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Simply Solo Spotlight: Argh! Single Sucks! Or Does It?

July 17, 2012

Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is brought to you by Jess, author of the advice blog JessicaAnne. She loves to practice yoga, cook super delicious food, engage in random acts of kindness, and spend time with the people she loves. Jessica is a life coach and the go-to girl for any issues in life. She is 100% dedicated to improving people’s lives, and believes we are all worthy of living the life we dream of.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!

Argh! Single Sucks! Or Does It?

Have you ever been single and thought to yourself, “What if the right man/women never comes along?” Or have you thought, “I’m sick of being single, it just plain sucks!” Have you been on many dates and are convinced it is all too hard? Maybe you’re nodding your head saying, “YES! All of the above!” If so, I can guarantee you’re not alone in these thoughts.

The dating world has gotten so much more complicated in the 21st century, what with the Internet and social media. There’s a chance, like me, you have received those emails in your junk mail saying, “Hi. I’m Amelia. I love men, looking for fun?” Sorry honey, I’m not a male, “delete.” Let’s get down to the nitty gritty on attracting the right person for you, guy or gal, and why, so far, it’s not happening.

love yourself notebook paper

Photo courtesy of Duncan C

First off, you need to get comfortable with yourself. No, I’m not saying this is your fault; whatever situation it is that you’re in, but how you feel and what you think is 100% what you’ll attract. Stop and think about it for a second. If you’re thinking being single sucks all the time and amplifying it by feeling it all the time, then aren’t you getting more of that? Or, are you convinced that dating is too hard, and you go out on several dates, but you always seem to find something wrong with the other person? Am I not right? Feel free to correct me if I’m not, but if you change your thinking and the way you feel about being not only single but dating, it can have a dramatic effect on your life and relationships.

OK so that’s great, but now you’re thinking, how in the hell can I change my thinking? It’s actually quite simple if you have the right tools. So let me give you some now.

Firstly, you have to, I mean you MUST 100%, get comfortable about being with yourself. By being comfortable with yourself, you generate confidence and love which radiates and attracts the right people into your life. You might be thinking, “Well that’s just great, and how do you suggest I do that?” Well it’s really quite simple! Get back to the things you love doing. By doing things you love and enjoy, you begin to connect with the most important person in your life – yep you guessed it, you! By connecting with yourself, you get in a better mind frame and truly begin to understand what it is that you need in your life.

Secondly, you must give love to receive love. This can be a difficult one to overcome. Many people get hurt by giving love and not receiving love, so in the future, they in fact hold back love.

Let me put it to you this way. If you were in, hypothetically, a fantastic relationship and you weren’t giving your partner 100% love, say you were giving 60% or maybe 70%, wouldn’t they feel that lack of love? And perhaps down the line, it might end because he/she felt that lack of love? And it would not only happen in that relationship, but you would continue to carry it forward into any future relationships, in which it would probably end the same way. Wouldn’t you feel shut off, isolated and alone, more so than now? Wouldn’t you want to change that, because if you don’t, you’ll be in more pain than if you do give 100%?

So how exactly do you do that? Well, have you ever lent someone something precious to you? In my best friend’s case, this would be her TV box sets, so let’s use that as an example. Say you lent a friend your favorite TV box set, how do you know that they won’t scratch all of the DVDs so you can never play them again? How do you know that they are 100% dedicated to taking care of those DVDs? You guessed it, you don’t! Don’t you just trust them to not scratch your DVDs and to be 100% dedicated to taking care of them? The same applies to giving love. You just have to trust that if you give your absolute all, they will in return. And if a relationship does come to an end and you have given 100%, great! You go girl/guy! At least you won’t look back with regrets. Just know, it will be his or her loss, and someone better is out there waiting for you, so don’t give up on that!

Thirdly, know what you want and have patience! When you begin to have the first two steps under control, you’ll begin to have a sense of what it is that you are after in a relationship. Now, I am not talking about whether they have straight teeth or brown hair here! I am talking about if you want things like romance, compassion etc. etc. Yes?! So be clear on the qualities you want in your man/lady! And please please please don’t get hung up on the “but he has blonde hair and I want brown” okay? Don’t get me wrong, you must have attraction, but you don’t have to be anal about it. So just remember qualities and attraction, get clear on that and you’ll have a better chance out in the dating world!

Oh, and most importantly, don’t forget to be grateful for where you are and what you have in life! This is a great opportunity for you to become reacquainted with yourself and truly become the best you you can be! I am a strong advocate of “everything happens for a reason,” and if you are in the single boat right now, it’s because you need to learn something and grow from the experience. So don’t lose faith or love. As a girl that’s been there and done that, I can assure you that where you are right now is exactly where you need to be, and the lessons you learn and the growth you will make will change your life for the better.

So go on, go find you! Then go find him/her! You deserve it ;).

 

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


7 Comments leave one →
  1. TheDailyDrift permalink
    July 18, 2012 2:54 pm

    Great post! 🙂

  2. July 20, 2012 3:22 am

    Being Single does not suck all the time, although it can hit you when you see a happy couple somewhere along the corner. But being single is gives you time to know and appreciate yourself more. Explore on things that you thought you cannot do before. .

  3. July 21, 2012 6:09 pm

    Under normally circumstances I don’t mind being single and don’t think too much about it. However, there are times when I feel lonely especially when it comes to going to functions such as weddings and funerals where you wish you had someone there with you but there isn’t anyone. There are also other times in life where you feel like you walk alone.

  4. adeleleach permalink
    July 23, 2012 2:39 pm

    Ace. I saw a psychic who told me I was going to get married when I was 23. I have just turned 23, and awkwardly am still single. I have started a blog to document the search for my groom, would like any tips and advice 🙂 http://adeleleach.wordpress.com/

  5. July 24, 2012 5:28 pm

    You seriously hit the nail on the head with this post! You attract whatever you put out there, so if your going into dates trying to be someone else or putting on a front, obviously your going to get that in return. Think before you date!

  6. walism permalink
    July 25, 2012 3:32 am

    “Many people get hurt by giving love and not receiving love, so in the future, they in fact hold back love.” .._you got it right .!

  7. July 27, 2012 9:26 pm

    wise words – thanks for the reminder 🙂

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