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Simply Solo Spotlight: PJ the DJ

October 19, 2010
Today’s Tuesday, which means we have another Simply Solo Spotlight! Today’s guest blogger is one of my closest friends, Dana. She’s literally my only friend from college, and one of the strongest women I know. Although she’s been through some hard times when it comes to relationships, she has not given up in her quest for love. Along the way, she’s run into some very interesting characters, including PJ the DJ, detailed below. I hope you enjoy this post as much as I did.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

PJ the DJ

So, my college friend Catherine (yes, sadly we are each other’s one-and-only college friend), asked me to share one of my dating stories since I too am new to the singles scene.

To make a long intro short, within the last year and at the young age of 28, I finalized my divorce to my husband of seven years. Shortly after, I managed to have a bit of a whirlwind romance with someone for whom I fell hard, and fast. For the sake of privacy, we’ll call this whirlwind romance guy Jake. Jake’s rejection ended up being a catalyst for me to actually confront the emotions from my divorce that I’d done such a good job bottling up, and I went a little nuts. Jake told me he wasn’t ready for the connection we had, and I immediately wanted to make him insanely jealous in the hopes that he’d come to his senses and want me back.

So, I hopped back onto good ole Plenty Of Fish to find a guy quick to set my plan in motion. For those of you who don’t know, Plenty Of Fish is a free dating site which, as I encouraged Catherine, is a great way to quickly boost your self-esteem. When I’d been on there before, I had to field a ridiculous amount of e-mails. I mean, who knew I was so irresistible to the male world at large? Haha, back to the set up.

disc jockey, DJ

Not actually PJ the DJ, but what he looks like in Catherine's head. But maybe slightly less cute. Photo courtesy of Libertinus Yomango

Enter PJ the DJ. Bet you can’t guess that his name was PJ and he is a disc jockey, for XM radio, if memory serves me right. PJ lives almost two hours away and, during the last terrible blizzard, sent me tons of texts and pictures and tried to convince me to let him take me out. He said that he had a son (which actually went against one of my firm dating rules) who coincidentally lived with his mother in my neighborhood, two hours from PJ, in the sticks. PJ called me one morning and said that he had to drop his son off, and since he’d be in the area, why didn’t I let him take me to dinner? I agreed, thinking I could put my plan in motion to make Jake enraged with jealousy!

PJ pulled up in a 1994 purple Mustang convertible for which he bragged he’d only paid $1,000. Gee, surprising. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t really care less about what a guy drives. Jake drove an old Corolla with manual roll-down windows and a vanity plate referencing an 80s comedy. Not exactly a shaggin’ wagon.

When PJ stepped out of the car, I knew immediately I was completely uninterested. Chris Rock’s theory is correct: A woman knows within the first five minutes if she would sleep with a guy. PJ smelled like patchouli. Some people like the fragrance that is so popular amongst the hippies. I, unfortunately, am not a fan. PJ gave me an awkward hug, and as we made conversation, he let it slip that he’d lied. His ex had picked up his son yesterday and this trip was solely to see me.

This made me feel a little bad, since I knew PJ didn’t have a chance. He immediately made himself at home lounging on my couch, joking about getting drunk, as I was faking eating a gun behind his back to my roommate and mouthing “I hate him.” We’ve done this a lot, to cue whether or not privacy is needed. After about 20 minutes of PJ pawing at me as though we’d been dating for months, I convinced him to ride with me to grab a beer at a nearby restaurant. This was for two reasons. 1) To get him the hell out of my house, and 2) To allow me some alcoholic reprieve. He supposedly only had two hours to spend with me before he had to head back north for work. So, I knew I had to try to quickly and painlessly kill two hours.

There was absolutely no chemistry. PJ was one of those guys (like so many) that loved to talk about himself. Being that he’s a disc jockey for a rock station, he kept name dropping all of these bands and radio personalities he’d met. I kept reminding him that I have never been a fan of much more than rap music, so I had no clue which names were supposed to impress me. I jokingly asked if he’d met the Backstreet Boys, because I’m a boy band nerd and THAT would be a band that would have impressed me. My point was to get him to stop obnoxiously name dropping.

