Simply Solo Spotlight: It’s Not You, It’s … Me?
Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Amy Veress, author of the blog C’mon Dude…, where you can join her hilarious journey as a single woman in her late 20’s, one Bud Light at a time. You can also follow Amy on her Facebook page.Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!
It’s Not You, It’s … Me?
I’m almost positive every woman has come across one of these fine specimens in her dating life, unless you are one of those luckies who married their high school sweetheart. And you can now close your laptop, look to the heavens, and thank your lucky stars you will never have to endure the dating world ever again. It’s a hairy (Italians), scary (most Germans), yet hilarious (Irishmen) unorganized mess of a world, really. Good dates lead to relationships. Relationships lead to marriage. Marriage leads to children. You live happily ever after and everything falls neatly into place. That is actually mostly true for everyone when you are on the same page with your partner. But then, you hear those famous words that make us girls physically cringe when we hear them. They take on various forms:
“I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now.”
“I just got out of a bad breakup.”
“You deserve better than me.”
“I can’t see myself getting married. Ever.”
… and all of these discussions could have very well been avoided if the guy didn’t f**king ask for your number in the first place! Newsflash dummies: If a girl looks to be in her mid-late 20’s and 30’s, doesn’t have a ring on her finger, and doesn’t look like she is in pain when giving you her number, she probably isn’t going to waste her time being your hook-up buddy for the next seven months without a commitment. I mean, I could be totally wrong here, but when you have a million girlfriends, they talk. A lot.
I’ve heard it all. Some guys will tell you right off the bat, or they may wait until month two that they are not looking for a girlfriend, which is a nice way of saying, “Expect a call or text from me every Saturday night around 1:30 a.m. Oh, and wear that black thong I like.” In this situation, there is nobody to blame but yourself if you are wrapped up in one of these scenarios. He was truthful with you, and you’re the jerk who thought you could change him. Never, EVER try to change a true commitment-phobe. If you’re not on the same level, what are you doing?! You’re emotionally exhausted by trying to make him love you, and he gets sex in return. Um, sweet deal. Kiss that d-bag goodbye and run as fast as you can.
Then you have the guy who has no problem calling you his girlfriend, asks you to move in, is wonderful to you, but every time you bring up the word “marriage,” he completely shuts down. Again, if you’re the type of woman who is happy with her life and will accept the relationship without a ring, that’s great. Some women don’t need that. But most women would like to get married at some point in their lives.
You have to be on the same page. I’m not telling you to ask this friggin’ guy his thoughts on marriage on your first date, but if you’re dating him for a while and are comfortable enough to bring up the topic, do it. It’s going to absolutely suck if you’ve been dating him for two years and when you ask him, he laughs in your face like an a**hole. Don’t. Waste. Your. Time.
It feels like everywhere we turn in our late 20’s and early 30’s, these guys are lurking in the shadows. They seduce us with their charm and dashing good looks and we feel hopeless. We start to put up guards in every relationship we enter into, waiting for the “It’s not you, it’s me” bomb to be dropped. And it’s always the hot guys who can’t commit. GIRLS LOVE A**HOLES. Like, maybe that should be one of the Commandments in the Bible. “Thou Shalt Not Love A**holes.” Or maybe there should be an actual law against it. You can sleep with them, but once you even think you’re falling in love with one, you’re in big trouble. We would all be in hell and in jail. Which might actually be an easier life to live than loving a jerk.
Anyway, here’s a surprise: I actually don’t hate men.
I have a secret for you. I started this post with full intention of calling out guys on their non-committal BS, but about halfway through, I realized something. Why am I the only single friend in my very large group of girlfriends? Well, because they are all married! And now you’re saying, “Wow Amy, no sh**. What are you getting at?” But seriously. Not ALL guys are commitment-phobes nowadays. How could all of my friends be married if everyone is scared of commitment? That makes no sense. I asked a bunch of my guy friends who range from 26-32 years old, and their reactions were surprising. They had no problem admitting that they just needed that right girl to come along and they would have no problem “wifing them up.” (Their words, not mine – clearly).
Ummm, HELLO! Isn’t that what all of us are looking for? We are looking for our knights in shining armor to sweep us off our feet and we need to be picky and not settle for the losers who can’t commit to us.
There’s a plethora of dudes waiting for US. Again, I’d like to reiterate the point of not wasting your time. Oh, so you have no problem getting down and dirty with me when it’s convenient for you, but once I mention that we’re dating, you look like you’re about to vomit? How very Mr. Big of you!
Speaking of Mr. Big, an episode of Sex and the City comes to mind where Carrie is in her Paris hotel room speaking to her (uncomfortably old) Russian boyfriend about what she wants that he won’t give her. She says,
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love.”
Key words being, “each other.” As in, you are on the same level. Most women know what they want and just want to find a partner to share their lives with and up until I wrote this, I was unaware that most men feel the exact same way. Go ahead guys, knock us off our feet. We dare you.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were seeing a commitment-phobe, and for how long? How did you resolve the situation? I would love to hear your experiences and how you are doing now! Us tough girls have to stick together!
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.