Simply Solo Spotlight: Once A Cheat Always A Cheat?
Today’s guest post is written by Grace Pamer, author of Romance Never Dies, a blog which gives insights into the art of putting together the best marriage. Be sure to comment on today’s post and check out Grace’s blog!
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Once A Cheat Always A Cheat?
Should you trust a man who you know has, in the past, cheated on previous partners? Does he have a wandering eye that will never stop wandering? Is he destined to be a cheater forever? If you are dating a man like this, or considering dating one, you should ask yourself these and other important questions before it’s too late.
Define a cheat
In our society, we have made the word cheat into an instant; one-size-fits-all word for anyone who strays from a monogamous relationship. In addition, the word carries an incredible amount of baggage for such a small thing – a cheat is a stigmatized person, a man (it could also be a woman) who has violated someone’s trust, and now deserves to be looked down upon and despised by all who know his true nature.
Ah, but there’s the question: do you know his true nature? In order to give him the benefit of any doubt, you have to define what cheating means to you, and forget what it means to the rest of the world. We all know from the multitudes of dramas that we see in movies and TV shows that a cheater often has different motives for his behavior. In this case, art does imitate life to a degree – there all kinds of cheats.
There are cheaters who are clearly incapable of committing to a relationship and feel the need to have an affair. There are cheats who are forced into an affair because of indifference, ignorance, or neurosis on the part of their wives. And there are cheaters who are realistically dealing with a situation in which both partners have to look outside the relationship for affection, passion, and love. Which one is he?
Investigate the cheat
The only way you will ever know for certain which kind of cheat your man is will be by conducting your own inquiry into his life. Yes, it may seem unsavory, but it’s really protection for yourself in this crazy world. You will have to seek out old partners, friends, relatives, anyone who might be able to shed some light on his cheating past.
You are looking for reasons, motivations for what he did, and for any extenuating circumstances. Clearly at this point, if everyone you talk to tells you to get away from this guy as fast as you can, you probably should heed their advice. But if there is any doubt, and you really think you may have found someone to hold on to, you’re going to have to talk to him about it.
Get the cheat talking
Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but multiply that times ten for the woman with a cheating man. There is simply no substitute for an open, honest discussion about his past. Reassure him that you are not judging him for his past behavior, but that you are serious enough about him that you need to understand his past behavior.
If, for any reason, he is unable or unwilling to have a dialogue with you about the topic, you should probably assume that he has something to hide. If he simply admits to being a cheat, but he promises to be different with you, then you have another problem – whether or not to believe him.
Appeal to his baser instincts
If you choose to move forward with the relationship, you will have to take some steps to make sure that you have done your best to make it work. Keep the communication going and always let him know that you are available to talk. Try not to judge him and give him a safe way to let out his fears, feelings and frustrations.
Make sure that he knows that you are interested in meeting his needs and that your mission in life is to make a successful life together with him. Even if he was a cheat, he can change with your attention and love.
That’s my opinion, but what’s your take based on your experience? Once a cheat always a cheat or can people really change their spots for the right partner? Please leave your comments below as I’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue.
Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.