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Simply Solo Spotlight: Learning to Love Yourself

May 8, 2012

Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Caroline Parker. Caroline reached out to me because she wanted to share a younger person’s perspective on going through a breakup. After I got over being called old, I realized that I do have many young readers, particularly those who find Simply Solo through my Top 10 Empowering Breakup Songs post. I hope that hearing from a younger writer will be helpful. Please show Caroline some love in the comments!

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

Learning to Love Yourself

When I contacted Catherine about writing a guest post, I had all sorts of good ideas and advice I was going to share. However, as I’m sitting here thinking about what I want to say, I draw a blank. This might be odd seeing as I have had so many changes take place in my life recently. I began my freshman year of college last fall, have done a lot of growing up these last few months, and lastly my boyfriend of almost three years broke up with me a month after I went away to school.

We were the classic boy meets girl love story: boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy breaks up with girl (oops, guess that last one doesn’t fit into the equation). During high school, we both fell hard for each other and I was confident that going off to college wouldn’t change things between us. Well, it did, in combination with many other things. I was heartbroken, to say the least. It hurt to lose the guy who said he would always love me, but it hurt even worse to lose my best friend.

Now that I have severely depressed everyone with my pity party love story, I’m here to say that I’ve been through hell and back with this and survived. Sure, it wasn’t easy, not by any means. But I’m here to say that once you give it time (it’s true, as much as I hate to admit it), things DO get better.

It’s how you handle things after the breakup that determines how long you’ll be upset over things. For a while, I blamed my ex-boyfriend for the way I felt. I blamed going away to school. Finally, I blamed the girl he dated after we broke up. But as I look back on things, now I see that even though all of those things sure didn’t make me feel any better, it was me who was making myself feel like a lonely, sad, eighteen year old. What I should have been doing was living up my freshman year of college. Now I’m not saying not to feel the pain after a breakup, because embracing the pain is the very first step to recovering. But there comes a point where sitting on your computer, going through old pictures and letters from your past relationship, and Facebook creeping on your ex’s new girlfriend’s Facebook page just doesn’t do you any favors. Even if you don’t get anything else out of this post, I want you to remember these few words: You have the power to control your own destiny. Don’t let your ex, or anyone else for that matter, have that power!

love yourselfThis last paragraph is especially dedicated to the teenagers who may be reading this right now. If you have just been broken up with, DO NOT let it affect your school work if you are attending high school or college. I can tell you from personal experience that it is not worth it! Also, give yourself time to heal before you jump back into a relationship again! Maybe all your friends have significant others, or you see people around campus holding hands and it makes that hole in your heart bigger than ever before. That hole needs to be filled with a love for yourself before it can be filled with the love for someone else. (This goes for every age group!)

Finally, if you’ve never gotten involved with anything before (clubs, sports teams, etc.) there’s no time like the present! Pour all that pent up anger, sadness, and whatever else you are feeling into a productive, positive environment! That will help you stay busy and stop dwelling on the breakup itself.

I hope these little tidbits of information have helped at least one person out there. I know breakups are hard, and you may feel like you’ll never find love again, but you can and you will. It’s all about learning to love yourself and finding that inner strength that everyone has within them.

What other advice do you all have about recovering from a breakup? I’d love to hear it!

 

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2012 4:37 pm

    I am so grateful to my hubby. He made me love myself and life. 😀

  2. May 24, 2012 11:53 pm

    Thank you Caroline & Catherine your post is very insightful 🙂

    • Caroline permalink
      May 26, 2012 2:16 am

      You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  3. Caroline permalink
    May 25, 2012 12:41 am

    That’s awesome! I’m so happy that you’ve found someone like that 🙂

  4. Justine permalink
    February 19, 2016 11:56 am

    Recovering after a breakup is hard. I believe and knows what works for me is to have no contact with that person. The last breakup I had was a long distance relationship. It was hard to break it off but I had to for my own sanity. This kind of relationship was artificial as you couldn’t really see the person and if you communicated mostly by texts it didn’t feel meaningful.
    I hate doing the breakup but if your hurting more in the relationship you have to wonder if the relationship is healthy. You don’t want to be caught up in a relationship that makes you anxious all the time.
    Each day gets easier when you breakup and I believe if you contact your ex it’s much harder to move on and it’s not fair either for your ex.
    Time heals all wounds particularly a broken heart so learning to love yourself is something I resignate with. I have thrown myself back into looking after me, my kids, work, my courses and my hobbies. I keep busy and allow myself also to feel the pain and cry. The light at the end of the tunnel is finding someone that loves me and tells me and shows me how much they care. I didn’t have me ex ever tell me how he felt about me or where the relationship was heading, no wonder I was so anxious all the time and I felt unloved.

    I also write about my feelings after the breakup and that helps and talking to your friends and family. I just don’t want to talk to them too much and drive them away.
    You always learn from every relationship and you get better at future relationships. I learnt to communicate better and voice my needs and I hadn’t really done that before.

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