Simply Solo Spotlight: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Happy Simply Solo Spotlight Tuesday! Today’s spotlight is Sasha (I love the pseudonym that reminds me of a porn star, by the way). Sasha e-mailed me a while back because she had some great dating stories to share with the world, but no blog of her own to do so. I love her honesty and fresh perspective. Who hasn’t been less-than-honest about why you’ve ended things with a partner? I hope you enjoy the guest post below as much as I did.
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
I turned to online dating not because I was having trouble meeting men, but because I thought it would help me find a better match after prior relationships failed over fundamental issues. In the past five months, I’ve read countless profiles, answered inane questions, and have gone out with seven guys who I apparently match on 29 personality dimensions. Unfortunately, I have disagreed with what a computer deems to be my soul mate and usually ended things after a date or two. I’ve let them down gently by asking if we could still be friends, saying I was too busy with school, or that the distance between us was too great. However, that’s just what I told them; these are the real reasons I decided not to continue dating them:
- The scientist: Your head’s too big (literally), you have a lisp, and you live with your parents. If you had told me you lived at home in one of the countless e-mails, I never would have agreed to meet you.
- The accountant: You lied about your height, you negatively labeled everything as “stupid” or “retarded,” I seem smarter than you, and you don’t drink. When you told me what your mother usually ordered at dinner and then looked at me expectantly, I knew it was over before it began.
- The engineer: You’re three years younger than me and want to live in Michigan three hours away from the closest town. I don’t do cold weather. Also, you told me you did local stand-up, yet you were remarkably un-funny.
- The financial analyst: The only reason you got a second date is because you have a boat and I thought you would spend the money you incessantly bragged about earning on me. What can I say? I’m a boat whore who likes nice things.
- The politician: You live with your parents and you have no job. You probably should have mentioned one of those fun facts about yourself before our second date. However, I did like you so please call me when you work out those issues.
- The lawyer: I really liked you as you were tons of fun, smart, and from the South but, I couldn’t get past our first kiss when it felt like you tried to eat my face and somehow managed to bite me.
- The environmentalist: You asked for a discount on a $2.00 ticket, re-enacted an entire episode of Seinfeld, and smelled.
For full disclosure, I didn’t actually have to break up with the accountant or the engineer; they knew not to call me because I grimaced when they told me they would. On the other hand, two of them just aren’t accepting that I don’t want to see them anymore. The lawyer asked me out a few weeks later, at the end of my semester, because he figured things “had settled down so we could give it another shot.” The politician continues to call and text me even though I told him not to until he gets a job and moves out of his childhood home.
I know this list makes me sound really shallow and, I admit, I am. But, I don’t want to waste my time or theirs hoping to eventually accept someone with faults I find unattractive. We all have our reasons for ending relationships. I have a friend who broke up with someone because he sweated too much, another friend stops talking to guys with improper texting grammar, and yet another will end it if he has a cat. So, now I turn the question to you: What are the real reasons you broke up with someone?