Simply Solo Spotlight: Some Call It Love
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Dettie, who recently ended a four-year relationship and realized she had more time on her hands than she knew what do with. So, she started her blog where she talks about love, life, relationships and how to survive as a single woman in a coupled up world. After reading and commenting on today’s guest post, be sure to check out Dettie’s blog!
Some Call It Love
It is amazing to me how life’s experiences bring us together. We have different backgrounds, from different cultures to different countries, but when it comes to affairs of the heart, we are pretty much all the same. Our definition of fun varies. We love to laugh. What makes us laugh might differ from person to person, but who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh, particularly around good company?
But what makes us even more alike is love. Though our individual experiences might differ, most of us would have, at one point in our lives or another, loved and/or lost. I know I have.
From when we were as young as babes, we wanted to feel loved. We cried. We cried because we found out pretty early that if we cried somebody would come running to helpless-little-us, take us into their arms and fuss over us and rock us until we were calm … or at least until we felt that we should save some of our tears for the next 10 minutes.
The point is, that felt like love, and to our [then] feeble like minds, that was love.
But, we are now bigger. We now are the “shapers” (for the most part) of our destiny. How much different do we deem love to be now?
We still want to be held in someone’s arms. We still want to be fussed over. We still want to be rocked. And when we get that … Yeah … We still call it love.
I will not fool myself, or anyone reading this, into believing that that is all that love is about. Hell no! If that was the case, every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane would be in love. Love requires work. Love requires sacrifice. Love demands compromise. Loves requires admitting you were wrong. Love requires being vulnerable. Love requires trust … and for a stubborn horse as myself, love requires being flexible. Sometimes.
Let me tell you a little secret about love: nobody knows the love you feel but you. It might sound like a simple enough fact to accept, but we ever so often forget. I remember having an argument with my boyfriend about who loved who more. He believed he loved me more than I loved him. What was his basis for believing such? How HE felt. I laughed; I had to. How could he know how I was feeling? He could never, and I guess since I was the one to end that relationship, he is now certain that he was right. Maybe. I don’t know. We really can’t measure another person’s love.
After four years of being in that situation, I can tell you what I have learned. Love is not obligation. Love is not a burden. Love is not a bargaining chip. Love does not come with a flip switch. Love demands without dictating. Love needs to be showed. Love commands respect. Love helps to make you a better person. (Your) love should not be used against you. Love is a beautiful thing.
I refuse to subscribe to the ideology that love causes people to overlook faults. Listen, if you can’t see your other half’s faults, then that is not love. That’s something else, which I shall not discuss here, but will only say this: Love does not make someone perfect … It makes the relationship “perfect.”
I have loved. I know what love feels like and I also know what love doesn’t feel like.
So, I dare to be different, if only for a few minutes. I want all of that, the fussing and the holding and the cuddling, but I promise you, I WILL NOT call it love.
What you think love is? What is love supposed to feel like?
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.