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ThingsAreNeverGonnaChangeItis

March 22, 2012

A few years ago, I was talking with my mom about the very popular self-help book “Who Moved My Cheese?” about dealing with change at work and in life. The book argues you must have a positive attitude about change and adapt in order to survive.

“I really don’t like change,” I explained to my mom. “Even good change is bad.”

I must have been all of 20 years old, and who knew what I even thought “change” was at that time. Lord knows I had no idea the amount of changes I would see in the coming years.

As I get older, I’ve realized that it isn’t that I don’t like change, or that I think change is a bad thing. In fact, I relish change. Especially when it’s on my own terms. And I’ve properly prepared for it.

For example, at work, I’m constantly on the lookout for potential changes in my industry or for my clients. That way when changes pop up, I’m not often caught off guard.

The real problem I have with change relates to my personal life. In my personal life, I suffer from a little known condition called ThingsAreNeverGonnaChangeItis. This condition causes me to assume that my relationships, friends and family are going to stay the same. Little changes here or there, sure. Big, life altering changes? Nope.

But then my single girl role model gets engaged.

My grandfather gets sick.

In a month, one of my longtime friends is moving to Chicago.

I see on Facebook that a dear friend has gotten married. I wasn’t invited. She hasn’t spoken to me in more than a year, and I have no idea why. And now I’ve missed her wedding.

I find myself standing in the doctor’s office watching my sister get an ultrasound to find out the sex of her first baby.

Change. Change. Change.

Of course, I realize my friends and family have their own lives to live. I truly want good things to happen to the people I love. But somehow, whenever big changes happen in my relationships and to the people around me, they catch me off guard. While I’m certain all these things may happen someday, I never expect them to happen today.

When my sister first found out she was pregnant, she made me promise to keep it a secret until she was far enough along to tell more people. “I’m no good at secrets,” I told her. “I mean, I can keep a secret – sorta. I have to be able to tell at least one person.” She agreed I could tell Chef.

First, Chef and I reeled over the news. Once we were done reeling, we’d forget she was pregnant all together. I’d start to text her to invite her out for drinks, then abruptly stop in my tracks.

“Duh. Natasha is pregnant. No drinks for her,” I’d tell Chef. This started the joke where every time I mention the progress of my sister’s pregnancy, Chef asks, “Natasha is still pregnant?”

“The baby is the size of a strawberry!” I’d exclaim.

“Natasha’s still pregnant?” would be his reply. After five months, the joke still hasn’t gotten old.

Because somehow, I keep forgetting she’s pregnant.

The way I keep forgetting that my friend is moving to Chicago.

Or that my other friend isn’t speaking to me.

The problem with identifying that I suffer from ThingsAreNeverGonnaChangeItis is that I am now paranoid that things are going to change all the time. I fear that nothing is permanent. This has been a problem since I broke up with my ex fiancé in such a catastrophic manner. I keep thinking that every future relationship is going to end in the same shocking and heartbreaking way. So, refusing to be caught off guard ever again, I find myself constantly looking for cracks in my relationship or signs that things are about to shift dramatically. Since this obviously isn’t the healthiest approach to an adult relationship, I’m working on it.

As I let these changes grow on me, I am beginning to become one with them. This is what life is all about. Things have to change so you can grow. People have to leave you so they can grow, too. Women have to have babies so the human race can continue. Friendships change – sometimes they even end – and it’s not the end of the world.

Whether the change feels bad or good at the moment, it’s all a part of who you are. And who you will become. Because even if you don’t notice it, you are changing with each and every day.

It's a Boy bracelets, pregnancy

Rocking our "It's A Boy!" bracelets

Did I mention my sister’s having a boy? Having another nephew and helping raise him into an amazing man is a change I can live with. And I can’t wait to see my sister in her new role as a mother. Even if it means I can’t invite her out for drinks for a bit.

How do you handle change? Any tips for getting over ThingsAreNeverGonnaChangeItis?

 

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


32 Comments leave one →
  1. mom permalink
    March 22, 2012 3:07 pm

    And exactly when did you decide your one person was going to be Chef … Also when might that have been? Would like the exact date please…
    Great post love you ….

