested. Chris Rock’s theory is correct: A woman knows within the first five minutes if she would sleep with a guy. PJ smelled like patchouli. Some people like the fragrance that is so popular amongst the hippies. I, unfortunately, am not a fan. PJ gave me an awkward hug, and as we made conversation, he let it slip that he’d lied. His ex had picked up his son yesterday and this trip was solely to see me.
This made me feel a little bad, since I knew PJ didn’t have a chance. He immediately made himself at home lounging on my couch, joking about getting drunk, as I was faking eating a gun behind his back to my roommate and mouthing “I hate him.” We’ve done this a lot, to cue whether or not privacy is needed. After about 20 minutes of PJ pawing at me as though we’d been dating for months, I convinced him to ride with me to grab a beer at a nearby restaurant. This was for two reasons. 1) To get him the hell out of my house, and 2) To allow me some alcoholic reprieve. He supposedly only had two hours to spend with me before he had to head back north for work. So, I knew I had to try to quickly and painlessly kill two hours.
There was absolutely no chemistry. PJ was one of those guys (like so many) that loved to talk about himself. Being that he’s a disc jockey for a rock station, he kept name dropping all of these bands and radio personalities he’d met. I kept reminding him that I have never been a fan of much more than rap music, so I had no clue which names were supposed to impress me. I jokingly asked if he’d met the Backstreet Boys, because I’m a boy band nerd and THAT would be a band that would have impressed me. My point was to get him to stop obnoxiously name dropping.
I went to the restroom at one point, and when I came back, PJ said, “Good news, I’m yours all night! I just called out of work. So now I can get drunk and crash at your place!”
With a nervous laugh, I started texting Jake, telling him about my horrible date and that it was all his fault. If he cared that I was on a date, he certainly didn’t show it. But my constant texting back and forth with Jake still didn’t deter PJ the DJ from talking. All about his likes and dislikes, rarely asking my opinion on anything.
Finally the bill came, and PJ started rummaging through his wallet, only to look at me and say, “My son must have been playing with my debit card!” Are you friggin’ kidding me?! So, I paid the tab and we headed back to my place. He started to head back in, walking closely next to me, telling me all the “things he wanted to do” to me. I stopped him from coming in, explaining that even though he’d called out of work, I still had to get up early. After a little convincing, I walked him to his car, where I got another awkward hug, and he left.
I felt relief. Relief that the night was over and that we were done. I mean, I wasn’t responsive, texted another man all night and paid the bill for the two of us. Surely he didn’t think the night went well! About 10 minutes later, I got a few texts back-to-back telling me how attractive he thought I was and that he’d had a great time. PJ wasn’t going down without a fight.
Fast forward to 8 a.m. the next day, where I’m at my desk having the first sips of my morning coffee, and my phone vibrates from an incoming picture text. Of PJ the DJ’s penis. Fully erect, and strangely green. Mortified, I quickly tried to clear the message, hoping my boss hadn’t seen it. I was so annoyed and unprepared for that at 8 am. Jesus, I hadn’t even had my morning coffee. And if I were interested in pre-coffee cock, it sure as hell wouldn’t be from PJ. And also – why was it green?? Relentless, I received not one, not two, but several follow-up texts to see if I’d received his pic, how was my day, and did I like the (green) cock pic from this morning?
Look, when I’m dating someone, I’m all about some dirty texting. But timing and chemistry are key. I tried to ask him what had compelled him to send me that picture, and explain that I wasn’t into that since we’d just met, and that I’d hoped my boss hadn’t seen. Apparently PJ thought I’d “begged” him to see it, which was a complete fabrication. When I told him I thought we should just be friends, he told me to, “Fuck off. I’ve got enough friends. But if you ever wanna hook up, you’ve gotta fine ass and my phone number.” WTF.
To top it all off, I’d made a joke on my Facebook page about early morning green penis pics, which resulted in questions and jokes from Jake and some of his friends. I guess jealousy didn’t set in, but disgust must have. Jake deleted me from his Facebook and we haven’t spoken since.
I’m still painfully single, looking for someone good-looking, smart and sarcastic. Who will be insanely in love with me and who doesn’t cheat. Though I deleted my Plenty Of Fish account (since let’s face it, it’s all booty calls on there), I do still have eHarmony and Match accounts. Yes, I really am that desperate apparently; since finding someone with which you have a connection is really difficult. Please refer all applicants to Catherine who will forward their information to me.