Simply Solo Spotlight: Dating Red Flags
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Bill Nichols, one of the men behind 100 Red Flags, a website examining the top 100 things perpetually single women do to drive men away. It’s definitely a good read for anyone wondering why they are still single … especially someone who can handle possibly getting mad because something they do is on the list! (Like my red flag of only being able to cook with an oven!)
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
Dating Red Flags
The Co-Founder of ‘100 Red Flags’ starts with himself, and suggests you do the same
I have a confession to make. I’m single, in my late-twenties, and I have red flags.
I’m the youngest of four children and I was spoiled growing up. That is, if you consider always getting my way a red flag. Or having a money drawer in the kitchen that I could grab from at any time. Or having separate meals made for me because I didn’t like what everyone else was eating. Or the fact that I’ve never, to this day, mowed a lawn.
Second, I’m not a big movie guy. In fact, sitting for two hours watching a movie is one of the last things I’d want to do. Most women look forward to having their guy cuddle with them every weekend and share a passionate exchange of how great the movie was. I can take care of the cuddling part, but there’s a good chance I’ll either be asleep or disconnected by the second scene. That’s no fun.
I’m also a horrible cook – as in I still can’t seem to figure out any kitchen utensils other than a George Foreman Grill. This means I’ll eat out a ton, not be able to help in the kitchen, and expect my girl of choice to do the cooking for me.
Think that’s it? Think again. My choice of occupation is also a red flag. I’m an entrepreneur, which some women consider the same as unemployed. I work in coffee shops, haven’t cut my hair in twelve weeks, and Airbnb is my largest source of revenue.
In the real world, it’s natural for people to judge. And in the real world of dating, there’s a 100% chance that women see these things and make a judgment about who I am and how good of a guy I am for them – but should I care? Should I change anything? Should you change your red flags?
You’ll undoubtedly get relationship advice saying that you shouldn’t care. That’s absurd, and I believe wholeheartedly that you should care. But first realize that caring doesn’t necessarily mean changing. Rather, it’s caring enough to have an understanding that, whether you like it or not, people build assumptions about who you are, and these assumptions are based around things that you do. And I believe that it’s only through this awareness that I can either change, or make sure that a woman I am dating sees the depth of great things that go beyond any superficial red flags.
That’s why it’s so important to constantly examine yourself, have this understanding of what might be going through the minds’ of the opposite sex, and decide how you’ll handle any of your own red flags. Here’s a list of what I’m doing with mine:
Spoiled Childhood – Not that this comes up in conversation right away, but it can be assumed through the younger child thing. Because I know the stigma surrounding it, I make sure a woman knows how much I appreciate the art of giving and am filled with so much joy when I’m taking care of others. I make fun of the fact that I never had to mow a lawn, but I demonstrate a learned sense of responsibility as I fix things in my condo and am a board member of my condo association. Also, my role as the youngest also shares the benefit of having three older sisters, from which I’ve learned a lot about women, including their habits, emotions, and all of the love and compassion that they have to give. This will make some woman very happy some day.
Movie-watching – I suck at watching movies, but I’m working on it – for instance, I created a Netflix queue with the Top 10 movies that I’ve never seen (think: The Godfather, Terminator, Jaws, Animal House) but that everyone always talks about. Plus, with the right person I’ll be excited to share that time with her, and I’ll make sure she knows that and feels that.
Cooking – Even though I’ve thought about taking classes or something, I’m going for the Foreman. But any woman that dates me knows that if she ever needs a restaurant recommendation, I’ve got it. Whether she’s looking to go out with her friends, a client, or is hoping I’ll pick a fun spot for us to try out, she’ll know I can come through. Not to mention, I’ll make sure she also knows that I make some killer paninis and stir-frys.
Entrepreneur – I’m not changing that which I’m most passionate about – that is, making a difference in the world, being in control of my life, and choosing to build something vs. sitting back being a cog in the wheel. Since I’m not changing this, I can make sure that any woman I date understands why this is so important to me, and why it should be admired vs. avoided. But again, it’s better than getting upset that the judgment is there, because I understand it and am not offended by it.
By having an awareness of why these might be red flags, I’m now able to address them by either changing, or providing the information necessary to squash them when I’m on a date. Ignoring my own red flags will not help.
It’s easier for a guy to accept these things, though, and that’s precisely the reason why 100RedFlags.com was started. Women need a push to recognize some of the things that they do that could be keeping them single. When I point out a potential red flag, some women say, “Guys don’t really care about that,” to which I’ll reply, “Yeah, well if they didn’t care about it, they were probably just looking for sex, and a relationship just happened to come along with it.” So, however much a woman wants to deny these things, or complain that it isn’t true, it’s only going to get her so far. Instead, her best bet is to understand the way that men think, have an awareness around what might be considered a red flag, and then make her own choice to ignore it, change it, or in most cases, just make sure the guy sitting across from her has enough information to see who she truly is.
So, Simply Solo readers…are you aware of your red flags? Do you agree or disagree with red flags men raise? And do you choose to ignore them or do you address them?
Copyright 2011. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.