I went to the restroom at one point, and when I came back, PJ said, “Good news, I’m yours all night! I just called out of work. So now I can get drunk and crash at your place!” 

With a nervous laugh, I started texting Jake, telling him about my horrible date and that it was all his fault. If he cared that I was on a date, he certainly didn’t show it. But my constant texting back and forth with Jake still didn’t deter PJ the DJ from talking. All about his likes and dislikes, rarely asking my opinion on anything.

Finally the bill came, and PJ started rummaging through his wallet, only to look at me and say, “My son must have been playing with my debit card!” Are you friggin’ kidding me?! So, I paid the tab and we headed back to my place. He started to head back in, walking closely next to me, telling me all the “things he wanted to do” to me. I stopped him from coming in, explaining that even though he’d called out of work, I still had to get up early. After a little convincing, I walked him to his car, where I got another awkward hug, and he left.

I felt relief. Relief that the night was over and that we were done. I mean, I wasn’t responsive, texted another man all night and paid the bill for the two of us. Surely he didn’t think the night went well! About 10 minutes later, I got a few texts back-to-back telling me how attractive he thought I was and that he’d had a great time. PJ wasn’t going down without a fight.

Fast forward to 8 a.m. the next day, where I’m at my desk having the first sips of my morning coffee, and my phone vibrates from an incoming picture text. Of PJ the DJ’s penis. Fully erect, and strangely green. Mortified, I quickly tried to clear the message, hoping my boss hadn’t seen it. I was so annoyed and unprepared for that at 8 am. Jesus, I hadn’t even had my morning coffee. And if I were interested in pre-coffee cock, it sure as hell wouldn’t be from PJ. And also – why was it green?? Relentless, I received not one, not two, but several follow-up texts to see if I’d received his pic, how was my day, and did I like the (green) cock pic from this morning?

Look, when I’m dating someone, I’m all about some dirty texting. But timing and chemistry are key. I tried to ask him what had compelled him to send me that picture, and explain that I wasn’t into that since we’d just met, and that I’d hoped my boss hadn’t seen. Apparently PJ thought I’d “begged” him to see it, which was a complete fabrication. When I told him I thought we should just be friends, he told me to, “Fuck off. I’ve got enough friends. But if you ever wanna hook up, you’ve gotta fine ass and my phone number.” WTF.

To top it all off, I’d made a joke on my Facebook page about early morning green penis pics, which resulted in questions and jokes from Jake and some of his friends. I guess jealousy didn’t set in, but disgust must have. Jake deleted me from his Facebook and we haven’t spoken since.

I’m still painfully single, looking for someone good-looking, smart and sarcastic. Who will be insanely in love with me and who doesn’t cheat. Though I deleted my Plenty Of Fish account (since let’s face it, it’s all booty calls on there), I do still have eHarmony and Match accounts. Yes, I really am that desperate apparently; since finding someone with which you have a connection is really difficult. Please refer all applicants to Catherine who will forward their information to me.


26 Comments leave one →
  1. October 19, 2010 8:50 am

    Yikes! This brought on flash back horror and a great laugh!

  2. October 19, 2010 9:44 am

    UGH! PJ the DJ has a greenie weenie! He sounds just disgusting, you poor girl. Catherine, I love this featured blogger! She is a great writer, just as you are.

    It is such a wonderful theme, too. Women LOVE hearing about juicy dating stories, and this one is quite entertaining! Dana, if I have any prospective suitors for you, I’ll forward them to Catherine! You girls are adorable. Love this blog!

