Simply Solo Spotlight: Leaving the Past Behind

Today’s guest post is inspiring. And a little daunting. But mostly, it makes me remember to take chances and to believe in myself, first and foremost. Before we get to the post, let me tell you about who wrote it.

Debbie Lamedman is a playwright and freelance writer. Debbie writes for DatingServices.org and Confessions of a Cluttered Mind. When you are done reading her guest post, be sure to check her out!

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

Leaving the Past Behind 

Photo courtesy of http://blogs.headspring.com

Like all single gals, I have my horror stories of past relationships. I’ve gotten my heart broken more times than I care to count, but that’s because I’m a sensitive gal and I wear my heart on my sleeve. And like many of you, I’ve gone through my dry spells, my promiscuous periods, and finally, after expending a lot of energy, I think I can safely say that I am calming down and learning to be content with just me for company.

I ended a four-year relationship about a year and a half ago and let me tell you … this latest relationship was a whopper. The granddaddy of them all. More ups and downs than a heart-racing roller coaster. It was unhealthy and I was miserable while I was in it. When I look back (and hind-sight is 20/20, as they say), I wonder why I stayed so long in a destructive relationship. The first six months were wonderful, but for the subsequent three years that followed, I was pretty unhappy. It’s hard to say why I stayed. And I won’t deny that I was probably a bit addicted to this man. I was always waiting for it to be good again, like it was in the beginning. But that never happened.

Other factors were changing dramatically in my life; namely my career. I was feeling dreadfully stuck and after I finally had the courage to walk away from a bad relationship, I was feeling very anxious to make a major change. A geographical change. Now, that being said, I realized then, and I realize now, that moving away doesn’t mean you leave your problems behind. Not even close. Those problems, unfortunately, come with you. But I also knew that I needed a fresh start and I wanted the chance to be in a new place, a new city, where every restaurant and movie theatre didn’t constantly remind me of him. I’m not saying that I was running away, but I did know that if something in my current situation didn’t change dramatically, I would sink deeper and deeper into despair.

About this time, I reunited with an old friend who had recently made a move from the city I was living in to another city about 1,000 miles away. I had never been to that city, but I had always wanted to go and had heard good things about it. My friend invited me to stay with her and check it out and see if I liked it. She told me she thought I was very well-suited to this place and she could see me living there. So I decided I had nothing to lose, and off I went.

Fast forward one year later, and I am happily and contentedly living in my new city. Moving is probably one of the most traumatic changes a person can make. But it’s also incredibly rejuvenating to start from square one. Scary? You bet it was scary. I cannot tell you how often I cried and how many times I questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing. But I continually went over the details in my head as to what brought me to this new place in my life. It was a leap of faith and I’m very glad I took it. I have a clear conscience that I was not running away from a man or my problems. I had gone as far as I could go career-wise and relationship-wise in the old place, and I knew intuitively it was time for a major change.

Sometimes you need to shake up your life. You cannot get complacent or you won’t move forward. It can be hard starting over, but I had nothing to lose. I am loving my new city and I’ve been challenging myself to get out in the world, to show up for life and in doing so, I’m meeting new people and establishing new social and professional contacts. I’m just about ready to start dating again, but that’s not a priority yet.

Let’s face it—making a huge move like this is not for everyone. But for me, the timing was right, the motivation to make the change was right; I saw an opportunity and I took it. I’m single in a new city and for the first time in a very long time, I really like who I am and the risks I chose to take to get to this point. What risks are you willing to take to make a change for the better?