Simply Solo Spotlight: In Defense of the Beta Man
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Bennie of My Ideal Woman, Bennie’s blog dedicated to expressing his appreciation of the fairer sex: a celebration of all the things he loves about women; expressions of his enthusiasm and delight of the female mind and body. You may remember that Bennie guest blogged on Simply Solo before, with his post Spice of Life. After reading and commenting on today’s post in defense of the Beta Man (I’m sold, by the way!), be sure to stop by Bennie’s blog.
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
In Defense of the Beta Man
As a single man, I find it particularly fun and enjoyable reading my fellow bloggers of the female persuasion, and getting their perspective on life, love and relationships. One theme that I run across quite often among the single women is their longing for an “alpha male” – a man who’s confident, successful, athletic, and dominant. He’s a man who takes the lead, who knows what he wants and gets it.
I’m here to call bullshit on that notion, at least for some of you. While you may think that’s what you want, in reality, deep down what you really want is a Beta Man. You know, the Nice Guys. The ones you stick in The Friend Zone and assume that they lack excitement and passion. I’m here to make the case that you should give them a try.
Why? Well, a Beta Man…
…is less likely to be an asshole. Let’s face it; often times the term “alpha male” is just a more pleasant way to refer to an asshole. Being an asshole generally means being selfish and wrapped up in yourself and that gets old quick. A beta man’s ego isn’t so large that there’s no room for other people’s wants and needs in a relationship. He’s not going to issue ultimatums or use what he knows about you to hurt you just for spite.
…is more likely to be a romantic. He’s going to enjoy making those big romantic gestures for no reason other than he loves you and wants to surprise you, to see delight on your face. The alpha male will send you flowers when he’s supposed to, on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, birthdays. A beta male will spring a surprise romantic getaway on you after you’ve just had a week from hell, to lift your spirits and bask you in love. He’s going to burn a CD with your favorite songs for you, leave you love notes, propose a picnic lunch on a surprisingly gorgeous day. He’s going to remember all the “firsts” of your relationship.
…celebrates your successes. If you just got a big promotion at work, a beta man will be excited for you and want to hear all about it even if his own work situation is less than ideal or stagnant. An alpha male can’t help but be competitive, and be resentful of your successes if they seem to outpace his own. An alpha man will often feel threatened if you earn more money than him, while a beta man sees that as just part of who you are. What if you’re better at darts or cards than your partner? It’ll drive an alpha man crazy, while the beta man will brag to people what a badass you are.
…enjoys spending time with you. Just being with you feels good, whether it’s going on a date, watching TV at home, on a car trip, or snuggling in bed. For an alpha man, spending time with you is simply the price you pay for a woman to have sex with and who cooks you good meals. He’ll grudgingly sit through romantic comedies with you thinking about the sports game he’s missing, while a beta man will laugh along with you and really enjoy it. For the beta man, time with you is the prize.
…listens to you. He values what you have to say, knows that he can learn from your own experiences and is willing to change his mind. An alpha male is so wrapped up in the competitive need to be the best that it’s difficult for him to put himself in other people’s shoes, to empathize and be compassionate. A beta man is going to be willing and even eager to hear what pleases you in bed, while an alpha male will take suggestions as an insult to his patented lovemaking skills.
…has confidence that’s earned. A beta man’s confidence comes from making mistakes and learning from them, from keeping an open mind to new lines of thinking that may be better than what he thought before. An alpha man will be confident with you because “he knows women,” which basically lumps you into the broad swath of conquests past and minimizes the differences that make you unique. A beta male may be a little nervous or reserved with you in the beginning, but it’s because he knows you are different from any woman that’s come before, and that getting to really know someone is difficult and takes time and effort. But if you give him the chance, the beta man will put in that time and effort, and the nervousness and reserve will be replaced with confidence earned from learning the real you.
…can be a true friend. The foundation for any healthy long-term relationship has to be friendship, which is grounded in respect and understanding. An alpha man will tend to think of friends as peers, and peers can only be other men. Women play certain roles in his life, while friends play other roles. For a beta man, he knows a friend, a woman, and a lover can all be rolled up in one wonderful package.
Obviously I know that there are some Alpha men who are also nice guys, and some Beta men who can be jerks, but Alpha men have no trouble standing up for themselves and letting everyone know how awesome they are. I thought it was high time to stand up for all the worthy Beta men out there who just might be the perfect match if you give him the chance. What do you think?
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.