    P.S. Dana, get yourself out there, girl! I am unsure if you do so already.. But… Go bowling with a gf and occasionally peruse for guys who need some company. Go find happy hours at nice bars/restaurants where people like PJ the DJ DON’T GO. Go sing karaoke (it’s always fun to meet guys who like to have a good time, and karaoke is a great place to do so!) Try some speed dating! Hey, you never know… You could meet someone you have a connection with. (Even if it is someone with whom you can just fill your time, you don’t have to marry the guy.) Wish the best for you!

    Catherine, chat soon! Have a great day, girls!

    • October 19, 2010 12:43 pm

      Brittany: Thanks for comment! I’m glad you liked this guest post. I thought it was great too! And I think that is awesome advice as far as places to meet men. I just took note for future reference 🙂

  3. October 19, 2010 10:50 am

    Oh my gosh, Dana, this is outrageous! Thanks for sharing! A further example of what this year has been reminding all of my lady friends and me: Boys are stupid. No matter how old or awesome they are, sometimes, boys are just stupid. Kind of blows my mind sometimes.

    • October 20, 2010 12:18 am

      Haha, yes. Boys are stupid. My new motto. I’ve been saying “men suck” for so long but the real problem is that boys are stupid.

      • October 20, 2010 10:02 am

        It really explains so much, doesn’t it? It’s not their fault all the time, it’s just that boys can be so stupid. haha I’m sure they don’t like hearing that, but it’s always a comfort to me!

  4. October 19, 2010 10:54 am

    It never fails to amazing me how lame a guy can be and still think I want to see his dick. (I actually wrote about something similar just yesterday.) How about a little more self-awareness?

    Crystal
    http://www.crystalspins.com

  5. Jane permalink
    October 19, 2010 11:12 am

    I swear I went on a date with exact guy years ago!!! ew.

  6. October 19, 2010 12:08 pm

    What is it with men and the color green? My date (secured through Match.com) admitted on date #2 a fetish for women who “go green.” Assuming he’d like me to reduce, reuse and recycle a bit more, I told him I’m totally with him…that I could definitely use a little more green in my life.

    Then he dropped the bombshell: His interpretation of “going green” meant he wanted to have sex with me while I was painted green, ala the female alien in the then-recent Star Trek movie.

    Ewww…

    Maybe my “Go Green Guy” (which is how I subsequently referred to him with friends, family, the mailman, etc.) and your green penis guy should get together. They’d be a match made in match.com heaven!

    Good luck. I enjoyed the post! 🙂

    • Dana permalink
      October 19, 2010 12:24 pm

      Omg I just laughed out loud at my desk!! Well t least you found out early!!

      • October 19, 2010 12:44 pm

        LOL this story is friggin’ hilarious. There are certainly some tools out there!

  7. October 19, 2010 1:11 pm

    What an idiot. It sounds like maybe you need an unbelievably smart guy or something…. 😉

  8. October 19, 2010 2:46 pm

    Plenty Of Fish is a great way to boost a woman’s self-esteem. It pretty much has the opposite effect on guys…when I was single and on there, I would get replies from maybe 1 out of every 25 women I messaged. And I did not include a single green penis picture, either…

    Anyway, hilarious post. Makes me want to read more from Dana.

    • Dana permalink
      October 19, 2010 5:37 pm

      I’ve heard this–apparently good looking chicks are hard to come by on there!

  9. October 19, 2010 3:53 pm

    Someone good-looking, smart and sarcastic… I found that this year and it still messed me around… =S.

    On a lighter note, I enjoy this post a lot! Vary vary funny 😀

  10. Matt79 permalink
    October 19, 2010 4:31 pm

    Wow, is it really true that “a woman knows within the first five minutes if she would sleep with a guy”? Some of my dates could have been over a lot quicker – I wonder if they were bored for the rest of the time too like in your story! The concept of speed dating seems to make even more sense now…

    • October 19, 2010 9:16 pm

      I usually know within the first five minutes whether I want to be on the rest of the date.And I don’t normally have sex with a guy if we don’t finish at least one date. 😉

      • October 20, 2010 12:20 am

        LOL Crystal. Agreed. Wish there was an easier way to end the date after that first five minutes! Usually you just have to suffer through it. Wish it was more socially accepted to be like, Ok, and I’m done. Thanks for the five minutes.

