Catherine’s Dating Resume
To whom it may concern,
My name is Catherine and I am uniquely qualified for the position of X’s girlfriend, soul mate, life partner and future wife. Enclosed you will find my resume, which details my extensive dating and relationship experience. I would like to point out that I am a dedicated and independent girlfriend, a self-starter and very loyal. I also have completed considerable research on the topic of love, including countless hours reading dating/relationship blogs and watching romantic comedies.
In addition to my observational studies of human romantic relationships, I have dedicated a substantial amount of my research to experimentation. My last position, a relationship of close to seven years where I almost got married, taught me many things about love. It helped me know what I want, what I deserve, and how immensely strong I really am. I believe the lessons I learned from this relationship, as well as my other relationships detailed in my resume, greatly prepare me for my next role: X’s girlfriend, soul mate, life partner and future wife.
Per your request, I also included my weaknesses in my resume. As I am dedicated to self-improvement, I am working vigorously to improve upon my weaknesses to become a better life partner.
Thank you very much for this opportunity and your time to review my materials. I look forward to talking with you further about this exciting position.
Richmond (okay, Chester), VA
To obtain a fulfilling and rewarding position as X’s girlfriend, soul mate, life partner and future wife.
Pseudo girlfriend (September 2010-current; short recess in December 2010)
Currently serving as a pseudo girlfriend for a local Chef. While this relationship is structured as having no titles, we hang out at least once a week and text each other daily. Going out to eat at new restaurants and spending lazy Sundays planning to do things – and then never really doing them – are key components of this relationship. As are mild confusion, love and general “let’s enjoy it while it lasts” attitude.
Girlfriend; Fiancée (July 2003-April 2010)
A committed and loving girlfriend for many years, and fiancée for approximately six months. Handled many challenges, including health problems and differences of politics and opinion. Successfully lived with my partner, including sharing responsibilities for housework and finding innovative ways to share our space. Multiple vacations, romantic moments and promises of forever. Diligently planned (and cancelled) a beautiful wedding. This relationship proved my ability to love almost unconditionally, and willingness to commit my life to one person. The survival of the end of this relationship proved my internal strength and ability to love myself.
Dates and Other Romantic Encounters (June 2010-September 2010)
Romantic encounters with Break Guy, Unbelievably Smart Guy, Raúl and Police Officer, among others. Also dabbled in online dating on several fun occasions (click on the links to read more). Through these experiences, improved my dating skills and obtained experience in the art of the first kiss. The results were remarkable: All but one date I attended resulted in the request of a second date. More importantly, had a lot of fun in these roles and learned a few lessons in the process.
Other Positions (Youth-July 2003)
Served in various other positions, with individuals including College Guy; Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater; Ring Guy; Nice Hair Guy; Hot Gym Guy; as well as My One High School Boyfriend; The One Who Got Away; and Short Guy. More details on those roles can be found by clicking the links.
In the past 26 years, viewed countless romantic comedies, read many novels of love and seduction, and observed relationships of all ages. Own the comprehensive DVD collection of Nicholas Sparks movies and have memorized Jerry Maguire. Took life lessons from Oprah for more than ten years, except for when she endorsed Obama and I knew Hillary was the better candidate.
AWARDS & ACHIEVEMENTS
While no written record exists of this award, I recall of several occasions hearing a romantic interest say, “Best girlfriend ever!” Although, in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that this statement was used sarcastically a few times.
- Doubter of true love
- Carry some baggage
- Lack of culinary skills/desire (except for desserts)
- Slightly untrusting of men
- Experiencing a quarter-life crisis
- Do not have ESPN on cable package
- Live in Chester
- Incapable of parallel parking
- Frequently lost or unable to follow driving directions
- Frequently require car assistance, such as the changing of flat tires
- Great job
- Willingness (and ability) to pay the tab my fair share
- Expansive gift-giving abilities
- Live alone in a nice apartment
- Enjoy being single
- Own a flat-screen TV
- Honest and trustworthy
- Great with parents (unless discussing religion or politics)
- Previous suitors have remarked positively on love-making skills
- No debt (except college loans, but those don’t count, right?)
- Not crazy
- There are big things ahead for me
- Ability to make the right man laugh, cry, forgive, excel, fight, make-up, take pictures, travel, dream, believe, dance and most of all, love.
**References, work samples, photos and auditions available upon request.**