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Simply Solo Spotlight: On Making the First Move

October 24, 2011

Happy Tuesday! Today’s guest post is written by Summer Brons from Summer Slow Runner. I LOVE the advice Summer gives in this post and I hope she’ll inspire you to be courageous the next time you see a cutie.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

On Making the First Move

I’ve never been shy about making the first move. I think it’s fun to exchange flirty smiles and extended eye contact before walking over to say “Hi, you’re sexy.” I have no qualms about sauntering up to a guy who strikes my fancy and insisting that we go to lunch sometime.

Fear of rejection rarely crosses my mind. The way I see it, there’s nothing to lose. The hottie in the green shirt across the bar you’ve been making eyes with for the last 30 minutes isn’t anyone special (yet), so what’s the harm in introducing yourself and seeing what happens? Even if it turns out that he’s not interested or already has a girlfriend, no big deal. You made the effort, now you can move on without regretting a missed opportunity.

While it’s flattering to be pursued by a charming gentleman, I scoff at the old-fashioned notion that a woman should sit back and let the men come to her. Even if you’re pretty, smart, funny, blah blah blah, guess what? There are LOTS of pretty, smart, funny, blah blah blah girls out there, so what makes you any different?

Let’s compare it to applying for a job. There are likely to be hundreds of other applicants, with qualifications ranging from outstanding to piss-poor. The hiring manager’s desk will undoubtedly be scattered with a variety of resumes, hand-scribbled notes and a bottle of ibuprofen (in lieu of vodka). Competition stiff, only the most impressive candidates will work their way to the top of the pile and secure a coveted first date interview, which is why job seekers are encouraged to fine-tune their resumes with relevant keywords, concise information and a straightforward layout.

The dating world is hardly different. Returning to our bar scene from before, you’re probably not the only female who has captured Mr. Green Shirt’s attention that night. He’s perched on his bar stool, cold pint in hand, chatting with the bartender between scans of the crowd for potential ladies of interest. If you’re not impressed with dude when his eyes meet yours, no harm done, just keep sipping your bourbon and diet, return his gaze with a polite nod and avert your eyes to avoid leading him on. If, however, you do find that this fellow may have potential, now is the perfect opportunity to adopt the highly scientific method I like to call Walking Over and Saying Hello.

Just like a snazzy, no-frills resume, you’re immediately separating yourself from the rest of the pack by having the ladyballs to stroll over and initiate conversation. Dazzling this handsome creature with your charm is no more complicated than extending your right hand and saying “Hi, I’m Summer.” Sounds crazy, I know, but stick with me here.

Chances are, Mr. Green Shirt will say something like “Hi, Summer, I’m Jack, how are you?” and you can continue to utilize the conversation basics you learned back in elementary school. Not so scary after all, is it? You can thank me later. Don’t forget to wrap it before you tap it.

Photo courtesy of Dave Morris

This simple concept can (and should) extend to multiple areas of your romantic life. Been spending time with someone and he hasn’t kissed you yet but you know you both want it? You’ve got lips, use them. Tired of going back and forth over what time and place is the best option for dinner this week? Pick a time and a restaurant and TELL him. Tired of staring at your phone, telepathically willing it to chime with a new text message? Pick up the damn thing and send a quick “How’s your day going?” I promise, no guy who is interested in you is going to look at his phone in disgust when it goes off at 3:12 in the afternoon with a text from the cute little lady he’s been seeing. Drop this hyper-paranoid “What if he’s in a meeting right now? I just texted him two hours ago, is it too soon to send another? I haven’t heard from him all day, I wonder if he’s mad at me?” crap.

Bottom line, if you want to talk to someone, go talk to him. If you want to see someone, ask what he’s doing on Tuesday at 6 p.m. If you want to bang on top of your kitchen counter, call him into the room, unbuckle his pants and make it happen.

I’ve never had a man tell me that I am “too forward” or “too aggressive.” Yes, some men do prefer to take the lead in all cases and they are not likely to be someone I would be compatible with long-term; but from what I’ve experienced, general consensus is that there is something undeniably sexy about a woman who isn’t afraid to take charge once in a while and make things happen. Confidence is attractive.

So next time you hold the door for someone behind you and turn to see that it’s a hot guy you wouldn’t mind holding your bedroom door open for, don’t be afraid to smile and say, “How much does a polar bear weigh?” Bonus points if he replies with “Enough to break the ice.”

Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


23 Comments leave one →
  1. Karen permalink
    October 25, 2011 11:06 am

    This is brilliant! I’m severely lacking in confidence to make the first move since my new found single status but this post has definitely inspired me to make a move if I see someone I fancy! Thanks!

  2. October 25, 2011 7:34 pm

    That last sentence? Groaaaan! But this was a fun read. 🙂

    • October 25, 2011 9:43 pm

      I know, I know, but it’s honestly my favorite lame pick-up line, couldn’t resist. 😉

  3. October 26, 2011 12:52 am

    Haha…I love this!!! Kudoos for confidence!!!!! I definitely agree it’s undeniably sexy!! And what’s there really to lose anyway? If he’s a loser, well at least you know and you can move on, if he wasn’t, you got yourself a new someone to talk to or even a potential date!!! Good move!
    I’m so going to text this guy and ask how he’s doing now! Haha…

  4. October 26, 2011 12:54 am

    I agree 100 percent with you here — if you don’t take the chance, you’ll never find anyone you truly connect with!

    • October 26, 2011 9:46 pm

      Absolutely. If everyone always waited for the other person to make the first move, nobody would ever get anywhere!

  5. October 26, 2011 4:18 am

    Interesting post, but I have to admit we are not on the same page. I like to think of men as predators and girls as prey, of course it´s simplistic and gender-biased, but I like the tension, the uncertainty, the game, all the inventive way guys use to ask me out. 🙂 I actually asked my male friends for their opinion on aggressive approach.They all agreed they consider these kind of women as desperate and definitely don´t find it attractive. But I´m only university student and all my friends move in the same academic circles, so that might be the reason:)

    The only guy who likes it is my cousin, shy, nice but socially awkward lab technician, who has problems approaching any girl.

    • October 26, 2011 9:50 pm

      I was hoping someone would bring up an alternate viewpoint! I definitely see how being TOO forward could come across as desperate, but I think that goes for both sexes. There’s a fine line between being confident and friendly vs cocky or desperate.

      I have noticed that I tend to net the shy types who don’t really “take charge” much, and I’m sure it’s because I made the first move. Can’t win for losing sometimes. 😉

  6. October 26, 2011 9:24 am

    Loved this, particularly the part about just texting him instead of praying for the phone to chime.

    I just texted him.

  7. October 26, 2011 10:28 am

    The last line made me groan… with reflection. My icebreaker is ‘fat penguin’ and, if I’m not in a tuxedo, usually the recipient simply doesn’t understand, rather than thinking that I’m insulting myself. Well I’m sure you can guess my follow-up.

    Anyway, could you forward this post to… women? Like, all of them? Relationships are two-way streets, so I have no idea why some bright spark once decided that the courtship should be otherwise. Hurrah for ladyballs.

    • October 26, 2011 9:54 pm

      That’s always been my philosophy…relationships involve two people, so why should one person be responsible for making all the effort?

      Email me sometime. 😉

  8. October 26, 2011 5:38 pm

    I completely agree and looooove this post!! I’ve been the one to make the first move in most of my relationships and it’s always worked out favorably! The times it hasn’t, oh, well. I moved on. I made the first move with my boyfriend, who is a shy guy, and we’ve happily been together for 4 years now! Life’s too short to have regrets! Go for it! Really, what’s the worst that can happen? You say hi, he turns you down, and you never see him again. Doesn’t sound too bad to me! Thanks for this post, it’s nice to know there are other ladies like me out there!

  9. October 28, 2011 4:41 am

    Hey hey! What a well written post specially the last line about polar bear and ice ! What a brilliant use of metaphor! I think there’s no harm in approaching a guy whom you badly want to talk to or whatever!

  10. October 28, 2011 10:07 am

    “there is something undeniably sexy about a woman who isn’t afraid to take charge once in a while and make things happen” — Most men will definitely agree with this statement!!

    Kudos on a great post that is even inspirational for the shy *guys* out there 🙂

    • October 29, 2011 4:36 pm

      My advice absolutely applies to shy guys, too. Don’t be scared, there’s no harm in hello. 🙂

  11. October 29, 2011 11:57 am

    Great post! Really well-written, and had me smiling at the end. 🙂

  12. italktoyouallthetimeinmyhead permalink
    October 30, 2011 8:24 pm

    It is awesome. I have just found this blog. I am doing the similar thing for my blog, a life of single girl, brave in the world of smug couples and not so great men, on the search for a real love. I hope you will read my blog too. Great post!

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