  11. October 20, 2010 8:22 am

    Ewww…but it does make for a great story!

  12. October 23, 2010 11:05 am

    Oh. My. Wow! You know, I did Match.com on 3 different occasions. And I met a LOT of people… but somehow, I lucked out and didn’t run into freaks like this!! Okay – maybe that is not true. There is this one guy, from my last Match.com experience who OFFERED to send me a pic of his penis… but I told him in no uncertain terms that I did not want to see it. That if I wanted to see it ever, I definitely did not want to see it for the first time on a cell phone picture. Needless to say… I never saw it. But other than that… no really horrible dates. But… Catherine… I do have a story about a pothead who was a bigwig in a large affluent church community that I met on Match that you might find interesting….

    • October 25, 2010 11:03 pm

      Rambling: haha, glad to hear he offered first before just sending it. At least that shows some manners. 🙂

      I would LOVE to hear the story about the pothead!! Would you like to write a guest post?

  13. October 24, 2010 1:59 pm

    OMG, you almost made me spit out MY coffee! “Pre-coffee cock” LO-frickin’-L!

    I’m going through some potentially life-altering questions myself right now… about my marriage and whether this is the type of life I was really meant to live. And I’ll just go ahead and say it – my husband is wonderful. He just wants me to be happy. You ladies are really making me realize how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life. Would I be nuts to let him go so I can pursue the kind of career I want and live where I want (my husband is in the military)? It’s a tough choice… I could go get everything else I want, but in the end, when I’m stuck wondering if I’ll find someone who cares about me or with 8:00 a.m. green penis texts, would I find myself wishing I had put my relationship first?

    You and Catherine both seem pretty awesome – I don’t doubt you’ll find someone from whom you actually WANT to receive dirty texts eventually. But in the meantime, keep sharing the hilarious stories and enjoy the ride. 🙂

    • October 25, 2010 10:55 pm

      LOL, Katie. I loved the “pre-coffee cock” too. I laughed so hard when I read that the first time.

      Thanks for sharing some of your current struggles and uncertainty. I haven’t been through what you are talking about, but I’ve thought about it a lot in the past. I used to want to marry someone in the military (just like my dad), and I would say that it can be a hard life. I can see how for most careers, your career will take a back seat to your husband’s, as for you to live as a family, you would basically have to follow him where he is stationed. I can’t imagine that. Many places where military bases are, I would have a hard time finding a good job in public relations. But, you do mention that he’s wonderful and you seem happy with him. I’m not sure what advice I would give, because I don’t presume to know anything about your relationship, really. But what I can say is that for me to be happy – alone or with someone else – I have to be happy with my work and my path in life. So, I would want to make sure I could figure out that side of my life, because no matter how happy a man can make me, I don’t think I’d ever be 100 percent happy unless I was doing something that fulfilled me. But perhaps there is an option that allows you to have both? Working from home, working remotely, living in two households for a while so you can pursue your passions? I’m not sure what the answer is, but there are definitely options.

      As far as how scary the dating world is – I hear you on this completely. You never know what you are gonna get, aka green penis texts. But on the other hand, you could find someone amazing and also be fulfilled on your career side. Or you could find a way to have both, your husband and fulfilling work. I wish the best to you, and know you will make a decision that will make you happy.

      • October 30, 2010 11:41 am

        Catherine, thanks for your insight. I’m trying to explore some of those other options you mentioned now that I’m back from Costa Rica. I can see it’s not going to be easy, but we’ll see where the fates take me. 🙂

        • October 30, 2010 3:58 pm

          Well, I’m sending positive vibes to you. Not easy decisions, but I know you are going to be fine. You seem like such a strong, independent woman. I know you’ll make the right choice(s) for you.

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