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Simply Solo Spotlight: Seven Biggest Mistakes When Entering a New Relationship

January 11, 2012

Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Eric J. Leech, author of love, lust and relationships for DatingWebsites.org. I hope that learning about these common mistakes can help a few of you out there embarking on new relationships.

Speaking of embarking … yesterday, I embarked on my trip to Hawaii! (Part of the reason this guest post is a day late.) Don’t worry; I have some great guest posts lined up while I’m gone. I’m also hoping to give you guys an update on my trip at some point. On my Hawaii to do list: drink a really girly drink while lying on the beach, swim under a waterfall, eat shaved ice, see the turtles, go snorkeling, eat pineapple ice cream from the Dole Pineapple Plantation, visit Pearl Harbor, go to a luau, celebrate my 27th birthday and not kill bond with my family. Not necessarily in that order.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

Seven Biggest Mistakes When Entering a New Relationship

When you pack up our baggage and board a new relationship, you might be hauling along a number of stereotypes, expectations and attitudes. While it is good to learn from past mistakes and successes, it is bad to allow these experiences to influence how you see yourself and your dating partner. You should start each day on a clean slate, and not allow holes in your confidence to spring leaks in the trust and honesty necessary to foster a healthy relationship. These are the seven biggest mistakes that couples make when entering into a new partnership. We’re getting them out of the way, today, so that you’ll think twice about bringing them to the table the next time you’re in the midst of a budding romance.

1. “You’re Not Good Enough”

If you find yourself in new relationships a lot, there are two possible explanations for this. First, you may be choosing the wrong people time and again. Second, you may be choosing right, but have an unrealistic list of expectations for them to satisfy. Whether you are a product of a divorce, or just have a lot of bad experiences under your belt, a lot of people overcompensate by building up the perfect mate in their mind, and then holding out for them. These are both tactics to avoiding intimacy. They work by allowing you to make yourself unavailable to anyone who fails to meet your standards, which you’ve practically guaranteed, by either choosing the wrong person, or making your criterion beyond anyone’s reach.

2. “I’ll Do Whatever It Takes”

You may think you’re setting the stage for success in your new relationship by giving your partner whatever they want. However, what you are really doing is losing respect, consideration and the opportunity to get your own needs met. It is good to be flexible when giving to your partner, but make sure they are giving you something in return.

3. “Take Me Now!”

couple kissing in library

Photo courtesy of Mandee Carter

Girls often feel pressure in new relationships to have sex early. Guys will say things like, “I need to see how we communicate in bed before I’ll know if I want to invest more time in this relationship.” The truth is, any guy who is worth your time will also be willing to wait until you’re ready to be intimate. Studies suggest that the men who wait for sex are the ones who will remain invested in your relationship. So don’t fall for that old ploy. If he’s willing to walk because you’re not giving into him, he’ll probably be walking soon anyway, so you might as well get rid of him sooner than later.

4. “You’re Amazing!”

Disillusionment is one of the biggest reasons people find themselves in abusive relationships. When you enter a new relationship, your brain is floating in a bath of Ocytocin, which is the chemical in the brain responsible for heroine-like euphoria, and the feeling of being madly in love. The problem is, these feelings go along with any relationship that offers some chemistry. However, just because your hormones are jiving, doesn’t mean your goals and intentions are too. Resist the Ocytocin boat by grounding all your new relationships in the realization that it takes several weeks to know somebody well. Don’t put them on a pedestal until they are deserving of it.

5. “I’m a Failure”

Failure in a relationship should never be considered a flaw of yours. We all make mistakes. It is expected. The biggest error you probably make in your relationships, is considering failure to be the beginning to every end. As long as you learn from your mistakes, and actively seek solutions to your problems, disagreements can grow into new beginnings. With enough effort, all couples stand a pretty good chance of getting things right eventually.

6. “Love Me … Love Me Not”

If you get home from a date and rack your brain to decide how much they really liked you, or what you think they want out of a relationship, you’re already guilty of this mistake. Don’t read too much into any first couple of dates. Don’t cling to your date’s every word, trying to decode what they are really trying to say. Don’t obsess about every hand or facial gesture, and don’t look for abysmal signs of what the future holds if you continue to see this person. The simple truth is, you can’t force a relationship to reveal its potential. Just enjoy the company, and allow any potential to play itself out naturally.

