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Simply Solo Spotlight: Sometimes A Bad Thing Is The Right Thing To Do

July 3, 2012

Happy day-before-the-Fourth-of-July! I hope you have fun plans – I’m on vacation this week! Anyway, today’s guest post is written by Alex, an 18-year-old university student from England who is using her single time to focus on making herself a better person. She writes The Apple Juice Project, a diary where she writes about her personal experiences and shares funny stories and videos.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!

Sometimes A Bad Thing Is The Right Thing To Do

Coming out of a two-year relationship is tough, and for the first few months of my first year of university, it was very hard for me. I had random crushes on people I met and my emotions were like a rollercoaster. Not to mention the fact that every time I started feeling better, I’d see my ex and I’d be back at square one.

But that was then. Slowly, I’ve developed into a strong, independent young woman (I’d like to think so anyway) and now my thoughts of my ex are few and far between. Finally, I’m free to enter a healthy relationship should the opportunity arise.

The opportunity did arise. I became interested in this guy I knew and it turned out that he liked me too, so eventually we became a couple. He liked me, I liked him. No problem right? Wrong.

Even though the relationship started out all right, it very quickly lost its excitement. Which at first I thought was normal and just meant that we were comfortable with each other. But then, after about two months, slowly at first and then very suddenly, I realized something really bad. I didn’t love this guy, I didn’t love him at all.

Suddenly I found myself in a relationship with a guy who liked all the same things I did, laughed at the same things I laughed at, and also accepted me for the weird and crazy person that I am. But I also found myself lying to him every time he told me he loved me, which unfortunately was pretty often. He was head over heels in love with me. Many people told me to try and talk this out with him, but how was I supposed to say, “Look I’m really sorry but I just don’t love you the same way you love me,” without us ending in a break up?

For the next few weeks, I tried everything to make myself fall in love with him, but of course nothing worked. In the end, I had to accept my feelings and tell myself that I was going to have to let this wonderful, sweet and caring guy go.

Then the nerves kicked in. I’d never done something like this before. In all the relationships I’ve been in, I’ve always been the one to be dumped; I’ve never had to break up with someone before. I was terrified, the anticipation was horrible, but I knew I had to do this. Finally, I was able to meet up with him and tell him, the words couldn’t come out properly, I stumbled around and even though he insisted he was fine I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes.

I kept telling myself this was the right thing, better than lying to him for another six months only for it to all come out in a massive fight or something.

So now I’m single again, but it’s not the end of the world. I know this is good for me. Although I can’t help wondering if I’ll ever find someone who would be so understanding of my personality, and love me so unconditionally like my now ex did.

Sometimes a bad thing is the right thing to do.

Have you ever had to end a relationship even though it seemed perfect? Or maybe have you been scared to do something which will make you look like a terrible person? If it’s the right thing to do, then the people who care about you will understand and won’t judge you.

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


12 Comments leave one →
  1. July 3, 2012 11:10 am

    yes sometimes the right thing feels so wrong but with time it always proves the best solution

    • Alex permalink
      July 3, 2012 1:28 pm

      Exactly. It hurt so much but now for me, and eventually for him. It’ll be much better.

  2. NancyO permalink
    July 3, 2012 11:18 am

    I’m with you. For 2-3 years, I was with my boyfriend. We lived together, had a dog together and basically made a home together. I realize that we wrong to move forward in those direction without discussing our long-term directions. It was an ugly breakup for sure, but we ended up living with each other for 6 months post-break up. We got along better as friends and during that time we realized that we were trying to hard to spark a romantic flame. 2 years later, we see each other on the ski slopes or at the gym occassionally and exchange friendly stories and casual conversation. The right thing was to breakup even though it felt so wrong at the time. Now, I believe we are incredibly happier apart.

    • Alex permalink
      July 3, 2012 1:25 pm

      Oh wow, I’m so sorry. But I’m glad that now everything is better for both of you!

  3. movingonmyown permalink
    July 3, 2012 1:24 pm

    I hate when that happens. 😦 I’ve only been in two relationships, but with both times, this has been the case. They are both WONDERFUL men, and I’m still very good friends with both of them, but I just didn’t have the long-term-I-want-to-have-your-babies feeling with either of them. It’s so frustrating because they are perfectly great guys. Definitely makes me wonder if I’ll ever find someone to share my life with…

    • Alex permalink
      July 3, 2012 10:15 pm

      Awe that’s such a shame. That’s kinda how this turned out with me.
      I’m sure you will, there is always someone out there for everyone, And there’s nothing wrong with having not found him yet. 🙂

  4. July 3, 2012 1:45 pm

    Hi, Alex and Catherine!
    Yes, I agree with you, setting him free to find someone who could truely love him was the right thing to do. I only disagree on your last few lines – “the people who care about you will understand and won’t judge you”. Sometimes they just can´t not to judge.
    Well, I really had a bad time trying to explain my closest girl friends why I did break with my former guy – and that was not like your boyfriend, he really meant no good. Of course, I could not share the sordid details, I just gave them the whole idea. But anyway, I´ve come to think the only oppinion that really matters is my own.
    Cheers from Brazil!

    • Alex permalink
      July 3, 2012 1:57 pm

      I suppose you’re right in a way, Everyone will always judge in some way or another. I guess what I meant was that good friends will stick by you even if they disagree with you, because they care and will want to help you. 🙂

  5. July 4, 2012 11:11 am

    Alex,

    I was just in a situation similar to you… but instead of not loving him from the start, I fell out of love with him. It’s incredibly hard to do something you know will hurt someone, especially someone you care about, but you do have to look out for yourself and the future.

    We both did the right thing, even if it seemed wrong. And I think we both probably learned a lot about ourselves through the process.

    – Emily

  6. July 4, 2012 10:53 pm

    I’ve been in your position, too. The recipient of an “I love you” when I wasn’t quite feeling it back, but lied and said I did. In my experience, you’re only drawing out the inevitable if you go down that road and have him/her believe those three little words.

    Good luck to you!

  7. July 4, 2012 11:39 pm

    What you just described with how you felt when you dumped that guy is what my ex told me. However, we were together for five years, and I have a hard time believing he just all of a sudden fell out of love with me. :/

    Though reading your post helped me a bit, to know that he’s not a total jerk… that maybe he did actually feel bad about breaking up with me, and that he at least cares about me as a friend. :/

  8. July 24, 2012 4:40 pm

    I agree, the best thing to do is be honest with yourself and your partner. If you dont have honesty and trust then you dont have a relationship. You could have drug this thing out for a long longer but it probably would have hurt him more. That would have been six months more of loving, cuddling, snuggling, movie watching, laughing, etc. only to amount to six more months of pain. I think you absolutely did the right thing in this situation and commend you on your bravery, Bravo!

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