Good Advice Is Only Good When You’re Ready
Right after I cancelled my wedding, one of the executives at my company and a woman I admire very much, Patrice Tanaka, sent me a book she thought would help me, titled “Finding Your Strength During Difficult Times.” This little book looked promising, but the minute I started reading, I knew it wasn’t for me.
I mean, it was telling me to take charge of my life. It affirmed that while people can hurt me, I am responsible for the way I feel. I am responsible for my own happiness.
I know, crazy talk. How does this crap get published, anyway?
I put the book in my bedside table, thanked Patrice for her kind gift, and proceeded to forget all about it.
Until a few weeks ago, that is, when I was searching for a lost receipt, and ran across the book. I mindlessly thumbed to a random passage and started reading. Suddenly it made so much sense. Miraculously, the authors knew exactly what they were talking about. I began frantically highlighting passages and emailing them to friends.
You see, I wasn’t ready before. When I first received the book, I wanted to wallow. I needed to. I had to feel sorry for myself, down on my luck. I wasn’t ready to move on and take charge of my own life.
It’s amazing what a year can do. Maybe the cliché is true, time does heal all wounds.
The passages I’ve shared below have been helping me deal with my recent anger, struggles letting go and reflection about the past. I really hope that you enjoy them as well. And if you aren’t ready, come back and read this later. Trust me.
You were hurt.
Someone you trusted betrayed you.
Your plans fell through.
You took a risk and lost.
What are you going to do about it?
Seek revenge, live in an angry fantasy, eat your heart out?
If there is peace to be made, make it, but not at the price of hiding your hurt or pretending that everything is OK.
You need to let go of what doesn’t work for you.
Risk admitting what you already know in your heart.
Learn whatever lesson there is to learn from your loss, what matters and what makes no difference.
Save what can be saved.
Let go of what is never going to be.
Holding onto the impossible is the source of most of your pain.
Remember, in the end, suffering is just another choice.
It’s time. What is the point of keeping your hurt alive?
To justify your anger and make you feel better about plotting your revenge? Not a good place to live, in a mind that is filled with hate, and you are frozen in hatred when you don’t forgive.
You don’t want to forgive? You probably have good reasons, a long list of good reasons. Without arguing with the fact that you were hurt, why is it that you are the one who is still suffering?
Forgiving is the next step and the last step.
Forgiving is letting go of your hurt.
If you are holding onto your pain because you want to show the person who hurt you how much damage he or she caused you, or if you act in a self-defeating way, always courting failure, allowing success to slip through your life, displaying your hurt by playing the role of a damaged person, perhaps you are making a big mistake.
If the person who hurt you could be influenced by your suffering to feel guilt and remorse and make amends to you, he or she would most likely be the kind of person who never would have hurt you in the first place.
Life always gets complicated when you conceal your hurt and wait for people to come to you and apologize. Your withheld hurt turns into anger and makes you victimize yourself.
If you expect others to make repairs, you’re always disappointed.
You deserve to forgive as much as you deserve to be forgiven.
You need to forgive if ever you are to love again.