Simply Solo Spotlight: Should I Stay or Should I Go
Hey there everyone – I hope you had a wonderful holiday and are amping up for a fabulous 2012! Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is a little bit different than usual. A reader reached out to me with a story and question on which she wanted to hear the advice of my readers. As I’m hoping Simply Solo can be a resource for anyone going through a breakup or relationship issue – no matter their age – I decided to share it with you. I hope you can offer some advice!
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: email@example.com.
Should I Stay or Should I Go
My name is Lux Kentt, a mostly happy, nerdy – and proud of it – 16-year-old girl. My boyfriend James and I have a difficult relationship. Some relationships are kept in secret, and though it is not common, it tends to happen more with teens than with adults. The same is true of us. He is turning 17 this December (an older boy, I know), and we have been together for just over seven months now. However, we were introduced by a mutual friend the beginning of September last year and were a bit inseparable from then on, even before we got together. His parents are strict Catholics who refuse to let him date until he is either in college or out of the house, so they clearly have been kept out of the loop on our dating situation. My parents also don’t know that we are together. Yes, I am “allowed” to date, and even did once – a monstrous experience that I choose to ignore when talking about my past. But, the one, I repeat ONE, time I ever in my life came home with a visible hickey (not from James) my mother freaked out and lectured me. She only calmed down once I assured her that it was just ONE, and that nothing else had happened.
Our friends and the girl who introduced us are the only ones privy to the knowledge that we are together. We also have our friends cover for us so that we can sleep over with each other sometimes (yes people, I am not a virgin – but don’t think that it’s just sex).
I am regretting my decision to tell friends though, as some of them are judgmental and hypocritical. I have a few friends who have recently “found” God, and they could not be more preachy with their views. (Two side notes: I have always hated that saying, “found God.” Where did he go? Were you unable to find him during hide and seek? And, I myself was raised Christian but am now agnostic, much to my mother’s chagrin and stepfather’s indifference.) One of my friends is a hot-blooded 18-year-old boy who, for as long as I have known him, has been a handsy, mouthy, man-wh*re of an SOB. At least, he was until three months ago. He recently got religious and since then has not done anything questionable outside of the occasional innuendo. When I told him of James’ and my trysts, he was very unsupportive, going so far as to tell me, “If a relationship is based on sex, it will FAIL.” And, “You should break up with him, it’s clear he doesn’t care for you since you had sex.” I fear I lost him as a friend when I called him preachy to his face and told him not to compare his last relationship to mine. We haven’t spoken since.
Our relationship ISN’T just sex, as every time hasn’t QUITE been roses and candles, but more on the making love side than anything else. James has turned me into quite the romantic, where I once believed that love didn’t really exist. However, the saying “love makes you do stupid things” is becoming truer for me every day. On some occasions I am pathetically sappy, on others downright b*tchy. Sometimes I fear he will get annoyed and leave me, though I know he won’t because he truly loves me too. But the fear drives me to ridiculous and rash actions.
A few days ago, I was watching a romantic comedy and when it got to the point of the main characters marrying – which is something I know James and I cannot do because of responsibilities to his parents – I sort of lost it. I made the hasty decision of breaking things off when I saw him the next day, then promptly left. I was called back to see him again by our mutual friend later that same day, and I arrived in time to see him balling his eyes out and begging me to come back to him. At the sound of him calling me his “light” I melted, coming back to my admittedly love blinded senses, and took him back, begging for forgiveness, which he easily granted. I am left feeling guilty, frustrated, and a bit depressed. This is not the first time we have had a push/pull event like this happen, but it certainly is the most severe. I am overwhelmed with a sense of foreboding that something is coming – something that will take him away from me for good. It is making me more rash than ever, because I truly don’t know how I will live without him, as he is my first love.
I know that many of you will believe I am just being melodramatic, and I understand where you are coming from. I have seen first-hand the end result of typical high school relationships enough times to realize how my story must sound, though I beg you to recant your hasty judgment. Please, if even just one of you would be so kind as to help me out with sound advice, even if it is just to tell me I sound spoilt to want to keep him forever, do so. I am lost and confused, and I have no one to confide in but you and the girl who helped me and James find each other.
Unsure and alone
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