Stopping the Negativity
Why didn’t I read the recipe first? What was I thinking?
I’m sitting here, staring at this:
Two packs of cream cheese. Three eggs. A prepared crust.
I’m simply staring at these ingredients (and not using them) because I barely read the recipe before planning to make this cheesecake, and didn’t realize that the cream cheese and eggs need to be room temperature before cooking.
Have I mentioned that as I’m writing this, it’s 12:03 a.m. on Thanksgiving? Once the eggs and cream cheese are room temperature, then I need to make the cheesecake filling. Then it has to cook for an hour and a half. After that, it needs to cool before I can put it in the fridge.
Needless to say, I’ve got a long night ahead of me. The good news is that I can stop complaining about not having any time to write a blog post, considering I’m pretty much open for the next two hours. Normally, I could use TV as an excuse, but infomercials aren’t my thing.
Although, I’m seriously considering purchasing PajamaJeans. Genius! They are pajamas. And jeans. All in one. They’re only $39.95 and you get a free grey crewneck t-shirt with purchase! And according to the infomercial, they look like they were made by a European designer. Those Europeans really know their stuff.
As the infomercial says, “You’re busy. You have a lot going on. You want to look great. And you deserve to be comfortable. Who has time to find just the right outfit? Get it all done and look great, doing it in PajamaJeans.”
You may be wondering why I am cooking so late. Well, it’s because I have a serious procrastination problem. I had pretty much all day to make this damn cheesecake, but other things were more important – Harry Potter, primarily. Remember when I told you about how I am culturally inept and only this year discovered Harry Potter? I am now on the final book – it only took me four months.
That’s four months of my life I won’t be getting back, people. But I now know what Muggles, Quidditch, Polyjuice Potion and horcruxes are. I mean, that’s all really important information. It’s gonna get me really far.
Please hold. I suspect the eggs and cream cheese are room temperature by now.
I was correct. The cheesecake is now in the oven. Tastes pretty good too. Yes, you heard me right. I just tasted a cheesecake filling that includes uncooked eggs. If I die of salmonella we all know why.
Where was I?
Oh. Nowhere very interesting. I suspect I should move along to the point of today’s post.
So it’s Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving, guys. I hope you are having a wonderful day with your family. I hope that you eat so much you want to puke. And then I hope the minute the pukey feeling subsides, you eat dessert, followed by leftovers a few hours later, because calories don’t count on Thanksgiving.
You heard it here first. Eat up.
If you are reading other blog posts today, I’m sure you’ll see a lot of people talking about what they are thankful for. Not this girl.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for many things. I have so much in my life – my family, friends, career, health, this blog, ice cream, love. There isn’t much more I could ask for.
But what I really want to talk about is negativity. I’ve noticed that this is the time of the year where negativity starts to creep into my mind, like a virus. While everyone else is seemingly swimming in holiday happiness, I get a little down. Correction: I get myself a little down.
There’s this negative track that runs in my head on repeat:
I hate the cold. I miss summer and the lake. The holidays still don’t feel the same without my ex fiancé. I’m never going to have this perfect life that everyone else seems to have. I’m not sure where things with Chef are going. Is being happy with the way things are enough? I’ve gained three pounds while I should be losing weight for Hawaii. I’m going to die alone. I’m never going to have children to buy presents for. My cheesecake always cracks. I look terrible in that picture. I haven’t been reading/commenting on other blogs enough. Hell, I haven’t been writing this blog enough. I have no idea what to get anyone for Christmas. I’m too broke for Christmas. My house is a mess. I miss so many parts of my old life.
Like many people, I’m my own biggest critic. I find myself focusing on the negative, and not being very kind to myself. I can’t remember the last time I looked at a picture of myself and didn’t criticize something. When did I stop looking at pictures as the memory captured and instead start looking at them so judgmentally?
Why am I beating myself up so much?
This time of the year is hard for a lot of people. Memories can haunt you. And with so much pressure to be perfect, it’s easy to feel like you simply don’t measure up. And family doesn’t always help the situation. Old arguments can resurface, and uncomfortable questions asked. It’s hard not to feel like a complete failure when relatives ask repeatedly if you are ever going to settle down and get married.
Here’s what I think: It’s time to stop the negativity. If you aren’t going to be kind to yourself, who will?
Going forward, I’m trying to actively replace my negative thoughts with positive ones. If I start putting myself down, I’m going to try to build myself up instead. I’m going to kill myself with kindness. And, when I find myself grumbling about what I don’t have, I’m going to remind myself of what I do. Because I have so much for which to be thankful, and I’m positive I don’t appreciate it enough.
Damn it. Back to being thankful. I guess that’s OK. It is Thanksgiving, after all.
Oh, and my cheesecake looks great. It didn’t even crack! You can find the recipe here.
Tell me, do you struggle with negativity? Is it harder this time of the year to stay positive? Any tips for being kinder to yourself?
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Make it a great one!
Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.