Simply Solo Spotlight: Top Five Lessons I’ve Learned from Dating
Today’s guest post is written by Tiffany Addai, who writes Addai’s Little Black Book. Her blog is a fearless and funny dissection of this thing called dating. Tiffany is a single, 27-year-old living and dating in Atlanta who aims to have fun and learn from the mistakes along the way.
Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!
Top Five Lessons I’ve Learned from Dating
Dating serves its purpose. Although there is no right way to “date” and anyone that says there is a big fat liar, I genuinely think knowing the purpose behind why you want to spend time with a man or a woman and being honest with them about it is the best thing for everyone. I’ve been dating since I was 18 and let me tell you, nothing has changed in almost 10 years. I still love to flirt, I still like the rush of adrenaline and the feeling of control is phe-freaking-nomenal. Control, you ask? What control?
Let’s be honest, women do hold a lot of power when it comes to dating, whether we know it or not. We dictate when and how and if we sleep with a man; we dictate in some sense how fast the relationship progresses; and we dictate when and if we break up. We dictate without even saying a word. But even with all this power in our hands, we still have a lot to learn ourselves. So here are the top five lessons I’ve learned in dating.
5. Men are not as complicated or intricate as Cosmo Magazine or our girlfriends will lead us to believe: If I spent as much time ASKING a man what he thinks of a topic or about me, instead of trying to read between the lines or asking my friend, sister, mama and therapist, I might have actually skipped out on all the agony of dating and have gotten to the good stuff. But I’m a woman, so I’ve got to make things as hard as possible. 🙂
4. Love is a choice, not just an emotion: Simply stated, there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor. Prince Charming has left the building and left behind a bunch of frogs, toads and other species. I’ve wasted a lot of time chasing the feeling and the chemistry instead of focusing on the person in front of me. If I went on a great date with someone who made me laugh til I cried, at the end of the night, I was more focused on how big his forehead was, or how he chewed with his mouth open, or this or that. If a man treated me like gold, I immediately put him in the friend category because nice guys MUST be bad in bed, right? After all this time, I realize that it’s me, not them.
3. No matter what I tell myself or anyone else, I DO think about whether or not he is the ONE on the first date, and you know what, I won’t apologize for it! Of course, if I told a guy this, I wouldn’t be angry if he ran the hell out on me! I am far from a creepy, clingy person, but this mindset allows me to quietly stick to seeing if this person has the qualities or values that I ultimately want in a husband, future baby daddy, etc. Being open does not – I reiterate DOES NOT – mean being accepting to any and everything.
2. Learning to follow my gut and the voice above has never led me wrong: A man will sometimes tell you what you want to hear, and sometimes we ladies just want to believe the best in everyone. But when I get that nudging feeling in my heart or that bothersome whisper in my ears that something ain’t right, I crouch down like a lioness and I wait to be proven right. I won’t snoop through phones or go through emails because whatever happens in the dark MUST come out in the light (and it always does).
1. And the number one thing that I’ve learned from the ups and downs and amusing anecdotes of dating: A MAN IS ONLY A REFLECTION OF ME AND WHERE I AM IN MY JOURNEY. Simply stated, when I was young, dumb, impressionable and looking for someone to fill this empty hole in my heart, I dated liars, cheaters and crazy folks. Although I knew I deserved better, my reflection that I saw in the mirror was so murky and unattractive emotionally and spiritually that I didn’t have the voice to demand better. I’m not saying that I will never encounter another unappealing prospect, however I’ve noticed as I’ve grown and became wiser, that even the qualities that I desire and receive in a have has changed. They’ve evolved and are now a better reflection of me.
Ok, your turn!! Tell me the top three things you’ve learned from the crazy adventure called dating!
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