Simply Solo Spotlight: I Fell In Love With The Bad Boy
Today’s guest post is written by Liz from We Love Dates, an online dating website and dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa and Australia. Liz blogs (and vlogs!) about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships.
I absolutely love this post because it reminds us to A) follow our intuition about people and B) break the “dating” rules, when necessary. I hope you enjoy!
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
I Fell In Love With The Bad Boy
Today, my boyfriend and I purchased a new couch and a juicer. It doesn’t get much more domestic and settled/boring than that. I’m sitting here, typing away furiously on my pink laptop next to him, while he pounds away furiously on his blue one.
There’s nothing too out of the ordinary about another couple navigating their way through cohabitation and domestic bliss, but I like to think our story is a bit special.
I’m hoping you will too.
A little more than a year ago, I went on the best first date of my life. You know the kind – shared sense of humor, nonstop conversation, great food, amazing location and an undeniable connection. I never wanted dinner to end.
But end it did, all too suddenly. After two hours, my date completely clammed up and shut down. As he drove me home, I began to wonder why he wasn’t asking me to hang out further … it was still light out! I didn’t give it too much thought because I knew he’d be calling me soon. He’d said so, after all.
He never did. He’d comment on some of my Facebook statuses, or randomly text me, insinuating he wanted to make plans, but when I pressed further, he would flat out ignore me. Initially, I was completely bummed – I’ve been on enough first dates to know that ours was special. Then I started to feel stupid. I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who waxes poetic about how “special” a first date is when the guy clearly isn’t calling.
Randomly (thanks, Facebook), we met up for coffee and it was even better than our first date. We made plans, but he broke them. Then, he broke them again when we rescheduled. After a third time, I was sad, but I was also getting mad.
On our next coffee date, I asked him point blank what was going on. I wanted to know if he was interested, and if so, why he constantly flaked on me. I’m sure I broke the cardinal rule of dating by “asking,” but we were so open when we talked to one another that I felt honesty was the best policy. So much dating advice makes women feel scared to stand up for themselves or lay it all out on the line. I knew that I would be OK regardless of the outcome, so being upfront was a risk I was willing to take.
He said he was scared of relationships. He had been hurt before, and it was safer to be alone. He was afraid, and didn’t think that would change anytime soon.
I knew I had a choice – try to change his mind, or wait. I didn’t want to be the driving force behind him entering a relationship; I wanted it to be all his decision. So, hard as it was, I backed off. We still met for coffee every week, and I’d be lying if I said that every date I went on I would compare the other guy to him. They never lived up.
Coffee turned into lunch. Lunch became dinner and drinks. We went running together, shared business ideas and just grew closer, organically.
There wasn’t one defining moment where he stopped being afraid and let himself love me. It was a slow, sometimes painful process, and it made me step back and reconsider what I wanted, and what I truly believe about love.
It’s important to let people be where they are in life – but not hold your world up in the process. He needed time to heal from past experiences, so I gave that to him. But I didn’t sit at home either. I kept myself open to love elsewhere, because I knew that I had a ton of love to give that wasn’t made to be wasted.
Obviously, this is all in the past and we spend more time at Bed Bath and Beyond than I’d like to admit. It’s important to look back on the past so I can appreciate how far we’ve come, and how difficult our journey was. I thought he was a lost cause, but I’m lucky I didn’t give up hope and allowed him to find himself, and subsequently, me.
If you really feel it, don’t give up hope. Life can surprise you, if you let it.
Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.