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Simply Solo Spotlight: Diamonds are Forever (Ruining My Christmas)

December 14, 2010

Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight are the lovely and very funny ladies from the Cocktails At Tiffany’s blog. These girls tell it like it is, and never fail to make me laugh when I’m reading their crazy stories. And, they’ve been an amazing support system to me the past couple of months – I love you girls! I hope you enjoy their guest post as much as I did.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at:

Diamonds are Forever (Ruining my Christmas)

A key to keeping you sane throughout this post: Gizzy blogs in BLUE and Lucky blogs in GREY.

When it comes to Christmas, something has been bugging me for years. The jewelry commercials. They have got to go. When I was younger, I didn’t really notice them until my dad said something.

“Those jewelry ads make me feel like crap if I don’t get jewelry as a gift for your mom,” he said.

I started noticing them when my ex-boyfriend told me he would never again spend $100 for a piece of silver with a diamond in it, I never got that gift because he did it for his ex. Now, those same ads make me feel like crap because I don’t have a man in my life to buy things like that for me. I know Catherine has struggled with this, and she merely solved it by going out and buying herself a nice piece of jewelry. And she’s right, us single ladies don’t need someone to put a ring on it, we can do it ourselves. I suggested to Lucky that we buy each other jewelry for Christmas. I think it’s a sound idea, although other people may take it the wrong way, giving each other diamond rings and making a promise to never let men walk all over us probably doesn’t scream straight like we want.

But I’m a sap. And getting jewelry from a man would be amazing. But you know what? I think I only think that because I have been brainwashed by Tiffany’s. Take this year’s commercial, for example:

I mean, the music. Like I can’t have myself a merry little Christmas if it doesn’t involve Tiffany’s. And I do not mean to bash our blog’s namesake, but come on! I mean everyone in that commercial is freaking gorgeous. That guy bringing the Christmas tree over with the blue box? Sigh.

Since I’ve never gotten Tiffany’s for Christmas, I’m pretty sure that means I’ve never had a real holiday.

Exactly, my first reaction wasn’t, ughh I want jewelry. It was ughhh I want jewelry from THAT GUY! And then I sulked at how I will never be as put together as any of those women. They’re gliders. Gliders are a special breed of women.  They don’t walk, they glide. And gliding, my friends, is very classy. If I tried to glide, my heal would get stuck in a crack on the sidewalk and I would fall and knock my two front teeth out. Which would be no help in getting the guy from the commercial to buy Tiffany’s and drag trees down the street for me.

Moving on.

Kay Jewelers really has some zingers out there, including this one:

Like no guy, even my future husband (if that ever happens) is going to wake up at 2 am on Christmas morning to give me a piece of jewelry. Because I suck. And my life is over. Yeah, guys love sleep as much as they love sex. I would be like, “Hey screw your jewelry, here’s a real present: take the baby so I can get some shut-eye, spanks!”

In all honesty, these Kay Jewelers commercials are the creme de le creme of annoying jewelry commercials for me. I want them banned from television. They just keep switching out the lady’s jewelry! Sometimes he gives her a watch, sometimes it’s a pendant, sometimes a bracelet. I know we’re in tough times here, but come on Kay Jewelers, you’ve got your actors for the day, lets bust out some creativity here people!

There is another commercial that bugs me more than both of these—where the boyfriends are going aroung doing sweet little nothings for the women in their lives…drawing a heart in the frosted window pane, etc.
There’s got to be something that can get me away from all this Christmas-he-went-to-Jared-every-kiss-begins-with-Kay crap. A stiff drink? A nice massage?

I’m open to suggestions.

T-minus 11 days until the Christmas jewelry commercials are over, then it’s time to anxiously await the Valentine’s Day, or what we single ladies like to call our dark day. We’ll have a whole new set of commercials to complain about when that rolls around.

Happy Holidays!

Lucky and Gizzy from Cocktails At Tiffany’s

26 Comments leave one →
  1. natasha permalink
    December 14, 2010 8:49 am

    lol! You guys are a hoot… And so very right. The only piece of jewelry that I can recall receiving from a man at Christmas was a strangely braided necklace and matching bracelet of thick yellow gold…and I HATE yellow gold. I’m guessing he didn’t see the Kay commercials.

    • December 14, 2010 9:22 am

      LOL—I got my first piece of jewelry from my boyfriend (now ex) last year, and it was gorgeous. BUT once we broke up, I sold it (a ring) for a pair of grey suede thigh-high boots!


  2. December 14, 2010 8:58 am

    I had to explain to my daughter that it wasn’t the Tiffany’s box for Christmas,it was what was inside the box. Then I explained the box was free with purchase. Clearly I am doing her a disservice. However, I want my husband to feel like crap if that’s what I dont get for Christmas.

    • December 14, 2010 9:23 am

      As lame as I am going to sound, the box itself is pretty friggin’ awesome. And if it comes attached to that hottie in the commercial, well, so be it.


  3. December 14, 2010 9:42 am

    Lucky and Gizzy,

    Thanks so much for writing this post for me! I hate those damn commercials too. My ex gave me jewelry every single Christmas. I was like one of those women in the commercials! Now, every time they come on I get so damn annoyed. Why does love have to equal jewelry? Why do diamonds define a relationship? How come we let these commercials get into our heads and think that unless we get something beautiful and expensive, the guy we are with doesn’t really care about us?

    And where the hell are all those cute guys in the commercials?? I could definitely forgo the jewerly if I could wake up next to one (or more) of them :). Them and the guys in the Abercrombie and Fitch ads. Yum.

    • December 14, 2010 9:46 am

      The guys look SO good—I’m with you, forget the diamonds, I’ll take the dudes!

