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Simply Solo Spotlight: Spice of Life

September 6, 2011

Hope everyone had a great Labor Day! Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Bennie, who writes My Ideal Woman. The first time I read Bennie’s blog, his most recent post was …She’d Have Curves, which was an ode to a woman’s hips. I immediately became hooked to his lyrical writing and appreciation for the female form. Check out his blog, and I hope you enjoy his guest post today.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at:

Spice of Life

The other day I was driving home and thinking about the big changes your life undergoes when you divorce or split with your significant other after many years together. In my case, I was married 12 years with about 3 years together prior to that, a pretty long time as a “unit.” It can be scary contemplating your life flying solo, and yet I couldn’t help but feel an undercurrent of excitement in the notion. Splitting up needn’t be tragedy so much as opportunity, not least of which is chance to experience firsts all over again.

Firsts – one of the spices of life! As an adult, when we reflect back to the joys of childhood, we think about how nice it was to be carefree, taken care of, unburdened by responsibility. And yet I think one of the best things about being children is experiencing things for the first time. It’s exciting, wonderful, sometimes terrifying, but nearly always impactful. As you grow up you get to experience less and less “firsts” as more of your life is filled with routine and habits.

One of the joys of having children of your own is getting to experience them experiencing their firsts – I wrote a Livejounal post calling those moments “candy for the soul.” What they don’t tell you about parenthood is just how insanely busy you become, and you get buried in routine and habits, struggling to take care of your children in addition to yourself, your partner, your home, and work. Sleep often suffers, which of course makes things harder. And yet when you see your little one first try a new food, or take her step in the ocean surf, or make up his first story on the fly and tells it to you on a long drive back home … it makes everything worth it and then some.

Relationships offer up a gaggle of awesome firsts to experience, so when you find yourself single again after a long, long time all sorts of first possibilities open up. I consider myself an optimist, a glass-half-full kinda guy, so instead of dwelling on the negatives of being alone, I spend time thinking about future firsts I have in store for me. Yes, some of those firsts will be less than great as you stumble around trying to find common ground with someone new, but that’s part of what makes it so exciting!

That very first date. The first date after a first date. That first look of genuine pleasure on her face when you plan a surprise for her and pull it off. The first time a mutual friend tells you she likes you, a lot.

couple holding hands

Photo courtesy of annstheclaf

The first time you hold hands. The first hug. The first time she comes over to your house. The first time you cook dinner for her. The first time she spends the night. The first time she uses your shower.

The first time you kiss. The first time your tongues explore each other’s mouth. The first time you learn what turns her on. The first time you hold her bare breasts in your hand, feel her nipples harden beneath your touch. The first time you feel and hear her orgasm. The first time you watch her sleeping peacefully. The first time you wake up with her arm across you.

The first time you learn that something you find adorable in your lady – her nose, her lips, her ears, or her fingers – is something she’s self-conscious about.

The first time you learn what her favorite comfort food is. When you first see her cry for sentimental reasons. When you first learn that she’s much stronger than you thought.

The first time you become friends on Facebook and see crazy old pictures of each other. The first time you notice she’s changed her status to In A Relationship with you.

The first time she wears your tee shirt, or coat. The first time she tells you something she’s never told anyone before. The first time she buys you a little gift “just ’cause.” The first time you sing a song together. The first time she kisses your boo-boo.

The first time she meets your kids. The first time she meets your parents. When you find yourself sick as a dog and she comes over for the first time and nurses you back to health with chicken soup, NyQuil and tucking you in to sleep.

The first time you watch the sunset together. The first time you see the sunrise together. The first time you go on a weekend trip and she drives your car. The first time you wake up together and start laughing over what a crazy night that was.