    • March 22, 2012 3:36 pm

      Haha Mom. No comment on the date…. You weren’t allowed to be my one for the secret. Take that up with your favorite pregnant daughter 🙂

  2. March 22, 2012 3:28 pm

    I actually relish and embrace change. Then again, when you’ve gone through so much crap for so long, you finally just reach a point where you figure, “it’s GOTTA be better than this.”

    But that’s the past. I’m happier than ever now. And see? It’s because of change!

    • March 31, 2012 10:53 pm

      Mark,
      You are seriously my role model. Change has really worked out for you and I’m going to try and be more like you! 🙂

  3. March 22, 2012 3:29 pm

    Hey trust me, I didn’t want to be the only person that knew the big news. I hate when people tell me something that I can’t tell anyone else. Something so big it could rock the foundation. I was all like, LA LALALALA LALA ALALA ALALLLALALALA the whole time she was telling me this. And then I had to be around you all and knowing this secret and it was eating me up!! I just wanted to scream “Tasha is preggo!!!!” like right in the middle of conversation. Seriously for a minute though…my ex lady friend made me read “Who Moved My Cheese” one day after I received a promotion and was having to move to a different location. I read it in like 30 mins flat. I love that book. I welcome change in certain situations and fear it the rest of the time. I have learned to adapt to change and I try to find the positives. Nice post! And heartfelt congratulations to your sister, Nat(asha), with the news of her baby boy!!

    • March 31, 2012 10:52 pm

      Chef,
      You did a good job keeping the secret. I think, anyway. Who knows who you told, LOL!
      Didn’t know you read Who Moved My Cheese. We gotta talk about it sometime 🙂 Although I don’t want to talk about you ever having an ex lady friend. I’m going to pretend I didn’t just read that.

  4. Nancy permalink
    March 22, 2012 3:34 pm

    In your reply to Mom – “I don’t want things to change unless that change is originated by me.” Think on those things that turned out for the better because someone else caused the change! If my ex hadn’t cheated, I would never have ended up marrying Tony – and we celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary on Monday! If I hadn’t been transferred to NC, I would never have met you! If I hadn’t lost my previous job, I wouldn’t be working at a job I actually like. Change…even those things beyond your control…can be a good thing.

    • March 22, 2012 3:51 pm

      Nancy,
      Ha, I deleted that comment because it was an epic failure of misunderstanding of what my mom was saying. LOL. But you are correct, “I said I don’t want things to change unless that change is originated by me.”

      But you are right. I know it. Blah. hahaha 🙂 Change is often good when looking at it in the rearview mirror. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with in the present.

      Congrats on your 24th wedding anniversary! That’s awesome! So happy for you!

  5. charlie baldwin permalink
    March 22, 2012 9:42 pm

    Great blog.SimplySolo is my new secret guilty pleasure…lol

    • March 31, 2012 10:32 pm

      Haha, thanks Charlie. Always love having a male reader.
      AND don’t take Teya away from us!! haha jk

  6. March 23, 2012 8:23 am

    Hey, Catherine! 🙂
    I suffer from ThingsAreNeverGonnaChangeItis also, but in the reverse form. When things are negative and dark and the road is long.
    My thing with change is …it SUCKS! It is hard and who will I be when the change is over, what will be different when it happens…but the hardest thing about change is accepting it.
    I work on acceptance all. the. time. the irony of course id that once the change is over, it really was not that hard to begin with. I made it that way.
    Congrats on being an auntie and wishing your sister lots of happiness, luck and sleep!

    • March 31, 2012 10:32 pm

      DC,
      Thanks, I’m excited to be an auntie again! (I have two other nephews from my other sister). You said, “but the hardest thing about change is accepting it” So true! But seriously once you just accept it, it can be so much easier to adapt and move forward!

  7. March 23, 2012 4:46 pm

    Wonderful post. You said a bunch of things that have been going through my mind in a much more coherent way than I could have. It’s amazing how certain life events cause such knee jerk reactions as time goes on with different situations. I too am working on a healthier, less wimpy approach to relationships. It’s no good to stand outside the fire.

