I’m No Superhero
**Please see toward the end of this post for an exclusive contest to win a pair of Manolo Blahniks, an iPad2 or a wine party for 20 from Rioja Wines!**
I’m no superhero.
And I don’t mean this in the way that I always read on others’ blogs when they are bemoaning how they can’t seem to keep up with work, the kids, the housework and the ever-increasing demands of everyday life.
I mean, I’m literally no superhero. Even if I were to be blessed with superhero powers (beyond my incredible capacity to eat large amounts of ice cream), I’m not sure I’d use them.
Let me elaborate.
I was watching Lord of the Rings the other night with Chef, and just before nodding off (much to his chagrin, considering it is one of his favorite movies), I said, “Why don’t they just bury the damn ring?”
In case you aren’t familiar, the Lord of the Rings follows a hobbit named Frodo on his quest to destroy this very powerful ring that the Dark Lord Sauron is trying to obtain for evil purposes. Frodo has to endure many obstacles as he travels to Mordor to dispose of the ring, risking life and limb in order to save the people of Middle-Earth.
Most people would watch this movie and root Frodo on. He’s our hero! He will persevere against the Dark Lord! He will save the Middle-Earth!
I just feel bad for Frodo. I mean, he’s in the prime of his life. Does he really need to be running around the country, getting into sword fights with all sorts of crazy looking creatures, just to destroy a simple ring?
You only get one life, people.
It seems to me Frodo could have very easily just buried the ring nice and deep in the ground and held off the Dark Lord for a bit. Or, why not just hand the ring over? Maybe he could work out a deal with the Dark Lord where he could get a seat in his new evil dark-lordy administration.
When I told Chef my theory, he looked at me in amazement. It was similar to the look he gave me earlier in the movie when I noted that all the hobbits had curly hair. Had he ever noticed the sheer number of actors with curly hair in this movie? Was curly hair a traditional feature of a hobbit?
Let’s just say I think Chef lost a little bit of love for me in that moment. He proceeded to give me some inspirational speech. Let me see if I remember it. Blah blah blah, epic battle against evil, blah blah blah you aren’t paying attention to the right things, blah blah blah, you just don’t get The Lord of the Rings.
He was right. I didn’t get it. I watched the second one with him and fell asleep during that one as well.
And while I love zombies and zombie movies, if they attacked, you can trust that I’m not going to be on the front lines fighting them. You’ll likely find me holed up somewhere, Wal-Mart or my apartment, riding out the zombie attack and waiting for the military to come save me.
That’s why I pay taxes.
Obviously, I’m not heroic enough to be a superhero. Part of me wonders if I’d played
more any competitive sports in my lifetime, I would have developed an attitude conducive to being a hero.
In fact, I’ve never participated in anything competitive through my whole childhood. When my dad was younger, he was a taxi driver in Boston. Growing up, he had two main catch phrases that will forever be etched in my brain:
- Do you think money grows on trees? (Remember, he’s pretty cheap. Even though he surprised us with a trip to Hawaii.)
- I’m not your cab driver. Find your own ride.
Now, what’s significant about these phrases is that they both provided good reasons why I never participated in any team sports. Money doesn’t grow on trees, and team sports cost money. And since Dad wasn’t my cab driver, even if I wanted to play a sport, I’d have to find someone to drive me to and from practice.
Never mind I was about a gazillion pounds in middle school. That probably played a bigger part. Most kids wanted a pony for their birthday. Well, I was too fat for a pony. But I digress.
So, I’ve never had much a competitive spirit. Sure, I want to win. Who doesn’t? But if I don’t win, I’ve always had the attitude that as long as I did my best, that’s all I can do. There’s no sense in getting upset.
But then, along came Words with Friends. It all started on an innocent afternoon, when I wanted to find out what the ruckus was all about with Words with Friends. I started a game with a stranger, and a few moves in, she played a word that was like 45 points.
“That bitch!” I thought. Because I’m the epitome of maturity.
