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Simply Solo Spotlight: Don’t Worry – Cinderella Was As Jaded As The Rest of Us

May 31, 2011

Happy day after Memorial Day! I hope you all had a really fun long weekend and are not struggling through a sunburn on your first day back to work like I am!

I’m excited about today’s Simply Solo Spotlight because it’s about a topic I’ve had in my mind for a while – the way that women tend to seek drama/conflict in our relationships. While it certainly keeps things interesting, can we ever really be happy if we are always looking for the next disagreement, the next bump in the road? Our guest writer today is Katie from Domestiphobia. Katie is a great writer, and I’ve learned so many life lessons from her blog and her very insightful comments on Simply Solo. After reading today’s post, be sure to head over to her blog for funny stories, great recipes and hopefully some beautiful pictures of her trip to Spain this week. I hope you enjoy today’s guest post and let us know what you think in the comments!

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

Don’t Worry – Cinderella Was As Jaded As The Rest of Us

Ah, Solo.

I remember that brief yet exciting time in my life when I was sans relationship. The world was full of possibilities. I could travel wherever I wanted, sleep with whomever I wanted, and the only person I really worried about disappointing was me.

The good days, right?

But no matter how happy I was, how free I felt, there was always that pesky bruise on an otherwise perfect fruit: I wanted love. I wanted to feel love, and I wanted to give it. I wanted to know how it felt to have someone waiting for me when I came home, to ask about my day, and to tickle my back with his fingertips when we settled into the sofa to watch the latest romantic comedy that he thoughtfully picked up from the video store on his way home from buying me flowers.

Because that happens, right?

The good news is that at the start of any decent relationship, it can and does happen. For a few moments in time, we find out what it’s like to live inside a movie – to become the center of someone’s world and put another person’s happiness above our own.

But then  … then we get comfortable. The new car smell is replaced by McDonald’s takeout and sweaty gym socks. The charming way he always lets us choose the movie or the restaurant or the weekend getaway location is now just plain annoying. Why can’t he have an opinion? The conversations become stale. The sex becomes predictable.

This, my friends, is true intimacy – when our prince – *gasp* – becomes a real-life person.

And while he still asks about our day and tickles our back during movies, it’s also true that sometimes he wishes we might stay at work just a little later so he can put his feet on the coffee table, fart without leaving the room, and finish that Star Wars movie without judgment or ridicule.

We find ourselves wondering, why do we even care about these things, anyway? We never used to. Or if we did, we let them slide because we’d finally found that elusive love. That love we’d thought we’d wanted so much.

Is it simply because the longer we know each other, the more difficult it becomes to maintain niceties and politeness? Is it because we no longer have the excitement of peeling back layers to get to the golden nuggety center of another person’s history, values, and beliefs? Or is it – and I almost hate to say this – because we, as humans (or is it just us women?), just can’t find it within ourselves to be content with being content?

Think about it. We are trained from an early age to look for drama in our relationships. Aspiring writers are taught that we can’t have a story without an antagonist. We can’t create intrigue without obstacles in the plot. And a story without intrigue is never worth reading.

So why would a story without intrigue ever be worth living?

Maybe that’s why we create these problems within our own, otherwise placid plotlines – why we become our own antagonist and throw rocks at the glassy surface by nagging him about his dirty laundry, complaining to mutual friends about our arguments, making a joke at his expense, or letting ourselves think he came home late because he was out trolling for other women, because there’s no way he could possibly still love us after all. these. rocks.

The movies teach us we need ripples to be happy.

Why do we create ripples in otherwise calm water? Photo courtesy of robin_24

They don’t tell us how Cinderella could never quite get those ashes out from underneath her fingernails. How she hated cleaning Prince Charming’s whiskers out of the bathroom sink. How sometimes – sometimes – she still reminisced about the days when the forest animals adoringly assisted with her morning chores as she sang about longing for her prince to come – when her prince was still a perfect image in her mind of the man who would magically solve all of her issues and finally make her life complete.

