Simply Solo Spotlight: What If The Feelings Aren’t There?
It’s Simply Solo Spotlight Tuesday! Today’s guest post is written by Amanalynn, who writes a great blog where she details her relationship experiences. She’s very open about her life and her current long-term relationship and it definitely makes for an interesting read. I hope you’ll enjoy her guest post and be sure to check out her blog!
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
What If The Feelings Aren’t There?
I was recently asked by one of my close friends, “When it comes to relationships, can feelings develop over time, or if the feeling isn’t there right away, will it ever be there?” How many of you started dating someone and thought they were nice, but those butterflies just weren’t there? You laughed, you felt comfortable with them, but the “I can’t live without you” feeling was missing? And how many of you started dating someone and right away those feelings were there? You knew from the first date that you had a connection?
Well, I couldn’t answer her question without having to think back on my previous relationships and how I felt when we first started dating. I’ve experienced the “we should just be friends” vibe and I’ve experienced the “I can’t live without you” vibe. When I didn’t have that instant connection, I wouldn’t usually pursue that relationship. In fact, it never made it past the first or second date and he stayed in the friend zone. The guys with whom I felt I had an instant connection lasted a few months/year, but they all ended in heart break.
Let’s take a look at my current relationship. I can honestly say that when I first met him, I did not feel a connection. Don’t get me wrong, we got along great and we had so much in common, but I didn’t experience the butterflies in my stomach/I can’t live without you feeling. However, I did meet him while I was in another relationship, a relationship that was on its last legs. So as time went on, my current boyfriend and I spent more and more time together, and I started to develop feelings for him. Not only did I not want to spend a moment away from him, I didn’t want to go back to my ex. That’s when I knew that I had true feelings for him and that it was time to end the other relationship.
So would I have had those feelings for my current boyfriend right away if there wasn’t another guy involved? Or would I have felt the “we should just be friends” feelings and moved on if I wasn’t in another relationship? I’ll never know. But the one thing I do know is that I had put him in the friend zone for a reason, because we had so much fun together as friends. By spending more and more time with him as a friend, I got to really see who he was, and vice-versa. There were no lies, no misconceptions of who he was, or who I was. We were just us, and it was being just us that made me fall in love with him.
How many of your relationships started out with feelings right away but ended in heart break? And how many guys did you give a chance when you initially thought that you were better off as friends? All I can say is maybe the next time you meet someone and there are no initial feelings, give them a chance. They could be the one for you!