Simply Solo Spotlight: Lessons Learned A La Carte
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Matthew from Inside the Nice Guy. Matthew is single-handedly trying to prove to me that nice/good guys do exist (contrary to my previous beliefs). I love reading his blog because it’s like an all access pass to what a real guy thinks about this crazy world of dating. Matthew’s so honest, a great writer and, I have to admit, he’s my own personal Ted Mosby. I just can’t help but root for him from the sidelines! Interestingly enough, I’ll be meeting him in person this May. It’ll be my first blogger meet up – too friggin’ fun. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy today’s guest post, and be sure to check out Matthew’s blog!
Lessons Learned A La Carte
To be honest, writing for this Spotlight has been a partially intimidating experience. Catherine has a knack for finding incredibly talented writers for her weekly Tuesday posts. It’s a tall order to live up to.
I’m not saying this to suck up in any way. *I’m already here aren’t I?*
There is a standard, a tone that has been established. Out of respect for what she has built, I wanted to be sure to maintain the integrity of this site.
My brain came close to having the consistency of a poorly made Jell-O mold trying to find the ideal topic. I’ve known about this “deadline” for roughly a month. It wasn’t until Sunday morning, two days ago, that lightning was captured in a bottle. All thanks to one of my roommates.
We were discussing the events of my weekend that focused on a certain special woman who has recently been introduced into my life. Out of nowhere, a single sentence came out of his mouth like I had just cracked open the most relevant fortune cookie.
Now, what I am about to disclose is going to essentially discredit just about everything this post should be about. Every relationship blog, article or professional out there.
Get ready for me to lay down some knowledge.
He said, “It seems the best thing you’ve done regarding this relationship is not listening to everyone’s advice.”
Talk about a slap in the face with a brick stuffed in a sock. I immediately felt the effects of his remark. He was right.
But please don’t misinterpret this lifted veil to mean I am not gracious for the shared knowledge others have passed along. Their advice is offered purely with the best intentions and considerations towards my own well-being. *Or so I hope.* For that, I am forever grateful. A value can not be placed on the words that provide a chance to gain clarity from an outside perspective.
Advice is there for us to take what we want need from it. When it comes to our emotions there is not a blanket statement to provide guidance that is going to applicable in every circumstance. What works for one person may not be the case for another.
In other words, we all take our coffee differently.
“You’re just too damn nice. Sometimes you just have to be a jerk.”
“You make things too easy. You have to play it cool. Be coy.”
“Play the game.”
These phrases have burned holes through my ear drums, virtually beating them into submission. You hear something often enough you begin to believe it.
Yes, from time to time I can be too damn nice. Yes, things may be made easy here and there. Those qualities are worn like a badge of honor that could blind you as it reflects the suns rays during a brilliant sunset.
Yes, I have been known to play…wait! Hold on. Hit the brakes. Kill the engine. Get out of the car.
I refuse to gain affection by being a jerk. Read from my book. You will not find that as a method to showing interest.
Coy? Here’s my philosophy towards dating. You will know if I like you. It could be the blunt simplicity of saying, “I really like you.” It could be a grand gesture, such as bringing you a mason jar containing a freshly made ginger salad dressing, you really liked, from that sushi restaurant we dined at during one of our first dates.
You want to play games? Break out a deck of UNO. You want to play that game? There is as good of a chance getting me to play that game as there is getting me to eat raw mushrooms. *Hint: I do not eat mushrooms.*
Here is what years of dating and relationship advice has gotten me. It has helped me piece together the type of man/boyfriend/lover/husband I want to be.
That type is simply this. Me.One hundred percent genuine Matthew. *Accept no substitutes.* It’s gotten me where I am presently sitting and the view is exhilarating. How exhilarating? Think solar eclipse, northern lights, double rainbow all at the same time.
So, here’s where I contradict everything I’ve just said by giving you all the following advice…listen to what others offer with open ears and open hearts. Take from it what you need. Don’t compromise what makes you unique just to make an impression. Be yourself.
Because in the end, isn’t that the person you want someone to fall in love with?