And a whole host of firsts you can’t even begin to imagine …

I’m ready for it, looking forward to it! So many doors that can only be open for you to step through because a relationship you were in came to an end. It’s exciting, wonderful, sometimes terrifying, but nearly always impactful. Some firsts are going to be lasts as you bounce around, trying to find someone that fits … but eventually, firsts will lead to seconds, and more firsts, and the next chapter in your life begins to write itself with liberal helpings of spice.

What’s your favorite first of a new relationship?

Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.

21 Comments leave one →
  1. September 6, 2011 8:51 am

    liked it, 🙂

  2. September 6, 2011 9:20 am

    Love this glass-all-full post. A positive attitude is key, and you’ve definitely got that down pat!

    • September 6, 2011 9:38 am

      Thanks, Tori– it’s not always easy but I try to stay positive 🙂

  3. September 6, 2011 11:36 am

    Thanks again for this piece. I love it! After my breakup, I thought a lot about firsts. It’s a unique opportunity you have after a breakup to start fresh with someone new. We all learn things from our past relationships, and this is the chance you have to do things differently, if you’d like. And there’s something about going through this kind of loss that makes you appreciate the firsts more than you ever have before. I’m really excited for you… I can’t wait to follow your journey!

    • September 6, 2011 11:58 am

      It was definitely fun to write 🙂

      Thanks for the opportunity to guest spot here, you’ve got a great blog and a great community that reads you, I’m hoping some of them might find my blog worth reading as well! I’ve enjoyed checking out your blogroll, there are a lot of great writers blogging about being “single again”

  4. September 6, 2011 4:45 pm

    I love this! I happen to be in this exact place in my life now, exploring a whole bunch of firsts with somebody I’ve actually known for a long time – and it’s simply wonderful. Everything is fresh and new and feels so damn good. I can’t help but want more, more, more!

    I especially like the first date after the first date. First dates are tense, but second dates? You obviously like each other and can be yourselves. A lot less stress, a lot more fun.

    • September 6, 2011 5:55 pm

      thanks for your thoughts, Mark! I look forward to following in your footsteps, hopefully sometime not too long down the road 🙂

  5. September 6, 2011 8:19 pm

    The idea of firsts is what keeps me going forward most of the time. If you look back you stay in the past… If you look forward, there’s lots to be excited about! Great blog, Ben! 🙂

    • September 6, 2011 9:11 pm

      Thanks, Mandi– glad you liked it!! 🙂

  6. Ally permalink
    September 6, 2011 10:09 pm

    My favorite first is kind of on your list: I love the first “us” story. So much time at the beginning of a relationship is spent telling each other stories about the past, but there’s something so fun about getting to a friends’ house for dinner or talking to my best friends on the phone and telling them a new story about the crazy night/vacation/thing that happened to “us”.

    Great post!

    • September 6, 2011 10:31 pm

      Thanks, glad you liked it! Yeah, that is an awesome “first” — quite a nice milestone when you cross that threshold 🙂

  7. Jes permalink
    September 7, 2011 5:24 pm

    Awwww firsts!! Love this..
    I really like the first time you grocery shop together.. there is something about casually walking up and down the isles deciding what you want to eat together that is really comfortable and really fun!

    • September 7, 2011 8:59 pm

      Thanks! Nice first there– I can’t remember the last time I went grocery shopping as a couple, been a long while! 🙂

  8. September 7, 2011 10:04 pm

    I loved this! I’m newly in a relationship after a long time and am exploring some of these firsts. Its definitely amazing! 🙂

    Great read!

  9. December 31, 2011 4:13 am

    Hmmm…got me thinking about my ‘first’ moments. Great blog.

  10. March 30, 2012 1:48 pm

    Reblogged this on My Ideal Woman… and commented:
    May 1st I’ll be doing my second guest-blog for the awesome Simply Solo blog, so I thought I’d reblog my first one for those of you newer readers who might not have caught it the first time around…


  1. Guest Spot on Simply Solo! « My Ideal Woman…
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  3. Simply Solo Spotlight: In Defense of the Beta Man « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey

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