Should I Call Him?
Photo Courtesy of Johnathan Lyman
I was talking to PO about a guy I gave my number to but he hadn’t called me yet. I was trying to figure out if I should call him instead (even though he’d said he’d call). New level of weirdness – talking to a guy I once dated about another guy. He gave me some good advice, though. Here’s the conversation (via blackberry messenger).
PO: I wouldn’t call … if he didn’t call I say forget him. What man gets a woman’s number and doesn’t call?
ME: Good point.
PO: Kind of a wussy to me!
ME: What if he lost my card? Hahaha. I’m being a girl.
PO: He didn’t, would you lose Brad Pitt’s number?
ME (excited that PO was comparing me to the female celebrity equivalent of Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie?): LOL. I’m not the equivalent of Brad Pitt. I’m more B-level celebrity
PO: Just saying, he’s either a wuss or not interested
ME: LOL. Got it.
Catherine’s Internal Dialogue: How cool would it be to have PO as my dating guru?! I could run all my dating problems by him! He’d be my Will and I’d be his Grace (if Will wasn’t gay)! Wonder if in the end we’d realize we were supposed to be together all along? Ah, probably not. But still, that would be a fun development.
Lesson For Today: He didn’t lose my number. He just wasn’t interested. Next.
In Unrelated News: I’m at a work retreat for the next two days. Ice breakers, ropes courses and drinking with coworkers, oh my! Since I’ll be so busy bonding with my colleagues spanning our five offices who have all congregated in Richmond for this special occasion, I’m not sure I’ll have much time for dating, recklessly flirting or updating the blog. Considering it’s likely, probably, allegedly a bad idea to flirt with your coworkers. So I’m told. But I am wearing a date dress tonight, so a lucky bartender may get some of my attention. I’ll also have a lot of time to obsess over my current dating dilemma – how do you know when you’re ready to stop dating and concentrate all your efforts on one person? I have come to an impasse with Chef. More on that Wednesday. Maybe I’ll call PO for some advice in the meantime.
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On the other hand, if you do call him, what do you have to loose?
Good point, I generally agree. But if he said he’d call, and he didn’t call, he didn’t want to (cause he’s just not that into me, LOL). Should I begin any kind of relationship (even just a casually dating) with someone who doesn’t deliver on his promises? I think I’d call… If this guy was really something special. But overall I’m not sure it’s worth it.
Agreed!
I agree with IWM. Which sounds like a disease. Irritable Woman Syndrome? I’m here all week.
Ba da dum 🙂
I agree with Don and IWM also; what do you have to lose if you don’t call you will never know (and if your like me it will eat away at you) at least this way you can say you tried and if he doesn’t respond then it’s his problem for letting a good thing slip through his hands. Have a great time at your retreat.
Thanks for your advice, Kelly! Part of me is just burnt out. About 1/2 of the guys who say they will call actually call. I just don’t have the energy anymore for people who don’t do what they say they are gonna do. Maybe I’ll just start taking ownership of the calling. I will get their number and call them when I feel like it! 🙂
You didn’t say how long it had been since you gave him your number?
It had been about two weeks when we had this conversation. After two weeks, if he hasn’t called, he’s probably not gonna. Right? Then what do I say when I call, hey there rememeber me? You blew me off. Think that was a mistake on your part. Lol.
Jeez. Wow. Two weeks is a pretty long time! Tricky situation. Like you said above, if he was really into you… he would’ve called by now. If you call him you might feel like *you’re* the one instigating things with someone who can’t be bothered…
BUT…
Then again, it’s the sort of thing that may eat away at you if you don’t know for sure. What if he lost your number? What if something happened in his personal life?
Errrr… I’m probably not helping am I? Sorry 😉
Haha, no I appreciate the advice. I was as conflicted as you are :). I don’t think it’s going to eat away me too much, because I do think that he would have called if he was interested. The odds of something having happened in his personal life or that he lost my number are pretty slim, I think. And anyway, if it were “meant to be” (although I’m not sure I believe in that), it will be. It’d work itself out. I think I’m gonna let this one go – although it does suck. Guys just shouldn’t get your number and say they will call if they don’t mean it!
Catherine, the first time I met Rebound Guy, he promised our mutual friend he would call me and he never did. Fast forward a year and a half and we reconnect on FB (my doing). Then he was all attentive and calling, emailing, texting. I don’t think that there is anything to lose by reaching out to him. It might not be “he’s just not that into you”. Sometimes it’s just a timing thing. And perhaps now isn’t the right time for him. Or as the person right above me said, maybe he’s dealing with something else in his life? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaching out once to him. It doesn’t mean that you like him more than he likes you. It just means you are in control of your life and are taking it by the horns. If he doesn’t respond then cut him loose.