Suddenly, I found myself strategizing my moves, agonizing over which letters to choose. Remarkably, I actually cared if I won.
It was a whole new feeling for me. I became a Words with Friends junkie. Within three days, I had 16 different games going. I began dreaming about Words with Friends. When I beat Chef, a HUGE crossword puzzle fanatic, I did a celebration dance. And told him that my victory shouldn’t make him feel any less like a man.
Winning feels good. Who knew?
Now here’s the real reason for this post. One of my agency’s clients is Rioja Wines, and they are holding a contest for the staff of my agency to see who can get the most entries for a sweepstakes. They gave each of us a personalized link, where our friends and family can simply enter their email address and zip code for the chance to win a pair Manolo Blahniks, an iPad2 or a wine party for 20 from Rioja Wines.
Pretty amazing prizes, right? And it’s really simple to enter.
If I get the most people to enter, I could win a $250 gift card. That’s serious dough, guys. And all you have to do to help me out is enter the contest at this link by Saturday, January 14. By entering, you’ll be signing up for the Rioja wine community, but trust me, if you don’t love it, it’s really easy to unsubscribe.
When they first told us about the contest, I did what any good employee would do. I put it up on my Twitter and Facebook accounts. I harassed a few friends into putting it on their Facebook walls as well. I got a few entries, and was pretty proud of myself.
I gave it the college try.
And then, two people in my agency started beating me. And talking smack while beating me. Coincidentally, both of these individuals are on the Rioja Wines account, which means they already get to A: drink lots of wine while calling it work and B: regularly visit the beautiful Rioja region of Spain. I’m calling foul.
Here’s why you should help me out by entering:
- I wonder if my colleagues think this blog is a little – well – silly. It’s time to show them the power of Simply Solo.
- I’ve made $30 since starting this blog. Yes, seriously. Someone told me that with my traffic, I should set up Google ads on the blog for some easy money. Turns out Simply Solo readers don’t really like to click on ads. I can’t blame ya, I hardly ever click on ads either. But what that means is I’ve made $30 from the blog since last spring, and Google won’t even give me my money until I hit $100. So I can expect a really fat paycheck in like 2016, at the rate I’m going. I will pretend that the $250 is payment for my services rendered on Simply Solo.
- I’m going to do something fun with the money. And by fun, I don’t mean put it toward my new car. That would be responsible. I plan on being irresponsible and I’ll share that irresponsibility with you.
- I sleep in gloves. I thought about revealing this during my December Confessions, but I was too embarrassed. I’ll throw it out there if I can win an ounce your sympathy and encourage you to enter the contest. Remember when I told you I have nail psoriasis? Well, the treatment is this medicine I need to put on my finger nails, and then wrap my fingers in saran wrap. You would think this is embarrassing enough. Oh, it gets better. You see, the saran wrap doesn’t quite stay the way you would think while sleeping, and ultimately I’d wake up with no saran wrap but a fun project of finding out where it had went. So now, I wear a pair of gloves – yes actual gloves you would wear outside in the winter – on top of the saran wrap. I look ridiculous. I can’t even look in the mirror without laughing at myself. Isn’t someone who has to sleep in gloves deserving of your help? Can you help me retain a bit of my self-dignity?
- If I lose this contest, I may lose the competitive spirit forever. All my hopes and dreams for being a competitive person will be dashed. And you know what that means? I’ll never be president. And I know you guys all want me to be president someday. Which means you need to do your part to help me today.
Again, it’s simple. You just click here by January 14 and enter your email address and zip code. Got multiple email accounts? Enter them all! Feel the strange urge inside you to share this contest on your Facebook page and Twitter account? Don’t let me stop you! Just make sure your friends enter the link that has “cgryp” in it, because Facebook does this weird thing where it also provides another simpler link – only that one won’t track the entries under my name.
Tell me, are you competitive? Are you mad at me for butchering Lord of the Rings? Will you help me win this contest at work? What prize do you want the most – the Manolo Blahniks, the iPad2 or the wine party for 20?
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.