Self-Worth vs. “True Love”
Hello and Happy New Year! Today’s Simply Solo Spotlight is written by Sanika, an 18 year old currently living in Mumbai, India. Sanika is about to head off to college in the UK to study journalism and recently started a blog of funny and emotional stories. I hope you enjoy her guest post – please show her some love in the comments!
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Simply Solo Spotlight: Self-Worth vs. “True Love”
We have all gone through the internal struggle of trying to decide when to say, “enough is enough,” how many chances is one too many, and trying to decide if the pain we are repeatedly subjected to is worth it. Simultaneously, we have all made the mistake of not saying, “enough!” giving away too many chances, and undervaluing ourselves whilst clinging onto the idea of the relationship.
Recently, I was able to think objectively about this after seeing someone else go through this struggle, and what I saw both baffled and angered me.
First, it is important to understand that at some point or another, everyone is going to make a mistake in a relationship. At the end of the day, no matter how hard we try, we are all human. We make mistakes. We say or do the wrong thing; we take a lot of stuff for granted; we don’t give enough credit where it’s due; we get angry for petty reasons; we cheat and lie; our ego gets in the way. So no one should be naïve enough to think that these things won’t happen, because they are too much in love to do anything that would hurt their significant other and vice versa.
The unanswerable question is how many times can we forgive mistakes? There’s no mathematical formula that links the number of mistakes, pain caused by mistakes, and happiness felt in the relationship to give you a final answer “YES” or “NO” as to whether you should call it a day and move on. We are all required to make one judgment call after the other, and often our judgment is simply wrong (something we all painfully realize in the end).
Not surprisingly, I’ve seen that the more people value themselves and the more they believe they deserve, the less bullshit they will tolerate in a relationship. This makes perfect sense. If you truly believe that you don’t deserve to be treated a certain way, and you truly believe that there is someone out there who won’t subject you to this kind off hurt and confusion, then why would you stick around for more of the same?
Unfortunately, very few people have enough confidence and faith to understand that. Most of us are lonely, and we don’t believe we are good enough for a number of things, so we let too many things slide. We let people hurt us, and sometimes we even blame ourselves for others’ mistakes. This is exactly what I saw happening, and it made me sad, angry, and exasperated because no one deserves to be treated badly in exchange for the overrated comfort of a few good moments. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, so to see it happening to my close friend, well you can all imagine what that felt like.
So I just want to make a universal announcement right now. We are all good enough, we all deserve people that understand us with all our quirks and bad habits and insecurities, and no one should have their heart broken repeatedly by the same person who doesn’t know how to learn from their mistakes. Please don’t be afraid to want more than that.
I know that being single can sometimes be lonely, but it beats being hurt, confused, heartbroken, and feeling lonely even when you are in a relationship.
I hope that this will help some of you to strive for the happiness of which you are worthy. I hope that in the future, if someone takes one too many swings at your heart, you will know to point them toward the nearest exit.
How many times have you given someone a second, third, fourth chance? How many chances do you think is acceptable before calling it quits?
Copyright 2013. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.