Thanks for your advice. Timing is a good point. But I guess I would argue, if the timing is bad because something is going on in his life or it’s not a good time for him, it doesn’t even matter if I call. The timing will still be wrong. But I do like your perspective about taking control of my life … Maybe if I were just slightly more interested in this guy, I’d call. He was nice, cute enough, but nothing that said to me “I must see this guy again.” You know? So, I say next. Onward and upward! 🙂
I’m of the “he’s just not that into you” school of thought. Sorry, but I know it’s true and too many women never want to face this painful truth. If a guy likes you, really likes you, there is not much on this planet that can keep him away, to keep him from some sort of contact. Period. If he’s not… well, he might respond positively to your effort at first, but he will tire of it in the long run.
So I think of it like this, if he lost my card I had given him 2 weeks ago, if he’s worth a shit, he’ll remember a few key things from the card before he lost it and find me, like my name or where I work… but he’ll find a way to contact me. If he doesn’t, it isn’t cause the card was lost and even though it was love at first sight he couldn’t find you anywhere, it’s cause he didn’t bother to try cause he didn’t care to.
No one wants to face this truth because it sucks to think that someone isn’t into you – and you are into them – but somehow, they were into you enough to get your number, but that was it. I think you are right, if a guy really likes you, they’ll make it happen. Somehow, they’ll call. They could have been trapped in a mine and they’d find a way to reach out.
In light of my recent shitty dating life events, I say don’t call. You’re too cool for that. If he wants it, he will call (if you build it…). It’s tough not to analyze everything, but listen to the guys out there. We ladies always ask ladies for advice on men…WHY?! I do it, too…but I’d say take the man’s advice (this time).
xoxo,
Lucky
Thanks for the advice, Lucky. Haha, love the “if you build it, he will call.” You are right on about the asking women for advice. I ask my friends for advice that I’ve seen make terrible dating mistakes (but haven’t we all?). I think it’s good to ask a man for advice, and when they give it to you straight like PO did here, you should really try and follow it.
If you’d just swapped numbers but nobody had said who would call whom then I’d say call him. However, given that he actually said he’d call you and then he didn’t, he’s probably not going to amount to anything. I’d say if the desire to know for sure is overwhelming you then call him, just to end the mystery (although you might not get a straight answer!) but otherwise consign him to the missing-out-on-female-Brad-Pitt category.
I say don’t call too. If you start out making all the moves that’s just going to give him free reign to be lazy and that probably means dates will consist of going to the drive thru and getting a movie out of the redbox. Neeeext!
-Gizzy
Thanks for your advice! Haha, drive thru dates and a movie out of the redbox. That’s hilarious (and true probably). Neeeeeext is right!!
move along Catherine, there are more guys out there and one who is right for you – don’t call
Thanks for your advice. I agree!
I say don’t call. Whatever his level of interest may (or may not be) it’s definitely lackluster enough to warrant dating him. Dude’s right though. Either he’s a pans or just isn’t into you.
Thanks, I agree. And who wants a pans?
I’m sayin’ right!?! lol…nobody likes a pans 😛
I am still waiting on you to call SPO or did you misplace his card LOl
Lol, I totally called SPO. I left him a VM on the number he gave me and then threw away his card. If he can’t call me back after I called and left him a VM, then he’s just not worth the effort!
What you lose when you call a guy who has promised to call you is face. And the forward position in the race. Girls who chase boys catch the slow ones. Every woman on the planet needs to read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” It hurts to realize that he’s just not that into you, but why would you want to chase — and maybe ultimately catch — a man who isn’t into you?
If he does really like you and he’s too lazy or chicken to call he’s not the kind of guy you want to try to be in a relationship with anyway.
If a guy really likes you, you don’t have to wonder.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Hey Crystal – welcome back! Totally missed you. That’s weird. I don’t actually know you but I missed you :). Love the “girls who chase boys catch the slow ones.” You are so right. I agree completely with the He’s Just Not That Into You. He didn’t call for a reason, and yeah that sucks, and yeah part of me always wants to know what the reason is… but there are a gazillion men out there, and I’m not going to chase after one if they don’t want me.
If you are to call, how and when are you to do it? You will realize that the phone has become a very central player in dating, and you need to know how to use it well.
I know, the phone (and now texting) is such an important part of dating!! If I were going to call, it should have been within two weeks of meeting, I think. Otherwise, it just seems weird for some reason.