7. “Hurry Up, Before You Decide You Don’t Like Me Anymore”

The final common mistake it to rush a relationship out of the fear that the other person will become disinterested the more they get to know you. The idea is to get them caught up in a steady relationship, so that they’ll feel obligated to ride it out. Never rush into any relationship, as this is when serious red flags are often overlooked.

Have you or someone you know made one of these seven big mistakes? If so, share it with us. Are there any mistakes you’d add to this list?

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


20 Comments leave one →
  1. Karyl permalink
    January 11, 2012 9:11 am

    Completely unrelated to the main content of the blog entry. I grew up in Hawaii and just had to plug the best shave ice on Oahu! Matsumoto’s in Hale’ewa has the best shave ice! And this time of year you might see a lot of surfers catching waves while you enjoy a rainbow cone with ice cream and sweet beans in the bottom. Yum! (I wanna go home now)

    • January 11, 2012 11:58 am

      I was born in Hawaii and lived there off and on for 9 years. I second that – Matsumoto’s is incredible, especially with the ice cream on the bottom (never tried the sweet beans, though).

  2. January 11, 2012 9:19 am

    Thankfully (well sort of) I’m only guilty of 4,5 and 6 which I don’t think is too bad. Though I already know I hold on to any happiness I can get.

    Sigh, everything’s always perfect at the beginning of a relationship. BIGGER SIGH.

    • January 13, 2012 10:29 am

      AWildDog, Thanks for reading my article and for commenting! : ) that is good you are able to recognize the “mistakes” you are guilty of… I do believe those aren’t too bad of mistakes to make, but are definitely areas that could be worked on.

      I definitely agree the beginning of relationships are always perfect : ( if only they could stay like that forever

  3. January 11, 2012 10:46 am

    Oh I will be re-reading this when I get into another relationship-I’m an aweful dater…

    • January 13, 2012 10:30 am

      nikilee30, thanks for reading my article and thanks for commenting! I’m glad you find it helpful! : ) I hope that these tips will help you in your future relationship.

  4. January 11, 2012 11:52 am

    As always…..awesome stuff. Enjoy your trip!!!

    • January 11, 2012 7:49 pm

      Thank you I plan to! Going well so far!!

    • January 13, 2012 10:32 am

      Stacia, thanks for reading my article and thanks for commenting! glad you enjoyed it : )

      Catherine, I hope your trip continues to go well!

  5. January 11, 2012 11:59 am

    The mark of a really good relationship is when that Ocytocin is still kicking around in your veins two, three, six months down the line!

    • January 13, 2012 10:34 am

      Mark, thanks for reading my article and commenting! I definitely agree with you on what is a sign of really good relationship…. it’s what happens a little ways down the line.

  6. January 12, 2012 9:17 am

    Awesome tips. I will say, however, “You’re Amazing,” is fine…it’s “You’re Perfect” that gets you in trouble!

    • January 13, 2012 10:35 am

      sexytofu, thanks for reading the article and for commenting! I definitely agree on how “You’re Amazing” should possibly be “You’re Perfect”. Both can get you in trouble if you put someone up on a pedestal.

  7. Claudia permalink
    January 12, 2012 1:15 pm

    Be very careful with the first one. Sometimes that voice inside your head saying “that person is not good enough” is actually correct. Putting too much worry into if what you are expecting is “too much” can also end up you being someone’s doormat.

    • January 13, 2012 10:38 am

      Claudia, thanks for reading my article and thanks for commenting! I definitely agree with you… it is somewhat of a fine line. Can’t say that this person isn’t good enough for you, but at the same time you can’t end up being a door mat!

  8. January 12, 2012 10:31 pm

    Number 2 is especially important! Good tips. Hopefully I’ll be able to use them soon…

    • January 13, 2012 10:39 am

      Larissa, thanks for reading the article and thanks for commenting. I’m glad that you think the tips are helpful! Hopefully you get to use them soon, and hopefully they are effective : )

  9. January 15, 2012 10:07 am

    Thanks Catherine for this post , it really makes things clear for people. I would like to read more on this topic, could you please write the seven most important right things to do when entering a relationships , for example. It would broaden the topic.

  10. January 24, 2012 10:19 pm

    Love this!! So true!

  11. February 4, 2012 4:59 pm

    This is awesome! I feel like a lot of women make these mistakes in relationships because they’re insecure and worry that the man will leave them. What they should realise is that a man who require them to put more into the relationship then they’re giving.

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