Simply Solo Spotlight: Things Aren’t Always What They Seem
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Nancy, who first wrote me last month when I blogged about the crazy stuff we do during breakups. In her email to me, Nancy told me that in a recent relationship, she found herself doing some crazy (but clever) stuff to catch her boyfriend in a lie. After reading her email, I told her I didn’t think she was crazy at all and asked her to share her story on the blog. Of her submission to Simply Solo, Nancy said, “I didn’t know what to make of my story or how to address it. I’m sure there is someone out there going through a similar situation. My tale may not help, but maybe some people would like to comment and weigh in on this topic.”
Please let Nancy and me know what you think in the comments!
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
Things Aren’t Always What They Seem
Women are supposedly the sex that is misunderstood most often. We have mood swings, cat fights and tend to be more emotionally driven. Men. Well, men claim to be straight forward and direct.
If only it were that easy.
I moved to a new city and didn’t know many people, so I posted something on Craigslist under the friends section. After a week of emailing, phone calls and texting, I met Mike, a 26-year-old. Mike was a guy’s guy who liked tools, video games and dressed in jeans and a grungy t-shirt more often than not. He reminded me of Max on ABC’s new series, “Happy Endings.”
Our friendship turned into meeting each other’s families, which led to being exclusive and talking about our future, getting married and our favorite neighborhoods to raise a family and kids.
Like many others who have posted on Simply Solo before, we were in love and were planning our lives around each other. It was crazy how fast everything was moving, but it seemed right, perfect and how love is supposed to feel.
One night, I had my laptop out and Mike asked if he could use it. I handed over my laptop to him and got up to get a drink. I noticed he was checking his email. Not a big deal, but he was frantically typing away.
I commented, “Hey – writing a novel? Is everything okay?”
As I sat back down on the couch next to him, I leaned over to give him a kiss and my eye caught a subject line of an email, “M2M 26 y/o looking for a good time.”
Hurt, shocked and surprised, I casually asked, “Who are you emailing?”
Mike replied, “Oh, I’m just trying to sell some of my tools and was describing them.”
Brushing it off as no big deal, I let it slide and commented on the movie we were watching as I processed the information. I let it drop. I didn’t pursue it. But, I couldn’t stop thinking that any normal girlfriend would have pushed a little further about what he was doing.
That night, I searched on Craigslist for his city and the major crossroads that he always tells people, read a couple of ads and found one that “sounded” / wrote like he would.
So, I did what I thought any girl would do.
I created a fake email address and pretended I was a guy responding to his posting. I made a fake scenario describing my fake situation and said, “Hey, I’m 26 y/o too and live with my girlfriend. I like video games, work in construction and have never explored this … but it’s something that I’ve been thinking about for a while. Let me know if you would be interested in meeting up. John”
I did this because I did not want to snoop in his e-mail or cause an unnecessary fight. I doubted myself. I didn’t think he would ever post on Craigslist looking to hook up with another guy behind my back.
But, within 30 minutes, I got an email from MY BOYFRIEND responding to my fake email address. In the email, he indicated that he was curious about hooking up with another guy, but that he wimps out every time.
I didn’t want to look in his email or go through texts. I was just a girl with a gut feeling and an instinct to create a fake account to reply to my then boyfriend’s M2M posting.
I confronted him about the weird email he wrote a couple of days ago. Again, he denied and denied. He tried to convince me that I was being insecure. Finally, I blurted out, “I know about the posting.”
“How could you? You went through my email you sneaky b@&!h?”
“No. Actually not. I replied to your ad. I replied as John Williams and you replied to me.”
From there, the relationship spiraled downward quickly. I felt like he betrayed or thought about betraying me And, I couldn’t fathom being in a relationship with someone who wasn’t 100% sure of our relationship, nevertheless was unsure and confused about his sexuality.
The relationship turned awful quickly. When our intimate relationship ended, he shared the full story with me. He never told any friends, family or previous girlfriends about his desires for fear of being an outcast. I could see his pain of being unsure in his decisions and the confusion in his eyes. I wanted to stay friends and help or encourage him that it is okay to pursue your true feelings, but it never worked out.
My job made me move, so that technically helped me to move on. I had trouble with closure. Maybe he was just exploring and was inquisitive? Maybe it was just a phase of curiosity?
Although no physical cheating happened, how would you feel if your partner was contemplating cheating? What about with the same sex?