      Have you seen the commercials where the guy gets the girl a ring for Christmas, but it’s not an engagement ring? I mean how disappointing would THAT be? Like oh, thanks for this diamond ring that goes on my non-ring finger.

      Which brings me to another point. Proposing for christmas is tacky. Just saying. Stick to necklaces and bracelets, or hell, give me the guy carrying the tree.


  4. December 14, 2010 10:29 am

    For years I actually hated the idea of getting jewelry from a man. It just doesn’t seem all that personal, ya know? I mean they obviously didn’t think of it themselves they were programmed to get it by the damn diamond gestapo. And I have decided the DeBeers is truly the evilest empire in the world.

    Anyway, I’m with you. The diamond commercials — even though I don’t want any diamonds (EVER) — make me feel like crap because I don’t have a sexy man to give me anything pretty.

    The best gift a guy ever gave me was some perfume that he picked out himself. He smelled it and decided he anted me to smell like that. I thought it was romantic. Especially since he was the pragmatic type who might say, “You don’t need anything so I didn’t get you anything.”

    The worst gift a guy ever got me for Christmas was gloves. That he picked out and purchased while I was standing there watching him. And after the transaction he just handed them to me. So romantic. (Please note the intense and disdainful sarcasm.)


    • December 14, 2010 10:54 am

      I think the perfume is pretty sweet, too!

      Ouch, the gloves. That’s rough. What did you say?? Ummm..THANKS? You should’ve put the gloves on, then given him the finger.


      • December 14, 2010 11:13 am

        LOL – this comment is why I love you ladies so much.

      • December 16, 2010 1:00 am

        I wore the gloves. He was my first boyfriend, I didn’t want to be difficult. Of course now, in the winter time, when I see his wife in her hat and gloves I laugh to myself.

  5. Cinderelle permalink
    December 14, 2010 10:43 am

    I adore diamonds and tacky scenes in movies. One of my favourite proposals: Patrick Dempsey to Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama alas Tiffani´s after hours. Priceless. Literally:)
    But the idea of actually wearing ring with a diamond really scares the hell out of me. I would feel old. I would feel trapped. And as much as I love my boyfriend, I am still in my early twenties and I consider diamonds are for grown-up women with touch of femme-fatale.

    Great post anyway, made me feel like a little girl again:)

    • December 14, 2010 10:55 am

      That scene in Sweet Home Alabama is quite amazing…except I don’t like the idea of picking out my own ring.

      But we all know I’m not getting engaged any time soon.



      • December 16, 2010 1:02 am

        I don’t want to pick out my own ring either. My sister knows what I like thogh. So the fella won’t be all one his own.

  6. jswesner permalink
    December 14, 2010 12:35 pm

    If I was up at 2:00 am with his baby and he came out to give me a stupid citizen’s watch I would kill him. Seriously. Give me a back rub after the baby has gone to bed and then take me to the spa for the day.
    I am completely the woman that buys herself diamonds. I don’t like measuring love by societal standards.

  7. December 14, 2010 12:58 pm

    I have never bought jewelry for a woman. I’m hoping there is no correlation between this and my somewhat sketchy success with relationships. Those commercials don’t help guys, either – suddenly there’s all this pressure to wake up at 2 AM and draw hearts on windows and surprise her with a ring. Sheesh. Is it any wonder we just want to roll over and go back to sleep? After having sex, of course…

    • December 14, 2010 4:29 pm

      Haha… in all fairness if the baby were out of the picture I would be pissed if a guy woke up and then woke me up to give me a citizens watch at 2am. I’d actually dump him, the only jewelry worth a 2am wake up involves the word carats. So probably no correlation with the sketchy relationship success, unless you were with them for years and years and never bought jewelry, thennnn we might have a problem.

  8. December 14, 2010 6:21 pm

    OMG- I totally agree! I’ve been seeing these commercials everywhere and I say, waaaaahhh- I want THAT! Not the jewelry- boring- but the guys – they’re so cute and sweet!

    • December 14, 2010 7:01 pm

      I know right! Plus it’s like I’ve never met a guy who would do anything like that for a girl, have you? I think that’s what makes these commercial beaus so appealing.

  9. December 14, 2010 10:05 pm

    And who are these parents with young children that can afford to do most of their Christmas shopping at Tiffany’s? Nobody I know with young kids is spendin like that. Or anyone my age at all. Because while Tiffany & Co does have very reasonably priced crystal and silver jewelry, that not what you’re hoping is in the Tiffany box.

    • December 14, 2010 10:45 pm

      I know!! I bet they bought that baby one of those pure silver rattles for it to knock itself out with. I would love to shake the hand of someone who has purchased one of those (mostly because they’re probably all celebrities.)

  10. December 15, 2010 6:02 am

    These commercials always brainwash me. I’m not really into jewelry (although I love necklaces), but whenever I open my Christmas present and it’s not jewelry, a little part of me dies.

    But I’m in a different situation than Gizzy, “I never got that gift because he did it for his ex.” Kiefer’s ex never got a ring. That means I’d better…someday.

    And Lucky, you crack me up: “Since I’ve never gotten Tiffany’s for Christmas, I’m pretty sure that means I’ve never had a real holiday.” Me, too!

    • December 16, 2010 8:03 am

      Yeah I’m pretty sure I’ll know he’s the one when he shows up at my door with a blue bag and a Christmas tree, that’s what they’re trying to tell us right?!!

  11. December 15, 2010 2:33 pm

    I hope all you wonderful ladies find the man of your dreams or better.


  1. Predicament. And then some. « Cocktails at Tiffany's

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