Simply Solo Spotlight: February 31
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Robin of DC BBW’s Blog. She has a unique writing style and I’ve been enjoying her blog about recovering from a tough breakup while being single in the city. I think anyone who has been heartbroken or struggled to connect with someone can empathize with her February 31st sentiment in this post.
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
February 31 … It is a fictitious date that does not exist. It is my version of “when pigs fly.” That is the date I shall give birth to my children, begin wearing clothing that are in the single digits size-wise and the date I have chosen to resume dating. I am recently coming to terms with a heartbreaking fiasco and when it first happened, I listened to the folks who said I needed to “move on, forget him and find someone new.” I listened to folks who insisted that there should be a time frame for healing and grieving. In the beginning, I was raw and splayed open; even today, almost a year since the breakup and 3 months after his marriage to the unemployed chick with 3 kids, I still have hatred so strong and a love so deep it is utterly ridiculous and I am still gluing pieces of my heart together. But in regards to dating … I simply wanted the hurt to stop and I have heard dating is fun and comes with snacks. Even though I felt dead inside and my heart was in a billion pieces … I wanted the positive attention and free food. I wanted to be out and about and show the world he did not matter, so I tried dating. I am not picky, but I do have standards: be able to pay for the date, or at least your share of it; have the ability to string complete, coherent sentences together; do not be under the influence of alcohol or illegal substances; and smell nice. Not a huge order, right? Yet, I have searched in the real world and the virtual one and I have to wonder: is it me or them? Let’s find out, shall we?
Me: I could say I am having difficulties because I am of a certain age … but we are in an era where 40 is the new 25; by that standard, I am not even 30 yet. I definitely do not look as if I am in my 40s and I certainly am young at heart. I could blame it on being a bigger girl in Barbie Land … but I am not morbidly, sloppy obese. I do not have Jenny Craig on speed dial and I am not in need of having Brookhaven to airlift me to their clinic … yes, I could stand to lose some extra pounds, but I gave up the war with weight long ago. We have worked out a truce where it will not cause me to have to replace an entire wardrobe and I will eat a semi-healthy diet to maintain what I have … and I am comfortable with me and my skin. I know guys are visual creatures, but I am not looking to be every man’s ideal … just the right guy for me, and the physical will only enhance what he sees in me … it will not be all he sees in me. Confidence is supposed to be sexy, right? Admittedly, the fiasco has robbed me of both confidence and esteem, but I am borrowing from family and friends until a deposit is made back into my account. Not only do I have issues and baggage tucked neatly away and out of sight, I am employed, intelligent, easy on the eyes AND nose, witty, do not live with my parents and completely single: no kids, pets or roommates. I have quirky interests and hobbies … yet, I get either stood up or flat-out rejected.
Them: They fall into three categories: liars, picky and crazy. Men misrepresent themselves: they lie about their race, height, weight and age. They lie about their jobs, their salaries and their marital status and /or situation. They are married, attached or have “awkward living situations.” I’m sorry … I have done the Married Man thing and it is belittling and hurtful to everyone involved, so trust me … when I ask a man be completely single … that is what I mean. I know you say you are unhappily married, misunderstood and/or sexually frustrated, but I want to meet more than when schedules allow. I am not looking to be “discreet,” and yes, I DO want my situation changed … and a married/attached guy can’t do this. Of the 150 single men left, over half are gay or bisexual, which rules them out. Bisexuality is hot in porn, but I have real life being something totally different. The rest are just flat out crazy with strange fetishes: I like to consider myself pretty well seasoned and trust me, feet are only the beginning. Some of the things I read and see make my eyes cross and have me wishing I had gone out on the blind date my mother set me up on when I was 16. I could be married with a house and at least 3 kids, having a Hallmark time versus trying to meet the laundry list of requirements the picky ones say their ideal date (not girlfriend, not wife … date) MUST have: between 5 feet and 5’9”; preferably 140 but no more than 165; long legs and hair (natural blondes and redheads to the front of the line); mature, witty, educated and well-traveled. Oh yeah, dude … let me get started right now jumping through all those hoops in hopes you will find me attractive enough for a Starbucks coffee.
In conclusion, maybe it is a combination of me and them and there is no middle ground as no one is willing to compromise. I am still not 100%, …. I need to wait patiently, heal over some more and use this downtime to get to know me more. How will I know what I truly want out of the next relationship if I do not know who I am now? I am definitely not settling for acronyms (FWB) and at this point I need something of substance with someone of substance. On their end, I find the men in this area to be shallow, buying into media inspired stereotypes, they are already committed to a primary relationship and if they are single … there is a reason, and usually it is because they have already prioritized their life and effort and energy towards a (long-term) relationship has been delegated to the “when I get around to it” pile. So dating has been relegated to February 31st or “when pigs fly” status for now.
Do you have a February 31st on your calendar? If so, what could make you change the date or is it set in stone? And anyone have any ideas to make dating fun again?