Simply Solo Spotlight: The Better Way to Handle a Break-Up
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight comes from Danielle over at sixty-one inches of insight. This post is a perfect example of why I’m so excited to be featuring guest bloggers on Simply Solo. Her perspective on the best way to handle a breakup is so different from anything I could offer, because I simply don’t have the life experience Danielle has had. If you are someone who is going through a breakup and are unsure of how to best carry yourself, please read Danielle’s post below.
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
The Better Way to Handle a Break-Up
We’ve all been through it. A relationship ends and you have no idea what to do except beg him to change his mind and panic (that is, if the guy is worth it). The sad thing is, if we would just take a step back and evaluate the situation before acting on our emotions, there’s a good chance things may actually work out. I’m not writing this to give false hope to relationships that are doomed for various reasons, whether it be cheating or simply not having feelings anymore. If someone breaks up with you for something like that, you should consider yourself lucky and realize that you dodged a bullet. Now, if they break up with you for any other reason, like a huge life change, overwhelming stress, or something in that category, I think there is a better way to handle the situation and possibly salvage the relationship.
So, what should you do when you’re broken up with? How should you react? Ladies, trust me – backing off and doing your own thing is the best route you can possibly take. Calling, texting, Facebook stalking, crying to him or in front of him, driving by, and whatever else you find yourself doing during break-ups … none of it accomplishes anything, none of it benefits you or the relationship, and it only brings you down. Don’t get me wrong, grieving and crying on your own time is fine, normal, and completely healthy – I’m talking specifically about contacting him and telling him all of the emotional banter about which you should be talking to your friends or your journal instead.
Something I think women need to realize is that all of the begging, crying, and asking him to reconsider is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. If he doesn’t want to be with you, why on earth would you want to be with him? You should be with someone who appreciates what they have when they’re with you and you shouldn’t settle for anything less than awesome. With that said, if you’re begging a dude to take you back or be with you, and he does, how do you know that it wasn’t just a temporary fix to get you to stop bothering him? How do you know it’s what he really wants? The begging/crying/pleading route can end one of two ways: he’ll completely cut you off and ignore you, or he’ll grant your request and get back together with you. The truth is, neither of those results are on his terms, and if he’s back with you because you talked him into it, how do you know if it’s long-term and real?
My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 2 years when he ended things due to stress, confusion, and the decision to go to law school, which would be a major life change for him. I knew he loved me, but he didn’t know how I would fit into the equation and he was quite caught up in his future. Basically, he didn’t want to drag me along into a life about which I wasn’t excited or would make me anything less than 100% happy. I was obviously devastated, but after one post-break-up phone call that didn’t change his mind, I decided to let it be. I knew there was nothing I could say to him that would make a difference. I didn’t want to beg him or have to talk him into being with me. If he wanted to, he would. So I went on with my life. I had fun, went out, met other guys, kept busy, never let him see me cry, never posted depressing Facebook status updates, etc. I simply made a decision to be happy with myself and let it go – because after all, what else could I do besides embarrass myself and/or make things worse for myself?
Six weeks later, he got back in touch with me and explained how much he missed me, how he’d been depressed for the last month, how he was an idiot to let me go, that he loved me more than anything, that he just wanted to be the person to make me happy, and that he didn’t want to go through his future without me being a part of it. Initially, I was caught off-guard and was a little skeptical. How was it possible that he’d changed his mind so drastically? It didn’t take long for me to understand, though. Being away from me and the relationship itself gave him a chance to see what he had, to realize what he wanted and needed, to figure himself out, and most of all, to miss me. Since then, we’ve been back together for eight months (not without a little work on his part though, of course) and I’ve never been happier. Things are back on track, we’ve continued planning our future together and we’ve become stronger people from it. I especially learned from it once I realized just how capable I was of not only being without him but being happy being single.
Remember that as cheesy as it sounds, if you are supposed to be with someone, you will. If it’s supposed to work out, it will. If he loves you, he’ll tell you. Next time you find yourself battling a break-up, simply make the choice to be happy. It’s your life after all, right? You’d be surprised of what you’re capable and how strong you really are. And if things work out, great – but if they don’t, you made a choice to put yourself first and be happy. Win-win situation, if you ask me.