Good Men Shortage
I don’t know if you’ve heard the breaking news, but it seems there is a national shortage of good men. I didn’t know it, but since I broke up with Chef, it is all most people can tell me. “He seemed like such a good guy,” they say. “You know, those are really hard to come by.” I’m not sure how I missed the bulletin. I guess I’ve been paying too much attention to the weather, or that damned Anderson Cooper distracted me with some mess about cholera in Haiti, but somehow I missed the advisory scrolling on the bottom of TV screens everywhere:
The United States is facing the worst ever shortage of good, available men. Take cover and if you have one of these men, hold onto them tightly, because trifling, single women around the country will attempt to steal them from you. The United Nations is negotiating an agreement to ship good men from other countries to help with the United States’ shortage, and the National Guard is on standby in case there is social unrest. We’ll keep you updated as this important story develops.
I guess I never really thought that good men were a dime a dozen or anything, but seriously, are there really so few that I may never find one ever again? By breaking up with Chef, have I lost my last real chance at happiness? Because I ended a perfectly good relationship (perfectly good except I’m not ready), am I destined at the ripe old age of 25 and 11 months to live the life of a spinster?
Don’t answer that question. I’m starting to learn that I shouldn’t ask questions to which I don’t really want the answer. Consider, for example, my father’s disappointment in me when I went to visit him this weekend for his birthday. He asked me about the fellow I was dating (note: he does not read the blog and I don’t keep him that up-to-date on my love life, so the last he’d heard about Chef was at Thanksgiving before we broke up). When I mentioned I’d ended things with Chef because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, you would not believe the sigh that came out of my father’s mouth. He then proceeded to ask me why I seem so intent on messing up my life, and that if I keep this up, I will end up alone. I should also mention that earlier in the day, he semi-jokingly told a total stranger that he has begun to lose all hope that he will get another grandchild, because neither my sister Natasha nor me seemed like we’d ever have children.
Ouch. No seriously, ouch.
Lesson learned – do not probe to find out what your father thinks of your decisions. You’d think I would have learned this lesson already, especially since my father’s reaction for months and months after I called off the wedding was, “Don’t you think you could forgive him? I mean, sure he lied. Maybe he’ll even lie to you for the rest of your life. But he takes really good care of you, right? And you love him, right? Isn’t that enough?” And he was right. My ex fiancée took great care of me, both emotionally and financially. And yes, I loved him very much. But one place where he was wrong was that it absolutely was not enough.
I think – wait, I have to believe – that there are good guys out there. I don’t have empirical evidence that proves this to be the case. I’ve heard plenty of cautionary tales of men who have done my friends and my friends’ friends wrong. I’ve read statistics that say that at least half of marriages end in divorce, and that 50-60 percent of men cheat. And yes, I’m fearful that there are tons of good guys – until they aren’t good guys anymore. My ex was a plenty good guy, until he wasn’t. So, maybe that’s the real problem. There are lots of good guys out there – but they’re good-guy-ness is only temporary.
I’m not ready to give up hope. There has to be someone for me, and I will find them when I am ready for them. Maybe things will work out for Chef and me in the long run, or maybe they won’t. He is a wonderful person, treated me great and is maybe the best kisser ever, but if he finds someone else while I’m on my dating sabbatical, I will just have to live. I will find someone else, who I will teach to kiss like Chef. Kidding(ish). And in the meantime, I will learn how to make myself happy.
Until next time … be careful out there. I’ve heard rumors that the government is considering rationing the available good men and the black market can be very dangerous. Buy plenty of non-perishable items, stay in your homes, lock your doors, hold on with dear life to any good men you find online dating, in the grocery store or at the bar. Call up that guy from college with which you made a pact that if neither of you were married by the time you were 32, you’d marry each other. If he is listed as single on Facebook, sequester him immediately. In times like these, it’s totally acceptable to use force. We women must be resourceful. And if you are somehow able to find two good men, reserve one for me. I may need a backup.