    • March 31, 2012 10:22 pm

      Thanks for reading bonda! Together we’ll both work on being less of wimps and becoming stronger and more able to change in relationships 🙂

  8. March 26, 2012 3:49 am

    we resist change because we don’t know what the future holds. In that case it can be good or bad but always is a stepping stone. Some are rough and huge. Others,small and light.
    If you adopt the optimistic side of life you will be able to embrace change.

    • March 31, 2012 10:17 pm

      hotshawty,
      THanks for the advice and I’ll do my best. Ha, that doesn’t sound very optimistic. I’m maybe failing already. 🙂

  9. Amelie permalink
    March 27, 2012 3:06 am

    Catherine, you´re strong and you survived that heartbreak/canceled wedding with grace.
    Trust me, when you meet your Mr. Right (I know you don´t like Big, so let´s say Aidan)and you´re gonna truly fall in love, you´re gonna embrace the change. Because it´s gonna be change for the better.

    • March 31, 2012 10:15 pm

      Amelie,
      Thanks so much :). I really appreciate the kind comment and you are right, I’m working on embracing change but there are some changes that just feel so right. Those are the best ones 🙂

  10. annisupertramp permalink
    March 27, 2012 4:31 am

    nice post 🙂
    Greetings from the Netherlands.

    • March 31, 2012 10:14 pm

      Thanks for checking it out! PS…. I remember going to Holland as a kid. Loved it! You are very lucky to live in such a beautiful place!

  11. susanft permalink
    March 27, 2012 4:49 am

    funny…i blogged myself on this just this week. how to manage change…well I think sometimes you just have to bite down and deal with it.
    some of us are change-averse and that’s the way it is. that’s the thing about change…it’s going to change, even if we don”t…

    • March 31, 2012 10:13 pm

      Susan, you sure are right, the changes are going to happen whether we like them or not, whether we embrace them or not. So we might as well just embrace them. You should share your blog post with us!

  12. March 27, 2012 7:53 am

    I don’t do well with change. Like your friend who’s moving to Chicago, my little brother is moving to California in a few months. WHY?!?!

    I’m thinking of making this year the year of change for me. I still have 9 months left.

    • March 31, 2012 10:03 pm

      Oh!! I’m sorry to hear your brother is moving. That’s so tough! WHY?!!! is exactly how I feel 🙂
      I’m not sure I’m ready for the change of making this the year of change. Ha 🙂

  13. March 27, 2012 5:38 pm

    I really like change– I hate feeling complacent and in the status quo. I see change as an opportunity for new experiences and new adventures. It sucks when the change is negative (ie losing a job, breaking off a relationship, etc) but I’ve found that even in those times, so much good can come from it! To focus on the positive is the only way to “survive” change when you don’t like it. Otherwise, it will consume you.
    Congrats to your sis!

    • March 31, 2012 10:01 pm

      Thanks, Kate! I’m going to try and be a bit more like you and embrace change. It helps when I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. So good changes, bad changes, everything has its purpose.

  14. April 8, 2012 7:15 pm

    Great post! I am having a ball roaming around your blog. Oh and I plan to add a trackback to this post on one I wrote last week about all the change around me.
    Interestingly, I too am not on great terms with change, but with that being said, due to many circumstances that were beyond my control, the last two years I have been stagnant and now want to change something, anything! It is funny how things like that work!
    Anyway, I look forward to pursuing your words further!
    Best,
    -S.

    • April 25, 2012 10:33 pm

      S – I’ve been there too. I grew up with the military and we moved so frequently that sometimes I feel a little stuck if I’m in one place too long. See, change that I instigate is just fine. It’s the change that sneaks up on me when I’m loving life JUST AS IT IS that drives me a little crazy 🙂
      Thanks for reading/commenting!

      • April 26, 2012 8:08 am

        Ha! Maybe that is where it comes from. I am also from a military family and moved around at least every two years. I was in six different elementary schools… Maybe it is the experience of not knowing when the school year ended where my family would go next makes me hesitant to accept change that surprises me but embrace that which I choose?
        Best,
        oo – S.

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