But that’s the problem – all we see is that our fairy tale lovers had to fight evil stepmothers, magic mirrors, and fire-breathing dragons to complete their ceremonious commitment to one another. And since there’s no room for such things in modern times, we make ripples of our own. We throw rocks to create intrigue and prove that the love that survives at the end – assuming it survives at all – was worth fighting for.

However, I’m going to share a secret for singles or those who perpetually find themselves in unhappy relationships – a secret that will either solve all of your problems, or crush your world in one fell swoop: What they never tell us about our own story line – about the intricate, ever-changing world we create for ourselves from second to second in search of a happy ending – is that while the existence of dragons is possible but not proven, there is no such thing as complete.

So. What I find myself learning, now that I’ve found that intimacy I wanted so badly when I was single, is that no relationship – not even a marriage – will ever really complete me. I will always be someone who strives to learn, to evolve, to make myself a better person.

And in the interim that most of us refer to as life, I will consider it a bonus that, whether I’m crying through a chick flick or snickering through Star Wars, I’ve found a willing hand to tickle my back.


13 Comments leave one →
  1. May 31, 2011 10:37 am

    Loved this post! Thanks you!!

    -L

  2. May 31, 2011 10:50 am

    Great post!!! Definitely describes me in my relationships. I’m just glad I’m not the only one 🙂

  3. Just Saying permalink
    May 31, 2011 11:23 am

    Love it!

  4. May 31, 2011 12:22 pm

    Hey, what’s wrong with Star Wars?!

    • May 31, 2011 12:23 pm

      I want to Facebook ‘Like’ this.

    • June 2, 2011 4:17 am

      Haha, nothing is “wrong” with Star Wars 😉

  5. May 31, 2011 11:16 pm

    Very true words, beautifully expressed! I loved it.

  6. June 1, 2011 6:54 am

    OMG- Katie, this is ME! Thanks for putting it into words I could understand 🙂 Great post!

  7. Rachel permalink
    June 1, 2011 6:27 pm

    What a wonderful post Katie! Wow! From a married girls perspective you really hit it right on the head! I am constantly conflicted with the same thoughts. I am so happy to have my husband but unfortunately I do get caught up in the daily nonsense that I really wish I didn’t. When we met my husband was still in the Marine Corp and so we did the long distance thing for over a year (minus that 6 month span that I lived in the barracks with him while working two jobs… But that’s another story haha). Every visit we had was just the best and every story he told was amazing and everything was jus awesome! Then when his tour ended and his time in the Marines was over and he came home things slowly got more normal. And now that we’re married and we just bought a house it’s getting harder and harder to have those happy-go-lucky times. I don’t know what it is but this post really made me rethink a lot of things. I need to just be! And I need to realize all the good things I have and how lucky I am in this life to share it with such an amazing guy. Thanks so much Katie for writing such a great piece!

    Ps hope you have a great time in Spain! 🙂

  8. June 2, 2011 4:16 am

    Hello from Spain! Thanks for all the nice comments. I am so glad this article hit home for so many of you!

  9. June 2, 2011 12:17 pm

    First, while it’s fresh in brain, I 100% agree with the, “no relationship…will ever really complete me.”

    A few weeks back the GF and I had made a WONDERFUL dinner and were having a splendid conversation which prompted the comment that I’ve learned over the years that, before, I was going about looking for a relationship all wrong. Jerry McGuire lead us all in the wrong direction. We shouldn’t be on a search for someone who completes us, we should be on a search for someone who compliments us.

    I continued to use the many meals she and I cook together. One their own, what we each contribute are very good and could be considered a well prepared dish. But, when cooking together we each typically have an idea to contribute to the others course.

    Together we take what would be a great dish to begin with and make it better. There’s nothing wrong with how it originally was, but being together (working together) made it that much better.

    Make sense?

    Otherwise, I can’t make too much of a comment on everything else since the longest relationship I’ve ever had was 6 months. All I can do is hope that I continue to do the things I do now…then; opening car doors, buying random gifts that remind me of her, telling her I love her daily.

    Many will say it’s not realistic to believe that these things will last. That this “stage” of the relationship will eventually fade. I say, “why does it have to?” Our relationship cane grow and the things that make us happy now have just as fair of a chance to survive that growth as anything else. If we want it to.

Trackbacks

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