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Simply Solo Spotlight: How to Deal with the Post-Breakup Blues

September 4, 2012

Hope everyone had a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight comes to us from Grace Pamer, author of www.RomanceNeverDies.com, a blog which gives insights into the art of writing love letters and putting together winning marriage proposal ideas. If you like today’s guest post, please check out the article Grace wrote for us a few months ago asking the age-old question: Once A Cheat, Always A Cheat?

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Find out how you can be the next writer for Simply Solo here!

How to Deal with the Post-Breakup Blues

Breaking up is, indeed, hard to do. This shouldn’t be surprising to most, yet some of the advice out there for handling breakups can make things even worse for someone going through the trauma of a breakup. Suggestions of how to get an ex back, revenge tactics and pushing people to get back out into the dating world too soon are the exact opposite of what someone should be doing after a relationship ends.

The end of a relationship is a loss – just like death. Time is necessary to adjust to this new single life, after identifying oneself as a couple for so long. These following suggestions will help individuals deal with the post breakup blues in a healthy, not hurtful fashion.

Take Time To Grieve

sad woman looking down

Being sad doesn’t make you a failure. It’s all part of the process. Photo courtesy of Alex Guerrero

Grief is a process and a breakup is a loss. No matter how volatile or amicable the breakup, the individuals need time to heal and adapt – even those who initiated the relationship ending.

The misinformation out there that one should immediately get back in the dating pool is as inappropriate as telling a widow to start dating a few weeks after a funeral. One can’t escape grieving – it catches up with them eventually. So taking time to heal is the most important step after a breakup.

Let Go Of Anger

Even if a man or woman was tremendously hurt or shocked by the relationship’s ending, holding on to the anger or looking for revenge is going to stand in the way of healing. Energy needs to be focused inward, not outward, to truly recover from the loss.

With the exception of abusive relationships, there is some good to come from all romantic partnerships. Life is like a school and relationships are a part of the learning. Reflecting on how one grew as a person because of the union helps those recovering from the loss feel healthy and empowered, not like a victim. Instead of wasting energy focusing on what was lost (a negative), pay attention to what you gained from the relationship (a positive).

Accept It Has Ended

It is tremendously damaging to self-esteem to fixate on the partner who left, hoping he or she will come back. Even if there is a chance for reconciliation in the future, it likely won’t happen if you have ceased living your own life while obsessing over your ex.

To properly handle the post breakup blues, one must live in the moment and let go, so that he or she can begin living again. The future is exactly that, the future – all we have is the here and now.

Getting To Know Ourselves Again

Though the pain of a breakup is difficult, seeing it as an opportunity to get to know oneself again is a tremendously positive thing. Sometimes in relationships, the line between couple and individual becomes blurred. Breaking up can provide time to grow as an individual once more.

Some of the healthiest recoveries from breakups occur when people begin to follow their passions once more and/or reconnect with friends they didn’t see frequently when in a committed relationship. Changing routines can do wonders, like getting up mornings to exercise, volunteering a few evenings or engaging in new outdoor hobbies with friends. All of these things help us get to know ourselves again.

The key in dealing with the post breakup blues is taking out the negative and replacing it with the positive. Certainly, time must be put aside to accept and grieve the loss. However, doing so in a positive way by cherishing the good that came from the relationship, accepting it has ended and letting go of anger will hasten the healing process – propelling those with broken hearts to get to know themselves again, learning to enjoy life once more.

What advice do you have for people trying to get over the post-breakup blues? What is the worst advice you’ve ever heard for people going through breakups?

 

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.


11 Comments leave one →
  1. September 4, 2012 5:25 pm

    Excellent post with very good advice.

  2. twistedlola permalink
    September 4, 2012 8:12 pm

    Awesome post and totally relate!!

  3. September 5, 2012 7:31 am

    i’m going to need this so much!

  4. September 6, 2012 1:02 pm

    I hope these do prove helpful. Whilst it’s never easy time is the big healer. Thanks so much for the positive comments and please stay in touch. I’m on twitter if you ever want to chat @romancenvrdie

  5. katie permalink
    September 10, 2012 11:16 pm

    When my bf and I broke up, my friends appointed me Social Chair for the group and put me in charge of organizing regular social events. So far, the most interesting outings I’ve organized include cooking dinner at the Ronald McDonald house, playing laser tag, and biking along the canal in Georgetown. It has helped a lot to surround myself with friends!

  6. September 11, 2012 7:40 am

    Time can heal. Also changing your surroundings abit when you have a hobby/passion that you practice. I think this advice also has relevance also for those who already have partners..but must face the reality one day, that our partner (or ourselves) will not be on this Earth.

    So encourage one’s partner to also cultivate a hobby interest that’s separate from your own. It’s long term mental insurance. One woman, a cyclist who shared cycling passion with her hubby is trying to adjust to the recent death of her hubby. I know her lifelong practice of watercolour painting is helping her. She’s returning to cycling but it will take time.

  7. September 11, 2012 8:10 am

    A good read. Thought the problem lies in the fact that no matter what suggestions are given or what is read, the mind ultimately takes its own sweet times to heal. May be playing counter strike and killing a few dozen people virtually might help reduce the frustration levels a bit. 🙂

  8. Amy permalink
    September 17, 2012 7:45 pm

    I read these comments and wonder, why am I not as strong as everyone else. I have been single now for 18 months and my ex has been married for 4 months. I spent 10 years with him and 2 years heart broken. I cry and cry wondering why? how can god allow this to happen to me. Can someone please tell me how to forget! My mind races everyday and I feel I am worthless.

    • October 7, 2012 1:57 pm

      Oh, Amy, my heart aches for you. I (like many others) can relate to what you’re saying. What I do is write a list of things I want to be or achieve. It helps my visualize something different than what I’m currently feeling/living. Then, I set goals to achieve things on my list. I hope you’ll read this, and see if my advice works for you. Thinking good thoughts your way xx

  9. September 30, 2012 11:23 pm

    My fiancéeand I broke up in December of 2010 and it wasn’t until this month that I felt like I no longer wanted to be with her again and was able to take another step towards moving on without her. It’s definitely a process. I feel like an entire new world has been disclosed and a huge weight lifted. It’s nice!

  10. October 17, 2012 6:47 pm

    Hello! I have nominated you for The Super Sweet Blogging Award http://marionquitasol.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/super-sweet-blogging-award/
    This is my thank you for inspiring once in a while. 🙂

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